Successful eye contact

[Take No Dirt]

As DJs, one of the most difficult things to do is to make good eye contact with women. (Natural shyness is the reason. Also, we've been told that staring at someone is considered rude.) We tend to make fleeting eye to eye contact and then we glance away or look down.

Here's a way to make consistent contact with her eyes. Start at the very top of her head. When she looks at you, move your eyes quickly downward and lock gaze with her. When she looks away momentarily, bring your head right up to her top of head level.

When she looks into your eyes again, you swiftly lower your eyes once more to connect with her eyes. In other words, your eyes are scanning from the top of her head to her eye level and back to the top of her head.

To complement eye-to-eye contact, you could say to her "You know what? I've been noticing and admiring your wonderfully done hairstyle. You did a splendid job there." She will smile and blush.

 

[Taz]

I've always had a problem with this, not so much with keeping eye contact, but with knowing when and where to look away briefly.

Now that I think about it, the direction someone's eyes wander for these pauses during conversation is another example of body language.

For example, when someone looks up and to the left, they are usually thinking of a fact or answering a discrete question. (from the left or "logical" side of the brain)

Down and to the right could mean they are thinking of something to say. (creative side of brain)

Straight down - either looking at the boobs or being shy

Slightly up - Confident, almost dominating (think about how you feel when someone looks at you in this manner)

TND, I think you're onto something at the subconcious level. Excellent post.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Master DJ Taz: Slightly up - Confident, almost dominating (think about how you feel when someone looks at you in this manner)
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Thanks for the kudos, Taz!

Yes, you're right about looking up conveying an air of confidence on the part of the DJ and we do want to dominate the female population. LOL!

I've trained my eyes to never gaze below a woman's eye level. The scanning from the top of her head to her eye level makes it look like I'm not staring her straight on all the time so as not to appear like a psycho, but as a dude who makes important eye contact.

It's vital to establish eye contact for some people believe that a woman's eyes are the portal to her soul.

 

[Chicken-Hawk]

Great post TND! I really like the nuts-and-bolts posts! They can be practiced in the real world.

You're right about staring (or glaring) straight on at a women; it does make you look like a psycho. Real interaction has a bit of eye wandering.

I've conditioned myself to the point that I look everyone straight in the eye. It's gotten to be so natural that I look straight into the eyes of a picture in a magazine. Practice makes perfect!

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by Chicken-Hawk:

I've conditioned myself to the point that I look everyone straight in the eye. It's gotten to be so natural that I look straight into the eyes of a picture in a magazine. Practice makes perfect!

Yes, even a year ago I wouldn't look someone in the eye. Now I do it all the time. I also seem to get more girls. Weird, huh?

BGMan

 

[Don the Legend]

Good Tip TND!

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"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by Take No Dirt:
I've trained my eyes to never gaze below a woman's eye level. The scanning from the top of her head to her eye level makes it look like I'm not staring her straight on all the time so as not to appear like a psycho, but as a dude who makes important eye contact.

Hey TND, I don't understand how simply looking up makes you look less "psycho." I can see how it might make you feel more comfortable, but that doesn't change the fact she might feel uncomfortable. I'm considering this tip will make you more like those people that always look you continously in the eye. Too much eye contact can be very uncomfortable. I agree there should be middle ground, I'm just not sure what it is. I believe it bothers me more to be concious of eye contact. Then I'm worried about when I should look away. Darn all those self-help books!

CobraGT

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by CobraGT:
Hey TND, I don't understand how simply looking up makes you look less "psycho." I can see how it might make you feel more comfortable, but that doesn't change the fact she might feel uncomfortable. I'm considering this tip will make you more like those people that always look you continously in the eye. Too much eye contact can be very uncomfortable. I agree there should be middle ground, I'm just not sure what it is. I believe it bothers me more to be concious of eye contact. Then I'm worried about when I should look away. Darn all those self-help books!

A good rule is hold it just a little longer than you feel comfortable with, then break immediately. Unbroken staring can make it look like you're from Creepville, so don't do it.

Smiling can help too. If you want to seem friendly, smile. If you want to appear powerful and aloof, don't. Don't frown either. Look intently, like you've seen something you like and you're going to get it. Blink less often than usual. (But do blink, otherwise you'll tip into psycho territory.)

TNDs looking from high to eye level idea is all about asserting dominance. Women like to look up to a guy, and looking upwards is a submissive posture. Looking down *at someone* conveys power and the dominant position. Looking down *at the floor* and not meeting someone's eyes conveys meekness and submission.

 

[Turbobird]

I will test this, TND. I also use to avoid gazing below a woman's eye level, but I usually let my eyes wander in side way in eye level. So, you never let the eyes of her while sitting together?

/Turbobird

[This message has been edited by Turbobird (edited 01-22-2002).]

 

[Inspector Clouseau]

Man this stuff really works! Which in itself is no surprise, but just how easy it is.

Making eye contact with passing strangers is something I always found so hard to do, and is something I've felt has been holding me back from further DJ advancement.

But today I was walking around a huge college campus, walking like the Man and smiling, and following the techinque. At end of the day I had made great eye contact with five women, up from the usual zero. I found most women's eyes were unattainable, but in about one out of ten attempts I made, I found success.

Thanks!

The Inspector

 

[Iskandar Reza]

try smiling and blinking your eyes slowly, but not too slowly as to make it look artificial.

it is known to have a calming effect on cats, but i noticed it seems to have the same effect on women as well. strange, no?

 

[SquirrelScammer]

Some peoples natural facial expressions just make them look like psychos or extremely pissed off. To be able to tell whether or not you would be able to look in a girls eyes and not smile, but have her still have a good opinion of you, look into your eyes in a mirror...if you saw someone looking at you with that face, what would you think? I myself usually smile when making eye contact, great results.

 

[Ironman23]

making eye contact, is the easy part, but I used to have the biggest porblem smiling at girls. I allways told my self I had an ugly smile, and I do, but its better then not showing any emotion at all.

Don
18

 

[trickynick]

I still need some practice at this, I don't have it down pat yet. One thing about me is that I have pretty big eyes, which women like, but if it seems as though I am staring it can kind of freak them out.

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You either own the game or it owns you!

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by Turbobird:
I will test this, TND. I also use to avoid gazing below a woman's eye level, but I usually let my eyes wander in side way in eye level. So, you never let the eyes of her while sitting together?

/Turbobird

[This message has been edited by Turbobird (edited 01-22-2002).]

By not allowing your eyes to go below the level of her eyes, you're forcing yourself not to look down at your feet and appear to her like you're shy or meek.

 

[Inspector Clouseau]

For the past week I've been implementing this new technique, I just now noticed one underlying pattern: in my successes thus far, which is relatively new, the good majority of women I made eye contact with were on my right side. This pattern made me recall the scientific fact people tend to notice things more down and on the right, as our eyes will drift in those directions.

So I'd like to add always try to get the woman to pass you on your right, or if you prefer, you pass on her right, which is the same thing. Granted, this is thinking too much into things, and it's more dependent on the situation and woman then your position relative to hers, but I'm a firm believer you should always take use of advantages whenever possible, albeit even small advantages.

The Inspector

[This message has been edited by Inspector Clouseau (edited 01-29-2002).]

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

For a long time I wore glasses, which actually made eye contact pretty difficult for me. I recently started wearing contacts and the difference is unbelievable... I am more able to make direct eye contact and also for some reason my eyes turn a brighter shade of blue. I've recently gotten a lot of compliments on my eyes... and it's really made a huge difference.

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CASANOVA

"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
Jim Horning

"Always love thy enemies, just in case all your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards."

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

[Squy]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
For a long time I wore glasses, which actually made eye contact pretty difficult for me. I recently started wearing contacts and the difference is unbelievable... I am more able to make direct eye contact

That is two of us!

Another down thing about contact-lenses except the cost, is that it makes me blink far more often (up to 3 times more than before).

Is blinking such a turn-down in making eyecontacts with girls? So far I KNOW it had been very successful, but again I was way too shy to attempt on making eyescontacts before.

 

[Monkey]

Originally posted by SquirrelScammer:
Some peoples natural facial expressions just make them look like psychos or extremely pissed off.

Although I've been told I have great eyes from past gfs, I have a certain look with quite heavy eyebrows which may be good for scaring off wild beasts but no so good for attracting women.

I usually have to smile quite obviously to compensate.

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Shoulda, woulda, coulda are the last words of a FOOL!

 

[tome4]

In her book Susan Rabin says that you should gaze in an area from chin to top of head,
but TNDs method is better by my experience,
because it does show great confidence.