She likes me... and her ex, now she "wants to talk"

[skinnydart]

So I called the girl that I've been dating for a month now and asked her out for dinner. IL has been really high the whole time and every date has gone really well. Anyway here is the convo:

talk a while about her day, test coming up, etc...
"so hey u want to come get some dinner with me tomorrow evening?"
"uh... ok, yeah"
"You sound so excited"
"Actually, I need to talk to you about some stuff"
"uh, Ok"
"I mean I really like you, you know I do, so I don't want to hurt you but it's just hard for me to move on"

She evidently still has feeling for her ex, who broke up with her for the 2nd time a few months ago.

She said she wanted to talk to me in person, so instead of dinner, I'm meeting her this evening to talk. I know what she is going to say, basicly that by continueing to date me, she is closing any doors that still may be open with her ex, becauses her ex is now jelouse of me, therefore eliminating the possibility that him and her would ever get back together.

How should respond, I really like her and don't want to burn any bridges but I also want her to make a decision, since aparently she can't have both of us.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Very easy! If she gives you the "speech" that you anticipate, just agree with her. Tell her its a shame that the two of you can't progress and see where this goes but that you understand. Of course between me and you its complete bullshyt, but the whole impression your trying to show is that you aren't desperate for her. End it rather quickly and wish her well. I fukin' guarantee you 10000% that she will be calling you again telling you she has a change of heart. Think about it? She's got the best of both worlds. She's a girl, she's use to calling all the shots to wussy AFC's and here you come, calm, collected and having a tight game. She won't be able to handle it and will sub-conciously become more attracted to you due to your mature and calm response to her situation.

When she does call again its your call if you want to give it a go again. But by the looks of things, seems like she'll be on and off with this ex for a while. You might want to look at this as a blessing in disguise bro. I see drama if you stay.



PIMP

 

[Jariel]

I've been in this situation a few times now and blew it every time by trying to prove myself. So my advice is to do the opposite and back off.

Time to take a leap of faith and show her that you can't be taken for granted. When a woman has two guys trying to "win" her attention, she will play them both. DO NOT let her play you!

Knowing what I've learned, I would disappear for a while and show her no attention - i.e. punish her for having doubts about you.

 

[Gravyboat]

Uh oh. Not the whole "I'm so confuuuuuused" speech...

Don't get sucked into the hope that she'll see the light. After the talk tonight, I'd just back off completely. No phone calls, no E-mails--nothing. You don't wanna make it seem as though you'll wait for her to make up her mind, or else she'll just see you as a safety valve/backup option.

Also, why should she care about "eliminating any possibilites that she and her ex- might get back together?" If that's her mindset, it's clear that's what she hoping for. That's totally unfair to you.

I'd say "next," and try to stay busy to forget about her for awhile.

Good luck.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Very easy! If she gives you the "speech" that you anticipate, just agree with her. Tell her its a shame that the two of you can't progress and see where this goes but that you understand. Of course between me and you its complete bullshyt, but the whole impression your trying to show is that you aren't desperate for her. End it rather quickly and wish her well. I fukin' guarantee you 10000% that she will be calling you again telling you she has a change of heart. Think about it? She's got the best of both worlds. She's a girl, she's use to calling all the shots to wussy AFC's and here you come, calm, collected and having a tight game. She won't be able to handle it and will sub-conciously become more attracted to you due to your mature and calm response to her situation.

I completely and utterly agree!! Have faith in yourself and call her bluff!

 

[Recluce]

the best thing to do is to let HER chose for herself. don't try to persuade her to stay with you. just let her do what she feels she needs to do and go on with your life. by doing this 2 things can happen:
1) she stays with him and you save yourself from the hassle of having to deal with the exBF that still wants to be with her
2) she choses to stay with you because you aren't being desperate and needy to be with her like her exBF is probably doing.

either way its for your best interest to let her make up her mind.

 

[earthshyne]

Sounds like you need a quick lesson in ******** 101:

Statement: We need to talk.
What it means: You need a lawyer.

Statement: (sobs) This commercial is so beautiful.
What it means: I'm having my period.

Statement: You never listen to me!
What it means: I never have anything to say.

Statement: I just want to cuddle.
What it means: Don't even THINK about using that thing on me.

Statement: I like a man who cleans up after himself.
What it means: I'm a slob and expect you to take care of all my needs.

Statement: I think we should take a break from each other.
What it means: I'm banging someone else.

Statement: Isn't that a cute baby?
What it means: I'm very fertile right now.

Statement: No, you go out, have fun with your friends, I'll just watch a movie or something.
What it means: If you so much as take one step towards that door, you won't be getting any for a month or more.

Statement: How was your day, sweetheart?
What it means: Cuz mine stunk, and I'm gonna let you have it just because you happen to be within reach.

Statement: If you're going to be late, please call me, ok?
What it means: Because if you don't, I'll meet you with the rolling pin at the front door and whack your testicles into mashed potatoes.

Startin to get the idea?

 

[skinnydart]

At the end our talk/of whatever she tells me I'm thinking of just putting my hand on her shoulder and saying something like:

"Well hey, if I don't see you again have a nice life" then turn and walk away.

 

[frivolousz21]

that ******** thing is misleading.and not always true..even tho it has merit.

 

[car501]

I agree with GravyBoat. I have had that "I need to talk to you" speech before. It was when my ex-gf needed some time to get over her x-bf. I would have thought she was over him being that she was going out with me. So I gave her time. Three days later we were going back out again. Guess what ? Two months later we were done. Know where she went ? Back to him.Of course now the're broken up again and guess what ? She wanted to talk to me. I had no intention of getting back, but I went to her her story. I met her and she started her converation with "I was confused and things were complicated". I cut her off in mid sentence, looked her straight in the eye and said " Blah,Blah !" Those exact words, and walked away. Since then, she has sent her best friend to talk to me to try to have contact with me, but I'm not having it. My advice, is to stay away from women like this.I would go with your intention with your had on her shoulder and send her packing. My old grandfather had a saying "A women can not ride two horses with one ass !"
Good Luck !

 

[skinnydart]

Well I met her today.

She basicly said what I thought, that she still really liked me but that she didn't think we should be dating anymore.

She said we should still hang out as friends. I responded to that by saying that "hanging out as friends probably isn't going to work out that well seeing that we both still like each other".

She also mentioned that "i'm not the good-little-sara you think I am. I have a lot of big things in my past that I regret that no one except a few people know about" I just responded to that by saying "yeah, don't we all".

She went on about the "I just got out of a serious relationship" bs. She also brought up the fact that "summer is coming up and I'm not sure how that would have effected things". WTF? Summer shouldn't stop anything! Good grief.

She said she felt bad, actually she said "I feel so nervous, I fell like throwing up". She said she didn't want to lead me on or hurt me in any way, and didn't want me to think she was just using me for dates. "In a way... I don't know how to explain it, I guess I don't deserve you" she says. (saying I'm a nice guy maybe?)

She brought up her ex, and how she had talked with him for a while recently and how she still loves him even though she doens't see them getting back together, she also said the exact words... "and then there is Brandon who really likes me and I kinda like him too". (just another guy) Basicly she was just trying to make me jelous and get me to react in some way.

I just stood there not saying anything, it was driving her crazy. I didn't really have that much to say though. She's like "don't you have anything to say!?". So i said "I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers for you in all the decisions of life you have to make, those are decisions you'll have to work out and do what you think is best but I respect your decision."

The rest of the walk back to her dorm was in silence. She was almost crying. As I walked her up the stepts to her dorm I said the following: "Well I know we never saw eachother the 1st 2 years we were here (we're both jrs), and I probably won't see you again so... have a nice life". Then I turned and walked away.

I assume I've handled it in the best way possible?

I feel terrible. I mean 24 hours before she was talking about meeting my parents, then all of the sudden this comes up, so it's hard to believe it's anything I had done. I still don't really understand what her reasons were for breaking up, since she admitted that she liked me, and I like her.

 

[dereklearnslow]

Bravo.

 

[jprjrjr]

Originally posted by skinnydart
Well I met her today.

She basicly said what I thought, that she still really liked me but that she didn't think we should be dating anymore.

She said we should still hang out as friends. I responded to that by saying that "hanging out as friends probably isn't going to work out that well seeing that we both still like each other".

She also mentioned that "i'm not the good-little-sara you think I am. I have a lot of big things in my past that I regret that no one except a few people know about" I just responded to that by saying "yeah, don't we all".

She went on about the "I just got out of a serious relationship" bs. She also brought up the fact that "summer is coming up and I'm not sure how that would have effected things". WTF? Summer shouldn't stop anything! Good grief.

She said she felt bad, actually she said "I feel so nervous, I fell like throwing up". She said she didn't want to lead me on or hurt me in any way, and didn't want me to think she was just using me for dates. "In a way... I don't know how to explain it, I guess I don't deserve you" she says. (saying I'm a nice guy maybe?)

She brought up her ex, and how she had talked with him for a while recently and how she still loves him even though she doens't see them getting back together, she also said the exact words... "and then there is Brandon who really likes me and I kinda like him too". (just another guy) Basicly she was just trying to make me jelous and get me to react in some way.

I just stood there not saying anything, it was driving her crazy. I didn't really have that much to say though. She's like "don't you have anything to say!?". So i said "I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers for you in all the decisions of life you have to make, those are decisions you'll have to work out and do what you think is best but I respect your decision."

The rest of the walk back to her dorm was in silence. She was almost crying. As I walked her up the stepts to her dorm I said the following: "Well I know we never saw eachother the 1st 2 years we were here (we're both jrs), and I probably won't see you again so... have a nice life". Then I turned and walked away.

I assume I've handled it in the best way possible?

I feel terrible. I mean 24 hours before she was talking about meeting my parents, then all of the sudden this comes up, so it's hard to believe it's anything I had done. I still don't really understand what her reasons were for breaking up, since she admitted that she liked me, and I like her.

She's basically a drama queen. She wanted you to snivel on the ground and beg her to stay with you. You acted like a man, and made her sleep in the bed she made for herself. You did a good job. Now don't give this fvcking flake another minute of your time. Go get the HB's!!!!!!

 

[italostud]

Originally posted by skinnydart
As I walked her up the stepts to her dorm I said the following: "Well I know we never saw eachother the 1st 2 years we were here (we're both jrs), and I probably won't see you again so... have a nice life". Then I turned and walked away.

I assume I've handled it in the best way possible?

Yes you did. I see that you're 17. Man I wish I had a site like this when I was 17! Anyways, good job man. Go find some new girls. That one was a waste of time.

 

[DJStudent]

Really ain't worth the trouble with this one. So don't feel terrible.

"Girls are like buses, there's another one every half an hour", I forgot who said this quote is a sure good one. Have that mentality and drama like these just become annoying flies. Squash it and move on.

 

[Jariel]

Nicely handled!

There's no doubt that she wanted you to get upset and wanted to turn it into a big drama, but you were cool and you were a man about it. Props to you! Just make sure you keep this indifference up.

As DJStudent said, there will be another one along soon, but first you need to get rid of this one and sever all attachment and hope of getting back with her.

I got caught up with my last girlfriend for ages after she dumped me, but then two weeks after I decided to cut her out of my life I met someone a lot hotter, smarter, more suitable and more keen.

 

[skinnydart]

Actually I'm tempted. Like one of my friends who is now engaged said that his gf (now this fiance) dumpted him, he didn't burn any bridges and stayed friends with her. A few months later they were back together and have been for years now.

So I kinda wish I hadn't said "no, I don't want to hang out as friends" seeing that she is a fun person and I don't really have any girl_friends to hang out with.

Also, when i said "have a nice life" I was asking people about that and they all said that pretty much means "screw you". I didn't mean it like that and I hope she didn't take it like that. I'm concidering sending her an e-mail saying something like this:

Sara,

I realized that when I told you to "have a nice life", it could have been taken in a sarcastic way. Although I tend to be a sarcastic guy, this comment had the most sincere of intentions.

Good luck with Jonh (ex) and/or Brandon (other guy),

Skinny

Part of the problem for me is that I had never let myself be emotionally attached to anyone, ever. No family or friends, and before this girl, no girls. Like I had some of the best times ever hanging out with her in my whole life so this is harder than anything. I tell myself just to go out and find another girl but for some reason, I look at all the other girls but I'm just not attracted to them, all I can think about is Sara when I look at them and I don't know how to stop it.

 

[CraigMack]

You said:

"So I called the girl that I've been dating for a month now"

But on 4-3

You were worried about


Becoming a Girl's Emotional Tampon

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72382&highlight=skinnydart


And then on 4-6

You were saying that you felt I feel depressed/loney

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72610&highlight=skinnydart

Also on 4-10

You stated that you I told her we would chill in like a couple hours but I'm at a loss of what to do

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72815&highlight=skinnydart

And you claim that you've been dating her for how long again.

And if you actually have been your having this much trouble?

Dump her. READ THE BIBLE AND DO THE BOOT CAMP!!!

Your getting oneitis over your first female or something.

 

[Chris Gamble]

do NOT send her that E-mail! You proved you have your balls, don't give them right back to her writing that e-mail.

-Chris

 

[JohnJones]

Don't -- sending that email is a little like the multiple-voicemails in Swingers. It's just goofy.

The only other thing that I would have done would have been to say "I understand, but more importantly, if we're not dating, can you introduce me to ________, your hot friend."