should i cancel to retain some power?

[pete101]

this girl i picked up in college in the foyer keeps cancelling on me but not on purpose.. i got her number about 2 and half weeks ago and 2 days later i called her to have lunch with me that day (i called her during break at like 10am) she hadn't come in that day cos she went partying the night before. she didnt offer another time tho. i told her i was busy the next day and we should do it on monday next week. she said yes.

this is where the disrespect started, come monday i text her to meet me outside her building for lunch again. she tells me her mom came to visit her (we're studying abroad) for a few days and she needs to help out for business, she counter offered with a day after her mom left so it was less disrespectful and said we'd def do it then. i complied (tho i knew i did seem to available by always saying yes)

come that day she cancelled when i was suppose to see her cos she was in hospital ill (really i thought she should text me to tell me this in the morning but if she was ill then..) either way i thought she was pissing me about cos she didn't offer another time, i thought if she was ill she wouldn't offer the next day cos she might not be better by then, so i went for monday this week. she said yes.

i however didn't meet up with her monday nor texted her the time to meet cos i was ill over the weekend (which probably was a smart move looking a little less desperate) then texted her yesterday saying to her i forgot and not to worry cos i hadn't forgot about her in a jokey way. we arranged for today for lunch.. then guess this..

SHE CANCELLED AGAIN! she went clubbin last night so didnt come into class again. the thing is all our date arrangements revolve around her coming to class cos she lives far off campus (and im not going all the way to hers by cab) so i'd assume out of a 5 day week she'd come in at least 3 times. she didnt counter offer so i was p1ssed.

i sent something back about her being a bad girl for missing so much class and she should offer me another time and i said something about assuming tomorrow instead? (i realise now i make myself look way too available by keep being free to have lunch) she said i dont know we'll see tomorrow. u can tell interest is dropping.

should i really be so uptight about this whole thing?

 

[pete101]

i keep thinking about the process of how she cancels (for whatever reason) only counter offered once. i think her mentality is that cos we're meeting after class for lunch i should be more casual about it all cos we're likely to meet each other rather than a prearranged date.

assuming we're on tomorrow, should i cancel on her tomorrow to retain some power and not look so available? i.e. do what she did to me?

i was thinking something along the lines of 'hey i forgot im busy for lunch today so we cant have lunch. maybe another day. see ya'

no counter offer, nothing. is this smart? then leave it a few days? a week? and see if she follows up. if not then try another arrangement.. or alternatively cos we're both on campus i could visit her during breaks when im visiting my friends in another building (thats where i met her in the 1st place but haven't been back since) would that be better? and be all casual etc?

i feel like i need to see her again spontaenously to raise IL again.

at end of the day is any cancellation with no counter offer no matter the reason still a cancellation?

because our arrangements are all lunch focused

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

She doesn't sound interested at all. She'd rather go out partying and skip class than see you. If you guys have class together anyway, why do you have to plan lunch in advance? Couldn't you have just asked her to lunch after class when class ended? "Hey I'm going over to Hot Lips Pizza for lunch; you should come along."

Again, she doesn't seem that into it, but I would lay off hounding her about meeting up. Let it just happen rather than bullying her into putting up with you.

 

[Captain]

She canceled. She went clubbing, and probably hooked up with a couple of guys there. She isn't interested, forget about her.

 

[JJMcLure]

She doesn't appear to have much interest and this appears a waste of your time (could be more productively spent on other chicks). What do you think she's doing at those clubs? Answer: getting hit on, making out with and fvcking guys.

You say you got her digits in the college foyer - presumably then you're familiar with cold approaching so just go back out and get some more numbers.

 

[Four_Aces]

everyone's advice is spot on. A similar situation has happened to me, and actually lots of girl pull this tactic.

HOWEVER - If this girl went out with her friends instead of you, on a friday night and did not invite you -- It's not a blow off, it's just that you don't know her peer group well enough for her to feel that you'd blend in comfortably.

IMO, let things cool off for a bit so you don't seem desparate, and keep going for the solo hangout with her. THREE STRIKES RULE!

 

[Pacific]

Easy answer here, no cancellations when you first make plans or its LIL all day long. She's not intersted, move on. Its AFC world to continue......