"Something was missing"...reevaluation of self

[BackInTheGame78]

Is what I was told by a woman I recently went on a date with, and the subject of my last post regarding recent issues getting second dates...

I know what this means, obviously, I didn't get her sexually excited enough, which apparently must be my issue recently but unsure where I have lost my way...perhaps I'm getting too comfortable. Not sure.

She said she thought I was good looking and in shape and even though she made out with me several times on the date and for almost 30 mins in the car, while this was going on she knew "something was missing".

Further proof that kissing means pretty much zero on a date. Funny thing is, I wasn't acting "nice", we started playing darts and after she went the first time she was standing there as if waiting for me to get then and I tell her "The darts aren't going to just get themselves, go get them", and when she ended up losing we made a bet that she had to buy me a drink and then tried to give me the money to get it and I told her "No, buying me a drink means paying for it and handing it to me". So she dud, went back and sat down, and then asked her "where's my lime?" And made her go back and get me one...

So the worst part was when she said I was a "fun nice guy"...I was not being nice at all, kinda douchy in fact! Wtf! Didn't always agree with her, teased her quite a bit, and did some push pull...

So I guess I need to step up my douchiness to a new level and escalate more.

Further proof why you should always go for sex on the first date...the only defense you have against this BS, since no matter how well you think the first date went, she will analyze it AFTER leaving you and decide if she wants to see you again, so you won't be able to do anything about it. Only thing you can do to tip the odds is fvck her senseless and give her orgasms and then the same guy she has all kinds of chemistry with.

Never believe that your looks and having fun is enough with a woman. It's not.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Keep in mind that sometimes you're just not their type. You could have done everything right and she still may not have wanted to go on a 2nd date.

Here's an example.

I met up with a girl who was 5'2, blond, very thin, socially active, friendly, moderately charming, well-off financially, educated, and mild mannered. We went out 2x and on the second date I kissed her goodnight. Why did I wait until the 2nd date? BECAUSE KISSING MEANS NOTHING. Getting a kiss early doesn't help you at all, unless you escalate right then and there to f-ing. After the 2nd date I decided not to see her again because there was just something missing. She was very attractive and whatnot, but aside from general horniness, I just didn't want to keep spending time with her and I didn't feel myself very attracted to her.

I honestly don't think there's anything that I could have "told" her to do differently, short of being a different person, that would have changed my mind. When you know your type, you'll know what isn't your type. It's a part of personal growth. Same holds true for women and their "type."

 

[MOTU]

OP, it's interesting to me that you had a conversation about how she felt about you, that early on. How did it come up?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP, it's interesting to me that you had a conversation about how she felt about you, that early on. How did it come up?

Basically told her I was busy this week and we should get together next week sometime and she said "we can try sure", which I knew was a BS answer.

So I sent back "not sure what to make of that"
And she sent some BS about her being really busy and her son working crazy hours(she has to drop off and pick him up), and the holiday season.

I knew it was pretty much done at this point so I said F it, I need to figure out what's going on recently so I can readjust myself. I sent back "Understandable...just thought you would be more interested in seeing me again"

Then she says some nonsense about the holidays putting a damper on things and not knowing what she really wants and wanting to stay friends and see what happens after the holidays, etc...typical nonsense. So i keep pushing to get info and say "I'm not friends with women in that way, and I'm not waiting for you to make a better decision for yourself either. Out of curiosity, how does a woman go from being interested to uninterested over a few days?"

And that's when she said what she said. Yeah it might have been wimpy or retarded or beta or whatever but I don't give a fvck. Need to get a grasp on what's happening from their view and correct it. I believe she gave me an honest assessment, so now its up to me to fix it

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I think it's because you are focusing on her and she feels that. She doesn't feel like you have any other honest passion that you strive for. From what I read, it was like you were aiming for a lay and she almost sensed that in a way. Maybe she doesn't see you improving your financial situation or your social status. And sometimes you may want social proof to help you out a bit.

It's hard to explain, but let me give you an example: you are talking to her about random crap (giving her attention) then you suddenly become aloof and mind your own business (not giving attention). So you are good on the attention part where scarcity = value, but were you giving your attention to something that or someone who could be important? No, you were just simply not talking to her. So basically, you were giving all of your attention to her, and not to anything else. You didn't give a lot of attention, but the little that you gave out was ONLY to HER.

That is what I mean. And maybe you weren't like that. That was just what I think happened. And maybe you didn't kino FAR enough. Also, you have to remember that this is just one chick. If you scored with lots of others but with this specific one you didn't, then it doesn't matter. It's just when this happens repeatedly over and over and over again that there is something that we can work on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think it's because you are focusing on her and she feels that. She doesn't feel like you have any other honest passion that you strive for. From what I read, it was like you were aiming for a lay and she almost sensed that in a way. Maybe she doesn't see you improving your financial situation or your social status. And sometimes you may want social proof to help you out a bit.

It's hard to explain, but let me give you an example: you are talking to her about random crap (giving her attention) then you suddenly become aloof and mind your own business (not giving attention). So you are good on the attention part where scarcity = value, but were you giving your attention to something that or someone who could be important? No, you were just simply not talking to her. So basically, you were giving all of your attention to her, and not to anything else. You didn't give a lot of attention, but the little that you gave out was ONLY to HER.

That is what I mean. And maybe you weren't like that. That was just what I think happened. And maybe you didn't kino FAR enough. Also, you have to remember that this is just one chick. If you scored with lots of others but with this specific one you didn't, then it doesn't matter. It's just when this happens repeatedly over and over and over again that there is something that we can work on.

Well, I don't think this is the case, although I appreciate your insight. This WAS the case when first became single about 6 months ago. I really killed a chance with a hot blonde who was on me by doing this. Since then I have been doing quite good up until the past 5 or 6 dates. I have 3 to 4 plates I see semi-regularly to regularly. I work a lot of hours and I go to the gym religiously. Honestly a woman, even if I'm really into her at this point is only getting maybe 5-10% of my attention, and that is probably STILL too much.


Not sure what it is...maybe I've gotten into a comfort zone since I have been doing relatively well and just assume that everything will go the way I want it to without me following the steps I need to follow to make it happen. Kinda like a pro athlete who becomes really good, then stops doing all the hard work like studying film, staying after practice to do more work, etc and starts to see his results diminish...

I definitely know I need to project more sexuality towards them after this. The whole "something missing" is simply sexual chemistry or sexual interest and that is wholly on me to fix that part of the interaction...

 

[stevo]

Not sure what it is...maybe I've gotten into a comfort zone since I have been doing relatively well and just assume that everything will go the way I want it to without me following the steps I need to follow to make it happen.

Dont confuse yourself bro. Those are the steps! what you described is called self confidence.

You are indeed putting too much attention as to the "why not" rather than "how you felt".

Who cares if she thinks you're a nice guy and bla the bla

How do you feel you did on the date?

If it was me in that situation with the whole back and forth with her trying to boss you around like some kid, I WOULD NOT CONSIDER HER FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN A PLATE!

The only area you might have disappointed is right here

she made out with me several times on the date and for almost 30 mins in the car

You dont call it a night after a heated session like that, that's just rude making her hot and bothered only for you to wave goodbye. Why should she see you after that? I honestly wouldnt expect her to. She probably thought you didnt have a dikc like one of pook's reading.

That's what's missing. That's why she thinks you're nice (too nice you thought she'd break if you fondled her).

She probably planned so much to make that night happen (babysitter and all) and you do not fcuk her? Common man!

Next time, forget the why. Why did she flake, why didnt she like me, why did she grab my balls, why this, why that. Completely forget the why, its a trap to over-analyzing.

As for the woman, you missed your chance. Kissing doesnt mean much these days but guess what neither does seks oh neither does "I love you". They'll fcuk you like you're King Kong and they've move on like nothing happened, if it's all a game and who cares more loses. . . why the fcuk should I care.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dont confuse yourself bro. Those are the steps! what you described is called self confidence.

You are indeed putting too much attention as to the "why not" rather than "how you felt".

Who cares if she thinks you're a nice guy and bla the bla

How do you feel you did on the date?

If it was me in that situation with the whole back and forth with her trying to boss you around like some kid, I WOULD NOT CONSIDER HER FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN A PLATE!

The only area you might have disappointed is right here

You dont call it a night after a heated session like that, that's just rude making her hot and bothered only for you to wave goodbye. Why should she see you after that? I honestly wouldnt expect her to. She probably thought you didnt have a dikc like one of pook's reading.

That's what's missing. That's why she thinks you're nice (too nice you thought she'd break if you fondled her).

She probably planned so much to make that night happen (babysitter and all) and you do not fcuk her? Common man!

Next time, forget the why. Why did she flake, why didnt she like me, why did she grab my balls, why this, why that. Completely forget the why, its a trap to over-analyzing.

As for the woman, you missed your chance. Kissing doesnt mean much these days but guess what neither does seks oh neither does "I love you". They'll fcuk you like you're King Kong and they've move on like nothing happened, if it's all a game and who cares more loses. . . why the fcuk should I care.

Holy fvck...how could I be such a retard!!!

Thinking back to that, I had all the signs she wanted me to rail her...I kept pulling away and she kept pulling me back in to kiss me more...I remember her starting to breathe heavier as I was grabbing her ass through her jeans, and I probably even failed a sh!t test because she was rubbing her hands up and down my pecs and squeezing them and I asked if she liked grabbing those muscles and she was like "Oh yeah...but you don't get to grab mine until I let you...those are the rules".

Should have looked at her, grabbed them and said "Fvck your rules, I only play by my own rules"...

Even going back to her text she sent its pretty clear..."while it was going on I realized something was missing"...

Yeah, what was missing is she wanted me to pound her into oblivion and I just walked away....uugggh!!!

I was tired and it was after 1:30am...had to work the next morning...should have just asked her if she wanted to go somewhere more private...

Fvck!! I'm a retard!! Smack me now!

 

[GS750]

Could be. Or maybe you're overanalyzing. Girls are fickle. Maybe she was into you but changed her mind, or there's another guy she's more into, or she found you attractive but felt that you didn't click, or she's decided to get back with her ex, etc. Maybe if you move on and forget about her you'll hear from her in a few weeks. Focus on what you did RIGHT throughout the interaction.