So Seriously Disappointed in My Friends. (Mid 20's and Beyond).

[A-Unit]

This has probably been worn through before, and STR8UPs post a bit ago in Gen Dis. covered having a lack of faith and trust in his friends (if i'm correct in my memory). However, I've always had a fairly large swath of friends in tow, with whom I share a variety of interests. I see alot of potential as friends and people, meaning they're talented, intelligent, down to earth, and fun. Some settle for girls below them, but whatever.

My most recent "loss" was a 27 yo friend who just grabbed a girl who described as "not being attracted to." Now...they're talking about shacking up by next May. All this despite him JUST divorcing his wife of only 1 year. Lol. I went from golfing on the weekends, getting together for drinks, and shootin' the proverbial BS, flag football, and watching sports. I thought most guys in their 30's and 40's somewhat regret the lost social life they left behind. Or is this not the case?

I don't get it b/c, while I love my gf, I can't do EVERYTHING with her, and I can't spend every WAKING moment with her. I don't mind a girl being around when I'm doing my thing, but generally if I'm reading or playing games or watching my thing on tv, I do need space. Maybe I'm just different, but I don't see how guys go from total social circle of friends, to being with a woman ALL the time. Unless...."she's one of the guys" and she has ALOT in common with a guy. Which, to me, is rare. I've yet to me a girl who has 100%of the interests I do, and probably wouldn't want to. Part of being with a woman is our INCOMMON interests.

So back to that. My own bro is moving to DC for a period of time, god knows how long. Primarily for his GF. Again, another guy packing it in for a girl. Now, I won't go off on how foolish the whole move is. He's a musician, but probably won't perform down there. He's my best friend. But I don't just get how it's like BOOM....1 woman, 100% of the time.

Am I missing the introductory stages of hormones? Is my friend just catching up on his lost sex? (He hadn't been laid in a year+, but it seems weird b/c he thought she wasn't attractive at all, and she isn't, but she's as nice as can be, plus she makes 3x what he does). Past 2years, the couple has to have REAL chemistry on a personal and friendship level.

Maybe it all sounds so "feminine of me", but I just don't get it. I've told my gf that I'm not changing how my life was organized just bc she came into it. MAYBE, the day I'm married, when we TRULY create our own lives with new borns (if I even do that), Ill rearrange my life, bc I'd want to, and should. But just bc we get a gf....who you've truly known for LESS than 10% of your life...you rearrange it? I've had friends for 3 years bang out like nothing, or totally screw me over. Those who haven't last and last and last. I just don't get the mindset.

I suppose if SOME super hot porn star (non slutty, only did girl on girl, or modeling porn) walked up, had EVERY thing in common with me, and could cook, wanted to clean, then MAYBE I'd be like...BAM, ESCAPE TO THE BLUE LAGOON...I don't need jack crap. But until then. I don't see it. And I consider spots like Maine, where the guys band together EVERYWHERE, even at cookouts. I don't see that around me in Massachusetts. I see get togethers with touchy feely talking. Where are the get togethers where men talk business, making money, sports, politices, crack crude jokes?

After a few years of friends...I think I need a new circle.

Thoughts?


A-Unit

 

[STR8UP]

My friends issues don't stem from women taking them away. Mine have more to do with business.

You can say, "well that's what you get for mixing business with pleasure", but to be perfectly honest sometimes that's the ONLY way to see someone's true colors. If my "friend" is capable of screwing me over in business or with money, you can pretty much rest assured that he won't hesitate to try to steal your girl or SOMEHOW stab you in the back. I'm almost glad i found out what motherfukkers a couple of my "friends" are. Now I know who I'm dealing with.

Actually, one of the two motherfukkers who come to mind DID try to get up on a couple of my girls. And I blew it off like a dumb ass. The other one stabbed me in the back by divulging secrets to others that were told in confidence. Not only did he betray my trust, but he also took the opportunity to try to make me look like a fool in the process. How's THAT for a friend? I should have taken that as sign, but I didn't and now I'm the ass hole. Fukk me.

As far as your situation.....what can you do? Hell, even when I am in a serious relationship I tend to spend less time with friends. I DO try to make sure i don't fall into the relationship dungeon, but no matter what, if you are seriously involved with someone your friends are going to see less of you.

I used to hang with a really cool dude. We would hit the clubs and have a hell of a time, go to the beach with a bunch of chicks, basically living the life of the bachelor.

He got a really cool g/f and now I might see him once every 6-8 months. that's just the way it is.

 

[joekerr31]

ok, im going to be cynical here for a moment.

life is a cruel place. i mean, in the wild its kill or be killed.

man however is attempting (i emphasize ATTEMPTING) to climb out of the primordial ooze and actually evolve into something respectful / dignified.

unfortunately very few people have made that jump. most 'friendships' are merely relationships of circumstance. if the circumstances change, then the friendship changes.

so when p*ssy enters the picture you get squeezed out.

men do this because at the end of the day they are going to back that which offers them the most long term security (hehe, kind of sounds like a female strategy no?).

anyway, your 'friend' knows that you aren't going to have his back until the end of time. BUT, his woman will (so he thinks).

its the number one driver behind marriage and kids - to establish security. for a male that means having people around that will never abadon him. for the female that means financial security for life.

anyway, not much you can do about it.

true friendships though stand the test of time. they go on through m arriages, divorces, everything - and they are as rare or rarer than finding a good woman.

 

[dietzcoi]

Most people are jealous and backbiting anyway.

As Tony Soprano says, you can only trust family.. and even that does not work a lot of times!

Sad to say, but true. Born alone, die alone. We all try to avoid it, but nobody does..

But still, no excuse for marrying a super-hor or otherwise "broken" woman... but most men will!!!

Dietzcoi

 

[realsmoothie]

I'm 32, and hang out with mostly people in their young 20's.

There's this one group of associated friends I know... started hanging with them a few years ago when they were around 21. Now that they're 24-25... they ALL seem to be partnered up SOLID, for a year or so now.

I could understand this if the relationships were "good", but they're generally a mess. What is the RUSH with these people? I keep telling them.. don't rush through school, don't rush to get an "office" job, don't rush your relationships... and yet the first time anything solid comes along they grab at it like it's a life preserver and they're floating in the north Atlantic.

 

[joekerr31]

alan watts said that life is like falling off a cliff.

thing is that other stuff is falling with you.

and some people are scared sh*tless that they are falling off this cliff. and they grab on to a boulder that is falling beside them. and feel as though they are then grounded.

but it doesn't change the fact that we are all falling.

fear is what bonds 95% of the relationships out there. when people hit their mid 20s they start to really asking themselves 'what have i accomplished?'

to avoid the answer of 'not very much' they latch on to a member of the opposite sex so that they can at least tell themselves 'at least i've got a mature committed relationship going."

which lasts until about 30 when they realize they were just fooling themselves and then get caught cheating with that 22 year old at the office

 

[ElChoclo]

Dietzcoi, your search for truth has brought you back here yet again.


These are the kind of friends which you can do without. You can judge them by their behaviour. Now think about what kind of attitudes go with the behaviour. You don't want to pick up that attitude.

Birds of a feather remember.

 

[blueguy]

alan watts said that life is like falling off a cliff.

thing is that other stuff is falling with you.

and some people are scared sh*tless that they are falling off this cliff. and they grab on to a boulder that is falling beside them. and feel as though they are then grounded.

but it doesn't change the fact that we are all falling.

fear is what bonds 95% of the relationships out there. when people hit their mid 20s they start to really asking themselves 'what have i accomplished?'

to avoid the answer of 'not very much' they latch on to a member of the opposite sex so that they can at least tell themselves 'at least i've got a mature committed relationship going."

which lasts until about 30 when they realize they were just fooling themselves and then get caught cheating with that 22 year old at the office

I agree with this. Good post.

 

[d9930380]

You can't let the actions of friends dictate your life. If your friends are spending more time with their girlfriends then it's time for you to make new friends.

You should always be making new friends and improving your social circle so one friend spending time with his gf won't effect your life. You should also not feel like you HAVE to spend time with anyone because chances are when their situation changes they won't feel the same obligation to spend time with you.

These friends are just being a little selfish with their time and you should be doing the same.

BTW - These guys aren't ***** wipped or anything and they aren't making the wrong choices. It might not be what you would do but you sound like a man's man. Other guys actually enjoy spending time with their girlfriends more than their friends so you can't blame them (for being selfish with their time).

 

[Hitman10000]

You can't let the actions of friends dictate your life. If your friends are spending more time with their girlfriends then it's time for you to make new friends.

You should always be making new friends and improving your social circle so one friend spending time with his gf won't effect your life. You should also not feel like you HAVE to spend time with anyone because chances are when their situation changes they won't feel the same obligation to spend time with you.

These friends are just being a little selfish with their time and you should be doing the same.

BTW - These guys aren't ***** wipped or anything and they aren't making the wrong choices. It might not be what you would do but you sound like a man's man. Other guys actually enjoy spending time with their girlfriends more than their friends so you can't blame them (for being selfish with their time).

True, if you have a "friend" that has to "check in" or seem to always hang around their girlfriend, he isn't much of a friend and or doesn't know how to foster a good friendship. If they come running to you when they're single, forget them. Same rule applies for girls if you date them and they seem to spend more than half their free time with their girlfriends/family. You know where her priorities are at: Not with you of course.

 

[Desdinova]

A-Unit, I hear you. I've got the same problem. I rarely see my good friends anymore because they're wearing the proverbial ball and chain. "Oh, woman wants me to visit with her inlaws". I get crap like this all the time.

The reason behind this is men want to keep their women happy 100% of the time. In doing so, they sacrifice their social lives so the woman can have hers, and he has to go along with her social activities because she wants everyone to be friends, get along, and make peace on earth. If the man should want to do an activity with one of his friends instead of visiting her inlaws, she'll be pissed, and we can't have that, can we?

Me and my woman know we each need our space and our individual social activities, and we respect those needs. Unfortunately, all her friends are female and they can drag their male counterparts along, but all my friends are male and need a signed note from God to be let off the chain.

I'm almost considering finding some female friends instead of male one.

 

[RedPill]

A-Unit,

Without waxing too philosophical here on some of life's harsher truths, it sounds like you're in much the same phase in life I am, where you learn that most of the friends you've collected over time are self-defeating AFCs without the slightest desire to grow and evolve. They are what they are, and their inner life paradigm of mediocrity and powerlessness is just now manifesting itself through automated behaviors and choices such as immature marriage, moving to be with women, and social isolation in the name of pvssy.

It's interesting to me to see guys 10+ years older than myself who have wives and kids, and seeing the contrast in lifestyles. Most guys who do the family thing seem to do it chump-style, where they "have" to be home constantly, but contrary to conventional thinking, it's the guys with a jam-packed schedule and successful business life who seem to have the best wives and most well-rounded kids. I suppose the qualities that make them successful in their careers are the same qualities they draw on in choosing the women they shack up with. Those are the guys who get together and act like men. Certainly though, living a masculine lifestyle puts you in the minority.

Obviously, by virtue of the posts you've made here, you aren't prone to falling into the groupthink pitfalls of life. That being said, stay vigilant and don't let the influence of some broad or AFC creep into your sphere of being with their co-dependent marriage ideals. I'm convinced that the hardest part of being successful in life is constantly being able to tune out all the noise the herd throws your way.

 

[Latinoman]

A puzzy hair has more pulling strenght than a 30-ton crane.

Being a masculine DJ as well as an Alpha Male is one of the "loneliest" things in earth. We are literally alone in our real lives (thank goodness for the internet and places like this forum we can share ideas with other men like ourselves).

Trust me...if you find TWO men in your everyday circle that thinks like the DJs in this forum...consider yourself bless.

My point? Don't expect other "men" to think like us. Live your life accordingly. Hopefully a great woman comes your way and you find the person that can complement you. And although men lose in marriage...if you find the right woman then your life is enhanced (especially if someday you want to be a father). That said...I seriously doubt they have found the "right" one.

Don't get frustrated. They still your friends. It is just that you are the Alpha One of the pack. You are the only one outside the matrix. And besides "great" friends in today society is almost an impossibility.

 

[blueguy]

A puzzy hair has more pulling strenght than a 30-ton crane.

Being a masculine DJ as well as an Alpha Male is one of the "loneliest" things in earth. We are literally alone in our real lives (thank goodness for the internet and places like this forum we can share ideas with other men like ourselves).

Trust me...if you find TWO men in your everyday circle that thinks like the DJs in this forum...consider yourself bless.

It isn't lonely. I'm doing well on a packed college campus with my friends having the same mindset. But there are certain pockets in the country where other (older) guys do think like us. Most guys who have things "going for them" get it. Take CEOs, Hollywood actors, famous musicians, etc. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are in their mid 40s and just barely settling down. Manhattan, Hollywood, Silicon Valley. Passion is what all these places have in common. I instinctively did at an early age. One of my girlfriends started swaying me, then I discovered this forum, only to reconfirm and move back toward my previous mindset. I am happy as ever, and God knows I'll never sacrifice my ambitions in life again for a girl. That doesn't mean I can't have relationships, but rather, I won't be stuck to the ol' ball and chain. I look at my dad and see how unhappy he is -- my mom having him by the balls -- him having lost all his passion for life. This is not me.

 

[STR8UP]

That doesn't mean I can't have relationships, but rather, I won't be stuck to the ol' ball and chain. I look at my dad and see how unhappy he is -- my mom having him by the balls -- him having lost all his passion for life. This is not me.

That's the problem. It's very, very difficult to find a relationship where the woman doesn't attempt to shackle you. And the ones who DON'T try to put the chains on you are even worse than most guys when it comes to playing the field. It's hard to find that win-win situation.

 

[RedPill]

That's the problem. It's very, very difficult to find a relationship where the woman doesn't attempt to shackle you. And the ones who DON'T try to put the chains on you are even worse than most guys when it comes to playing the field. It's hard to find that win-win situation.

If I'm ever afflicted with some sort of organic brain disorder and one day consciously choose to seek out a wife, the top question I'll ask myself is "will she work as a successful man's woman?" Meaning, is she down with the fact that I'm not home frequently, is she classy and articulate, and does she get that her primary roles in the equation are staying hot and supporting me and my ventures?

That ball & chain sh1t is for weak men of lesser ambitions and character...