Tales of a flake (and me trying to get the upper hand)

[New2Town]

Well, I finally turned 24 just about a month ago, so I can partake in the wisdom that is this subsection.

Sorry in advance about the length of this post.

I met this 22-year-old woman off PlentyofFish.com and we exchanged a bunch of e-mails and eventually I got her number.

I wanted to set up a date relatively soon after I got the number and we had something lined up, but she flaked at the last second, saying her friend (girl) wanted to watch the game at home with her (we were going to meet at a bar to watch a baseball game).

Well, I paid no mind and she chased me a little bit and I tried to set up something else. Something came up on my end, so I needed to reschedule and she told me she couldn't go earlier since she rescheduled her entire day.

Well, I texted her and told her I'd be at the place we agreed upon just to grab a drink by myself and to hang out. She immediately called me, saying how much of a jerk she felt like because she wanted to meet me, but yada yada yada. Eventually I told her I'd pick her up in 30 mins to go there and she agreed.

We had a fantastic date, a few drinks and I kiss closed that day.

We met up two days later (July 4th) and went to a local rodeo. I kept things light and it was all good. We shared a few beers and laughs and later on a few kisses. We talked about sex and stuff in general on the way back and she told me she's "not ready to have sex yet." — quick backstory: she just got out of a three-year relationship about six months ago and jumped into a relationship soon after.

I broke off texting for a while, but eventually she got back to me and two weekends ago, I was out downtown in a neighboring city when she texted me.

My boss and her evidently go to the same bar occasionally and she met him. She wanted me to grab a drink with them and I told her I was in the neighboring city, but would text when I got back.

It was around last call and she said they were probably going to leave the bar (my boss, his wife and her) and that I should tag-a-long to my boss' house with them.

I drove there and we hung out for like three hours just shooting the sh!t and such.

Well, I tried to set something up a few days later, but she seemed distant. I invited her to go tubing with my friends on a local river, but she said "If I ran as much as you, I'd easily go, but I don't."

I sent her back "How do you come up with all of these excuses? Don't they get tiring after a while?" She responded with " "

So, I let it go and saw on her Facebook status that she in fact went to the another river that day with her friends and a few days earlier posted something like "I've never made it through a semester of college without a boyfriend. Let's see if I can change that."

I took a hint and while I never wanted a relationship with her, I wanted more than a friendship.

Well, I didn't text or call for like four days and sent her something today. After a few texts, I told her "Pick Thursday or Saturday night. One of those nights we're going to hang out."

She immediately called me saying she has a test Friday morning and then her best friend turns 21 on Saturday night. She said she doesn't want me to think she's an a$$hole and wanted to call me.

We talked for a bit more and she told me she doesn't want me to get attached (which I haven't been) and she's not looking for a boyfriend since she falls quickly and is moving away in a year.

I told her she has no reason to worry about me and I'm just looking to have fun right now. I said I'd love to have a physical relationship with her and hopefully we were on the same page.

I told her to tell me when she wanted to hang out next, as I have some free time in the next few days.

When I've called her out, she's responded well, so hopefully the next time we hang out I can close the deal.

Any suggestions or opinions of how I have or should handle things from now on?

Thanks a lot guys.

 

[lookyoung]

This is a case of low interest level. Always use the brad pitt example in these situations. Would she have flaked on Brad Pitt? This girls interest level is zero to low invest your time in girls that want to hang out with you.

 

[evesman]

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, except for the lack of sexual escalation and logistics during your first date.

 

[jophil28]

I wanted to set up a date relatively soon after I got the number and we had something lined up, but she flaked at the last second, saying her friend (girl) wanted to watch the game at home with her (we were going to meet at a bar to watch a baseball game).

.

At that point the shoe should have dropped,dude.
She has low IL, is willing to flake, sees her Girlfriend as her priority and thinks that acting disrespectfully is OK.

SO you continued to chase her, and she continued to deliver more of the same. Are you really surprised?
THis little lady is showing all the signs of an attention seeker.
A woman who wants to get to know YOU would not act like that.

SHe is looking for re-inflation of her bruised ego and validation of her sexual market value, and she will do so at your expense.

 

[decades]

you're coming off as needy and begging. You're trying to "sell" her on giving you a "shot". Unattractive. You want them chasing YOU bro. Next.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> Well, I paid no mind>>

But those are the things you ought to be taking note of.

>> We talked about sex and stuff in general on the way back and she told me she's "not ready to have sex yet." >>

Meaning = Not with you, anyway.

Talking about sex so early in the game is a no no in my book. It's one of those pushy things guys do that can turn women off, where they get the attitude that you've got a one track mind, otherwise, you wouldn't be bringing it up. They have to desire you first, and you don't get them to desire you by talking about it. If they desire you, you don't have to talk or do anything, actually.

>> while I never wanted a relationship with her, I wanted more than a friendship. >>

With a chick who flakes on you and feeds you one excuse after another?

>> It was around last call and she said they were probably going to leave the bar (my boss, his wife and her) and that I should tag-a-long to my boss' house with them.>>

And you spent three hours shooting the bull with them. Bad move.

>> she's not looking for a boyfriend since she falls quickly and is moving away in a year.>>

Only the last part of that makes a ton of sense, her moving away... but she may not keep that plan, you know, life happens. Especially if between now and then she were to fall madly in love with you, for example, and changed her plans because of that, right? Not that I think this will happen.

But the first part of her statement is pure woman-speak. It makes absolutely no sense, which means, it's BS to gently let you down. She's not looking for a BF because she tends to fall in love too fast? WTF is that supposed to mean? Yeah, I'm not looking for dinner because I tend to like my meal.

>> I said I'd love to have a physical relationship with her >>

You don't TELL women this (in fact, it's understood. Stating it makes you come off as just wanting them for sex which raises their defenses 99% of the time). But you certainly should ACT this way, which is to say, you must be a sexually suave confident man (as opposed to a acting like a sexually timid AFC).

>> I told her to tell me when she wanted to hang out next>>

But that gives her the control over when you'll see her. You should be the one setting the dates.

But again, not that I think there's interest on her part. From what you've described, you're a diversion at her whim.

Final thought: At 22, she's still not mature.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

>> Well, I paid no mind>>

But those are the things you ought to be taking note of.

>> We talked about sex and stuff in general on the way back and she told me she's "not ready to have sex yet." >>

Meaning = Not with you, anyway.

Talking about sex so early in the game is a no no in my book. It's one of those pushy things guys do that can turn women off, where they get the attitude that you've got a one track mind, otherwise, you wouldn't be bringing it up. They have to desire you first, and you don't get them to desire you by talking about it. If they desire you, you don't have to talk or do anything, actually.

>> while I never wanted a relationship with her, I wanted more than a friendship. >>

With a chick who flakes on you and feeds you one excuse after another?

>> It was around last call and she said they were probably going to leave the bar (my boss, his wife and her) and that I should tag-a-long to my boss' house with them.>>

And you spent three hours shooting the bull with them. Bad move.

>> she's not looking for a boyfriend since she falls quickly and is moving away in a year.>>

Only the last part of that makes a ton of sense, her moving away... but she may not keep that plan, you know, life happens. Especially if between now and then she were to fall madly in love with you, for example, and changed her plans because of that, right? Not that I think this will happen.

But the first part of her statement is pure woman-speak. It makes absolutely no sense, which means, it's BS to gently let you down. She's not looking for a BF because she tends to fall in love too fast? WTF is that supposed to mean? Yeah, I'm not looking for dinner because I tend to like my meal.

>> I said I'd love to have a physical relationship with her >>

You don't TELL women this (in fact, it's understood. Stating it makes you come off as just wanting them for sex which raises their defenses 99% of the time). But you certainly should ACT this way, which is to say, you must be a sexually suave confident man (as opposed to a acting like a sexually timid AFC).

>> I told her to tell me when she wanted to hang out next>>

But that gives her the control over when you'll see her. You should be the one setting the dates.

But again, not that I think there's interest on her part. From what you've described, you're a diversion at her whim.

Final thought: At 22, she's still not mature.

Brillant post Mr. Me!! Spot on from start to finish.

OP: Pay close attention to this post; particularly the two bolded areas.... this is definitely a case of low interest level, but it dropped even further because you spent waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time with her at your bosses house, most likely saying or doing something that dropped her interest level significantly.

Then you buried yourself when you verbalized your intentions. You have to create attraction and amplify it before you can get the goods; you did neither, then went for the hail mary.


Move on, this one's a lost cause. Not to mention the blatant disrespect she's showing by lying to you of her intentions and plans when she's dumb enough to post it on her social networking site.

99% of 22 year old byatches should be used for sex and nothing else.




PIMP

 

[Kevin Feng]

Personally, I think you’ve spent wayyyyyyy too much time on this one girl in specific and I can tell she’s driving you a little crazy because she’s been so hot and cold with you and it doesn’t sound like she’ll be putting out anytime soon either, and she doesn’t want a relationship since she’s leaving and therefore, nothing is probably going to happen between the two of you given the current situation.

I think you just set up the situation incorrectly, I mean, you’re basically in the friends zone right now and you’re pushing for more and she’s saying no, and that should have been different from the get-go and right now it sounds like she doesn’t want to get physical with you anyway.

This girl sounds like she’s pretty much a lost cause. Next this girl, you’ve wasted enough time on her already. Go for the kill, and if it doesn’t work out, she wasn’t worth it anyway.

 

[AMDG]

she told me she doesn't want me to get attached (which I haven't been) and she's not looking for a boyfriend s

A textbook example of low interest. It all goes down from here.