Tangled Web - Advice Wanted

[Stubbylong]

Gonna be a long post bear with me:

Ok here's the deal. I have a friend (girl) who said she wanted to hook me up with her friend who thought I was hot. OK cool.... So she and I go out, I invite my buddy (AFC) and she brings her friend (HB).

This is where it gets screwy, as soon as I start talking to HB my friend (girl) starts getting jealous saying I like HB better than her, I was totally confused at this point. So as the night goes on, I'm being **** blocked by my friend (girl) hanging all over me, so I can't get to know the HB she brought to meet me.

So what other choice does the HB have but to talk to my AFC buddy. It gets worse, as the night progresses my friend's (girl) ex is at the pub so she freaks out and now I'm back to friend listening to her talk about her ex while my AFC buddy is talking to the HB that was brought for me. At the end of the night my AFC buddy #closed the HB.... WTF???


So now, my AFC buddy is on cloud 9 he stayed on facebook until 1am chatting with this HB the next day until she told him she was tired and had to go to bed. I've talked to the HB on facebook too about our crazy mutual friend and why she got jealous when she was trying to set us up. She said she was confused too.

My choices are to:
Pursue HB, taking the chance my AFC buddy and/of friend (girl) will get pissed off
Blow off HB until my AFC buddy ends up in the friend zone then pursue
Blow off HB completely
I Obviously need to tell friend (girl) that we are JUST friends

ANY and ALL advice welcome and wanted.

 

[samspade]

Absolutely classic. Less hot female friend attempts setup, then gets jealous and c-blocks when you attempt follow through. Meanwhile AFC buddy doesn't wing but attempts to move in. Sounds like a lot of lameness on their part.

The good news is that your AFC buddy has already diminished greatly his chances with the HB. Chatting until FB the night after a number close - has he never seen Swingers? - is a huge game killer (though his game sounds minimal at best).

You didn't hurt yourself necessarily. I know it's considered AFC to be an emotional tampon, but at best you didn't get jealous/angry or resort to desperate measures for HB's attention, or yell at your female friend. Outside of standing up, announcing you have to meet someone, and leaving early, you handled this all right.

I still think you have a chance with the HB but you have to isolate her. You've had communications with her - arrange something or try to get her number to set up a date. Perhaps wait a few days though and stay off of FB in the interim. It's not as tangled as you think, trust me.

 

[Stubbylong]

Thanks for the response, my main concern at this point is upsetting my AFC friend. I'd much rather keep him as a friend over any woman.

I don't want to step on his toes, I'm not too sure if there is an unspoken man rule associated with pursuing the same woman as your friend. I would never try for a friends GF or EX but this is different they just met.

And I assume she has the same dilemma on her end with her friend liking me and her not wanting to step on her toes.


I don't have a case of onitis with her, but she is hot, smart, no kids, good job so I see a lot of potential. And I hate to see that potential wasted by good ol boy AFC.

 

[NewMan]

I assume you told your buddy prior to you going there what the deal was?

If you didn't you gone an F'd up.

if you did, this is an easy conversation with your buddy to have.

 

[Stubbylong]

I didn't have a conversation before hand, it was one of those things where we were out, my female friend said let me call HB she thinks your hot. This was all out in the open in front of AFC so it wasn't a secret that the HB was coming because of me.

 

[DMSR76]

I didn't have a conversation before hand, it was one of those things where we were out, my female friend said let me call HB she thinks your hot. This was all out in the open in front of AFC so it wasn't a secret that the HB was coming because of me.

So it sounds like you have more of a sense of honor about the friendship than he does. I wouldn't worry a whole lot about the sanctity of the friendship. You'll have to take this wing with a grain of salt during future outings.

However, being that he's destined to screw this up soon, I'd simply wait it out until she gives him those 4 words. This dude is in no moral position to criticize when you make your play.

 

[samspade]

Even if the AFC were less honorable toward you, the more DJ thing for you to do is laugh it off and not care.

And in the future, talk to your buddy about it so you have a plan. Good friends should be able to agree that one will cede to the other if a girl is showing greater interest to the friend. Of course if your friend is AFC he may not get it...in which case it's better to fly solo. I'm sure your friend doesn't mean any harm but is just operating from a scarcity mentality. He's piggybacking on your opportunities.

 

[st_99]

Sounds like my ex. She would say how she has a cute friend
that she wants to hook me up with so I'm like ok. She even calls
her on the phone with me there. Fast forward a month or so and we
hook up and end up together for years. Chicks are so weird.

 

[Stubbylong]

OK, the plot thickens.

My AFC buddy lives with me, because he has financial issues. He's working 3 jobs so I don't mind helping someone out who's willing to help themselves. Any way, he just told me that the HB is coming over to hang out with him tonight and that they are going out tomorrow.

The # close was tuesday
FB till 1am was last night
Now she's coming over tonight



Maybe I'm the AFC and he's the DJ, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!! Somebody please WAKE ME UP from this Nightmare.

 

[st_99]

Maybe I'm the AFC and he's the DJ, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!! Somebody please WAKE ME UP from this Nightmare.

:crackup:

Great story! Keep us updated and most importantly..

Dont ever be surprised by ANYTHING when it comes to women!

 

[amoka]

OK, the plot thickens.

My AFC buddy lives with me, because he has financial issues. He's working 3 jobs so I don't mind helping someone out who's willing to help themselves. Any way, he just told me that the HB is coming over to hang out with him tonight and that they are going out tomorrow.

The # close was tuesday
FB till 1am was last night
Now she's coming over tonight



Maybe I'm the AFC and he's the DJ, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!! Somebody please WAKE ME UP from this Nightmare.

Your story is a classic one. Remember that coming and reading materials on sosuave does not make you a DJ and vise versa. Keep us posted.

 

[jophil28]

Maybe I'm the AFC and he's the DJ, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!! Somebody please WAKE ME UP from this Nightmare.

There are several possible outcomes here and NONE of them are great..
However I think that her suggestion to come over offers you a last window of opportunity.
However, there is the real possibility that she will play both of you off against each other . How you gonna deal with that ?
What about if she stays over in his room and you all eat breakfast together ?

This situation could have been avoided with a clear "no poaching" understanding between you and your buddy.

 

[Stubbylong]

Oh its getting better by the minute just talked to my friend (girl) the cblocker.

Friend (girl) told me HB is using AFC to get to me, that they went to dinner last night and HB was asking all kinds of questions about me and told her AFC was already in the friend zone. But friend (girl) said she couldn't be friends with HB if she started dating me. Indicating again friend (girl) likes me too. God I'm so confused, I haven't had to deal with crap like this since grade school. I don't know what to believe at this point.

I told friend (girl) that she needed to get over her ex before we could move past just friends and to not offer to hook me up anymore.

If I tell AFC that HB is using him to get to me then that just makes me look jealous, so I'm leaving tonight so she is forced to hang with just him, just in case she is using him to get to me. That way I don't have to be in the middle. If she is using AFC then this is not the type of chick I want anyway and she will be devalued from HB to POS.

 

[Stubbylong]

Your story is a classic one. Remember that coming and reading materials on sosuave does not make you a DJ and vise versa. Keep us posted.

Agreed, I'm not a DJ but not an AFC either. I don't have any problem getting women, I just have never been in this type of situation as an adult before. If nothing else its cheap entertainment.....lol.

 

[cordoncordon]

Oh its getting better by the minute just talked to my friend (girl) the cblocker.

Friend (girl) told me HB is using AFC to get to me, that they went to dinner last night and HB was asking all kinds of questions about me and told her AFC was already in the friend zone. But friend (girl) said she couldn't be friends with HB if she started dating me. Indicating again friend (girl) likes me too. God I'm so confused, I haven't had to deal with crap like this since grade school. I don't know what to believe at this point.

I told friend (girl) that she needed to get over her ex before we could move past just friends and to not offer to hook me up anymore.

If I tell AFC that HB is using him to get to me then that just makes me look jealous, so I'm leaving tonight so she is forced to hang with just him, just in case she is using him to get to me. That way I don't have to be in the middle. If she is using AFC then this is not the type of chick I want anyway and she will be devalued from HB to POS.

I like your style stubby, you seem like a good, and easy going kind of guy.

I personally would stay there tonight, chat, check out the vibe. Obviously dont make any moves towards the girl, but you may be able to put out "feelers". Then, wait a few days and proceed from there depending on what she does. But you dont need to run away. Its your place. The girl was a set up for you. Stand your ground.

 

[jophil28]

If she is using AFC then this is not the type of chick I want anyway and she will be devalued from HB to POS.

Agree.
You have just seen a snapshot of her character if she is using AFC to get close to you.

 

[samspade]

Assuming your female friend was telling you the truth, you have some insider info here. You're probably smart to make yourself scarce tonight and avoid the triangulation. I'm sure you can parlay this into something if it's still worth it to you.

If she is using AFC then this is not the type of chick I want anyway and she will be devalued from HB to POS.

Right on, buddy. If you deem her worth a tap then do what you feel. In the end it's just another broad and nothing to lose a friendship or your sanity over.

 

[cordoncordon]

Agree.
You have just seen a snapshot of her character if she is using AFC to get close to you.

See I kinda disagree. Obviously this girl was pressured into going out with them all and to to be set up with the OP in the first place, and then she saw her friend ****blocking the OP and her, so what exactly is she supposed to do? Upset her friend? Upset the OP? She's confused. She was set up for the OP and now her friend is acting all crazy and the OPs roomie is hitting on her. I actually think, if what the friend says is true about the girl hanging out with the OP's roomie to get to OP, that she is showing quite a bit of fortitude and determination, not to mention high IL, and this should be explored further by the OP. I know I would be flattered if a girl was going to all this trouble just to get to know me. I do not blame the girl at all for going this route if she is really into the OP, she is caught between a rock and a hard place here and is trying her best to get out of it without upsetting anyone.

To say someone is low character in this situation, when she is in this situation through no fault of her own, is really reaching imo. I say at the very least give her a chance. The OP's roomie knows she was a set up for him, if he gets upset, than imo it is HE who is low character. The OP is already doing him some massive favors it looks like with the living situation, he doesn't need to go stealing his dates on top of it.

 

[Stubbylong]

But you dont need to run away. Its your place. The girl was a set up for you. Stand your ground.

Thanks man. I don't consider it running though. If this is a genuine thing for my friend then I'm gonna give him all the privacy and opportunity he needs to seal the deal, because this is by far the hottest chick he's ever been alone with. If its not I don't want it thrown in my face when it doesn't work out.

At this point I'll give him all the help he needs with exception of putting on the rubber.

 

[samspade]

See I kinda disagree. Obviously this girl was pressured into going out with them all in the first place, and then she saw her friend ****blocking the OP and her, so what exactly is she supposed to do? Upset her friend? Upset the OP? She's confused. She was set up for the OP and now her friend is acting all crazy and the OPs roomie is hitting on her. I actually think, if what the friend says is true about the girl hanging out with the OP's roomie to get to OP, that she is showing quite a bit of fortitude and determination, not to mention high IL, and this should be explored further by the OP. I do not blame the girl at all for going this route if she is really into the OP, she is caught between a rock and a hard place here and is trying her best to get out of it without upsetting anyone.

To say someone is low character in this situation, when she is in this situation through no fault of her own, is really reaching imo. I say at the very least give here a chance. The OP's roomie knows she was a set up for him, if he gets upset, than imo it is HE who is low character.

She is leading one man on under false pretenses to get to the other. She didn't have to give the AFC her number or make a date with him, or answer the phone when he rang. She chatted on FB with OP and could have expressed, in obvious if not overt manner, her actual interest in OP. Moreover the OP doesn't need to be complicit in burning his buddy knowing what he knows.