She's back

[Mavrick]

Ok, so I dated this chick back in college, and after a little while, it went bad. Back then I was worse than any AFC imaginable. Calling all the time, always had to be around her, getting extremely jealous, and everything else you can thing of. 6 years later she finds me on Facebook and starts messaging me, gets my phone number, and sends a picture of her cleavage and talks about sleeping together.

Ok, I want to nail this one again, and I don't want to run her off before doing so. All these exes have been coming back to me once they've seen I'm bulked up and looking good. I ran her off before, so I want to reel her in this time. What's the best way to do this? Sh!t, we're already talking about a weekend trip to New Orleans, and I would like for that to happen. I could care less if I go with her or someone else, but since it's her, why not? I effin love New Orleans!

Last night when we finished our conversation, she said she would holler at me in the morning. I haven't heard from her yet, but I don't want to initiate the next conversation. The ball is in her court right now. I'm guessing that if I don't hear from her, that I should just hang it up? I really really don't want to have to be the one that initiates the conversation every time. I feel like if I contact her first, I'll be training her to think I'll always contact her no matter what, and I will be leaving nothing for mystery's sake.

 

[Ease]

Dont leave the ball in her court, its better to keep it on yours at every exchange.

When she said she would holler(lol) at you in the morning, if you had said, 'ey girl hold up, i got some bidness in the morn, ill holler at you when its finished', she would have been the one waiting nervously right now.

Always put the girl in the nervous waiting situation. It's a guarenteed win.

 

[Mavrick]

^^ I haven't thought of that.

 

[Mavrick]

So, what do I do if I don't hear from her today?

 

[Kailex]

So, what do I do if I don't hear from her today?

Take someone else to New Orleans then.
Why are you overthinking this so much?

If you say you aren't an AFC, well apparently this woman has brought that aspect of you back into your life. It's like you are going back to the old you. If she said she'd call you and hasn't... then she isn't keeping her word. If by tonight you haven't heard from her... why not plan without her then?

I honestly don't really get all this overthinking.

 

[Mavrick]

...

 

[Mavrick]

Here's the deal. Every time I go through this exact same situation, I get really really insecure. I start thinking a million thoughts like "if I don't contact her, I'll probably never hear from her," but how could I really ever know if I don't wait it out? So, what do I usually do? I call or text. Then I end up showing my as.s. I ask why she hasn't texted me and in time...

THEY RUN...

RUN LIKE HELL!

It's like I can't control myself. Anxiety overcomes me, and I can't think of or do anything else, but think a million different bad thoughts/scenarios. I become consumed by a negative cycle of thoughts, and the tape plays over and over in my mind until FINALLY I call and fuc.k up everything.

I don't think I have ever just waited it out to see what would happen, and until I figure out how to do that, I probably never will.

 

[Razor Sharp]

Nobody likes a clingy loser.

I challenge you, as a man, to not contact her at all. Forget she exists and go about your plans. Why should your life be on hold for cleavage that shows up out of the blue after 6 years? F*ck that nonsense.

Seriously I DARE you to have a backbone in this situation.

BTW - Ease's advice is sooooo on point. I've eliminated many a flake by taking control of the interactions. Remember YOU are the leader - that means never waiting by the phone like a chump.

 

[Mavrick]

Nobody likes a clingy loser.

I challenge you, as a man, to not contact her at all. Forget she exists and go about your plans. Why should your life be on hold for cleavage that shows up out of the blue after 6 years? F*ck that nonsense.

Seriously I DARE you to have a backbone in this situation.

BTW - Ease's advice is sooooo on point. I've eliminated many a flake by taking control of the interactions. Remember YOU are the leader - that means never waiting by the phone like a chump.

How does not contacting a woman get you laid?

 

[Razor Sharp]

It's not about getting laid man. It's about having some self-respect and not letting your happiness depend on ONE set of tits.

You should have OPTIONS my man. I dont know the details of your situation, but I can say that the surefire way to NOT get laid is to focus all your energy on a bird who doesn't even return your calls. But whatevs.

I can tell you wont listen to me and you will just end up calling her. Do yourself a favor - if you want an ice cube's chance in hell at hitting that, DO NOT ask why she didn't call you or get all huffy about it. That makes you look WEAK. Simply let her know you are about to get your tickets and see if she's still game.

 

[Mavrick]

It's not about getting laid man. It's about having some self-respect and not letting your happiness depend on ONE set of tits.

You should have OPTIONS my man. I dont know the details of your situation, but I can say that the surefire way to NOT get laid is to focus all your energy on a bird who doesn't even return your calls. But whatevs.

I can tell you wont listen to me and you will just end up calling her. Do yourself a favor - if you want an ice cube's chance in hell at hitting that, DO NOT ask why she didn't call you or get all huffy about it. That makes you look WEAK. Simply let her know you are about to get your tickets and see if she's still game.

It's not that she hasn't returned a call. I haven't call her. When we talked last night, she said she was going to bed and would call me in the morning, but has not called.

 

[Razor Sharp]

Tomayto, tomahto - point is she aint calling and you are pacing in your room like a b*tch over it. You already have the wrong mentality and approach to the situation. You are torturing yourself, and for what? A piece of ass you already hit years ago? Come on.

Do you see how ridiculous and illogical your behavior is? Even if she did call I wouldn't be surprised if you managed to scare her away. You simply have too much emotional investment in what should be a casual hookup - it matters wayyyy too much! You reek of neediness and that's what is making them run as fast as they can.

Recognize the pattern and maybe you can correct it. No one wants to sleep with a desperate person.

What should you do? Personally I'd pass but if you are this hung up you should just call her later tonight and see if the plans are still on track. Do it casually, as if the outcome doesn't matter that much to you (IOW, be a good actor, lol)

 

[Serg897]

Mavrick, I've dealt with similar feelings many times in my life. They are still present to a certain extent, but Im actively working on controlling them.

The bottom line is your mindset needs to fundamentally change. You happiness should not depend on wether one girl calls you back. That is unhealthy, it is bad for you. You need other options in terms of women, and overall a greater amount of independence.

If you must call, like someone already said, its to finalize plans you already made.

 

[Kailex]

Wait a second... how old is this woman, Mavrick???

I re-read this entire thread and my spidey sense is tingling about this situation. Either a validation whorre or a woman whose expiration date has long been up.

I get that distinct feeling.

 

[Mavrick]

Wait a second... how old is this woman, Mavrick???

I re-read this entire thread and my spidey sense is tingling about this situation. Either a validation whorre or a woman whose expiration date has long been up.

I get that distinct feeling.

She's 32, and I was thinking the same dam.n thing.

Personally, I think guys aren't going after her like they used to. I even noticed that she has a plenty of fish account which, to me, screams desperation. Women don't need a dating site if they are getting propositioned regularly, and she wouldn't feel the need to tell me how nice her body is or send me pictures of her tits.

 

[Kailex]

Plan your weekend without her.
If she calls you later on saying that she's still on for this weekend, tell her that you had to change your plans, but maybe some other time.

I don't care if you have to go alone.
You do NOT take this woman to New Orleans and spend the WHOLE weekend with her. Establish the frame as YOURS. Remember, at 36 your value is going up, her value at 32 is QUICKLY DECLINING.

Put yourself in the position of power. Don't give it to her.

Again: NO MATTER WHAT... go ALONE.
Find yourself some women over there and have fun.

This will demonstrate to her (if she DOES call) that she is not your only option and her IL will probably peak because of it. She's probably stringing you along though, for 1 of the 2 reasons I listed above.

 

[nismo-4]

Ok, so I dated this chick back in college, and after a little while, it went bad. Back then I was worse than any AFC imaginable. Calling all the time, always had to be around her, getting extremely jealous, and everything else you can thing of. 6 years later she finds me on Facebook and starts messaging me, gets my phone number, and sends a picture of her cleavage and talks about sleeping together.

Ok, I want to nail this one again, and I don't want to run her off before doing so. All these exes have been coming back to me once they've seen I'm bulked up and looking good. I ran her off before, so I want to reel her in this time. What's the best way to do this? Sh!t, we're already talking about a weekend trip to New Orleans, and I would like for that to happen. I could care less if I go with her or someone else, but since it's her, why not? I effin love New Orleans!

Last night when we finished our conversation, she said she would holler at me in the morning. I haven't heard from her yet, but I don't want to initiate the next conversation. The ball is in her court right now. I'm guessing that if I don't hear from her, that I should just hang it up? I really really don't want to have to be the one that initiates the conversation every time. I feel like if I contact her first, I'll be training her to think I'll always contact her no matter what, and I will be leaving nothing for mystery's sake.

New Orleans, my hometown! Drink a hand grenade for me! Get some Beignets too! Extra sugar at Cafe Du Monde!

In any case, if you don't hear from this girl, let it go. If she wants you, she'll talk back. I don't keep up with any of my exes. After a dump or breakup, I move the hell on. I feel that stuff is a trap.

Stop showing your ass. Stop being insecure. Now, New Orleans is fun as hell, especially on Bourbon Street. Geaux Saints (Drew Brees better not catch the Madden curse)! You need to make this New Orleans trip YOUR time, not hers. Put her on your adventures. Take the lead. Even if you go alone, you can catch a woman in the French Quarter.

But Judge nismo-4 is still gonna charge you. You are guilty of putting your balls in the woman's court instead of her mouth. The fine is a stressed mind (Which you are probably still paying) and lower value. Razor, Ease, and Kailex have really helped in this case, and I hope you learned your lesson. That's my ruling.

Send me a PM about the hotspots there, I'll give you a heads up!

Case closed! Don't eat too much crawfish and fried oysters! Who Dat!

 

[Mavrick]

Welp, I told her off. True to form, and she keeps sending me text messages trying to defend her actions, but I finally started ignoring her, deleted her number, and deleted her from Facebook. I don't need the BS!

 

[Kailex]

Care to elaborate?

What happened that you "told her off"?
Make this update a little less... vague.

Describe what happened before you told her off, what got you there and all that jazz.

 

[Iceberg]

Welp, I told her off. True to form, and she keeps sending me text messages trying to defend her actions, but I finally started ignoring her, deleted her number, and deleted her from Facebook. I don't need the BS!

What's funny is, you did exactly what Razor Sharp said you would do. A - called her, and B - you got huffy. Now you look weak, and you know you look weak, so you're deleting this woman from your existence.

You're 36. At some point these lessons have to seep in. If a girl pulls some stuff on you like this, don't give her your time or energy. If it's a girl you're dating....fine...have an argument. "Tell her off." But for a girl you're not banging....why even bother? Who is she to you?

I can tell you wont listen to me and you will just end up calling her. Do yourself a favor - if you want an ice cube's chance in hell at hitting that, DO NOT ask why she didn't call you or get all huffy about it. That makes you look WEAK. Simply let her know you are about to get your tickets and see if she's still game.