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So where did I f**k up? Or did I?

Tony197

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First date. Met a girl for drinks on a Wednesday. Had a great time. Conversation was strong. Chemistry was great. Invited her back to my place. She was open and receptive.

We went through 1st and 2nd bases, but she didn't want to go any further, so I backed off. At no point was she a cold fish or offended. If anything she appreciated my eagerness. She kept playfully saying "You're the worst" and laughing. Night ended with a kiss.

It was midnight, so I asked her to text me when she got home. She didn't, so an hour later I texted "You home?" She said yes, I texted "Had a great time. Call you later."

Next afternoon, Friday, called her. No answer. Texted next day (yes, a Saturday, but it was during the day) texted "You free this week?" No response.

So clearly I f**ked up somewhere. Where? I don't want to drop this plate, as I think she's a lot of fun. Too aggressive? Too needy? Give it a week and call?
 

Glassguy

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Too aggressive and came off as needy by already asking "are you free this weekend".

Step back and lay off this chick. If she is really interested it wont take long before she texts you. I also never say "Had a great time" but I do ask them to text me and let me know they made it back ok, especially if drinking was involved. I ALWAYS leave it to them to say "Had a great time". Wait a week, if you hear nothing, send her a "Hey" and leave it alone for her to respond. I would probably not ask her out again and see if she offers to meet up.
 

Poon King

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Too thirsty.

Relax. Remember that too much availability comes across as low value, desperation and lacking abundance. There is no value in something too easy to attain.

Don't be a stage 5 clinger. The woman should always care more about the relationship than you do. ALWAYS.
 

Filter

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Leave it to her to make contact after the first date.

Just let her sit for a while and wait until she contacts you.
 

Juanto

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Do you guys always ask the girl to send a message when she gets home after meeting you? Doesnt it come across as a bit too much at an early stage (talking about 1st and 2nd dates)?
 

Glassguy

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Do you guys always ask the girl to send a message when she gets home after meeting you? Doesnt it come across as a bit too much at an early stage (talking about 1st and 2nd dates)?
If I know the chick is high interest level, yes.

If the date was so so and I either think her interest level was low or mine was with her, no. If mine was low it's a good stopping point and I just move on.

If I think her interest level was lower than what I am looking for, I go ghost and wait for her to initiate. Let her think a out it for a few days. If they think you're not all that into them it will surprise you how not contacting them right after a date will get them wondering and peak their interest
 

Big dog

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If she was not cold fish/offended like you claim, that's when you had to seal the deal.
 

Filter

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I don't tell her to contact me after a date. I don't see anything wrong with doing it if you think she's really into you, but I have never had a girl not contact me after a good first date.

The "text me when you get home" concept is fine but most women that want to see me again text me anyway.
 

Trump

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Do you guys always ask the girl to send a message when she gets home after meeting you? Doesnt it come across as a bit too much at an early stage (talking about 1st and 2nd dates)?
It's not about being needy. It's about if something happens to her, her family friends and police at your door itching to arrest you. If she texts she "got home safely" you are generally off the hook.

Always think ahead.
 

daddymonsterpoodle

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Don't sweat it... Might not have been you at all.
 

Tony197

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If she was not cold fish/offended like you claim, that's when you had to seal the deal.
Nope. She said "no" and I wasn't going to change her mind that night. Anything more aggressive could've f**ked things up royally for me.

What's the likelihood I was too sexual, which she interpreted as "He's only interested in sex."? Mind you, we did only meet for drinks, and I only met her once before at a coffee shop. Because calling and texting two days after a great date doesn't strike me as needy/desperate.

If I don't hear back after a week, is calling/texting a bad idea? I won't be butthurt, just re-instigating contact.
 

Filter

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Nope. She said "no" and I wasn't going to change her mind that night. Anything more aggressive could've f**ked things up royally for me.

What's the likelihood I was too sexual, which she interpreted as "He's only interested in sex."? Mind you, we did only meet for drinks, and I only met her once before at a coffee shop. Because calling and texting two days after a great date doesn't strike me as needy/desperate.

If I don't hear back after a week, is calling/texting a bad idea? I won't be butthurt, just re-instigating contact.
If you wait a week to contact her, that's fine. I usually try to get women out 2-3 times before giving up. However, if she goes a week without contacting you, it isn't the best sign. In the meantime, pursue other women.

In my experience, yes, pursuing sex aggressively will lead some women to believe you only want sex. I think it's also how you're perceived by them though. I knew my last girlfriend for a few months before we got together, and she declined all of my first few attempts at getting her out for a drink. When we finally got together, she told me she thought I only wanted sex given the reputation she thought I had. One of my current FWBs also says this kind of stuff but in her case, she's right.

No means no, but if you have a woman alone and you try to escalate the situation, take two steps back, then go two steps forward. I will always try for sex a couple of times. I guess this behavior can be interpreted as aggressive, or like I only want sex, but pursuing intercourse aggressively (again, no does mean no), usually works out in my favor. You have to be smooth about it though, and not needy or creepy. Usually if a woman is alone at your place with you, she has thought about screwing you... no two ways about it. She may be concerned about how you see her if she gives it up easily, she might be having second thoughts, etc.

There was a really good article I read a very long time ago about being seen as a lover versus as a provider. Provider is more of a boyfriend role. Nothing wrong with that, but the article suggested making the woman see you as a lover (whom she'll fvck sooner and more like in-line with her nature of wanting to be fvcked like a slut) as opposed to someone that she sees more long-term potential with. It's funny because if you really like her, it's easier to transition into a more boyfriend role after you've given her great and kinky sex than it is to transition from the provider role to lover role.

If a woman really won't fvck me at my place or hers, then what I'll do is pull her shirt up (not off) and do the same to mine and lay on top of her so there's a lot of skin on skin contact. I'll lick her stomach and eventually try to take more of her clothing off.

I don't think you can be too aggressive as long as you're smooth about it. One girl wouldn't screw me the night of our first date and I literally whipped my penis out, unsolicited, and while she objected then, she called me the next day and I was inside of her within 18 hours of our first date.

Just be smooth and cool about it, she wants to fvck just as bad as you do.

This all said, women do have "fat days" and a whole list of insecurities (bloating, period, etc.) that may make her want to not have sex right then and there. A girl I dated a very long time ago wouldn't give it up the first night we made out for three plus hours. After questioning her about it a month later, she told me I had made a comment that I prefer shaved vaginas and that her's wasn't shaved as short as she thought I would have liked... just go with the flow man. Who knows why she hasn't responded. If a woman is into you, a lot of the man's actions that could be interpreted as neediness are forgiven and/or not picked up upon. My two cents, anyway.

I also think that if a woman likes you and she believes that you're only interested in sex, she'll still want to see you again and see what's actually up with you. I really don't think you can be too aggressive with women, regardless of what society wants you to believe. But, if she's been hurt or burned in the past, she may be more cautious with how freely she gives her body to you.
 

Big dog

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Nope. She said "no" and I wasn't going to change her mind that night. Anything more aggressive could've f**ked things up royally for me.

What's the likelihood I was too sexual, which she interpreted as "He's only interested in sex."? Mind you, we did only meet for drinks, and I only met her once before at a coffee shop. Because calling and texting two days after a great date doesn't strike me as needy/desperate.

If I don't hear back after a week, is calling/texting a bad idea? I won't be butthurt, just re-instigating contact.
Couple of questions, is/was she a shy or reserved girl? Sounds like she is to me. And, why do you think she agreed to go back to your place?
 

BeExcellent

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The other thing to keep up in mind is

Be the Man.

If YOU enjoyed yourself then wait a day or two if you like (whether you hear from her or not) and ask her out again.

Give her something to which she can respond. The most sought after women (most demure, most feminine etc.) may NOT contact you at all because that is not what a lady does.

You need to be man enough to ask her out again if you want to see her. You may dismiss a traditional minded high interest woman by expecting her to initiate. I never initiate. I always respond. I would never want to insert myself at an inopportune time or be the least bit of a pest.

I expect a man to take the initiative. If he does not I assume he wasn't that into me and I go on.

So keep that in mind gents. If you like her just ask her out. Her response will tell all.
 

marmel75

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Came on too strong and looked needy like you were ready to make her the priority in your life...need to back off a little and see if she re-initiates...if not then you are going to have to try again after a week or so, but Iif you don't hear from her before then I wouldn't put much hope in it...
 

ChristopherColumbus

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The other thing to keep up in mind is

Be the Man.

If YOU enjoyed yourself then wait a day or two if you like (whether you hear from her or not) and ask her out again.

Give her something to which she can respond. The most sought after women (most demure, most feminine etc.) may NOT contact you at all because that is not what a lady does.

You need to be man enough to ask her out again if you want to see her. You may dismiss a traditional minded high interest woman by expecting her to initiate. I never initiate. I always respond. I would never want to insert myself at an inopportune time or be the least bit of a pest.

I expect a man to take the initiative. If he does not I assume he wasn't that into me and I go on.

So keep that in mind gents. If you like her just ask her out. Her response will tell all.
Yeah, good advice. Men tend to either impulsively act [when not in control of their emotion], or react to the impulse [when they squash the emotion altogether]. This reaction, where you are quick to 'next' the woman, comes from the Defensive Ego [DE].

A man should just do what he is inclined to do without the need for mind-games, but to do this we need to first be in charge of our emotion... whilst also allowing emotion to charge our life... for it is after all our life energy. We direct it and let it flow to the appropriate object, and in the right manner.
 
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Tony197

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I mean, calling a girl two days after a great date, not leaving a message, and then texting the next day "Hey, I'd like to take you out. You free Tuesday?" is needy? Sheesh.

And yes, she is reserved. I don't think she's a man-hater (red flag), but she's also not a wide-eyed, 18-year old boy chaser either. I guess I come off as a player (according to last gf). So I'm hoping she's just testing my mettle/intentions...which seems silly, but if that's the game, that's the game. #spinplates
 
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marmel75

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I mean, calling a girl two days after a great date, not leaving a message, and then texting the next day "Hey, I'd like to take you out. You free Tuesday?" is needy? Sheesh.

And yes, she is reserved. I don't think she's a man-hater (red flag), but she's also not a wide-eyed, 18-year old boy chaser either. I guess I come off as a player (according to last gf). So I'm hoping she's just testing my mettle/intentions...which seems silly, but if that's the game, that's the game. #spinplates
That's not what happened according to your initial post:

"It was midnight, so I asked her to text me when she got home. She didn't, so an hour later I texted "You home?" She said yes, I texted "Had a great time. Call you later."

Next afternoon, Friday, called her. No answer. Texted next day (yes, a Saturday, but it was during the day) texted "You free this week?" No response."


1) Stop asking women to text you when they get home. You aren't her Mom, just some random dude she met. Save that sh!t for when they are your GF if you feel the need to do that.
2) You texted HER when she didn't. Are you trying to be her Mom?? WTF is that??
3) Then you told her "I had a great time. Call you later."---she just left and you are not only checking up on her but you are also then acting like you have nothing better to do than think about her all night long???
4) Then you call her the next day. Uhh...WTF? Can you say desperate/I have no options?
5) Then when she doesn't answer, you text her the day after that asking if she is free? See my response to #4...
6) She gave you her non-verbal consent to fvck her by agreeing to come home with you and you didn't deliver. Game, Set, Match.


You texted her an hour after your date, then confirmed you really liked her a few minutes later, then called her the next day and then texted her the day after that....

That's four communication attempts by you within 3 days(really in real time it was under 2 days since it was 1AMish on the first "check up text" which means its early Friday morning---more like 4 times in a day and a half), and IMHO if she didn't initiate first, that's 4 too many---maybe 3 too many if you wanted to text/call her 3 days after the date, I'll say that would be OK---but in that case it would have been Sunday, not Saturday.

You came off WAY too over eager with her. You simply CARE too much too early and it showed by what you told her and texted her. She already knows you are NO CHALLENGE and she can have you whenever she wants...and that is an attraction killer...

Honestly I typically wait until they contact me afterwards and if they don't I'll hit them up in 3 or 4 days, but usually its a bad sign if they don't re-initiate---if they liked you they would have problems trying to keep you off their mind and would want to talk with you...

You need to learn to relax and stop trying to be chick's Moms...are you trying to make their bed and do their laundry or fvck them?

And also, it wasn't a "great" date if you didn't fvck her. These days anything else is meaningless and you can never guarantee you'll see her again if you don't fvck her. Sometimes even if you do it won't matter. "Great" dates are meaningless these days.

She gave you the opportunity to fvck her, you both knew what was on your mind by asking her to come back with you and you didn't deliver the goods. If you weren't prepared to deliver the goods you would have been better off not inviting her back to your place. When you are given the chance to fvck a woman and don't act on it, you RARELY are going to get another chance unless she REALLY likes you. Doesn't matter WHY it didn't happen, all she will rationalize to herself is she gave you the chance by putting herself in that situation and you "weren't man enough to get it done."

So in response to your thread topic question. Yes you fvcked up.
 
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Big dog

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I mean, calling a girl two days after a great date, not leaving a message, and then texting the next day "Hey, I'd like to take you out. You free Tuesday?" is needy? Sheesh.

And yes, she is reserved. I don't think she's a man-hater (red flag), but she's also not a wide-eyed, 18-year old boy chaser either. I guess I come off as a player (according to last gf). So I'm hoping she's just testing my mettle/intentions...which seems silly, but if that's the game, that's the game. #spinplates
Shy/reserved girls need to really FEEL sure and comfortable with/about a guy. You came on to sexual for her and she thought that's all you wanted. Take it slower with these types
 

marmel75

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Shy/reserved girls need to really FEEL sure and comfortable with/about a guy. You came on to sexual for her and she thought that's all you wanted. Take it slower with these types
F that...he didn't push hard enough. If she was that shy or reserved she wouldn't have gone back to his house.

Once she went to his house she basically non-verbally told him she was DTF and he didn't follow through.

Let's stop pretending she didn't know what was going down when she agreed to this...like she is naive or something. Women ALWAYS know what is going through our minds when we ask that.

OP non-verbally asked her "Do you want to fvck tonight?",
she non-verbally told OP "Okay",
then OP failed to deliver.

Sorry bro...if OP isn't going to deliver the goods when it comes time he shouldn't have taken her back to his place...in this instance she saw he wasn't willing to go for what they both know he wanted and he would have been better not bringing her back home if he wasn't going to try and fvck her.

This was probably enough to turn her off by itself, but then coupled with my outline of his mistakes in the post above yours is enough to probably kill any chance he had.
 
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