Starting over at 31... need some inspiration

[tihash]

Hey guys,

I met my last gf on a cold approach in a bookstore. She was hot, hot, hot. First 6 months were great, went down from there (as I fell in love and allowed AFC-ness to take back over) and I dumped her yesterday because I caught her trying to cheat.

I need to get back out in the field, but let most of my friendships die off during the 2.5 year relationship. I'm 31, and feeling a bit old. I went to a bookstore today, and finally found a nice 20-something hottie, and just couldn't approach. I chaulked it up to still being depressed over the breakup only 24 hours ago. I wish I could just right back in the saddle, but my heart is still heavy.

One of my concerns is that I, of course, want a new girlfriend better in every respect than the last. That won't be hard on most fronts, as the ex was unreliable, untrustworthy, lazy, broke, etc. But, she was superhot and great in the sack.

Anyhow, should I be sarging right now? Should I take a few days off? I'm joining a gym on Monday, and also re-starting the Tony Robbins 30-day program on Monday.

I could hook up with party girls for fun, but cannot make one of them a gf, so I am not sure if going to bars/clubs is worthwhile. Plus I'd be going by myself. At least daytime game is normal if you are alone. (Part of my aversion to party girls is the ex tried to cheat when she was drunk, without me, at a club).

Anyhow, I know what the BIble says, etc, and thank goodness I'm not so bad off I need practice smiling at strangers, etc.

I know I need to approach, but I guess I feel like I'm not ready emotionally. And I'm quite rusty.

Any advice is appreciated.

Peace out.

 

[Interceptor]

I think one of the best notions to have is to let go of outcome.


Stop being outcome dependent at least for a while.

Try to just enjoy some femenin energy by interacting with women you like in a fun playful state.

Present yourself to them and let them decide if they want to further things along with you.

Dont' put so much pressure to 'perform' or 'impress'.
Don't "EXPECT" things.
"I NEED the PERFECT LINE! I need for this to be absolutely PERFECT!!"

fvck that


Go in their with a light hearted playful mood. As much as you can, everywhere you go.


tihash; "Hey what's up? I'm tihash. What's your name?"

Woman; "Oh, um hi. I'm Mary."

tihash: "Hello, mary. How's your day going so far?"

Mary: "OK, I guess.."

tihash: "Really? just OK? Well, we'll have to fix that> I'm a pirate! Come with me on my pirate ship!"

ust be light hearted. Nothing serious.
Dont go in thinking this woman MUST accept you. Or validate you.
Dont go in thinking she WILL be your girlfirend or wife.
Dont project that stuff onto her or the interaction.
"Dude! I HAVE to get this girl! If I don't , Im not a Man!! Fvck! I want her Soooo BAD! but shell probably think yada yda ..I need her attention! If not...Ill Ill DIE!!!"


Don't 'color' it with that.


Just be fun, man.
you: (grin) "hey whats up?"
just stand ther. becasue you KNOW it is perfectly OK to 'talk to a woman."

No one will arrest you.
No one will attack you or hurt you.

It is perfectly fine for a man to talk to a woman.

"Hey I think you're hot."

woman: 'Well thank you."

Stand there and chat or walk away. Who cares?
It's YOUR CHOICE.

 

[reset]

tihash I'm the same age and in a similar situation, I agree with Interceptor. It's not really the outcome that matters but more the pleasure that YOU TAKE from your interactions with women. If you aren't concerened with rejection or how you come off you can literally say anything to anyone and you win every time. This is what I intend on doing. Just start having fun.

 

[joekerr31]

interceptor is bang on.

i'd like to add the following though...

after getting dumped your out of practice, nervous, over thinking things (especially outcomes), etc.

what you need to ask yourself when you wake up in the morning is the following:

Will life lead me to where am I suppose to go today and will I follow?


there are no coincidences in life brother. instead of seeing a hot woman you must see life greeting you. she was put there by life, for you. perhaps to get a date, perhaps simply to chat, perhaps to build your character, who knows.

the store could be filled with 50 other people, but you don't notice any of them. because they were not put there for you.

you did not cross her path by accident, life put her right in front of you on purpose. today you chose to step around that which life put in front of you instead of greeting it. perhaps tomorrow and the day after you will not turn around and walk the other way when life greets you.

(disclaimer: my advice tonight is colored by a cool meditative video i'm listening to as i type http://youtube.com/watch?v=NmA-dWdaI5k )

 

[reset]

Damn if life hasn't given me some character building women in the last couple years. I was actually wondering to myself just now, what the purpose was. Probably to get me here.

 

[joekerr31]

Damn if life hasn't given me some character building women in the last couple years. I was actually wondering to myself just now, what the purpose was. Probably to get me here.

when you think of the fact that the universe is a gazillion trillion billion miles in diameter, and that in all this cold inhospitable space this tiny little planet exists that created life. then think about how out of a gazillion sperm that your dad released in his time alive, out of all of them, you were the one chosen for life.

i don't know, the complexity and magnitude of it all really makes you think about how nothing is really random and that everything you are being put through has unfolded for a reason - one that might not reveal itself for years to come.

i don't believe in accidents - i really think there is way more to what is going on in our lives than we realize.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The LTR breakup rule is about 1/3 of the length of the ltr is the time required to fully recover. Regardless of how long it takes you, take your time. Waiting a month or two is normal.

 

[jophil28]

Ok, at what point did you realize that she was .."reliable ,untrustworthy ..and so on ?"
I will bet London to a brick that some of these character defects emerged early in the relationship and you just looked the other way because she was HOT...am I right? You do realize that women like this make their way in the world by hooking men into "pvssyland ", don't you ?
THis is our dilemma as men -we are attracted to HOT women, but these same women are not particularly interested in acting with respect and decency because they can get their wants and needs met just by throwing themselves on their backs with their legs in the air.
After a while they tire of you because they can mold you easily, and so they start up the same game with the next unaware victim who interprets their flirty mannerisms as genuine interest.
Go there at your peril ..

 

[Last Man Standing]

She didn't "cheat" on you because you were AFC - she so-called "cheated" because she is untrustworthy because she is not in sync with her femininity!! Only committed virgins are in their true feminine state and thus trustworthy!!

 

[romangod]

Hey guys,


Anyhow, should I be sarging right now? Should I take a few days off? I'm joining a gym on Monday, and also re-starting the Tony Robbins 30-day program on Monday.

II know I need to approach, but I guess I feel like I'm not ready emotionally. And I'm quite rusty.

Any advice is appreciated.

Peace out.

You' ve gotten some great advice from some of our best posters. I'll throw in my 2 cents.


I think it is time to regroup and spend some time by yourself. BB is correct with: The LTR breakup rule is about 1/3 of the length of the ltr is the time required to fully recover. Regardless of how long it takes you, take your time. Waiting a month or two is normal.
The rebound "thing" is just a panacea to keep you from dealing with the real internal issues of the break up. The EGO will play games with you and will lead you down the wrong path of fully learning and growing from this failed relationship.

After a 3 year LTR went bad for me it took me almost a year to come to terms with it. I tried the rebound approach and ended up hurting a great gal because I wasn't in a position to let go of my old flame. It seemed right at the time, but in hindsight it was the worst thing I could do.

If I were you I'd concentrate on rekindling your neglected friendships, keep going to the gym and mostly dig deep inside yourself and challenge your issues head on. You'll come out wiser, happier and ready to move on to the next phase of your life as a Mature Man. Cheers!

 

[reset]

I guess this beats "GFTOW", lol. Things like this force us to deal with our issues. I'm assuming most guys, would rather not, and like romangod said, just go out and rebound. That's the "macho" thing to do, but you're a human and this is life and it's times like these you learn about what makes you tick, and don't worry so much about what you think you "should" do, if that's not where your head's at.

 

[tihash]

Guys, I just wanted to say thank you for all of the great advice on here. I would feel like an a$$ posting again after all the advice without heeding some of it. Bottom line is I finally got over my AA tonight and approached 4 girls in a bookstore. I was rusty, and didn't attempt to close, but getting past the anxiety was a huge, huge turning point for me. I'll be posting my approaches in a journal over onj the main part of the forum so other can give me pointers and so I can improve. Thanks again!