Sorry Brothers..Need to fess up.

[fuko2007]

Let me start out by saying Thanks to alot of guys out there. Adam225, Pimp scicle, Bible Belt, paroyalflush, Plates Empty, and alot of other guys for good advice. Advice that i have used and it helped me in many areas in my life. Most of yall know my story and what brought me here.

Well i took yall's advice and walked away from a girl who we all think is a bpd. Just like yall said she came back again and i not only lied to myself but i lied to yall. I said i would never go back and i did. Please no roasting i did do the right thing this time and walked and also mad sure i burned that bridge as to never go back. This was just something i needed to get off my chest as i feel i let all you guys down.

I am crushed right now because just like we talked about the second time around it is much worse than the first. I feel like im the bpd one now. And for some of you new guys out there remember this. Always take these guys advice, when i did i was on top of the world with my job , family life, and with women. Now im the empty shell of what once was a man. But the part that hurts the most is letting the people down in my life like you guys also.

It will take time to heal but this time i give all of you my word that i will do it right. SS is a good thing and ive made alot of good friends on here, so any help and or support or words of wisdom you could share to help get me back up on my feet would be kindly accepted. Once again sorry guys for letting yall down.

Thanks , Fuko2007

 

[abe0]

fuko007....dude...bpd are powerful people and its like a heroin addiction. It took me 4 times of going back before I finally woke up.....and she still sends me texts 6 months later which I ignore. It scarred me forever and made me wake up. Just do not do it again....Abe

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks abe0. Nice to get a response, I wont be going back. But like you said its an addiction im fighting it right now. Its somewhere inbetween heart break and anger then heartbreak again. But i will not and i say again i will not go back. Its caused so much trouble in my professional life as well as my personal life i cant do it anymore. I just cant wait until the day comes that i'm over this feeling.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Have you done the no contact challenge? I'd recommend starting there my man, that's where you'll get the best advice and support. I could have used it.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

 

[fuko2007]

Yeh ive dont it before...finished it and went back to the girl. But im going to start it. need to post up to start day one.

 

[fuko2007]

Yeh , sorry i got your name all messed up pairplusroyalflush. You gave me alot of advice good advice. Wish i had stuck to it man. Guess the old saying hindsight is 20/20 was right. But thanks for all the good advice in the past man.

 

[Warrior74]

Don't beat yourself up too much. If people are on SS its because they've made mistakes.

 

[Willard]

I've been no contact with my BPD g/f for a couple of weeks. It gets better with time.

I've been seeing a girl who treats me the way I should be treated and that helped, but we don't really have chemistry.

The other day I met a 25 yo cutie, I have real chemistry with her, it made me realize I can have the same or better feelings for someone that is healthy for me. She shows me respect, kindness, and she is a genuinely nice person who I am very attracted to.

I read this article, It really made sense to me, I know know the BPD girl was poison, like being addicted to a deadly drug, be happy you survived. In a few weeks maybe a few months you will be happier than ever, and grateful you are over the addiction.

http://www.avoiceformen.com/women/borderline-personality-disorder-sick-or-just-crazy-*******/

one of the best comments to the article I think is this one:

Paul is exactly right. I was married for a long while, and without warning she left. I dated just a bit and then met this sexy looking attractive women. She was so accommodating so nice, so sexy, and yes, I was her knight in shinning armor listening to how everyone in her life mistreated her badly, and all her family was insane jealous yahoo’s of her success and her looks. She also had no friends and the ones she did, didn’t last long. Engaged 4 times, married 3, and all kind of weird actions and big red flags I ignored because she was so into me, and I could do no wrong, she would constantly tell me how no other guy comes close and would admire me constantly and hang on every word . That was the hook, that was the honeymoon along with all the sexual moves and sex, and then suddenly the worm turned. She would make up stories that never happen, or accuse me of flirting, without cause. We would be at restaurants holding hands gazing lovingly in each other eyes and without a word to even ignite anything would just explode to the point that I had to abruptly leave the dinner and put up with her screaming and punching me in the car calling me names etc. Then my next day, this would die. Many , and I mean many things like this would happen, and then she call and ask me to come over and make love to her. The needle from hate to love moved so quickly, back and forth, you walked on eggshells. I would walk away saying this is it she is ****ing crazy, and then after 2-3 days I be getting nice calls or calls saying I caused this by not doing this or that and crying that prove I didn’t really love her. Whatever, it was never her fault, always mine. So at times, I was comforting her for feeling sad. (Amazing, isn’t it)

No matter how nice or even if you apologized for something you didn’t do, it didn’t matter. It was insanity at best yet, I was so hooked, I would passively let it go by waiting for her to returning to her adoring state.

Bottom line, and I know this sounds stupid, but it is very hard to stay away from these women, whether they break up with you or you them and break ups happened many times without any sense and there is no reasoning with them. It doesn’t matter how calmly and logical it is.

Again, do not get involved, run like Paul says, but they mess you up so so bad inside your head and soul, that you still have thoughts of returning even knowing it will be the death of you and that’s regardless if your dating or found someone who you really like.

It just hard to break away and the only way is to cut off everything because they will want you back, they can’t stand it. Whatever they say, is not really true, well maybe for the moment, but it’s nothing more than to manipulate you. You’ll be sorry if you go back. Maybe not in the beginning but trust me, you’ll burn. It’s a very bad drug you need to stay away from. Part of the allure is the fantasy in your own mind about them. They will not change, they cannot change, no matter how nice, or strict or boundaries you may think you can set up. Do not contact them ever!! I made mistakes regarding this and still feeling the pain. Oh yes, you will feel pain, but do not equates this with it’s love and you must return. True love isn’t this. Anyone on these sites that boast they can have a meaningful relationship with these people are wrong. I seen the articles saying you need to do this or that, and don’t give in, and be strong. They are just taking you for a ride, a ride into hell I may add. Remember, BPD women can talk the talk and seem masterful about relationships and things. For the most part they are intelligent!! DON’T TOUCH NO MATTER HOW SMART, HOW ACCOMPLISH, HOW CONFIDENT YOU ARE. IT WILL DESTROY YOU! STAY THE HELL AWAY!

 

[Willard]

Listen to this song, it made me fell much better!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ

 

[fuko2007]

Wow williard that pretty much summed us up. She is very smart good looking and also 15 years older than me.She is also divorced and has broken off an engagement before but made the guys out to be aholes. She had friends, guy friends that would come around every so often because something would make her mad with them. Then me, she gave great sex and wanted to spend all the time in the world with me. Then BAM she went cold and distant. If i said anything anything at all she would blow up and cuss and scream etc at me. Then at the end it was your fault and she was victim.

Her thing was though she would get to go "to dinner" with her guy friends but if i did anything she got mad and would start stuff. The reason i ended it was bc she started her i cant do this 24/7 thing bailed on me the day before valentines day and got mad when i was upset and made it out to be my fault. And all the cold and distant stuff. The topping on the cake was why cant we be friends?..ha what a bull*hit line.

But i know what the deal is. She has someone else either new or pulled one of the old guys down form orbit for a roller coaster ride. Then she will get bored and come back around only to not find me anymore. I wonder when her abandonment fears will come into play?

 

[fuko2007]

Good song also man

 

[Don_Dom]

Don't beat yourself up too much. If people are on SS its because they've made mistakes.

Exactly. You gotta break the rules at least once to realize why they work.

Keep your chin up. Hope it passes and you get back in the saddle soon.

 

[abe0]

This is how addicting these people are. Even after this woman f^cking up more than anyone I have ever dated....I have received three texts since Valentines.....I want soooooo badly to respond, see her. f... her, listen to sing to me, hold me.....I want it sooooo badly. I feel like an alcoholic who has been sober and there is a glass of wine waiting for him just 12 inches in front of his nose. He can smell it...he can taste it...he can feel it make his life come alive again. But he knows once he starts....he is doomed again.
I just can not believe that I have discussed this with several friends about if I should respond to her.
So...bottom line....I know how it feels and it is tough to stay strong. But, strong you must. Abe

 

[Atom Smasher]

It is true that every man who has dealt with a BPD has yo-yoed back & forth several times till the final break, when the pain of the relationship outweighed the pain of perceived loss.

There is absolutely no shame in it. The BPD has an uncanny ability to hack the male psyche and get direct access to his hard-wiring, as I've said before. Just like a drug.

Therefore breaking away is precisely like overcoming a drug addiction. You're sick for a while from the core shock, but then you start to heal.

Always remember, you loved what you wanted her to be, an idealized construct made up in your mind, and not who she actually was.

It is literally impossible for a man to even remotely understand what a relationship with a BPD is until he experiences it for himself. To all who read this... study up on the symptoms, and run as if your very life depended on it when you see one. If not, then abandon all hope, ye who enter here...

 

[Valentino14]

don't worry about it, heck even guys go back to normal girlfriends and get screwed over again. Nows the time to get your head clear from the whole mess and start enjoying yourself. Start up a new hobby which will help you out a lot.

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks guys, got a question though. Through all the bs i went through with her like having to watch everything i said and all the emotional outbursts even after she was mean as hell and said get out of my life etc etc did yall ever have one say something like " I only want good things for you" and " i choose to believe we can still be friends sometime" after you walked? Got that crap the first time i walked away and she said pretty much the same thing this time also. Is that their way of trying to make you feel bad?

Edit: And forgot did they also have another guy when they droped you on your head?

 

[Willard]

After the best weekend we ever had together, I got home from Canada on a Tuesday. On Wednesday she told me that she was going to meet with her previous long distance ex who is planning on moving to Canada in the future. She said she wanted to see if she had the same feelings for him. She wanted to be friends talk and text every day still. I told her I couldn't keep in contact because I'd never get over her. At the end of the conversation I told her she can call me sometime in the future. I got one last email where she said she was going to see if the relationship with the previous guy would work out. I'm not sure if she was being nice and telling me to forget about her, or playing some sick game. Side note, she is very wealthy, and the new guy is extremely rich, I'm not, so that might have factored into it.

She did mention a few times that if things didn't work out with us in the near future, she always wanted to be friends, also she told me If I was to get together with someone else and have kids, that we would still get together in the future because we were meant to be together.

To be honest I still get sad sometimes, even though I don't really think about her that much. I went out on a date with a woman last night who is quite attractive, and we got along great, but I'm kind of sad now.

Tonight I'm going to see a 25 yo girl I met last week, I have a lot of chemistry with her, after she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek it was like the ex didn't exist, because I was so attracted to her. I'm hoping things go well tonight, because I want to completely forget about the ex. She is still on my Facebook, I've been posting pics of me and a girl I've been seeing for a while, she's pretty but we don't really have chemistry.

In summary, I'm still a little messed up over this evil woman, I know I'll be over her soon enough, but in the back of my mind I still want to be FWB with her, the sex was so great, I think I might be able to bang her without any feelings when she visits Florida with her friends sometime in the future.

That's why I didn't block her number and I left her on Facebook.

I don't think she is trying to make you feel bad, I think she wants you to be around when she feels sad and lonely.

The last BPD girl came knocking on my door after 9 months of no contact. I had sex with her once and I didn't care about her at all. I actually blew her off because the sex wasn't really worth having to spend a few hours with her.

I guess if I get into a great relationship with a future I'll get her off my Facebook and block her number on my phone. I wouldn't want to risk something really good for some great sex.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks guys, got a question though. Through all the bs i went through with her like having to watch everything i said and all the emotional outbursts even after she was mean as hell and said get out of my life etc etc did yall ever have one say something like " I only want good things for you" and " i choose to believe we can still be friends sometime" after you walked? Got that crap the first time i walked away and she said pretty much the same thing this time also. Is that their way of trying to make you feel bad?

Edit: And forgot did they also have another guy when they droped you on your head?

That is standard procedure for them. They actually "feel" this when they say it.

Some will break up without another guy in the picture. When they break up, they are in 12 year old mode.

 

[Willard]

This article, the attraction I have for the 25 yo I'm interested in, and watching the movie Revolutionary Road finally gave me closure. I don't feel sad anymore.
The article helps greatly with recovery, the attraction I feel for the new girl is very real, she doesn't have any type of disorder, and we are taking it super slow. The movie showed me what being married to a BPD woman would be like.

http://gettinbetter.com/key.html

 

[fuko2007]

I need to watch then. Atom Smasher is dead on to. I have or am supposed to have a girl i met on pof coming into town saturday. But we all know how flakey they are. My text game was pretty tight last night lastnight. Got respones back almost as soon as i sent one back. I just hope she shows or my ego will take a blow since im down. Rejection really never botherd me until now.

I will screen this girl though much better than i did with the other girl. BPD's are a strange thing, almost a freak of nature or an enigma sent down to test us. The road to getting back to where we need to be is long and slow i believe but we can make it. Is it my ego that makes me so mad and jelous to think she is out fvcking another guy?