She needs space...where did it go wrong??

[cordoncordon]

I said this before, but I just think this is one of those girls that gets bored in her relationships after a few months and moves on. I know guys like this too. You could have done a few things to keep her around longer, but in the end, the result would have been the same. Her moving on with no real reason why.

I dated a girl that did the same thing to me as your girl did, looked a lot like her as well. (which is odd) Was pretty dumbfounded as to why. But in the end, don't try to rationalize. Just think of it as 3 months of hot sex all of the time, fun company, and try to find someone more suitable to what you want in life. Trust me, she is out there.


BTW, as long as you don't contact her, I bet within a month you'll be getting a call from her asking to "hang out". I would just stay away. You are way too much into this girl for just a casual thing.

 

[Sandow]

I said this before, but I just think this is one of those girls that gets bored in her relationships after a few months and moves on. I know guys like this too. You could have done a few things to keep her around longer, but in the end, the result would have been the same. Her moving on with no real reason why.

I dated a girl that did the same thing to me as your girl did, looked a lot like her as well. (which is odd) Was pretty dumbfounded as to why. But in the end, don't try to rationalize. Just think of it as 3 months of hot sex all of the time, fun company, and try to find someone more suitable to what you want in life. Trust me, she is out there.


BTW, as long as you don't contact her, I bet within a month you'll be getting a call from her asking to "hang out". I would just stay away. You are way too much into this girl for just a casual thing.

Yea, that's exactly what she said, she gets bored after 3 months. However, when she said that, I figured it was the guys fault, not hers. Being all ****y...I thought I was different. In the end, she would have ended up leaving anyhow, so yea, better now then later.

It should be interesting to see if she calls after a month...

 

[frivolousz21]

Two points: So what happened to all these women that loved you?
And - you admit that you were AFC at one time, too nice etc and that you got fvcked over.
So what exactly are you saying dude?

well I cheated on them, minus the current one or did something else to ruin the relationship. most of my AFCness stemmed from me being borderline abusive and I went in the complete opposite direction, it was something that was always there, I found this place and turned it around.

More then anything I am trying to say is no matter how many games we play, it really comes down to finding the right kind of woman for you, a high character one or someone who works hard in life.

and finding yourself and being happy with you.

 

[Firefly]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

Falcon25, I have had my differences with you in the past but I have to tip my hat off to this post; This is stuff that should be up in the DJ Bible. Amazingly insightful advice!

 

[vatoloco]

Haha, vatoloco, your pretty funny. Harsh, but funny.

Ha! You know your comedy well, my friend! The way I see it, if I'm gonna be harsh with you, I might as well throw in a funny or two to soften the blow... a little bit.

Dude, if you see them in person, you would be the only person in the world that would rather f*ck her friend. There’s no comparison, trust me.

Oh, I don't doubt it. It's just that the friend has "the face" that I go for. The face is the most important physical trait that gets me initially attracted to a woman.

Well, it seems like this subject is just being beaten to death. Like I say, don't over-analyze things. Be more aware with the next one. Good luck.

 

[drak_ool]

Sandow

Don t beat yourself over this broad too much. There ll always be someone on sosuave who will not agree with how you acted but in this case you handled it better than most--trust me i read most of the break-up threads to learn for my own ltr. Personally i would have not given her the tickets she demanded after all you lost the money spent on the Disney trip and i would actually have left her things with the doorman; no point talking to her anymore.

2 things that worry me about you going forward: one is that you seem not to have any hobbies outside of work. There s a million things to do when you get off that don't involve alcohol or bars. Go to the gym; go surfing; play basketball; meet up a friend you haven't seen in a while; pick up a self-defense sport like judo or jiu jitsu or kick boxing; try yoga....

The second thing is your conception of game vs being real. You gotta realize that you can be real and still run game: it s called being a natural. And even if you were not born one you can internalize enough game that it becomes second nature to you. i m not talking about playing c&f when that s not your personality or throwing negs because you feel that you "just have to do it." i m talking about never stopping being a challenge; having your girl feel that you could replace her in a heartbeat; screening screening and some more screening; not giving in to your girl; doing fun activities that don t involve your chick

 

[jonwon]

I believe 100% from your first post your GF cheated on you.
It seems she went cold very quickly, my money is on her starting the new job, getting another offer she took up, made excuses to you about working late and going skiing with work, simply to hook up with whom-ever turned her on at that time.

I'm not stating she is a slu*, but she went suddenly cold towards you, this is usually a sign your GF got up-to no good, coupled with the fact prior to her going cold she made excuses to not see you for some nights and a few days, makes me think 100% she had something else going on.

Now even if she is back on a couch, what that simply means is whom-ever she had the thing with, simply saw her as another notch on the bed-post.

Is it anything you did, that is irrelivent, simply because if you had options you'd not be thinking of 'her' and what you did wrong, you'd be thinking 'her loss' and moving on. At least you tried, it didn't work out, move on and up.

 

[Reyaj]

Once a *****, always a *****. Don't take her back if she calls you

 

[Sandow]

I absolutely agree I need more hobbies outside of work. During the summer I was playing in a softball league, I was going to the gym more often, in general I was going out more. Now that it's winter, I tend to only want to go home and rest, especially after long days of work. But I hear ya, I'm starting to get more involved now.

Some of you are pointing the finger at her, saying she's a sl*t. Whether this may be true or not, the bottom line is that I f*cked up.

However Looking back at it, that would have been messed up to keep telling her to go back to her couch. I don't know, I'm not that big of jerk...At the time, she seemed like a genuine caring person, so I would have never thought that this outcome would occur.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Nice post Friv. I also agree that honesty, not mystery is a way to gain a woman's trust and heart. You play it mysterious, they "fall in love" with that one aspect of you - which is fake.

Mystery is left for skanks and dummies. It has a short shelf life. Real passion, confidence and emotion are they keys I think.

Things did not work out for me when I played it like a robot. It's like they knew it wasn't apart of my character and sensed something wasn't genuine. Other times I got too emotional and single-handedly dismantled everything that was good.

There's a fine balance of course, and I think playing a robot could be too extreme.

As far as moving on and breaking up, sure distance and apathy helps. Not when you're in a long term relationship - especially if the woman knows you too well. If things aren't working out just break up.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Also bear in mind that if you are making any decisions based on "your heart" it's most likely the wrong decision.

^^bogus^^ maybe half the world's problems are because -0- heart goes into important decisions...you want to be a strictly cold and logic-only robot?

Having _care_ is not a bad thing as much as this forum is against this as a form of self-preservation and mental detachment...having a bit of humanity in you is a good thing and anyone who has done great things that effect others around them positively likely has a great deal of _care_ and _heart_.

So many people here want some simple answer, and myself included, but I'm learning it's not so man--this is a place to discuss and there are many theories, but not all will work and right and wrong is a subjective thing. The masses will always gladly offer their perspective, but your own decisions are yours and it's easy to be swooned (hell look at marketing). And only you know your own situation and its variables.

Irregardless of some people's perspectives of care and concern, I say if you don't have heart in life than what's the point? There are things to care about and be concerned about, there is a garden in these two realms I've experienced that is greatly rewarding.

I believe that in many ways people in our society today give up too easily and too quickly, and that might be in regard to one another as well. Most people carry such unrealistic expectations to begin with -- coupled by an impatient attitude founded in instant-gratification...how are good fruits grown this way? Maybe this is why microwaved burritos or McDonald's cheeseburgers have such good sales.

Life throws some curves. I've found at least, that dropping someone on a dime, usually results in a "coming to senses" where conditions change. Burning bridges up in haste isn't always the best route (and from a strictly pragmatic point of view, aside from care or concern, it can bite you in the azz).

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Plenty of prolific advice for the ages here, I feel no need for sermon.

Though I was inspired by the title of your thread-

She needs space?

Build a giant slingshot in your mind and use it to launch her into space.

 

[DantesPEAK]

Great thread. Stumbled upon this thread by searching the forum, "Bachelor". LOL. Learned a lot from you guys, especially reading a thread for my first time here. Seems like you guys know what's up, I guess I found my place to read and vent.


It's been a couple months now Sandow, How you holding up? Has she called? You guys are probably married now huh. Haha j/k.

 

[Sandow]

I guess I'll update this thread, if anyone is still interested.

After that night we broke up, I never heard back from her. No calls, no texts, nothing. I was expecting her to call or at least drunk text at least once! Just shows how cold she is.

So I caved in and texted her for the first time a week ago. I just said hello and she was responding most of the time, to my surprise. She told me she got a new car, is still super busy at work...basically showed no interest, lol.

I have no idea if she's dating anyone, and frankly I don't care. I'm totally over her.

I did find out she was addicted to Oxycontin and went to rehab for it. I think she was addicted pretty bad too. I don't know how that plays a factor in this, but it could mean she was a cluster B nutjob, like some of you suggested.

I'm not sure if I'll text her again, I know she's not gonna call or text me anytime soon!

One more thing to add, I was hooking up with her co-worker (at her previous job) and she heard about it. When I texted her hello, she texted back "So I heard you're hooking up with --- again? LOL."

I'm not sure why she put the "LOL", but sounds like she was kinda pissed about it. Haha, I hope she's pissed! Or maybe she doesn't care, I don't know.

 

[jophil28]

I have no idea if she's dating anyone, and frankly I don't care. I'm totally over her.
.

Errr, if that were true you would not have text her.
Now she knows (or her imagination assumes) that you are not over her and that you probably have no other women in your life right now ,and that she is still bubbling away in your thoughts.
I am wondering how many of her girls she told?

Tactical error by Sandow.

 

[samspade]

Errr, if that were true you would not have text her.
Now she knows (or her imagination assumes) that you are not over her and that you probably have no other women in your life right now ,and that she is still bubbling away in your thoughts.
I am wondering how many of her girls she told?

Tactical error by Sandow.

Agreed, it was an error. Sandow, you admit you "caved" so it sounds like you realize it.

Had you just left it alone she'd be spinning about your hooking up with her co-worker. She might not have ever contacted you - some women are better than others - but I'd lay dollars to doughnuts that eventually she would have.

Put it this way - you removed any doubt in her mind that she was on your mind. Perhaps because of the co-worker hookups you thought you had hand. Absence of contact will always leave her with something to chew on. Your attention - actually lack thereof - is your most powerful weapon. Most importantly, NC helps you move on so you just don't care.

 

[Sandow]

We haven't spoken in over two months! I thought I did a good job at NC. And it was just a hello, I wasn't trying to get back with her. I don't want to be on bad terms. I'm probably going to see her again and want things to be normal and not awkward.

 

[jophil28]

I'm probably going to see her again and want things to be normal and not awkward.

You are assuming that she would be a willing participant in that process.
I checked the Guiness Book of Records and there is no entry which mentioned that ever happening in the history of intimate relationships between men and women..
ALL breakups create an awkwardness for at least one of the participants.

The best you could have hoped for was a situation in which YOU had the upper hand though indifference and prolonged NC .
By texting her your position slipped under her's and paradoxically you may have inadvertently created future difficulties for yourself when you and she work together.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Sandow,
Most of the posts here have it worked out and I would agree,However.....You might be over rating this Babe at 9.5 and maybe even downgrading your own attractiveness.....You held onto her for a good while,so she finds you attractive....So the idea of going away with the Boss was attractive,he sounds like a smooth operator....He is a DJ,with many Plates,and doubtless a Keeper on the side...So he will move in on the New Girl,she will play the same game with him that she enjoyed with you.Exclusivity with this Guy is an impossibility,the other Girls at work will all have been initiated and his nefarious deeds will be the entertaining gossip during the coffee break...Your beautiful consort will soon realise the futility of pursuit and will look back winsomely at the reliable and respectable if more predictable and boring time she had with you....So "Never say," I will always be there for you." NEVER, EVER"well Joh is right again,but having been stupid,the only recovery plan is to continue being seen as the nice guy,While openly being seen in the Company of attractive Women...Funny Sandow how we take things for granted and depreciate their value UNTIL someone else comes sniffing around....But in reality Sandow,beautiful Women are a constant source of stress.As the song goes "If you're in love with a beautiful Woman,then watch your Friends...." yeah and everyone else.

 

[st_99]

She was addicted to oxy??!?!?! Ummmm, dude, You should be jumping
for joy that she is gone. Unless you don't think highly enough about
yourself to know that you don't need to settle for a junkie!