she said, "she'll wait"

[boxcutter]

she said, "i'll wait for you"

It has been a while since i've been on this forum but it has done me very well over the past couple years. I have a new issue that recently arose. A little background, I am in the military and recently got back to my hometown for leave. I was on the prowl and met a girl HB9 at a party. I didn't lay it on too heavy but definitely got to know her a bit and intiated kino throughout the night. I ended up with a number before the night was over. Now, since i only had a few weeks home i called her up and went at her pretty fast. Date-- mall, food,... then a kiss to close and tons of kino throughout the date. I knew this girl was digging me and i was playing it cool.

The next 5 nights were amazing. Lots of great sex. Great times. It was fast and hard. I was in total control of this girl. I felt like it was the movies and i knew she was falling for me completely. Well good times come to an end, as I knew they were. I had to leave to go back to the military. Well the final night with her after sex we were cuddling and she said that she would 'wait for me'. I laughed and told her she was being ridiculous and then she got serious and said that she has fallen completely for me and wants no one else. I said, what if the wait is 6, 7, 8, 9 months and she said she would wait, and that she meant it. I also heard from one of her friends that she was talking about visiting me at my base. I am FAR away.

She also tried to get confirmation from me about what I would do. I was stumped and didn't know what to say (didn't want to be AFC and also didn't want to reject her and lose any chance of a LTR with her), she wanted me to answer and I would smile and say, "of course i'll wait' and then i'd kiss her but she detected that i was playing around which could have ebeen a huge mistake.


ok enough rambling, bottom-line... I really really like this girl and never expected myself to get hooked after our fun, but her telling me she would wait makes me think she might. What are the chances of that? How should I play that off? How much should i call/talk to her? I am probably sounding like a AFC right now, but if there is anything i can do that would make her wait for me, i want her too. She is an amazing catch.

 

[musclyjerk]

I imagine the romance will wear off as soon as you leave and reality bites.

Tell her whatever you want - I would advise not to get hung up on her or invest any of yourself in to this! If she does 'wait' and keeps contact with you, you win. If she loses interest, you win.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[boxcutter]

I would advise not to get hung up on her or invest any of yourself in to this!
If she does 'wait' and keeps contact with you, you win. If she loses interest, you win.

The Muscly Jerk

Exactly. That is what I told myself in the beginning and at the end, but I put a very small chance to the fact that she would maintain interest, or would be WILLING too, seeing as I am in a very busy unit in the military that doesn't get much time off, let alone enough to effectivelly conduct a long term relationship.

I called her tonight and we talked for about 45 minutes. I straight up told her that there will be times when I am gone for months at a time and it won't be me shouldering the burden of waiting, it will be her. She said she is ok with that and would wait years (yeah right). The thing is I indulged her a little more this time than in person as to how I felt about her. I think that if I didn't let her know what I really thought she would view our experience together as something less special.

She ended up telling me that she has fallen in love with me and will stay true to me no matter how long.

I understand that I am in a win/win, but the upside to her keeping her promise and a long term LTR developing is something I really really want. This isn't a normal girl and I want to do everything I CAN to keep her.

Do I share some more of my 'feelings' (i know i know...AFC, but how long will C+F last on the phone?) with her and hope to build a bond, or do I play it cool and act non-chalant (which is hard when she says shes fallen for me, is in love with me, and will wait for me).

Thanks for hearing me out for nothing more than it helping to write this out. It is just really confusing on how to keep high interest level in this situation.

 

[pressure0354]

....she would 'wait for me'. I laughed and told her she was being ridiculous.....

you are dead on

she won't wait, and you shouldn't either. the biggest mistake would be wasting each others time. its not fate that you just happened to meet this girl, you can be happy with a variety of people if you tried.

live for you and don't get hung up in the grey zone

 

[boxcutter]

I agree with what your saying completely. But what should I tell her? She told me she wants me to be her 'boyfriend'. I've talked to her a few times on the phone since i've been gone and they were great conversations. I didn't drag them on too long, but we ended up talking about eachother and she again said she means what she said and will wait. I am intrigued as far as this can lead to a LTR whenever my time in the military is up, or who knows. What can I do, as best a don juan can, to handle this situation. My situation is unique as for most of this year i will have little time if any to pursue females and I am being honest in that I am hung up on her. I am not gushing all over her on the phone, but if we both view it as special and she is willing to do what she says, what can I say to keep cool, but also show affection and interest?

 

[selfmademob]

omg man, I am in the exact same situation! AIM me so I can talk to you about it

 

[ryannath]

She'll eventually get too horny from you being gone so long. Probably in the first month, she will have sex with another guy for "companionship", because you are not there for her. I don't blame her, and you shouldn't either. Chicks gotta have the cvck.

 

[boxcutter]

Alright, i have a better perspective on this, here is more though...

Talked to her on the phone today and i brought up the fact of us waiting for eachother. I told her that we should end it because the emotional wave is high right now, but it won't be after months of not seeing eachother and it is best to end it now, and when I do see her again (whenever that is) we can start again. She told me that she is going to wait for me whether we end it now or commit to eachother. We talked about this for a while, and she told me again she fell in love with me and never felt like this before and that she is 100 percent truthful when she says she will wait for me. She pretty much went all out hoping that I would reciprocate this back to her. I held my ground (sorta) and told her to think about her feelings dying down after a while and then seeing if she would still wait for me, and then I told her her i'll call her tomorrow.

Should I commit to her or tell her we should go our seperate ways? what would keep her wanting me the most for the longest time? Is she more likely to run off after I tell her she is special and i'll wait for her, or will that solidify her feelings and make her wait it out?

bottomline is that i'd like our relationship to continue in the future when my circumstance is over and i'm actually home with her, but i'm not sure how to secure this. Commit or no?

P.S let me emphasize that for the next 6 months i will have NO time for females, not even 1 night stands. So by committing to her for the next 6 months i won't actually be missing out on anything until i see her again. I just want to know how to keep IL over this time period. THANKS

 

[Phyzzle]

Let me emphasize that for the next 6 months i will have NO time for females

Do NOT tell her that. There is only one hard as concrete rule in all the theoretical BS here, and that is females want whatever other females want. Keep holding your ground.

I just want to know how to keep IL over this time period. THANKS

Think back: has any girl you've been in love with (your oneitis) ever refused to date you?

What happened to your interest level?

Did you say "I guess she's not going to commit, so I'll flip my switch and stop liking her"? Or did you ache with need and scheme to finally get her? Hmmmm....

 

[boxcutter]

Do NOT tell her that. There is only one hard as concrete rule in all the theoretical BS here, and that is females want whatever other females want. Keep holding your ground.



Think back: has any girl you've been in love with (your oneitis) ever refused to date you?

What happened to your interest level?

Did you say "I guess she's not going to commit, so I'll flip my switch and stop liking her"? Or did you ache with need and scheme to finally get her? Hmmmm....

Thanks a lot for this post. You understand what I am trying to do and the circumstances involved. You are completely right about wanting what you can't have. I agree that it would be perfect in a situation where I could pull the strings at any moment and sweep her off her feet, but when she doesn't see me for so long, in addition to not having a committment from me, she might be more apt to just say forget it, and mess around even if she still has lingering feelings. That messing around might kill what she has for me.

On the otherhand she told me she is boasting to her family and friends that we are together and she has never done this before with a guy. She is also pretty thrilled about my lifestyle and she specifically said that she finds it exciting that I live my life for goals and a purpose and she respects it and will wait for me because other guys are just losers.

I must say she is saying all the right things in such an honest and straightforward manner I find it refreshing and I respect her for it. She is quite a catch in this regard. If we both agree to wait it could turn out to be something real good in the future. Maybe some info on our ages would help out the perspective. She is a mature 21 year old and I'm 24.

I am going to talk to her tonight and I will have to make a decision about what I'm going to say to her. I could sink the ship, or make it sail on, but either way I know I already had a great time with her and if it ends it ends, no biggy. I just don't want it to end with her.

I am just not decided on the best strategy TO keep her.

 

[wayword]

She is a mature 21 year old

:crackup:

I was just going to ask if she was 21...

Look, RULE #1: The first 2 months DON'T COUNT. You're both fronting and endorphins have taken over.

TIME TELLS EVERYTHING.

If anything, she had sex too fast with you for a LTR. Now, you're both stuck in the position of having to maintain that level of emotional commitment (LD) or back it down (which always sux). Either one sux.

My prediction is that she will move on within 2 months...

 

[ryannath]

I don't think she will respect you as a man if you commit and wait 6 months to see her, unless she is ugly and/or a female AFC. (yes, they do exist) Women want a man that is hard to get, and that is the prize. If you commit without being able to fvck her or even see her, she won't respect you. I mean, what will you be getting out of committing without seeing her? Nothing, but headache, and wondering what the hell she is doing back at home. "I wonder what she is doing right this minute. Is she svcking some other guy's cvck?" Those are the thing you would be wondering and it would drive you crazy.

 

[boxcutter]

I told her we shouldn't committ on the phone today. I stated the case that I can't treat her like a man should treat a women by being far away and in a committed relationship. I told her that she should go out and have fun and if she finds someone that is better than me and has feelings for than obviously I wasn't for her.

It turned out pretty ugly. She cried... and cried... and pleaded her case about us committing to eachother and that she never felt this way before and that she didn't want to lose me. She said she loved me and that I was throwing her heart back at her by not committing. She said she couldn't help herself and will wait for me if we are committed or not, but that she desperately wants me to wait for her too.

It was hard to sit through this. I really care for this girl and I think I'm doing the right thing and I held my ground through her wimpering and pleading her love for me. That wasn't easy. After she started getting real emotional I told her we will continue this tomorrow and she then proceeded to cry again and say how she couldn't sleep. Oh and she also said she would drop everything and move thousands of miles to where I am right now to be with me.

What the hell do I do now? I held my ground, now I'm stumped.

 

[selfmademob]

boxcutter, do u got AIM?

 

[Phyzzle]

What the hell do I do now? I held my ground, now I'm stumped.

And do you think her interest in you is low now, or high?

Remember guys: your job is not to increase her happiness, but to increase her interest level. One has little to do with the other.

For inspiration:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=101067

When a man is working hard to make her 100% happy, she'll start an argument for the sole purpose to add some drama into her life. Fvck being happy all the time, that's boring. Let's have an exciting, emotion-filled fight!

(I feel like I'm a minister quoting the King James Bible here.)

 

[boxcutter]

Phyzzle, honestly I'm not sure where her interest level is right now, but I am guessing it could be anywhere. She took what i told her pretty hard. Then again, it might reinforce the idea to her that i am the 'prize'. Regardless, I have 4 more days to talk to her before i can only talk once a week. Then after that I won't be able to talk to her for months on end until pretty much we see eachother again. After thinking about this all day, I will admit my 'romantic side' wants to tell her we'll wait for eachother and everything will be happy ever after. But I know this is the wrong way to approach it. sh!t. I will have to talk to her in a few hours.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You been dating how long? A few weeks? How long did it take her to drop the panties after you dated her? That is how long she is going to wait to drop her panties for the next guy!!!!

She is an emotional psycho - stay away from her - this is trouble!!! You are letting her emotions for you dictate your decision and judgment!! Think clearly!!! Stay away from her!!

Hors alaways use emotions and the "love" word to manipulate men --- don't buy it!!!

Hors love everybody and no one at the same time!!!

 

[Chemistry]

Same advice as for all long-distance relationships… keep it casual

Have some contact with her, see if she’ll fly out to visit you but seriously, 9 months waiting for a chick is too long especially given the circumstances that you met under… also I’d hesitate to say that you haven’t known this chick long enough to make that kinda sacrifice whereby you pass up all the pvssy that your new home will bring… could turn out that this chick is all fvcked up and you took yourself off the market and missed out on something worthwhile

Also, I’d be sure that this chick doesn’t understand any of the complications that a long distance relationship will bring… given her behavior too don’t be surprised when your ‘promise’ has your cell ringing on a Friday and Saturday nights with her checking up on you and fvcking up your good times… a casual relationship is better for everybody involved, only thing is some people don’t realize that until later on