She was giving me attitude, so I drove her home...

[Sweetcheeks]

My girlfriend was lying in bed with me last night at 1 AM. We were talking after some good sex.

She asked me about this female friend of mine. I met this girl at around the same time I met my girlfriend. Really cool girl, I enjoy talking to her immensely. Intelligent, mature, funny, and very interested in me. She has a much better attitude than my girlfriend, it's really too bad I'm not physically attracted to her.

Out of respect for my relationship with my girlfriend, I DON'T SEE THIS GIRL face to face any more. I DON'T CALL her, either.

She calls me every week and a half or so, and we talk on the phone for about 15-20 minutes each time. It DOES NOT impinge on my time with my girlfriend, and I let her know that I talk to this girl.

She asked me if this girl knows that I have a girlfriend. I said "no, she doesn't". I told her it hasn't come up, and I didn't see a reason to bring it up.

GF "But she likes you!"
ME "Lots of girls like me"
GF "But she calls you! You're leading her on!"
ME "By just talking to her once a week?"
GF "It's just wrong!"
ME "I'm glad you're jealous"

My girlfriend tried to play a moral outrage card on me. I told her that she (girlfriend) didn't really care about the ethics behind leading someone on, because MANY of HER friends are stringing a number of AFCs along, and my girlfriend never took issue with that.

I told my girlfriend that if I wanted this girl romantically, I would be with her right now. I honestly enjoy talking to this girl AS A PERSON, and that is that.

Knowing that this girl is attracted to me, I am careful not to flirt or lead her on in any direct way. The thing is, a number of close female "FRIENDS" in the past were actually very interested in me romantically, and when they realized I did not share their feelings, they just disappeared out of my life, leaving me feeling hurt and bitter.

I told my girlfriend that I would tell my friend that I am in a relationship next time, and apoligized for her discomfort. She gave me attitude, made some sarcastic remarks. I got up and started getting dressed.

GF "What are you doing"
ME "I'm taking you home RIGHT NOW"
GF "It's late, why?"
ME "I apologized, and told you how I was going to deal with the problem. I don't need this sh**, I'd rather sleep alone and in peace."
GF "I'm sorry, I won't act mad anymore"

I get back in bed. I fall asleep. My girlfriend wakes me up, and starts asking me more questions. We talk some more. She starts getting sarcastic remarks again, and I get up, get dressed, and INSIST this time that I take her home (She lives 30 minutes away by highway), it is now 4:30 AM and I have gotten about 30 minutes of sleep.

GF "I'm sorry, please come back to bed"
ME "I heard that one already. I'm not getting back in bed with you so you can try to guilt trip me again and give me attitude. I apologized and gave you an action plan, and that wasn't enough. There's nothing more I can do."
GF "I mean it this time, really"
ME "It's too late. GET UP."
GF "Are you going to be okay driving back?"
ME "That's my problem. I'm willing to take the chance."

I drove her home, on the way I told her to stop talking to me because I was angry. I walked her to her door, and waited until she got inside. She offered me a hug, I refused and turned and left.

I called her when I got home to let her know I got home safe.

I suspect I am wrong in a number of ways. Please provide an analysis.

 

[spider_007]

she woke you up at 4:00 am. I'd biach her out just for waking me up that early (for notting). I would have told her "I thought we discussed this alredy; go to sleep. If you got a problem with it, it can wait till morning, ALRIGHT???!!!!"

i'ts kinda pointless driving her home at 4 am.

 

[everywomanshero]

Bad

I don't think you handled this very tactfully. It sounds like you are either easily snarred into fighting or are already aggrivated with her in other ways. Perhaps, her calls/coming by are interferring with other areas of your life.

Please get a handle on this ASAP. The two of you either need to talk or need to talk about something different before things get to this point again. Please try to reduce the amount of stress in your life. Do breathing exercises, avoid her a little more, or whatever it takes to reduce your stress level. I honestly think you might be on the edge a bit.

Just my .02

 

[frivolousz21]

wow.......


she has MASSIVE issues.

my gf knows I talk to 2 or 3 friend women a day on aim and doenst give a **** because she can see it in me that I love her and wont cheat.


you should re-evaluate this relationship

 

[johnfjr]

you dumbass. the only reason shes probing you is because of obvious high IL. She's jealous. you should have told her in a joking manner that "what are you worried about honey, you know that you are my only one". And the explanation you gave her about the girl was fine. The whole macho I'm gonna drive you home right now is only an efficient method of dealing with a girl when she has disrespected you, ignored you while out on a date, etc. Her asking you about this is just her being insecure/jealous, which, if you really like the chick, you should be flattered by and take it light heartedly. the way you handled it is obvious you are either A- trying too hard to be a macho DJ to increase her already high IL, trust me, this backfires...she will just resent you...B- have a ridiculously short fuse. Drove her home at 4:30 am?????? Um, ok. Then you called her back!? what for? If you were truly annoyed by her asking you, you wouldnt even want to see her, much less call her back. Go read the DJ bible, and apply it PROPERLY. The situation just seems a bit comical. Poorly handled.

 

[Vandermast]

Agreed. She likes you a lot and your ego got in the way, you dumbass. You acted like a 5 year old that didn't get his way. If she has the least bit of confidence in herself, she'll realize this and maybe give you one more chance. You can APOLOGIZE FOR ACTING LIKE A FOOL. And no, that is not AFC of you to admit you acted out of hand, that's DJ sh*t!

I drove her home, on the way I told her to stop talking to me because I was angry. I walked her to her door, and waited until she got inside. She offered me a hug, I refused and turned and left.

Pure DJ Your a real ladies man.

 

[XtremeRacingDiva]

hmmm ok your talking to some chick on the phone and havent told her you had a girlfriend yet. Your girlfriend gets jealous and complains to you. She of course gets mad and sarcastic and pisses you off..then you take her home..

The girl has problems! If I were her I'd smack you upside your head and demand you take me home. Then never call you again! Instead of apologizing and being nice to you.

here are your mistakes:

1. If your going to talk to another chick on the phone dont tell your girlfriend unless your going to let the GF talk to the friend on the phone.

2. Talking after sex..your suppose to be sleeping

3. Tell her what she wants to heat to advoid arguements

Of course this is just my opinion. Good luck!

 

[Skel]

ya your a ****

 

[chance]

how did you have it in you to take her home at 4am? lol. shoulda kept ya cool and joked her around and fell asleep. fuk getting up to take her home.

 

[TxCowboy]

the more messed up thing is that she'll prolly eat that "bad-boy" mentallity up and continue to see you regardless of what happened .... Women and their f****** mystery BS - Never ceases to amaze me how a guy can treat them like Sh1t and yet the unpredictableness just keeps em comming back for more!

GL Bro !

 

[johnfjr]

lol...that's the only reason he did what he did. Guaranteed it will breed resentment, though she may eat it up now. The resentment will soon take over and you will be in a sad state of affairs. You have to know when to apply the bad boy, and not to over do it! very fine line.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Actually call me crazy but I think he got the upper hand. You should let her crawl back to you just dont over do it. From now on she knows you mean business.

 

[Oblivious]

Originally posted by Sweetcheeks
Knowing that this girl is attracted to me, I am careful not to flirt or lead her on in any direct way. The thing is, a number of close female "FRIENDS" in the past were actually very interested in me romantically, and when they realized I did not share their feelings, they just disappeared out of my life, leaving me feeling hurt and bitter.[/B]

Question? If you aren't interested in them then why do you end up hurt and bitter once they disappear on you? Don't they reserve the right to do so if feelings aren't mutual?

That basically is leading these girls on and wrong to not tell them you have a girlfriend. And understandable why your GF would be upset and insecure. But its funny that you say these other girls have better attitudes than your GF yet your GF is who you are attracted to. I guess thats the story of the nice girl finishing last.

 

[libre]

Too bad you didn't think of making her pay for the gas!

Whatever. You've thaught her a lesson she won't soon forget. Next time she'll think twice before waking you in the middle of the night for a catfight or of giving you grief. She'll now pick her battles and also, she should take a better thought out and responsible out method to address you her grievances.

Tell her that if ever she wants to settle some of her grievances with you that she pick a better method of doing so.

 

[Sweetcheeks]

I can't sleep when the other person in the room is giving off nasty vibes.

It's like needing to pee really badly when you're in bed. You either get out of bed to relieve yourself, or you pee the bed and lie in it uncomfortably for the rest of the night.

I was setting limits. You do not get to lie in my bed, in my home, and give me sh** after I have already sincerely apologized and told you what I am going to do to resolve the issue.

 

[libre]

Hurray for you valiant Canuck!

 

[Sasha]

SweetCheeks, tell it as it is! You wanna dump your girl! Don't come here with that bullshlt about.. "..she gave me vibes and sh.t.."

REASON you didn't tell that other girl is becouse you DON'T WANT TO!!! Reason you got mad at your girl, is becouse YOU WANT TO DUMP HER!

You're an a$$hole! Say it as it is you sh.t and don't go blame chicks! Chicks are just that way you pr.ck!!

 

[Eric Clapton]

Originally posted by Sweetcheeks
It's like needing to pee really badly when you're in bed. You either get out of bed to relieve yourself, or you pee the bed and lie in it uncomfortably for the rest of the night.

You make it sound as if this something you do on a regular basis. Piss your bed and lie in it like a fvcking hog.

 

[aftershock]

You played it right...

I disagree with what a lot of the guys here are saying. I think you played it well.

I personally am very uncomfortable with the concept of girls asking me about other girls, or girls I've been with before my current one - that doesn't matter, I have her now, is what I say. I've actually told her if she mentions it again, I'll dump her on the spot, because it irritates the life out of me.

Really, shes just very insecure inside because she knows that if she was to dump you, you could be banging another girl within an hour. She wants reassurance. You were right to give her reassurance to an extent, but when she got annoying and clingy, you were right to take her home.

Rest assured that she won't be bringing it up again.

You let her know who the boss was.

Personally I'd have made her get a cab.

I think that the only thing you did wrong was ringing her when you got back, and walking her to the door. She didn't deserve it.

But maybe I'm too harsh? Ah, who cares?

 

[Eyes_Of_Fire]

Re: You played it right...

Originally posted by aftershock
I disagree with what a lot of the guys here are saying. I think you played it well.

I read a lot of posts about, "thats no way to treat a lady!" and "that wasn't nice!"

Well haven't we learned anything? First of all, training a women can sometimes be like training a dog; rewarded for good behavior, punished for bad.

You did a few things right, one of which was not getting walked on and punishing her for disrespecting you.

Things you can improve on:
1) NEVER loose your cool. Be playful with her but make sure she knows you are upset with her by not calling her or returning her calls for a few days, maybe even a week or two.
2) You should have taken her home IMMEDIATELY instead of giving her a second chance. If you give a girl any sort of room to walk on you they will use it.
3) NEVER loose your cool! I can't stress this enough. If you played it str8 and even if you were pissed didn't show via attitude then you gain a HUGE advantage in that she has NOTHING to use against you. Lets face it, as much as we want a relationship to be happy-pappy, battles are faught, and war is waged.

Props to you man, for not letting a girl dispespect you and get away with it.

Eyes_Of_Fire