Shocking Discovery about my GF

[tallcoolone]

Hi, long time reader first time poster!!

I have been dating this girl for about 2 months now. We both go to the same college and we met in a class we were in together over the summer. Things have been going great, we have a lot in common and she is very fun to be around. I really like this girl. She works at the university book store part time and I thought that was her only job.

Yesterday my freind got a great job offer so, me, him and a couple other buddies of ours went to a strip bar to celebrate. I think you know where this is going. Sure enough, Metallica "Seek and destroy" comes on and out comes my gf on stage! She still had her bra and g-string on, and then she noticed me in the audience and ran super fast off stage when she saw me. I got up and walked out of the bar and she came running after me crying and telling me she only does this 2 nights a week, because a month ago her dad lost his job and could not afford to help her out financially and she needed money very quickly to pay for this semester. She promised me she doesn't do lap dances and she just does a few stage dances each night and makes about 200 dollars a night doing this.

If it was just stage dancing, I would not like it, but I could probably handle it considering the circumstances behind it. But if she is doing lap dances than I can't handle it.

I don't know if I can trust her again. My friends have mixed views, 2 of them say it was not a horrible lie, but 2 of them say to dump her. She has called me and left me 4 voice mail messages crying and begging me to forgive her for lying.

What should I do guys????? This girl is very cool, yesterday before we went to the club, I told her we were going to a strip bar, and she was perfectly ok with it, she knows she can trust me. But she thought we were going to a different one last night, the one we were supposed to go to was packed and we couldn't get in, that is why we went to the one she was working at.

How would you handle this?

 

[bud1971]

I have been in this EXACT circumstance.......and I definitely feel for you.

There are many reasons that all come to the same conclusion....you must dump her now.

She has shown the capability to lie to you, that is #1 reason...it is a matter of opinion if it is a big or small lie, but the truth of the matter is that if a girl will lie about something small, she will lie about something big.

BTW....I stayed with mine for a short while, and they all have the same money excuses......fact of the matter is that nice girls don't take their clothes off for money. I wish I would have dumped mine immediately.

 

[tallcoolone]

Serious only please

In regard to the other posters comment, can i please only get serious answers. I am not interested in having a 3-some, I told you, i like this girl, this girl is Long Term Material.

 

[Drex]

Wow....I guess the way I would react at this point would depend on how sincere she is about the situation.

So you say she is making $200 per night, 2 nights a week? Doesnt she know that she can be a ****tail waitress or a bartender and make the same, if not more? Did she explore other options or go straight to stripping?

 

[Drex]

Also, you said she is stripping to pay for her tuition. Let me ask you this, does she go out shopping much? Does she spend her money unwisely or can you honestly say that she is tight with her money, makes sacrifices and is honestly using this money for her tuition? Because if she is going out and buying new clothes all the time like most girls, she has no excuse for stripping and lying to you about it.

 

[TheSplat]

Why does this bother you so much? So what if other guys are seeing her naked. Isn't that flattering that hundreds of men are fantasizing about your girlfriend?

 

[tallcoolone]

Thoughts

She is very conservative about money, like I said, I really like this girl, she is not one who loves to go out and buy clothes all the time, or someone who has a bunch of shoes in her closets. I suppose i need to talk to her tonite now that I am more calm and ask her some serious questions. I can slightly understand that she wouldn't want me to know about her dad losing his job, when I lost just a part time job a couple years ago i did not want my gf at the time knowing right away because I was embarassed about it. Something else that really bothers me, is that she has always known that Metallica is my favorite band ever!! And she goes and uses them to strip to!! Now every time I hear them, I am gonna think of this incident!!

Ugggggh!!! I thought I was more calm, now I am getting fired up again!

 

[Royal-tiger]

Be aware, my friend!

To me, it appears that you already have decided to keep this girl (considering your repeated affirmations).

If it were me, she would be history. First, she is a liar. Second, of the various professions available to noble financially challenged women she goes for "stripping." Please don't tell me that students who are tight moneywise either resort to stripping or can't solve their financial predicament. The point is she did not hesitate to feed male lust commercially even if it is only visual. And BTW, she is a confirmed liar how certain you are that she did not indulge in lap dance or sex-for-money.

Please be advised that certain professions either attract or condition its practioners certain way. Strippers are, by default, money-minded, liars, manipulative and frequently convincing in their games. I am not surprised that you are so much into her that you are willing to overlook all these red flags. She must be very good -- lookwise, sexwise or professionally, actwise.

On a personal note, I have known strippers (banged many of them) and they all had (per their admission as well) the above mentioned things in common.

If you can, watch HBO's stipper feature to get further insight into their world.

Whatever you decide, rationalize well!

 

[m4a1]

If you forgive her for this, she will lie to you once again, that's how girls are.
It's like when they do sh!t-tests, they see how far you will let them go before putting your foot down.
Except, this isn't a sh!t-test, this is real.
All this comes down to state of mind, she isn't long-term-material, and never will be.

Yeah, 2 nights a week to pay tuition? She can work part-time daily and get the same amount.
Money is just an excuse. Her job is very disrespectful, especially to you.



Think about how far she would have gone before coming clean with you (if she ever intended to..) it's probably one of those secrets she never wanted to let you know, I bet there are more secrets to come if you don't break her off....

She has called me and left me 4 voice mail messages crying and begging me to forgive her for lying.

Girls fake crying just like they fake orgasms. Don't be a fool.

 

[DJ_Dork]

If she felt like she shouldn't have shared it with you even in a relationship then this can be problematic as this was a lie.

If my GF told me that she's thinking about doing a stripping job, I'd be all for it (although in the first place I'd never go out with a stripper, so this is theoretical.)

What's next, She's dating some other guy on the side and you won't know till you find out? I wouldn't dump her yet... look for another girl and then dump her.

 

[NRM]

You forgive a girl who lies, she'll know she can get away with it. Especially if it's a big deal and you just forgive her.

But, I know your problem. And it doesn't seem like you're gonna give up either way. So I guess the BEST thing you can do if you're going to be persistent about it is tell her to quit and find a different job and tell her to call you when she does. Forget about her till she comes back to you. If she doesn't, then she rather strip for cash than make you feel comfortable.

It's just hard to trust a girl who lies, so I don't know how far you can get with this. If you don't want to waste time, then drop her, but things will only get worse if she's the type to jump into stripping for money instead of looking for other opportunities.

 

[Kourt]

1. She lied to you
2. Her stripping is an insult to you
3. She probably has other secrets

If I found out my gf was a stripped I would personally take it as an insult and dump her.

There are many different jobs which can get good money without going down to the very low profession of stripping. A good waitress can make $100 a night, even more.

Shes strapped for cash so she decided to strip for money. This means she was willing to please OTHER guys with HER body for easy cash. Now thats only for $200 in one shift. Now if she can get another $20 (or whatever it is for a lapdance) she can be making easily another 200 on the side. Now shes already shown shes capable of giving up sexuality for money, its only a small step to doing lapdances. My bet is she has done lap dances and she just won't admit it.

This girl is TROUBLE. She has shown she is capable of lying to you and is capable of cheating on you (or very nearly) If you let her off on this then theres no telling what else she will try to sneak past you. Trust me on this, you NEED to move on. This girl is just one pretty face of many. Go find another.

For me the very MOST important thing in a relationship is TRUST. If you can't trust her, then you shouldnt be having a relationship with her. Theres a quote that goes somthing like this "Fool me once, shame on me, if I fool you twice shame on you."

I'll say it once more. She is trouble. Get out now while you can. To prolong this would be only harming yourself, and giving her more power. Grow a set of balls, dump her, and MOVE ON!

I wouldn't date a stripper, neither should you.

For Gods sakes listen to the advice of your fellow DJ's and move on.

 

[A-Unit]

She ain't ya wife.

Maybe I'm more laid back than I should be but...

You can't control a person. Wives cheat, and even they took a vow to the end.

With that in mind, I don't care. A person will do what they will do. Personally, I know I'd be pissed and crushed. Which one would rule out, I don't know.

The way I rationalize it is this...

A girl, no matter who background, surroundings, occupation, name, height, weight, bra size, or status, can cheat or life. What you have here is a woman or job that most consider to be at high risk of cheating. That's your call.

As far as her not telling you...well, you can lay down the law or not. If you choose to stay with her, then stick with it and don't go back on that word. Don't get pissed later over it when you know she's doing it. On the flip side, if you're pissed she lied, then go with it. Is there a grey area? Yes.

Let's flip it.

Let's say your girl was opposed to you selling drugs and being a bookie (we all know many people who sell weed or more during college to make ends). Say she hates it, and would be pissed, would you tell her? Would it be her business to know how you make your money provided your straight all the other times? It has to been seen from the angle you would be accused of.

In this case, if you'd tell her, I might walk. BUT, people are different. Nobody has the same values and beliefs as you, so where you might be pissed over this, another guy might be cool and let it play out.

I don't know this girl or you...but make a decision and move on.


A-Unit

 

[jakeyboy]

if you continue seeing this girl... your self worth will disintegrate before your eyes. in her eyes. you will be "the guy i can step all over and he'll forgive me"

tell that girl to find a new job... one that's more respectable.. and if she won't, then you know how it goes... NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXT.

 

[Slickster]

.....fact of the matter is that nice girls don't take their clothes off for money.

Exactly!

You want her for an LTR but she doesn't sound like relationship material to me.

Think about it. If she was only doing it for the money then she wouldn't "like" stripping but would do it because she HAD to.

When she busted out onto the stage before she noticed you, did she look like she was enjoying herself? Of course she did.

Face it man there is no gun to her head forcing her to strip. Most genuinely nice girls WOULD take a bullet in the head before being forced to strip at a place like that.

She lied to you and she's lying some more telling you its just because of her situation - being low on the flow$$$.

I understand your feelings for her but your judgement is clouded right now. If you keep her for a LTR this will haunt you always and that is no way to live.

Sorry man, Shes gots ta go.

 

[iMat]

Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by tallcoolone
She is very conservative about money, like I said, I really like this girl, she is not one who loves to go out and buy clothes all the time, or someone who has a bunch of shoes in her closets. I suppose i need to talk to her tonite now that I am more calm and ask her some serious questions. I can slightly understand that she wouldn't want me to know about her dad losing his job, when I lost just a part time job a couple years ago i did not want my gf at the time knowing right away because I was embarassed about it. Something else that really bothers me, is that she has always known that Metallica is my favorite band ever!! And she goes and uses them to strip to!! Now every time I hear them, I am gonna think of this incident!!

Ugggggh!!! I thought I was more calm, now I am getting fired up again!

I love these types of situations. It gives you leverage, it let's you justify doing something totally wrong, and lastly, it feels great when someone is dying for your forgiveness etc.

But if you think about it, stripping is just a job. Not a very noble occupation, but still a job.

--iMat

 

[MindOverMatter]

this girl will hide all sorts of sh!t from you. if you can put up with that, then by all means stay with her.

if not, find a girl you can trust.

 

[So Many Ways]

I like women with self respect and self control. Any woman that strips has a complete lack of self respect and I could never respect a woman who ever did that for an occupation. I also like women who are honest and are not telling me major lies like that. With that being said, she would be dropped immediately.

 

[NRM]

Originally posted by Kourt
Theres a quote that goes somthing like this "Fool me once, shame on me, if I fool you twice shame on you."

Other way around man.

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

Good quote.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Re: Serious only please

Originally posted by tallcoolone
I told you, i like this girl, this girl is Long Term Material.

You are a lonely fool!!!!

Say "No" to Stripper Ho's!!!!!

I think you actually believe the Hor's story!! With your mindset, I see serious problems in your long term future!!