Should Have Saw It Coming

[Prime_Beef]

You had a woman with all those issues and you have not filed a report and gotten a TRO?
(Never mind you selected this woman in the first place. Her kids will turn out charming, I'm sure)

 

[ZTIME]

You had a woman with all those issues and you have not filed a report and gotten a TRO?
(Never mind you selected this woman in the first place. Her kids will turn out charming, I'm sure)

What's a TRO?

 

[Prime_Beef]

Temporary Restraint Order

Let's reflect:
A woman who had drug issues, run in with the law for dui who stole your furniture. .took up with another man right away, who sneaks into your house with changed locks?

You'd do better if you got real about this, filed the report, let her know, and the TRO. Then you are done and protected. Everything said here by myself and others is based on experience.

 

[SAYNO]

What's a TRO?

Probably Temporary restraining order. ZTIME you need to be very careful your future could be in grave danger either legally, financially, physically or all three. Do not take this lightly, ive been in a situation like this before. You need to consider also what she may be telling the new guy. There are alot of white knights around, she could be telling him that you were abusive and he might try to "defend her honor". He could call a bunch of his buddies to come help him beat the living sh11t out of you.
The reason why im telling you this is because it almost happened to me, but fortunately for me my brothers in law enforcement. I wont go into all the details but he saved me from getting jumped. My ex had called some of her goon friends of hers and they were laying in wait around my house. She was mad that I threw her ass out because I found out that she was cheating so she gave a guy some puzzie to come and pay me back for dropping her. If you dont listen and face the facts its over dont try to presumme what she will and wont do. She is a strsnger to you now and she wants to see you hurt and destroyed, she will eventually try to black mail you.. you have been warned!

 

[ZTIME]

Probably Temporary restraining order. ZTIME you need to be very careful your future could be in grave danger either legally, financially, physically or all three. Do not take this lightly, ive been in a situation like this before. You need to consider also what she may be telling the new guy. There are alot of white knights around, she could be telling him that you were abusive and he might try to "defend her honor". He could call a bunch of his buddies to come help him beat the living sh11t out of you.
The reason why im telling you this is because it almost happened to me, but fortunately for me my brothers in law enforcement. I wont go into all the details but he saved me from getting jumped. My ex had called some of her goon friends of hers and they were laying in wait around my house. She was mad that I threw her ass out because I found out that she was cheating so she gave a guy some puzzie to come and pay me back for dropping her. If you dont listen and face the facts its over dont try to presumme what she will and wont do. She is a strsnger to you now and she wants to see you hurt and destroyed, she will eventually try to black mail you.. you have been warned!

I'm getting the point. I guess in my inexperienced mind I just never thought of things this way. Out of every relationship I've had, I would have never thought of things like these happening from an ex. I've never experienced it before.

It's not like she's calling me screaming at me and threatening me with any of this sort of stuff. The only thing I know is that she feels like she can help herself to whatever is in my house, and that she stopped by me neighbor's house to tell him that she is now happier in her life then she's ever been. (stung a little, but I'll take it).

Her lawyer stopped in today and asked if we were broken up. I said yes and he was pissed. He's a personal friend of mine (which is why he works on her custody case) and said that he's into her case for about $8'000 and the only reason he took the case was as a favor to me. I told him the whole story. He told me that if I did anything involving the law as it pertains to her it could mess with her custody case.

Maybe I am a white knight, but I need to do this right now without any law involved. I put effort and time into that custody case and don't want to see or hear anything about those kids spending anytime with their drug dealer father. Maybe they'll still grow up messed up, but I won't be that cause.

I think that all of you who have posted on this feed have really put up some amazing advice. I started it just to get over the pain of the break-up, not realizing what kind of other things could happen.

This ride really sucks right now! But I know that the right thing to do right now is to post my story with full transparency. I read and try to do everything you all ask. Some things right now are a little harder for me to do due to certain situations and beliefs.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Mister,
Whatever happens tobthose kids is going to happen whether you are involved or not. If the lawyer will tell her to cool it, you are disappearing or else, you might have leverage. Doubt it tho. Otherwise my best advice was given. If what you do blows her custody case, then she's not the sort who deserves custody, and further, will assuredly lose it in the near future after you put your resources into it.

Seen it.

 

[ZTIME]

Mister,
Whatever happens tobthose kids is going to happen whether you are involved or not. If the lawyer will tell her to cool it, you are disappearing or else, you might have leverage. Doubt it tho. Otherwise my best advice was given. If what you do blows her custody case, then she's not the sort who deserves custody, and further, will assuredly lose it in the near future after you put your resources into it.

Seen it.

I'm choosing to not get involved whether it's good or bad. I'm walking away from the whole situation. If she looses her children it will be based on her actions. I can't send any messages through lawyers or police. I will protect my household and myself. My posts are for all of you and for me to get rid of any guilt or horrible feelings. I will be completely transparent throughout this whole process so as time goes by maybe others reading this will get clarity for there own issues. It's day 18 of NC. I promise to read every post written here and to find my path. Thank you for the help and words of wisdom.

I just can't allow myself to effect the outcome of those kids future. Let her handle that. The alarm for the home, the new locks, and everything else is fine.

 

[Night-hawk]

Out of sight. Out of mind...You wouldn't decide to stuff a loved pet and keep it at your bedside. That would be an odd thing to do, let alone constant reminder of what was had and had no more. No you send the carcass to the earth (back into the sexual market place) where it will decompose (as her beauty and validated entitlement surely will).

Keep up the good fight. When you play a woman's game back at them they gaze upon themselves and drool (because they are vain) but detest the monster it creates (because they know what resides under the bed of their hearts). This is the thinking and action guys need to understand and implement into their dealings with these velociraptors.

I am currently finishing up Bukowski's book, Women. That dirty old bastard has had his fair share of crazy and although he revelled in his chosen lifestyle as much as possible, there was a man who could not get the whole fantasy and appeal of intimate relationships. It went over his head. But he was deeply aware something was "off" about the whole thing. Here is an except I think is fitting to this thread:

"...I put down the phone. I thought about Sarah. But Sarah and I weren't married. A man had a right. I was a writer. I was a dirty old man. Human relationships didn't work anyhow. Only the first two weeks had any zing, then the participants lost their interest. Masks dropped away and real people began to appear: cranks, imbeciles, the demented, the vengful, sadists, killers. Modern society had created its own kind and thy feasted on each other. It was a duel to the death--in a cesspool. The most one could hope for in human relationship, I decided, was two and one-half years. King Mongut of Siam had 9,000 wives and concubines; King Solomon of the Old Teatament had 700 wives; August the Strong of Saxony had 365 wives, one for each day of the year. Safety in numbers...Then Elsie walked off shaking her ass at us. She barely made it back to her booth and then she extended those glorious legs again. Why couldn't I have both of them? King Mongut had 9,000 wives. Think of it:365 days a year divided into 9,000. No arguments. No menstrual periods. No psychic overload. Just feast and feast and feast. It must have been very hard for King Mongut to die, or very easy. There could not have been an in-between."

We face the lot we get. And make our meaning of it all work for us, and some others; or work against us, and some others.

But optimism and love of life man!

 

[ZTIME]

Day 19.........waking up to realize I've never been alone.

I'm 43, it's crazy to see myself today as someone whose truly never been alone for any extended period of time.

At 18 years old out of high school I dated and lived with a girl for 2 years and left her to move to sunny Florida. I made Florida my home base for six months and travelled the country the other 6 months for three years. During these 3 years I had my "home base" girl who I lived with for a total of 14 years. In those 14 years I was able to start 2 companies and flourish. The end of this relationship almost killed me. (Nothing like the crazy psycho stuff now, I begged and pleaded for 2 months).

After the 14 year relationship, I dated several girls for 3 months, including my current ex girlfriend.

After 3 months I got involved with an 8.5 and lived with her for 2.5 years. (My current ex would never let me live this down) I left this girl. She was way to needy and more then I could handle.

3 weeks after the 2.5 year relationship I face book friend requested my current ex. Who was very receptive to hearing from me. This simple friend request led to the situation I'm in now 3.5 years later.

So this morning I'm waking up realizing that in the last 22 years of my life I've spent about 6-7 months as a "single" guy.

Success in business and finances are no problem, but I believe this relationship stuff is something that baffles me.

So this is where I'm at on day 19 of NC. Reevaluating myself and looking on the inside.

 

[Bokanovsky]

After the first four months of us dating, I allowed this girl to move into my house. Here's the kicker', she has 3 children which she had part time custody. (3 days a week). I accepted it as I truly felt that she was "The One".

I stopped reading at this point. The fact that you would even contemplate (let alone follow through with) doing something like that shows a complete lack of common sense. On a list of the dumbest things a man could do, this ranks only one spot below dousing your testicles with gasoline and setting them on fire.

 

[ZTIME]

I stopped reading at this point. The fact that you would even contemplate (let alone follow through with) doing something like that shows a complete lack of common sense. On a list of the dumbest things a man could do, this ranks only one spot below dousing your testicles with gasoline and setting them on fire.

Thanks, advice came a little late but next time I'll know better.

 

[Tenacity]

ZTIME,

So what's the update on the plan going forward? I mean you keep saying you are going through a "learning experience," etc., but you are 43? How is it that you can be 43 and not know the basics of dealing with women, legal arrangements, restraining orders, etc.?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are too old to be sitting up here talking about all of this touchy feely stuff. Relationships GO BAD, sometimes you play a part in it and sometimes you don't. In this case, you were involved with a woman that you shouldn't have been involved in, so you are partially responsible for all of this in combination with the woman taking up the other percentage of fault.

You are 43, you are a good man, you aren't 22. Go date another chick, learn from the shyt you went through here, FILE A POLICE REPORT and a Restraining Order on the chick....and move on with your life dude.

Stop all of this emotional shyt, you have money, you have assets, you have as they say "High Sexual Market Value." Go replace this chick.....

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

So what's the update on the plan going forward? I mean you keep saying you are going through a "learning experience," etc., but you are 43? How is it that you can be 43 and not know the basics of dealing with women, legal arrangements, restraining orders, etc.?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are too old to be sitting up here talking about all of this touchy feely stuff. Relationships GO BAD, sometimes you play a part in it and sometimes you don't. In this case, you were involved with a woman that you shouldn't have been involved in, so you are partially responsible for all of this in combination with the woman taking up the other percentage of fault.

You are 43, you are a good man, you aren't 22. Go date another chick, learn from the shyt you went through here, FILE A POLICE REPORT and a Restraining Order on the chick....and move on with your life dude.

Stop all of this emotional shyt, you have money, you have assets, you have as they say "High Sexual Market Value." Go replace this chick.....

Thanks Man!! You're not being harsh at all. I started this whole post to get clarity and that is true.

It's kind of embarrassing, but at 43 years of age I've honestly never been in this type of situation. I can't say everything in life has been perfect, but damn near it.

I've been in relationships with all higher end girls at several points in time of my life but have never been so emotionally attached. Even the girl I dated for 14 years was just hard to get over her being there all of the time.

With the schedule I've always had and the things I've been able to do, I guess I never really put as much effort into my relationships as I did with this one. Nor have I ever dealt with a breakup this crazy.

You guys seem to know about all of these bad things that can happen with these situations, you know about restraining orders, and legal arrangements, and some of you have had to use them. As everyone has a different path they travel; I'm just dealing with this type of situation at 43 years of age.

So here right now, you guys are helping to teach me my learning experience. The emotional s*** I post here isn't meant to offend anyone, it's like a dump for me to write this stuff down so I know where I was when I was dealing with a toxic situation. Who knows, maybe someday someone will come across this thread with all of your responses and learn. Maybe they would have never had the nuts to post what they felt.

As for me being at fault, you're right! I was totally involved with a woman I should not have been with. I allowed myself to be used and forgot about my own value. And the truth is that right now without being able to read all of these responses I'd be in the same boat that I was 3 weeks ago. So thank you for that.

Now, I do promise to keep full clarity on this post to show that there is a way to make it through this crap and excel. So as I move on and bang other chicks, I'll make sure to post that here also. I'm giving myself a few weeks before I get into that race again. Been down that road it's got it's definite positives. Just getting into the physical and mental shape I need to be in to make it a success.

Yes, I could go out in this town to some bar and tell them the name of the company I own, or tell them the neighborhood I live in and get this accomplished pretty easily, but I've learned that it's better just to look good and feel good about yourself without blabbing about what you do.

So hopefully I've done the right things so far and as always, I appreciate the advice and feedback. Especially yours which I've read 100 times.

 

[hithard]

ZTIME here's how it works.

We broke up.

The End.

Whenever you catch yourself thinking of her or wondering what she is doing, refer to the above. Time to shift focus and move it back onto whatever the hell benefits you.
So long as you are financial protected from this biach then let her rot and stop wasting time.

 

[ZTIME]

DAY 20.............. All right, all right! Starting to come out of this ridiculous fog! My first 3 weeks of this s*** was all about some feeling of loss. Felt like I lost the girl of my dreams and the family that I've never had. Let's be honest.....I was in a bad place.

During the first two weeks, I wouldn't say I was begging to get this girl back, but I surely made any correspondence with her look that way. But the whole time I was still doing things for myself. Hanging out with friends, going out, talking to past crushes and the "orbiters" who always seem to be around whenever I need them. I replaced locks, got new furniture delivered yesterday, and I've been rocking the P-90X like a MF'er! (Linkin Park and P-90X in morning really gets you going).

So here you go Tenacity. I fell for a chick that I should have never given a second glance to. My friends all told me how stupid I was. Here's a girl that has 3 children all from a drug dealer who pays no child support. Her next boyfriend was literally a crack head!! ( found this out in year 2 and it's all completely true). She has had hit and runs, drug problems, DUIs, car repos, and still takes zanex and addirol. Her 3 children were D and F students who acted like street thugs.

I thought I could help. I looked at this s*** as my mission! I thought I could take this chick and family and make them all "fine upstanding citizens". I let them live in my 5 bedroom house in a gated community. (I'm pretty sure not one of those kids ever had their own room). I gave them access to better schools and a better life style. I opened a shared account for her and myself and deposited $3K a month into it.

You know what?? In the end it was all for nothing. I never felt good about it. I never got any appreciation. I only got demands for more and more. It truly cost me lot's of money, lot's of wasted time (which I'll never get back), and half of my F***ing furniture. (through in a lot of dignity, a few lost friends, and a lot of missed opportunity)

There is good news!!! I sill own my company, I still own my home, I still have another company ready to launch, and I still live in the greatest beach town in Florida.

I'm the idiot that got myself in to this mess and I'm sure I'm strong enough to get through the aftermath.

I will never stop finding new girls to bang, I never have. I just won't allow myself to be hooked on anyone who will not meet the physical, mental, and intellectual criteria that I need. Otherwise, it is completely to much work which always ends in a train wreck.

That is how it works!!! We broke up. The End.

I'll continue to update this post in the future if any craziness comes up or just to get some new insight into new things.

Thnks

 

[vinkoch]

I'm confused. you said she moved on to someone who can provide more than you. You sound like you're doing very well financially. How could she get better than you? are this many men that gullible?

 

[ZTIME]

I'm confused. you said she moved on to someone who can provide more than you. You sound like you're doing very well financially. How could she get better than you? are this many men that gullible?

Ohh, no. I said she moved on to someone she thinks can provide more than me. Not financially, of that I'm sure.

Maybe more time, maybe because he has two kids of his own, maybe a bigger P****, Maybe he tells a good story, I really don't know nor do I have the ambition to care.

Here is what I do know: lower income neighborhood, 3 bedroom house (for 5 kids and 2 adults), and he was just recently divorced, and they met at the football field about 9 weeks ago.

However, I do think that there are a lot of gullible people out there, but on my scale she's a 5.5 @ 31 years of age with 3 children. I did it and 'm sure I won't be the last.

And listen, when I say "Not financially, of that I'm sure", I'm really not trying to sound like some pompus ass. I just know that I've worked very hard through my life to do what I've done. So in this case I am very sure that this is not a matter of him having more financial security to offer.

 

[vinkoch]

After 9 weeks of knowing him she burns you. Lol. I hope you wash your hands of this woman if she comes back trying to be on good terms with you if this new relationship blows up in her face.

 

[ZTIME]

After 9 weeks of knowing him she burns you. Lol. I hope you wash your hands of this woman if she comes back trying to be on good terms with you if this new relationship blows up in her face.

That's funny, the implications of regret are high. I started posting this stuff just to remember what I went through to get over this stuff!

No more!! She ain't coming back!! I'd rather stick a hot needle through my eye!

 

[Don the Legend]

Hey ZTime,

Something you may want to consider to do.

Once you feel up to it, I would make a list of qualities you want your next gal to have. You can add age, looks, etc...but the most important thing to think about is what kind of qualities she has to have. As you compile this list, you will be amazed how much your ex didn't have, once you have time to look back and objectively see how much your ex wasn't right for you. Once you have a good working draft, list the core qualities she must have that if she doesn't have a majority on the list then that you have break up and move on.


This will help you focus on finding the right gal for you.

Good Luck

DTL