Slow Cooking

K-man

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Jophil,

One question: Say that you've had three dates with a woman. They've all been pleasant. Youv'e made out, maybe even had sex, but she still expects you to initiate all contact, set up dates etc.

When is it reasonable to expect that SHE takes up some responsibility, makes suggestions etc?

I'm at this stage with one of my plates now and in the past my experience is that if a woman is interested enough she'll start to put in at least some effort to make things happen.
 

jophil28

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K-man said:
Jophil,

One question: Say that you've had three dates with a woman. They've all been pleasant. Youv'e made out, maybe even had sex, but she still expects you to initiate all contact, set up dates etc.

When is it reasonable to expect that SHE takes up some responsibility, makes suggestions etc?

I'm at this stage with one of my plates now and in the past my experience is that if a woman is interested enough she'll start to put in at least some effort to make things happen.
Waiting for a woman to "take responsibility" is like waiting for a permanent ceasefire in Iraq after the enemy has surrendered . Ain't gonna happen.

IT is a commonly expressed belief here that women will act proactively in proportion to their interest level. Oh, man if only that were true.
This process does not follow a simple linear equation.
Women appear in your life with their attitudes to dating, sex and relationships already wired .
IT is your job to amp up her IL and create attraction, but how she reacts is a function of many factors and beliefs which she brings into the deal.

IF you grasp that truth, then you will not be so readily tempted to 'next' a shy or reserved woman because she appears to be "uninterested" .
Certainly a woman with high IL will send you signals which confirm her feelings toward you BUT her cues may NOT be what you expect or even similar to your last woman's signals.

I rely on two surefire ways to guage IL, and they are-

1) She makes herself available to see you on your terms. No hard to get games, no ifs' ,no but's and no hemming and hawing. No "busy schedule" until next month.

2) A withdrawal of affection and attention by you triggers a pursuit by her. If you go silent for a bit, she calls you or contacts you more often to close the gap and re-establish the connection..
IF she remains equally silent, her IL is low or her belief that men should do "all the work" is cemented in. Either way she will become a "job" to keep around.
 

K-man

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Jophil and Falcon,

Thanks a lot!

I'll also report that I set a new date with Ms. Slow-Cooking this friday!
 

TheAsianLoverReturns

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1 Bad Dude said:
DO NOT listen to asianlover, he couldn't get laid 3 years ago now he thinks he's a ladies man. Not that he isn't. I really don't know. He just hasn't shown experience seducing a women on the level you're trying to do. You wanted to keep her wondering and confused by taking things slow. Do that. You already get lots of kino going with the dancing. You don't have to grow balls. Stay congruent with what you are doing. Continue to build, but do it slowly.

While dancing, maintain constant eye contact, give her some lingering looks at her lips but don't kiss her. That tells her to expect a kiss, but when you don't she'll get confused and may even go to the bathroom to check her make-up. When the date comes to an end she'll make sure to give you an opportunity to do something, may even invite you in. Don't take the bait, say "I can't stay. I have to get up early, I'll walk you to your door/car/up/whatever" Thats when you do it. After a nice, minute long kiss, tell her you have to go. Setup your next date right then for a couple days later or, if you don't have anything in mind, tell her you'll call her tomorrow(be specific with the day you'll call). Then leave. You wanna stay cool during all this, no giddy school girl excitement. Think James Bond. This gives her something to talk/brag about to her friends and keep you on her mind even more.

She isn't gonna LJBF you, you've got plenty going for you. You both enjoy dancing, you're not intimidated by her, she thinks you have options(value), you're taking the lead and you're maintaining sexuality, but not being some horn dog desperate to screw her. Don't outsmart yourself by thinking she'll drop you if you don't move fast enough. Remember, she's hot. If she wants sex, she's got twenty guys in her phone she can call. She is not going to drop you cause you didn't f-close.

However, things may not play out the way I described at all. She is human too. She may decide to make a move herself. In that case, just go in for an f-close.
Hahahaha! I'm arguing with a virgin...

http://theasianlover.com/my-women/
 

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TheAsianLoverReturns said:
Hahahaha! I'm arguing with a virgin...

http://theasianlover.com/my-women/
Who are you talking to? Yourself? Your friends staring over your shoulder? Other people on the forums?

Because first of all, asianloser, you're not arguing with anybody. Secondly, grow some balls and address me directly. Like a non virgin, because I'm not one. Or you can keep posting from the point-of-view of school girls henpecking from a lunch table. Thirdly, you're online diary doesn't mean sh!t to me or anybody else that knows either. Fourthly, you should learn how to handle being called out on the truth without getting you panties in a twist. Fifthly, get over yourself and lose the arrogance you always post with. You aren't special cause you finally lost your virginity. Stop treating everybody on this site that isn't popular like they're beneath you.

I gave real-world, usable advice on the topic posted, and I will continue to do so. He even asked if he should change tactics, which I didn't think was necessary. If you felt he should have, then maybe you should give some real-world usable advice to that effect. Instead, you got all wanna-be tough-guy aggressive with your "grow some balls" line, like your the man cause you're finally getting your d!ck wet.

example:
"I want to go slow with this woman.... ..."
<post>
<post>
<post>
"Maybe I should change tactics?"
This is where you come in and say... "Yeah. If it were me I'd just invite her back to my place and escalate from there.... ..."

Instead. All you did was go "pvssy pvssy pvssy... fvck her or else pvssy pvssy pvssy." Now go back to your lunch table and come up with something else.
 
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K-man

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Well gentlemen,

We just had our third "date". A latin dance workshop followed by a nice dinner downtown.

What a blast! The dancing was great, we laughed a lot and the hours just flew by. I think we spent six ours together.

She complimented me for being confident and interesting to talk to. I didn't escalate this time either. Now, before you yell at me I've had three first dates this fall where I kissed-closed on each one without being rejected so it's got nothing to do about not having the courage. It's just that my gut reaction says not to.

No matter what, this chick will be a valuable part of my social circle, I just don't know how yet.

She asked me to go dancing with her this sunday so we'll be seeing each other soon again.

How much longer can this go on before I'm totale into the FZ?????
 

jophil28

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K-man said:
Well gentlemen,

We just had our third "date". A latin dance workshop followed by a nice dinner downtown.

What a blast! The dancing was great, we laughed a lot and the hours just flew by. I think we spent six ours together.

She complimented me for being confident and interesting to talk to. I didn't escalate this time either. Now, before you yell at me I've had three first dates this fall where I kissed-closed on each one without being rejected so it's got nothing to do about not having the courage. It's just that my gut reaction says not to.

No matter what, this chick will be a valuable part of my social circle, I just don't know how yet.

She asked me to go dancing with her this sunday so we'll be seeing each other soon again.

How much longer can this go on before I'm totale into the FZ?????
Is she demonstrating any of the classic attraction body language ? Kino, touching you, sitting close, standing close, tilting her head to the side, big wide eyes, laughing at your lame jokes....?
I have known several women like her.
One of them eventually said," When are we going to do IT ?"
 

K-man

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Jophil: No, but then again I was too busy enjoying myself to really look for that. But that might be the reason why my intuition told me not to go for the kiss.

Anyway it's amazing how much pressure goes away when neither part consider the "date" as a date! I'm slooooowly getting into her mind. At least I hope so.

She's hot, she's popular, yet she's NEVER played any of the games women usually do. She answers texts immediately, she makes herself available to me, she shows genuine gratitude, she introduces me to other people, she suggests activities herself.... A lot of ugly ole *****es sitting on theirs asses waiting for mr. Right could learn something from her!
 

boomerick

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K

Been readin your stuff and from what I can tell this chick can teach the ugly ole b!tches how to carefully friendzone a guy who's afraid to escalate .....

Sorry to to be so direct but just about everyone who has replied is urging you to ramp up......

But every time you have 'reason' that 'it wasn't the right time' .....

I predict soon you will be hearing the sad tales of her latest badboy c*ck-ride with its obligatory uncerimonious dumping of her along with the graphic clinical details of her latest high flow menstration......

You will continue to 'dance around' her and feel sorry for yourself that she's not picking a 'great guy' like you instead of the badboy users.....

Listen up troop!!!....If she's interested she WANTS you to escalate and will go along with you....

If you escalate and she snubs you or goes cold ...simple ....shes not that into you......

You seem to think you're the 'unique guy' because you're not pressuring her like the others....

It seems to me you're not making a move 'cause deep down you're afraid she's not that interested....

You're soft selling yourself that the orbiter position is better than out and out rejection....

And trying to sell it here as 'an experiment'......

Keep this up and you'll be going to hair appointments together instead of screwing......

Common man push her a little....ESCALATE!!!!!!!!!

Or....soon she may start 'introducing you' to or as her gay friend.....

You'll be lost in the FriendZone.....



Over and Out.
 

jophil28

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K-man said:
She's hot, she's popular, yet she's NEVER played any of the games women usually do. She answers texts immediately, she makes herself available to me, she shows genuine gratitude, she introduces me to other people, she suggests activities herself.... !
I would skip the dating part and marry her immediately. If you don't I will. ( And I can probably out dance you too ) :up:
 

boomerick

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edit double post
 

1 Bad Dude

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boomerick said:
K

Been readin your stuff and from what I can tell this chick can teach the ugly ole b!tches how to carefully friendzone a guy who's afraid to escalate .....

Sorry to to be so direct but just about everyone who has replied is urging you to ramp up......

But every time you have 'reason' that 'it wasn't the right time' .....

I predict soon you will be hearing the sad tales of her latest badboy c*ck-ride with its obligatory uncerimonious dumping of her along with the graphic clinical details of her latest high flow menstration......

You will continue to 'dance around' her and feel sorry for yourself that she's not picking a 'great guy' like you instead of the badboy users.....

Listen up troop!!!....If she's interested she WANTS you to escalate and will go along with you....

If you escalate and she snubs you or goes cold ...simple ....shes not that into you......

You seem to think you're the 'unique guy' because you're not pressuring her like the others....

It seems to me you're not making a move 'cause deep down you're afraid she's not that interested....

You're soft selling yourself that the orbiter position is better than out and out rejection....

And trying to sell it here as 'an experiment'......

Keep this up and you'll be going to hair appointments together instead of screwing......

Common man push her a little....ESCALATE!!!!!!!!!

Or....soon she may start 'introducing you' to or as her gay friend.....

You'll be lost in the FriendZone.....



Over and Out.
Usually I'd agree with you, but most of the time its because the guy in question is trying to be in constant contact with the girl. Like texting, emailing and phoning. Thinking that he'll somehow demonstrate something all the other needy orbiters haven't yet. In this case, as long as he is disconnecting between the dates(leaving her to wonder), not hearing about her love interests and not being flaked on he's cool.
 

boomerick

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bad dude

She's continuing to be friendly-pliable because the OP is not being perceived as a contender....

Her behaviour already shows aspects of a more girl-type-friendship receptiveness than it does dating...

Hell, OP even goes so far as to take the idea of dating off of the table so as not to possibly 'queer' things with pedistal girl......

Look at the way she's being discribed......

I'm surprised she hasn't cured cancer and come up with a workable world peace solution.....

Yes I'm overstating....BUT....

He's decided she something special (lost frame-pedistalizeation), doesn't want to "blow" it (lost frame-outcome dependant), and is going to get FriendZoned for his trouble (lost frame-orbiter emotional tampon wallet)....

Over and Out.
 

Joe Stud

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slow cook indeed. but at this time, i would advise you to take the hanging electric cord coming out of the crock pot... AND PLUG THE FRIGGIN THING IN!

let's go young man!
 

K-man

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Guys,

Thanks again. If I do lose the oppurtunity with this girl it's fine. Really. I don't want an LTR. I want secks and I want to build a new social circle.

She's already been useful. At the dance this friday another plate showed up, one that I've written of as lost. Seeing me dance with this hotti apparently made her change her mind since she's been both texting and e-mailing me this weekend!

Unfortunately I've caught the flu so I'll be passive this coming week.
 

1 Bad Dude

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boomerick said:
bad dude

She's continuing to be friendly-pliable because the OP is not being perceived as a contender....

Her behaviour already shows aspects of a more girl-type-friendship receptiveness than it does dating...

Hell, OP even goes so far as to take the idea of dating off of the table so as not to possibly 'queer' things with pedistal girl......

Look at the way she's being discribed......

I'm surprised she hasn't cured cancer and come up with a workable world peace solution.....

Yes I'm overstating....BUT....

He's decided she something special (lost frame-pedistalizeation), doesn't want to "blow" it (lost frame-outcome dependant), and is going to get FriendZoned for his trouble (lost frame-orbiter emotional tampon wallet)....

Over and Out.
I understand what you're saying. All I'm saying is that he shouldn't get discouraged. He is changing his tune now though. Stating that sex and social proof is all he wants and that he isn't getting oneitis. OK, cool. Invite her back to your place and get it done. But slow cooking is definitely viable. I know, I've done it.

Back in '08 I finally decided to take a cooking class. I had been living by myself for over five years and was getting tired of the fast-food/take-out/hoping-the-chicks-I-dated-could-cook life. I could cook, if it came in a microwave container. BUT, my diet was turning me into one big bag of acid reflux. Low and behold, I was one of two guys in the class... with twenty-something girls. Most of 'em single moms. Wholly hell, I think I OD'ed on the single-motherdom shenanigans. I still managed to date three(only five were of any quality) and one of 'em was a slow cooker situation.

Everything was great til she found out I was dating the other two. Well, I was kinda seeing the one and had long since dropped the other, but still. However, I still pulled off a minute long make-out session by the third week and its been a month for the OP. So... he should make some sort of move soon. Like joe stud said, turn the thing on.
 

K-man

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Bad Dude: Here's a quick update:

The dance class is finished so from now on I'll need to take control if I want to see her regularely. Therefore, I called her today and invited her over for dinner - at my place.

She gladly accepted but since we are both quite busy the dinner is in about two weeks.

I'll probably bump into her at some dance club before that but it's not 100 percent certain.

Dinner at my place is perfect and will be the lithmus test of her IL.
 

K-man

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Ok guys, you were right!

BUT I've already gained attention from other ladies while going out in public with this one so it's ok!
 

bam bam

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K-man said:
Ok guys, you were right!

BUT I've already gained attention from other ladies while going out in public with this one so it's ok!

whats the info! let us know!!!
 

Sandow

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Assuming she F-zoned you, I think it was clear you just didn't pull the trigger. I'm still confused on why you were so passive?? Everyone here was justifying your reasons for being so slow, but the whole time I kept second guessing it. I mean, setting up dinner in two weeks!?? C'mon man!!

I think she gave you a fair shot at amping the attraction and taking this relationship somewhere, but she got tired of it going nowhere and gave up at the end.
 
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