So...
Lately I've fallen into this mental state of depression, or something akin to it.
It's not that my circumstances or situation is bad. Things are good for me, relatively speaking - It could be worse.
It just seems as though I've lived for 21 years and I've got nothing to show for it.
Came across a few of my old classmates a few days ago and they all seem so accomplished!
A few of them are studying to be doctors,
Some have traveled the globe, met really interesting people,
Some are in their final year of university education with great vocational degrees (pharmacists, VETS, dentists).
Some have done all of the above.
Comparatively speaking I'm in a degree that I'm using as a foothold to get me into graduate medicine... and it's not going well.
I've failed a lot of subjects, my GPA has been shot and it'll take a sh1tload of effort to graduate with grades that will help me accomplish my dream. It's not the hard-work that's getting me all down though.
I made some fcked up decisions, did things i regret and fcking dug myself this hole - I accept full responsibility, and pray dearly to God that it won't kick my @ss too hard. What gets to me though, is that through-out secondary schooling I held my own against these guys, hell I had better academic achievements then a lot of those mentioned above. What the fck went so wrong?!
So i read it's not healthy to compare yourself to others, like that's so easy not to do. When i see them, i see what i could have done and it gets to me. I look back at some of my decisions and think, wtf?!
These thoughts are also reoccur so damned frequently. I'll pick myself up mentally and strive to bunker down and get through this sh1t and bam, so and so has just achieved another awesome achievement. Then I'll be all down again. such a mental state is not helpful in picking up women either.
So It'll take at least another 2 years for me to finish this undergrad degree, then once i get into grad school, that's another 4 years of schooling. By the time I'm earning I'll be 28. Plus I need to get further training and education towards specific specializations. It's all very long and daunting, but it's what i want.
Meanwhile the others guys are earning $$$ a LOT earlier, and are living the dream. They also seem so... free.
There is a mental cloud of these thoughts in constant orbit in my mind. When did i get so fcking sensitive and INSECURE? Jealousy and envy are not traits that i want. Remember that awesome girl i mentioned in my earlier thread? Envy and jealousy exploded out of me so suddenly. It took everything i had to run damage control. i don't think it was enough either - we'll have to see. Definitely the antithesis to the Don Juan.
Please help...
Lately I've fallen into this mental state of depression, or something akin to it.
It's not that my circumstances or situation is bad. Things are good for me, relatively speaking - It could be worse.
It just seems as though I've lived for 21 years and I've got nothing to show for it.
Came across a few of my old classmates a few days ago and they all seem so accomplished!
A few of them are studying to be doctors,
Some have traveled the globe, met really interesting people,
Some are in their final year of university education with great vocational degrees (pharmacists, VETS, dentists).
Some have done all of the above.
Comparatively speaking I'm in a degree that I'm using as a foothold to get me into graduate medicine... and it's not going well.
I've failed a lot of subjects, my GPA has been shot and it'll take a sh1tload of effort to graduate with grades that will help me accomplish my dream. It's not the hard-work that's getting me all down though.
I made some fcked up decisions, did things i regret and fcking dug myself this hole - I accept full responsibility, and pray dearly to God that it won't kick my @ss too hard. What gets to me though, is that through-out secondary schooling I held my own against these guys, hell I had better academic achievements then a lot of those mentioned above. What the fck went so wrong?!
So i read it's not healthy to compare yourself to others, like that's so easy not to do. When i see them, i see what i could have done and it gets to me. I look back at some of my decisions and think, wtf?!
These thoughts are also reoccur so damned frequently. I'll pick myself up mentally and strive to bunker down and get through this sh1t and bam, so and so has just achieved another awesome achievement. Then I'll be all down again. such a mental state is not helpful in picking up women either.
So It'll take at least another 2 years for me to finish this undergrad degree, then once i get into grad school, that's another 4 years of schooling. By the time I'm earning I'll be 28. Plus I need to get further training and education towards specific specializations. It's all very long and daunting, but it's what i want.
Meanwhile the others guys are earning $$$ a LOT earlier, and are living the dream. They also seem so... free.
There is a mental cloud of these thoughts in constant orbit in my mind. When did i get so fcking sensitive and INSECURE? Jealousy and envy are not traits that i want. Remember that awesome girl i mentioned in my earlier thread? Envy and jealousy exploded out of me so suddenly. It took everything i had to run damage control. i don't think it was enough either - we'll have to see. Definitely the antithesis to the Don Juan.
Please help...
