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If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Talk sense into me

vinkoch

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We broke up 6 weeks ago during an argument. Next day she had me stay the night and cuddle and said we need to take a step back and not talk about the future so we can focus on self improvement so we can be ready to try again later. Said it wasn't about seeing other people but can't handle a relationship right now because she's losing herself by getting distracted and thinking of me all the time. I said so let's just be friends or just give each other more space? She said maybe exclusive friends and still see each other.
I thought why not maybe fwb and see what happens.
So few days later we hangout at her place and have good time like when we first met. Next morning we had sex. But then she starts saying she doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't know what she wants. I said let's just have fun, no worries. Next couple of days she's textin she missed being close to me and I can have her cooking anytime.

Then she started getting distant after we did few days nc. We hung out again and she was throwing out hints about were just friends now, but then she gave me a long hug and said she missed me and wiped her eyes then sat on the bed and said well things happen for a reason and fell asleep. Next morning we had sex and she started saying she didn't want to hurt me and didn't know what she wanted again. I said can't we just have fun. You said you wanted to be friends.
So next week she gets more cold. And I thought well I guess she's just weaning herself off me. I told her I wasn't going to do the friends thing like this anymore and I was good to her so if it wasn't good enough then fine. She got upset and said I was being immature and making things worse and isn't seeing anybody and doesn't want to so what's the problem. I said I don't mind being friends but I feel like you just want me there for comfort while you move on so let's be real friends or reconcile. Then she texts back - oh believe me I will not be with anybody for a long time now especially since you gave me another view through your eyes and it's not pretty because now I will be the biggest ***** you've ever known. I have a cold heart now oh actually always have deal with it and goodbye forever.
Then she calls and talks for an hour and I said sorry for upsetting her and let's just not talk about hurting each other and let's enjoy the moment. Then she starts up again saying she doesn't want to hurt me blah blah and doesn't want to be with any man for a long time now and we can just hang out and talk and cuddle and sex didn't feel right. So I agreed and said no sex then.
Next three weeks I texted a few times and she ignored me so I asked her if we're friends and she said you didn't want to be friends remember. I said I meant the way it was going with the sex and you getting distant talking about someone getting hurt. She said you got your wish it stopped completely and will no longer be friends be careful what you wish for. You wanted me to go away so I did.
I said never wanted you to go away I thought we discussed this.
Then she says, people were right we can't even be friends because we're toxic to each other and I can't handle you so sorry there's no place in my life for you. Leave me alone and stop blaming me.
I said ok I thought we could build a life together at one point sucks it turned out this way so forget you knew me then goodbye.
Then she says ok if you want to be just friends then stop talking about the past and move forward.
I said ok I'm trying just want to say hi sometimes and be nice to each other.
Texted once since then and got one word response 8 hours later.

So I guess my question is was I right, that she was just weaning herself off me, I just sped up the inevitable and it pissed her off?
Or am I complete moron who screwed up a chance for at least a good female friend?
Absolutely no way to recover this and be friends so just move on and learn from it?
We were friends before and she pursued me and then wanted commitment. So I miss being friends like when we first knew each other.
 

samspade

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You are not even asking the right questions.

The question is do you want to be on her leash or do you want to be free?

Those are your choices. Being on her leash means more aggravating conversations about "friendship" and the remote possibility that you have sex with her again.

Being free means you don't deal with any of that and you go find sex and relationships on your terms.

Your choice.
 

Ruleit

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vinkoch said:
We were friends before and she pursued me and then wanted commitment.
^ ^ ^ This is why... You let her drive the entire relationship from start to finish.

If a guy did this to you, would you still want to be friends with him?
 

vinkoch

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I just wanted her to shut up about not knowing what she wanted and hurting me. Just takes the fun out of it and makes you wonder what her intentions are. Was she saying she might want to reconcile or not sure if she really wanted to be friends and felt guilty for having sex with me...
 

vinkoch

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We were friends before because I had a girlfriend when we met. After that ended I said I said I was interested but she had a boyfriend. When that ended she said she needed time to heal to make sure we could start off the right way. At that point I was trying to be a challenge so I let her pursue me and ask for a relationship. She liked it this way, going her own pace.
 

Alvafe

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only thing here is, if she is not puting out for you, then you don't even should consider her for anything.

things I like to follow who keep me sane for this is, main reason to be in a LTR is SEX, s3x, without it you are just haging out with a friend, and after she or me end the LTR, ITS OVER, not turn back, no way in hell I will be back to her again

but letting her go after you and put some effort on you was nice but then you should take heeds, but now.

CUT everything don't talk, msg, look on her Facebook, photos whatever, move on if for some reason you meet her in person, be polite and leave don't lose more time with her. also friends is always nice on this time to go out with
 

Kailex

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This sounds like a full blown branch swing.

I'd run away from this one, ASAP.
She's too much trouble and she doesn't seem worth it to me.
 

Don the Legend

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Some people are just screwed up in the head. There is no rhyme or reason for it, it just is. Accept that fact and move on.

If not, you are going to keep questioning everything she says and does. Why put yourself in that agonizing position?

Life is better than that!
 

logicallefty

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I think NC for a couple months followed by when you do finally talk to her, throw out the friend card to her as many times as possible. Make it known to her that you are just friends and its on your terms not hers. Make sure you tell her about all the other women you dated in the couple months you didn't talk. If she asks why nc for so long give her the 'I just needed time to think but I'm good now. Glad we can still be friends' .
 

sage_juan

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This has smells of Oneitis, it's best to eject when someone gets you feeling this way. Her reasons for doing this do not matter, in the end it is never worth the effort to get some1 back. As Alvafe said it's all about S3X when the premise of S3X starts getting questioned it's best to let go and never look back.
 

Longshot

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If in doubt and you find yourself thinking about her, slap yourself and re-read posts 2 through 11; especially 2 3, 7, and 8. 9 and 10 for immediate implementation.
 
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