I wanted to post this because I feel like I took a big step last night of leaving my AFC ways behind me.
My ex-wife moved out in June of this year and our divorce was final in September. About 4 to 6 weeks before she moved out I started sleeping with a 24 y/o (she will be known as M from now on). I continued seeing M throughout the summer and she was the only woman I was interested in. I knew I was limiting myself but the sex was incredible and I was content with the situation.
I work in Springfield, MO but live in a town about 10 miles south. M also works in Springfield but her financial situation is such that she cannot afford an apartment. She was practically living with me (huge mistake I know) for about 3 months. Her only other place of residence would be her parents who live nearly an hour away. Since she's spent 5 to 6 nights a week with me she's had quite a few of her things in my house.
The last 6 weeks I've really wanted to start dating other women and I've done just that. As I've done so I realize I was hanging on to M out of fear.
Spinning plates is the answer. As other opportunities became available my desire/need for M dropped dramatically.
The last few weeks I've talked to M and told her she could not stay at my house as often. Her things in my house presented a huge problem for me though. Last night we talked again and I told her that she and I never got much of a chance to "date". I told M I still want to see her (and I do, the sex is incredible and she is freaky as hell) but we went from hiding our relationship to almost living together. I've felt suffocated and the desire for space.
Last night I told her that I still wanted to see her and stay over a couple of nights a week but I needed her to remove all of her items from my house. I allowed the situation to continue out of fear. I've wanted her to be a plate and not a fixture in my house.
I've grown over the last few months and I've realized how important it is to spin plates. My fear over losing M almost ceased once I went out with another girl.
I'm posting this because I feel the need to "confess". I was an AFC while I was married and I continued that by allowing M to stay with me for so long. I would never have come to these decisions or realizations without the help of the people on this board. Reading about other people's situations and giving some advice on a helpful direction is rather easy for me, but when I am analyzing my own situation I let emotions get in the way too often. Spinning plates makes it easier to form an objective opinion rather than let your heart get in the way.
I am very thankful for all the help I've received and for time that some of you take to post quality material.
I have never felt better about my life or myself. I'm more confident than I've ever been. My journey is far from complete and I am going to challenge myself daily to face my fears.
The worst part - I'm furious that I'm 34 years old and coming to these realizations.
Thanks for reading.
My ex-wife moved out in June of this year and our divorce was final in September. About 4 to 6 weeks before she moved out I started sleeping with a 24 y/o (she will be known as M from now on). I continued seeing M throughout the summer and she was the only woman I was interested in. I knew I was limiting myself but the sex was incredible and I was content with the situation.
I work in Springfield, MO but live in a town about 10 miles south. M also works in Springfield but her financial situation is such that she cannot afford an apartment. She was practically living with me (huge mistake I know) for about 3 months. Her only other place of residence would be her parents who live nearly an hour away. Since she's spent 5 to 6 nights a week with me she's had quite a few of her things in my house.
The last 6 weeks I've really wanted to start dating other women and I've done just that. As I've done so I realize I was hanging on to M out of fear.
Spinning plates is the answer. As other opportunities became available my desire/need for M dropped dramatically.
The last few weeks I've talked to M and told her she could not stay at my house as often. Her things in my house presented a huge problem for me though. Last night we talked again and I told her that she and I never got much of a chance to "date". I told M I still want to see her (and I do, the sex is incredible and she is freaky as hell) but we went from hiding our relationship to almost living together. I've felt suffocated and the desire for space.
Last night I told her that I still wanted to see her and stay over a couple of nights a week but I needed her to remove all of her items from my house. I allowed the situation to continue out of fear. I've wanted her to be a plate and not a fixture in my house.
I've grown over the last few months and I've realized how important it is to spin plates. My fear over losing M almost ceased once I went out with another girl.
I'm posting this because I feel the need to "confess". I was an AFC while I was married and I continued that by allowing M to stay with me for so long. I would never have come to these decisions or realizations without the help of the people on this board. Reading about other people's situations and giving some advice on a helpful direction is rather easy for me, but when I am analyzing my own situation I let emotions get in the way too often. Spinning plates makes it easier to form an objective opinion rather than let your heart get in the way.
I am very thankful for all the help I've received and for time that some of you take to post quality material.
I have never felt better about my life or myself. I'm more confident than I've ever been. My journey is far from complete and I am going to challenge myself daily to face my fears.
The worst part - I'm furious that I'm 34 years old and coming to these realizations.
Thanks for reading.
