So i can't get hard (should i cut contact until i fix it?)

[detroitnative]

I'm approaching 30. I was a virgin at 20. But with the help of sites like this and a few ebooks, i was able to learn about frame control, leading, giving great sex, being a high status male, etc.

Got me very far with women. In fact - it got me to the point where i have 3 plates that i spin right now. All who know about each other, and all who i've been seeing for at least a year each.

Recently i got laid off from work. Im about to lose my house and have to move back in with my dad. My car has been acting up.... Not the best time for me.

Then about 3 weeks ago. I lost my ability to perform during sex. I believe it's due to the stress of everything in my life. But i went ot he docs and am waiting for blood work and to possibly see a specialist to make sure i didn't tear anything down there or something.

So.... during this time - as you can suspect my relations with the women in my life have become rocky.

I'm a sexual guy who turns women anger around so that they get turned on instead.

It's very hard to be sexual guy when i can't perform at the moment. My frame is dissapearing. I actually became an emotional tampon to a woman last night, because well... she was hanging out with me, and i couldn't turn her drama around and take the frame. (do to the fact that my frame control is sexual based)

Think it's best to just not associate with the women in my life until i work on this?

 

[catman]

I had this problem and stress was the cause.I also realized that some women just dont make the lil soldier solute.Let your **** decide who your attracted to.Let your brain decide if their worth keeping around for things other than sex!!!!

 

[Maxtro]

Can you get erect through masturbation? If not then it is a more involved problem.

 

[detroitnative]

Not sure why this was moved???? It's not really about my penis problem, it's more about what to do with the women in the mean time. It's also something a lot of "Mature Men" have to deal with.

Can you get erect through masturbation? If not then it is a more involved problem.

Yes i can. I can also get hard from head pretty easily. It's just i am getting real nervous when it comes to starting intercourse. For example...

---
Here's what happened last night:

One of my FBs came over. Well let's rewind (and i know i did terrible with this text)...

Text from her: I'm getting out of class early (EVERY other time she's ever said this to me, it meant she wanted to come over).
Me: Cool, stop and get some wine on your way over.
Her: Nono. I'm not coming over - i have to go workout.
Me: Why are you wasting my time with telling me you're getting out of class then? Since when do you not come over when you get out of class early?
Her: I have to go work out.
Me: Wow! this is a first; and it's funny how you suddenly do this when im going through "problems with performance"
Her: Yeah well, im kind of losing attraction to you. (i don't believe this. i think she's feeling like im not attracted to her anymore, and is projecting it to herself that she isn't attracted to me as much anymore; to save ego)
Me: Your pvssy on friday hadn't lost it's attraction to me. you tell me why it was soaked?

10 minutes later:
Her: I didn't get any wine, but i'll be there in 5 minutes. I'm on "#" road.

She shows up; smiling, not at all acting like someone who isn't attracted to me.

We drink some of the wine that she DID BUY on her way to see me.

Make out - > Very nervous, can't get hard... she gives head... i get hard.... put it in...

am able to perform for 10 minutes before i run out of breath (had to be the nerves because im in good shape). fall off her. she starts to get dressed! im like "the hell you think you're doing? we're not done."

she undresses again.... now im loose and not nervous so i get hard as soon as we start making out... then get in her and finish...

she actually said "that was pretty close to old times"

---

So that's where my question comes from. These women seem to be avoiding me now and i have to flatly confront them about it in order to not look like a complete chump.

I feel like they're avoiding the situation because they feel inadequate....

Like even though the sex was "ok" last night - im sure she's still wondering why she can't get me hard...

 

[Bible_Belt]

I feel like they're avoiding the situation because they feel inadequate....


Yep.

Get some viagra. Start with a quarter of a pill. The stuff is strong, especially for people who don't really need it.

 

[detroitnative]

I feel like they're avoiding the situation because they feel inadequate....


Yep.

Get some viagra. Start with a quarter of a pill. The stuff is strong, especially for people who don't really need it.

I'm trying to avoid that route as i don't want to become dependent on it. But i have considered getting a 4 pack and using it as a confidence boaster. But what happens when the pack runs out??? i imagine i'll be right back to this point because then i'll be like "oh no, my pack is gone. what am i going to do now?"

But yeah, i can understand how they would see it that way. Especially since i've maintained such a strong frame. I believe they almost don't believe it's a weakness (mental issue). They just think im losing attraction. And verbalizing it to them does nothing to change things. The only thing that will change things is me getting hard by making out or even just from looking at them. Which just isn't happening at the moment...

I can definitely see them bringing more drama to me as long as this goes on for.

 

[Bible_Belt]

But what happens when the pack runs out?

You do the math and realize that you just banged the hell out each girl for $5 by chopping the pills into quarters. Put that under your tongue and dissolve it. There is a reason the stuff is popular. You won't want to use it all the time, but it does have its place as a party drug...or so I have heard

 

[handle]

It happened to me too. I sorted out what was causing me stress. Then I got back to ****ing.

 

[detroitnative]

Yeah, so you cut contact and stopped having sex until you fixed your stress?

I'm not completely convinced this is ALL stress because i can get hard, and i can perform, it just takes a lot of work.... and im mostly REALLY nervous like a virgin going into it lol.... once i get some head and i start to get to feeling good - the nerves go away.

BUT WOW guys! I see now the value of great sex vs. being a guy with sexual problems.... Since i saw the woman Wed night - I haven't gotten a text, phone call, or unexpected visit from any of the plates. A few weeks ago - i couldn't keep up with all the texts and phone calls. And im not even exaggerating - it was one after another; i couldn't keep up with the date/sex requests either.

I think women are just as embarrassed by this as men are when it happens. And they seem to want to avoid it. Whereas i want to keep trying until i get it right. Guess that's the drawback of not having a GF to work on things with.

---
On viagra:
I am thinking of getting a 4 pack and throwing away 3 of them right away (i REALLY don't want to be dependent on them). And just using 1/8 or 1/4 of a pill just to get a jumpstart. If nothing else - i think it'll act as a placebo.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yes, sex is probably the #1 thing that can effect a womans attitude towards you. Give her GREAT sex and she subdues. Give her BAD sex and she's much more likely to give problems. I beat this into the ground around here. And this is just an example.

Anyway - you need to stop focusing on pleasing her. Turn the frame around so that she's focusing on pleasing you. You should have done this earlier. If you get hard from head - make that come BEFORE the kissing. Understand? If you keep trying to make out with these girls to get hard and you don't get hard - same problem will keep happening. So just go for the head right away!

 

[handle]

Yeah, so you cut contact and stopped having sex until you fixed your stress?

No, I just focused on dealing with those issues. I don't understand the whole all-or-nothing approach you want to potentially explore. If you feel like gaming someone, game them. But yeah, get your **** together if at all possible (I don't know what it is, maybe it's out of your control). But that doesn't mean going cold turkey. The general idea with this whole 'DJ' stuff is that you integrate "game" into your everyday life. No need to cut contact altogether.

 

[jnice48146]

this happened to me as well, a couple of months after my separation from the ex wife. I was eager to get back into the game, but when it was time to fvck, my c*ck wouldn't stand at attention. I went to the doc and had blood tests done, got some viagra. Turns out it was a mixture of stress from the baby mama drama, borderline low testosterone (also due to stress), and high cholesterol. I started hitting the gym and eating better, which reduced stress and lowered cholesterol. I also stopped drinking heavily which will affect your libido/ testosterone as well. I still have some of the viagra, but no longer "need" it, just in case I get 2+ chicks in bed at the same time! ;-)

 

[detroitnative]

UPDATE: This week in a bizarre crazy attempt by me to recapture my sex drive - i bought a ton of supplements from GNC: Dymatize Z-Force (Tribulus + ZMA mixture), DHEA (which i have read doesn't do a thing for your sex drive but WILL fight mild depression), AAKG, and RX Passion (which has not arrived yet).

Overall: It appears to at least had a placebo effect. I find erections by myself to be a TON easier to get. And i started reading dirty stories to see if i could get hard without touching myself and i HAVE been able to pretty easy.

However: I'm being avoided like the plague by the women who were in my life when this all started. They saw me freaking out and they saw me panic when it was going down. I realize i should have maintained alpha and just had them give me head and acted like i didn't care. But my fragile state of mind didn't come up with that until the last few days. Too late now! Now, im anxious to get into bed again and see how things work... but am having trouble getting anyone over....

FVCKING CRAZY! 3 Weeks ago - i was literally in a position where i had to lie and tell people i was busy just so i could get a day alone... now - all my days are alone.

No, I just focused on dealing with those issues. I don't understand the whole all-or-nothing approach you want to potentially explore. If you feel like gaming someone, game them. But yeah, get your **** together if at all possible (I don't know what it is, maybe it's out of your control). But that doesn't mean going cold turkey. The general idea with this whole 'DJ' stuff is that you integrate "game" into your everyday life. No need to cut contact altogether.

Well, the way i see it is - if i can't have sex - what am i gaming? lol.... to me - this would all be easier if i had a girlfriend who i was with daily and could fvck as i get horny. But with fvck buiddies and booty calls - it's "now or not" .... im often on time limits and when you're suffering from something like this - time limits are horrible things. But mainly what i was asking was if there's some way to frame it so a fvck buddy would stick around while you fixed things? Or would it just be better to cut contact until you fixed it? The question isn't such a big deal now. They made the decision it seems.

this happened to me as well, a couple of months after my separation from the ex wife. I was eager to get back into the game, but when it was time to fvck, my c*ck wouldn't stand at attention. I went to the doc and had blood tests done, got some viagra. Turns out it was a mixture of stress from the baby mama drama, borderline low testosterone (also due to stress), and high cholesterol. I started hitting the gym and eating better, which reduced stress and lowered cholesterol. I also stopped drinking heavily which will affect your libido/ testosterone as well. I still have some of the viagra, but no longer "need" it, just in case I get 2+ chicks in bed at the same time! ;-)

I have done a lot of these things as well =)
Im doing everything in my power to avoid the viagra... but if the next couple of times go bad - i'm giving in and getting some.

i've been working out like crazy the last 2 weeks. doing hitt, Kettlebell, and barbell lifts (in my basement gym). i barely drink anymore (4 beers and a glass of wine in 2 weeks). i sometimes would smoke when i drank, so i stopped that too. I also have began doing relaxation stretching/breathing. Hoping that helps me learn to relax better.

 

[detroitnative]

UPDATE:

SUCCESS!

One of my FBs finally had the guts to come and face this with me today. And i gave it to her good. I also showed her how to properly jerk my penis because she was horrible at it, and even though i was pretty much hard, i needed a few stroked to get me REALLY swoll. Sex lasted about 15 minutes or so (not my best, but a great step) and i only lost hardness once. BUT i didn't take it out of her, i left it in her and made out with her and kept thrusting it like it was hard and eventually it caught on and became rock hard and away i went =)

Here's what i did:

First firguring that if i made my sex drive shoot through the roof then nerves wouldn't matter - i bought these supplements (after a lot of research) this past weekend and have been taking them daily:
- AAKG (Arginine Alpha-Ketoglutarate (2:1) 3,000 MG (this is a powder. it's pretty much a way more powerful L-Arginine)
- Dynamite: Z-Force (ZMA+Vitamin C & E+Tribulus Anabolic Herbal Blend+LPC+NAC) (<test boaster)

Also taking the typicals:
- Fish Oil 3,000 MGs daily.
- Ginko Biloba 240 MGs daily.

Also started taking DHEA 25MGs, which i have heard is useless for what it says it does (boast testosterone) but may be able to treat mild anxiety. This one is most likely getting cut out of my plan because it makes me sweat badly when i take it!

---
I also found this drug called Sedalia by Boiron at the natural/organic foods store. It says "for temporary relief of nervousness, hypersensitivity, and irritability." It's a Homeopathic drug which essentially (in my limited understanding) means that when taken - it causes my body to go through the symptoms of being nervous/stressed but in a very minor way (one i couldn't even feel), and in return my body gets better at defending against it.... That may be wrong completely though... It's non-habit forming and has no bad interactions with any other drugs. It also does seem to work. In fact, this is also advertised as a sleep aide, and along with ZMA - im having some very very strange dreams.

I take this on days when im meeting up with a friend.

---

The three non-drug routes i took were:

1) Ballooning 2-3 times a day. Probably for a total of 1.5-2 hours a day. This is a penis enlargement technique but i did not use it for that. It's also an erection builder technique which is what i did use it for. What this basically is - is using your fingers to rub circles around the spots of your penis that make you aroused. For me this is pretty much any area around the head. When done for 30-45 minutes - you really get powerful erections by the end.
2) I cut down on masterbating - but when i do masterbate im doing it to women wearing clothes (i just use youtube looking for sexy women). I tried to just use my imagination but it didn't work so well. My intent is to not rely on porn.
3) I've began writing dirty stories. I wanted to figure out a way to make myself hard without touching. So i tried just reading dirty stories. Didn't really do anything for me. So i began writing my own stories. Something about putting it on paper and writing it out - turns me on.... like if i just think in my head about a fantasy - it doesn't really turn me on. But when i start writing it - it gets me good and hard... without touching! Which is what im shooting for, so this works!

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All this stuff combined has helped greatly. And i think im on my way UP

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Well when I can´t get hard, I finger her until I see her "squirm" with pleasure. This makes me hard enough to finish her! lol. When I still don´t get hard (due to anxiousness) at least I know I tried to please her a little, and tomorrow is another day.

With two girls I had sex (including the first time) I couldn´t get hard. It was frustrating. However, they always gave me another chance, and on the second time I compensated it! lol.