Superiority Comlex

[Special K]

First off, let me start off by saying that I have never divulged my personal life on Internet message boards, but I feel somewhat compelled to tell my story.

I am a senior in college. I have been very successful in school and have been on the Dean’s List a number of times. I have a great family life and don’t have a freaky past or anything like that. I can honestly say that many aspects are perfect and exactly how I want them to be. But recently (past year or so) my life has lacked real friendship. I have plenty of acquaintances at school, but all of my true friends who I have known for years have either moved away or haven’t kept in contact since they went to college. I have never been one to ‘fly solo’ but I do enjoy time to myself where I can do whatever I want and have time for myself.

Also, I have never had a girlfriend, never been kissed and all that other stuff. But I can honestly say that most of it was of my own volition. I can count on my hands the total number of girls that I have been attracted to and really wanted to get to know. If they do not pass my test, I don't go any further with them. I never was a real AFC and always had natural DJ tendencies. There was one girl who I had major oneitis for though, but I am over her now. I got to know her and she was the girl of my dreams, but I ended up in the friends zone with her. I ended up telling her how I really felt about her and immediately cut off all contact with her after that. I see her every now and then, but I doubt that she will think differently of me. I HAVE MOVED ON though, don't think I haven't, but she has been the 'what if' girl for me. (She is the reason I found this site.)

After finding this site, I have found that I have improved myself even more. However, it is not getting a date or number that is the real problem for me, it is the standards that I have that make it tough for me to get to know others. Just recently, there was a girl in one of my classes who at first I said to myself “Man, she looks like a real *****, but she is hot. My goal is to have her eating out of my hand by the time the semester is over.” And you know what, by the end of the semester, I could have easily gone out with her. But I didn’t. I got to know her, and I felt that she wasn’t good enough for me. (I have been told that I tend to be attracted to girls who are stuck up.)

The fact that I have never had a girlfriend doesn’t bother me most of the time, but whenever I sit and think to myself “I should really be out doing something tonight” is when it gets to me. I do have a busy life with hobbies and other things to take care of.

I know that I have a superiority complex and I tend to be stuck up. I have been told that I give off the vibe of being stuck up and ****y and this makes it hard for others to approach me. I am ****y, but I have a great sense of humor as well. I also think to be one of the nicest guys you'll ever want to meet.

I am not bad looking at all either, I recently met some of my dad’s co-workers and they kept on asking me “how many numbers do you get a week?” and “how many girls have you dated?” as if I was some dating god. This is one of many times where I can remember of people telling me how good looking I am. However, most of this comes from women who are at least 30 years old and not girls my age.

I feel the only things that are holding me back from living the life that I want to live are my high standards and lack of real friends.

Has anyone been in this situation? Any tips to get me out of this funk?

Thanks.

(NOTE: I am not complaining, smiply asking for advice. I hope my post doesn't come across as one of those pathetic 'woe is me' posts that pop up every now and then since this is not my intention.)

 

[DEKKA]

we are so much alike... except for the fact that ive had quite a few girls.

we both have a major superiority complex and because im so much like you and recognize exactly where you're at i know what kind of advise to give you.

let me make some guesses.

1. you usually have a serious or borderline pissed look on your face... sometimes people even ask you why you're mad/sad.
2. you're picky and know you're good looking but are letting that blind you're game.
3. you really warm up to people after they initiate and hold conversation but you don't generally go around touching people and starting up conversations with much enthusiasm.
4. you beat your meat a lot
5. you know lots of people and have old friends from high school but you never made any real strong connections with people as far as the friends catagory goes. basically, you don't have many close friends you can rely on.

anyways the one thing that i need to tell you that will transform your game 180 degrees in the right direction is this.

Become a happy exuberent person that seeks to make people feel happy around you. Take an interest in other people and reach out to touch them. SMILE ALL THE GODDAMN TIME TILL YOU STOP LOOKING LIKE SUCH A CREEP. you are probably scaring people away by being too serious and you need to start comming off with more charisma and charm.

also lower your standards for a while till you get the hang... then you can always move them back up once you're more experienced. right now you think you are money but you don't push yourself. sounds to me like you could be a real player if you applied yourself but you're getting too fat off yourself.

gotta walk before you can run nig.

-J

 

[The Dominated1]

I can't give you too much advice because I am kinda in the same situation as you.

I have had girlfriends though, but I am much older than you.

I get told that I am too cynical, this is the result of ex girlfriends screwing with my nervous system.

Having had a couple of relationships turn bad - I find that I have high standards that no girl seems to meet.

Standards are

Resonable looking 6-10
Likes to have fun
Has high interest in me.
Has honesty and integrity

Not too much to ask for you would think. But I cant find 1 dispite being told there are heaps of them.

If I think I might be onto a keeper - oneitis can be a problem. But then BAM she does something really lame and has to be nexted.

This is why I am here today, trying to deal with my stupid oneitis problem because I "thought" I had found a keeper.

Maybe you could tell us what your standards are

 

[Julian]

1. you usually have a serious or borderline pissed look on your face... sometimes people even ask you why you're mad/sad.
2. you're picky and know you're good looking but are letting that blind you're game.
3. you really warm up to people after they initiate and hold conversation but you don't generally go around touching people and starting up conversations with much enthusiasm.
4. you beat your meat a lot
5. you know lots of people and have old friends from high school but you never made any real strong connections with people as far as the friends catagory goes. basically, you don't have many close friends you can rely on.

HOLY SH!T. This hit me 100% damn.

 

[DEKKA]

even number four ??

 

[DonJohn83]

Ditto!

We have ALOT in common here guys.

 

[Starman]

let me tell you this..I hope you arent one of those "avoidant" types trying to mask your insecurities with labels like "Im picky" or have a "superiority complex"

Ive worked with people with narcissitic personality disorder who believed they were "above the rest"

yet they always had women on the side , who they manipulated , used for sex, and then dropped

that is, narcissitic personality disorder is synonymous with "superiority complex"

but true narcissists have sexual needs..and will satisfy their needs by manipulating women to the sack..thinking they are unowrthy..and then dropping them like a bad habit

but DONT confuse your deficient social progress as a "superiority complex"

you are a senior in college who has never kissed or dated a girl..are you a mormon? or an upcoming priest??

if anything , I think you may have an inferiorty complex..the idea that you arent good enough for any woman..so as a defense..you build up your psyche to believe you are "too good" for any woman and your behavior in staying away from women works in a vicious circle to make yourself believe "Im too good"

this cycle can go on and on for years, until you reach 40 yrs old and think.."Geeeez!! Im 40 years old!! I slept with one woman!! I have to stop thinking Im too good for women!"

when in reality, your subconscious is telling you "You arent good enough for HBs!!"

get a grip

 

[On_the_Top]

Originally posted by DEKKA
we are so much alike... except for the fact that ive had quite a few girls.

we both have a major superiority complex and because im so much like you and recognize exactly where you're at i know what kind of advise to give you.

let me make some guesses.

1. you usually have a serious or borderline pissed look on your face... sometimes people even ask you why you're mad/sad.
2. you're picky and know you're good looking but are letting that blind you're game.
3. you really warm up to people after they initiate and hold conversation but you don't generally go around touching people and starting up conversations with much enthusiasm.
4. you beat your meat a lot
5. you know lots of people and have old friends from high school but you never made any real strong connections with people as far as the friends catagory goes. basically, you don't have many close friends you can rely on.

-J

Thats freakin me ahh man, you just made me wanna maginifi those very good qualities even more.

 

[McKindley]

I know quite a few people like you guys. The main thing you need to realize is you aren't special. Anyone can make good grades in college with relative ease (hate to break it to all you high school kids. Only morons and lazy asses fail college.) Anyone can THINK they have DJ skills without ever having kissed a girl. If You've never put it on the line then its easy to keep the dream alive.

It doesn't matter that I haven't met you, and have only read a little bit of what you think of yourself. You aren't special. No one is. I know you think Starman is spewing psycho babble, but there is some truth to what he has to say.

You are a senior in college and you haven't kissed a girl? Don't pretend like you CHOSE for things to happen like that. You didn't. If you had game (not that I'm some master) then you would have. Starman is dead on when he says this is just some defense mechanism you are using.

I know this all because I was there too awhile back. My freshman year of college I broke down one night. I couldn't keep living the lie anymore. I'm funny (voted wittiest in my senior class), I'm smart (i've never failed to make the dean's list either), and gregarious enough to make anyone my friend easy. However, I realize that people like me and you are a dime a dozen.

So your problem is you can't find a girl that lives up to your standards? I don't buy it. There's no way, in all your life, you have met only one girl that has been "good enough."

Sometimes it seems like the whole world is crazy, and you alone are sane. You have to take a step back and realize the world is normal, and YOUR crazy.

Its not that no girls are up to your standards, you just won't admit that you are afraid to approach.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Starman
let me tell you this..I hope you arent one of those "avoidant" types trying to mask your insecurities with labels like "Im picky" or have a "superiority complex"

Ive worked with people with narcissitic personality disorder who believed they were "above the rest"

yet they always had women on the side , who they manipulated , used for sex, and then dropped

that is, narcissitic personality disorder is synonymous with "superiority complex"

but true narcissists have sexual needs..and will satisfy their needs by manipulating women to the sack..thinking they are unowrthy..and then dropping them like a bad habit

but DONT confuse your deficient social progress as a "superiority complex"

you are a senior in college who has never kissed or dated a girl..are you a mormon? or an upcoming priest??

if anything , I think you may have an inferiorty complex..the idea that you arent good enough for any woman..so as a defense..you build up your psyche to believe you are "too good" for any woman and your behavior in staying away from women works in a vicious circle to make yourself believe "Im too good"

this cycle can go on and on for years, until you reach 40 yrs old and think.."Geeeez!! Im 40 years old!! I slept with one woman!! I have to stop thinking Im too good for women!"

when in reality, your subconscious is telling you "You arent good enough for HBs!!"

get a grip

Starman, to me, this guy is exactly the sort of guy you're hoping he isn't. I mean, come on, he's a senior in college and has never even kissed a girl? I don't care how much of a superiority complex he has, he's still a male.

I have ridiculously high standards myself, but I can't say I've never KISSED (?!) a girl! What the heck is that all about? Come on, I don't even believe that cr*p for a second. There are tons of kissable girls out there, and to me, it's difficult to have such high standards until you've sort of gotten sick of getting all these lower standard women (to me, HB7-8). If you're a normal guy, you're not going to be that choosy if you are not getting anything.

Definitely a bit pathetic sounding to me.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

senior in college - but never kissed a girl - thats probably the most scariest statement on this board!!!!

what the hell - my standards r extremely high but u didnt say u were fanatically religious - y wouldnt u have the inclination to do your divine male responsibilty to at least pursue affection from the opposite sex at 21 years of age?

something is fundamentally wrong.

if u do not have the self-motivation or desire to pursue your natural prey then i say something deep down is not allowing you to be yourself or u r purposely blocking your innate masculine trait of domiation - i need further info bro if im going to help u - maybe beyond the scope of this website!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

i understand that there r alot of nasty hos out here (let's say 98% - in america - at least!) that i wouldnt screw but a kiss is so inconsequential yet so fundamentally important to the development and maintenance of the male ego and to the natural order of things - especially in your youth! HUH????

 

[sisyphus]

There's probably some truth in what you guys are saying, but telling the guy to just "get a grip," doesn't help him at all.

Special K,
I can empathize with your situation. My history was kind of similar to yours. The thing that helped me was the ability to see life and myself in how I really am. No bullsh1t. That is, not trying to rationalize my suppossed superiority. Basically, knowing who you are and being comfortable with it.
I think that's great women aren't your first priority -- they never should be. But considering your present status, I would start to slowly cultivate that side of myself more.
Also, don't let any posters bring you down. I'm sure you're a great person. You just need to work on certain areas of you life.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

by the way - special k is a flaky name for a dude!

 

[Special K]

thanks guys

Hey Guys,

Thanks for the replies so far and even to the constructive criticism. I'll try to reply to all the previous posts.

DEKKA - I can relate to a lot of what you said, I have been asked on more than one occassion "Why are you always so serious?" When I am out in public, I know that I exude a sense of seriousness, but I am acutally a real funny and even silly person in private. I believe that I am more laid back than serious though.

The Dominated1 - It is hard for me to describe what my standards are, but I wouldn't say that I am only attracted to 9's and 10's. I like girls who have a sense of humor, are intelligent, like me for me and also takes care of herself. I take meticulous care of my body and what I put in it. That means that I don't smoke at all and drink very infrequently. Drugs are out of the question. Girls who are sluts don't attract me at all. So my standards for a girl is one who is like me to some degree.

Starman - I feel that on conscious level I don't think that I am better than everyone else. But I have talked to my sister about myself and she truly believes that I do have a complex. Hell, I am a man, and I do have sexual needs, but I have been raised to be a gentleman and I would never get a girl in the sack with the sole purpose of getting off. I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt as if I was less than anyone else though.

McKindley - Don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of chances to date girls, but the thing that has been holding me back is me saying to myself "Why should I waste my time and effort on this girl when she is not really what I want?" I know this sounds like I am being an a**hole, and as I am typing this I am realizing that this has been a problem that I have had and maybe I should look past this and JUST HAVE FUN. However, I have to totally disagree with your comment about my world being crazy. I believe that I know myself and how I am better than most other people konw themsleves. I strive for simplicity in my life and my life is anything but crazy. I feel I live a well balanced life.

becker - After reading your post and getting some outside opinions, I see how weird and maybe even pathetic I sound. Stepping ouside my mind and looking at things objectively, I agree with your comments

PuertoRican_Lover - "Special K" is a name I earned on my high school basketball team...and it is NOT flaky to me! I think it may be a self motivation problem since girls are not the primary focus in my life right now. At first, was taken back by your comments but I know it is for my own good.

sisyphus - I couldn't agree with you more. Girls (and on a higher level) my social life has taken a back seat to things that are more important in my life. I always used to think to myself, "I don't have to worry about that now, things will work out" Well I guess I am wrong and that is why I am posting this.

-------------------------------------

Thanks for all the posts so far guys, and as I said I have never done anything like this before on the Internet, so I feel that I am sharing a part of my life that not many other people know about. I do belive that some of my problems go beyond this so called 'superiority comlex'.

Perhaps this is just the kick in the butt that I needed...as a matter of fact, I have set a goal for myself to get a date for next weekend and I'll keep you guys posted.

Until the next time...

Special K

 

[McKindley]

I don't think you understood what I meant about being crazy. I don't mean that you are an insane person, or that your world is hectic. I'm sure your life is balanced in many ways. What I meant by that is if no girls are up to your standards maybe its not the girls that have the problem. Maybe its you with the problem.

As far as not dating a girl because she doesn't fit EVERY SINGLE ONE of your qualifications for a girlfriend, there are two things:

First one being, your never going to find her. Pobody's Nerfect. However, when you find a girl that is good enough I beleive you'll have the sense to go for it.

Second being, when you DO meet this girl, how do you know you'll have a good chance of snagging her? You haven't "practiced" dating with anyone else, and you stand a good chance of messing it up with some amateurish mistake. You can read and read and read about flying an airplane, but until you actually get up in the air, you don't really KNOW what you're doing.

 

[14yearoldmonster]

First of all, dont kid yourself.

Your a loser, end of story.

Just admit to everyone here that your gay and we might be able to start helping you.

 

[Eric Smith]

Wow, I can relate to you so much that its scary.

I too have found out from my sister, some of my friends, etc. that there were a lot of girls that had a crush on me in HS. It wasn't that my rep was bad because as it turns out, most girls thought my friends were absolute losers anyway and didn't care what they had to say at all. Anyway, I did know about some attractions but I never felt that they were on my level for me to date. In fact, the same still goes for college. The girls that I'm involved with are few and far between. I had a few f-buddies and its been a little while since I had any action. Yet I know of at least five girls that would nail me. Yet they all fail my high criteria test and tonight it will be me and my right hand.

However I believe that women should only be a spice in life, not the main bulk. If there is something more important in life that will take up women time, the girls will definitely take a backseat.

As for co-workers asking, yes, it happened. I was good friends with a 36 year old woman who was divorced and had a child. She was semi MILF status (she smoked and tanned a lot so she looked about 10 years older than what she really was) and we worked together and she said, "I am so surprised that you do not have a girlfriend." She even offered on numerous occasions to set me up with her daughter who was maybe a 7. I turned her down saying that I was busy in my life and didn't have time for women (yeah right...) My parents, my sister, and some good friends that are still in my hometown ask if I have a gf yet and I tell them no. So I know there are people rooting for me but all I can seem to get past is just getting her in the sack. I had very brief relationships.

I feel the only things that are holding me back from living the life that I want to live are my high standards and lack of real friends.

Wow. That is something that I feel too.

Anyway, it seems like lately I'm OBSESSED with getting into a program for next year at college (Graphic Design) My college (Iowa State University) is one of the best colleges of design in the nation. As a result, a certain amount of people get into the program. For Graphic Designers, they only accept 60. There are about 90 who apply so that means 1/3 do not get in. 30% of the criteria is based on GPA, 60% is on your portfolio, and 10% is an essay you have to write to prove your worthiness.

The reason why I'm obsessed with it is because I am afraid that I will not get in. Typical jitters...right? Wrong. I am failing one of my classes because a teacher openly admits to not liking me. The average grade in that class is a 56% because he has to be Mr. Hardass about it. In one of my other classes, I am getting a C because my teacher is a woman who has shown anti-male tendencies (making fun of them in class, always picking apart the stuff that men make in class) As it turns out, both teachers have received numerous complaints and the former teacher's job is being "evaluated" as said by my advisor. I am doing well in my other classes (Bs and As) but still, my GPA right now is in the 2.0 - 2.5 range. I wanted it to be 3.5 - 4.0. Its getting to the point where everynight I try to go to sleep, I spend one hour worried about getting in. Sometimes I wonder if this is really self destructive; that I should just accept my crappy grades and work my ass off the next semester. Another part of me thinks that I will be that 1/3 that gets canned because some jackasses have to have clouded judgement. I wish they realized that these classes aren't jokes to some and some people have to excel in them to get into the program; that not everyone are beer jockeys that are just taking this class to get a certain amount of credits to stay in college.

I had to get that out of my system.

Has anyone been in this situation? Any tips to get me out of this funk?

The only key here is let go of that elitist attitude. You can be self assured, you can have confidence. I have high aspirations for life and do not intend to settle. However it all depends on your situation. Do you necessarily want a girlfriend? Often times I feel some guys get girls just because they have to achieve the status quo of having girlfriends and f-buddies. As for me, thanks to that program f-ing up my state of mind, girls are extremely low on my priorities list. My hobbies are now decimated thanks to those two classes. The only spare time that calms my nerves are movies (Scarface and 007 are basically the only movies I watch now because it keeps my head up enough to where I don't completely break down) and lifting weights.

I do want a girlfriend but I just don't feel like it would improve my life in any way, shape, or form. I've talked to those who did make it into the program and a lot of them said they were in the same situation as me and got a swift kick in the ass for the 2nd semester when they got their report cards back. However it still is bothering me to this very moment.

 

[B9]

It seems B9 can join you people to form a study group for this particular complex...

Can very much relate to Special K. Though I have kissed a girl and all that, I have never had an actual relationship. Making out with girls is not that hard, though I don't really care much for it (well duh, of course I do, but not as an isolated element).

Going through Dekka's checklist:

1. you usually have a serious or borderline pissed look on your face... sometimes people even ask you why you're mad/sad.

No. I am usually smiling and laughing when around people. Not the 'haha, I will laugh so people think I like them' laughing that so dominated my teen years (and I reckon, most people's teen years) but simply because I tend to enjoy life a lot more. Hell, it is not uncommon for me to burst out in laughter when alone either. Life is funny as hell really.

2. you're picky and know you're good looking but are letting that blind you're game.

Sussed. Yes, I am good looking and no, I don't lower my standards (kinda like women actually). I am more than happy enough without to do that. I am aware that this is most likely a convenient excuse to keep my inhibitions about reections, but I don't really feel any jealousy or lack when confronted with most other couples, as 99% of those are relationships I would never subject myself to.

3. you really warm up to people after they initiate and hold conversation but you don't generally go around touching people and starting up conversations with much enthusiasm.

No. I am very much a physical person. As for initiating socialising, it depends on my mood. If feeling outgoing, most certainly. If introverted no, but then again, i usually find my own company quite amusing (and no, this is not the product of a 'screw them then, I have my OWN company!'. It is the product of four years of meditation and Zen practise which has taught me that happiness can most definitely be grown within and should be the main source of happiness). I reckon it is about 50/50 altering between introverted and extroverted persona-mode.

4. you beat your meat a lot

Sussed again.

5. you know lots of people and have old friends from high school but you never made any real strong connections with people as far as the friends catagory goes. basically, you don't have many close friends you can rely on.

Well, true. But I would reckon that the very definition of 'close friend' would tend to mean a very select few.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

i was just teasing u about your name - i know that special k is a cereal targeted to females - did u know that?

you seem to have an open and healthy attitude - there i s hope for u yet!

i actually am very much like u - i have rejected woman that have approached me - y should i go after what i dont want! waste of my time and money! plus i dont like hos - read some of my posts and you'l know y - i just question your age of 21 / 22 and not yet kissed a woman - r u very religious/ spiritual person and r looking for a partner with the same values?

SAY NO TO HOS!