She has a bf but I still want her (Help!)

[omizzi]

My situation,
I went to a retreat for my university. I saw this girl with the face and beautiful body, she could be a model, she's like a 9.9 and very intimidating. I knew she was intimidating and because of that, she most likely doesn't have so many guys hit on her because they think she's too much. I know how it feels because I'm also intimidating but I'm like an 8 according to the hot or not site. Anyway, she is super kind. I found out she had a bf but still didn't want to give up. I figured, why not ask for a cup of coffee downtown, it isn't like its a movie or romantic restaurant, just coffee. It would be a good start. So I wait for her and she's walking up the stairs. I stop her and tell her
Me:"hey (name), I have a question, I was wondering if you were interested in a cup of coffee some time."
Her: "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend."
Me: "So he doesn't let you hang out with guys?"
Her: "No, I'm sorry. But thanks , I'm very flattered."
Me: "OK"
Her: "But I'll see you around campus"
And that was it for the main part. I'm just proud of myself cuz I had the guts. I chickened out like 10 times but finally did it. So I know I'll see her around campus once in a while. I know she has a bf but I don't want to give up. Has anyone been in the same situation? If so, tell me the dos and the donts. I'm open too all opinions!!! Even if you haven't been in my situation, hook it up with the advice.

 

[golf299]

are you kidding me? forget this girl. use the confidence you gained from the experience to court a single female.

 

[omizzi]

the thing is I don't like settling for something less When I see a girl on the top of the scale, I don't want to go to the next girl that's lower. I'll go for a different girl if she's a 9.9 too. I really want a 9.9! To me it's quality not quantity. But I will consider your advice, I'll look into it.

 

[PalmerTheCharmer]

Be patient. If she's anything like the 9.9s I know, her bf won't be around forever. Unless theyre madly in love (which I doubt because 9.9s have their pick of their litter and can get bored easy), you have a chance if youre willing to wait a while.

Sooner or later, they will break up. Trust me they won't be together forever. Then hopefully she should remember you from your previous meeting (and thus know of your interest). So long as you play it cool and use your knowledge from this site, you have a chance.

(Edit: Oh yeah and don't hassle her!! All the time she is with her bf leave her alone. Trust me. A friendly (or even lustful) smile is OK, just don't hassle her while she is taken. Once they have split up, then you can make your move )

 

[belividere]

Hopefully you will see her around again. If I were you would continue to flirt everytime I saw her. Keep it brief and dont try to hard. She knows your interest level so dont go all out. Make her interested enough in you to get her to ask you if that cup of coffee is still good when she is single again. Best of luck for you.

 

[unistork]

She has a boyfriend dude...don't mess with her. How would you like it if you were that guy and somebody is wanting to do this? I say you have oneitis.

 

[The Rake]

Her: I have a BF.
You: How about some quality backup?

HBs with high self esteem are always on the lookout for the best possible man they can find and if you're that "man", BF or no BF, he's gonzo.

 

[Desdinova]

I really want a 9.9! To me it's quality not quantity.

You're an idiot. Would you call a CD player that looks really fvcking cool with lots of features quality if it breaks down in a month?

Just because a woman looks good, it doesn't mean she's a quality woman. Extremely good looking women usually have 5hitloads of baggage. If you want a true high quality woman, cut a model out of a nudie magazine and masturbate while looking at her. You get all looks, no baggage, and orgasm while looking into her eyes. Mount her on a piece of cardboard hand hang her from your rear view mirror in your car so you can show her off to all your guy friends.

 

[Miroku]

Hey Omizzi, I think I know you. Anyway as others have mentioned, 9s and such typically have a lot of guys waiting on them, and being in college especially I have doubts that they'll be forever stuck to any guy for that long. Unless of course they're in love, she's a really loyal person, or in some other form of tie (engagement or something); I'm not saying that that's right, but it seems to be how it goes.

They really do have the pick of the litter. As such I do second the notion that you could use your efforts on single women, but what you want to do is entirely possible; whether it's moral, worth your time, or acceptable to others doesn't really matter if that's what you want. But I'd say at least work on finding another girls in the meantime.

In my opinion you'd never get her by being clingy, and should show (not only seem) that you have your own picks waiting on you as well. Therefore find some, and work that into your meetings with her subtly. Never seem or be desperate, especially in college where there's no real reason to be.

As long as you know what you're possibly getting into, and the implications of it (that if she does leave him for you, what will that make you think when you have her) I wish you luck.

 

[damnbugs]

Miroku- has given you good advice.

"The heart wants what the heart wants."

I too am the type of guy that wants the best that is avalible in most everything. I mean why settle- someone will get the HBs why not you. And just because the HB9.9 you stumbled across is presently taken don't mean you can't still lay the foundation for the future.

As long as you put her on the side as sort of a project and continue finding other targets. Let yourself be seen by her with each new HB. Talk to her when ever you get a chance- but don't go too far out of the way to do it. Just keep creating interest.

Maybe even joke that you know she is going to come looking for you WHEN she wises up and drops that jellous guy she is with now.

 

[backbreaker]

first and foremost, you have no game.

You don't walk up to a girl and ask them "would you like to have some coffee?". What do you think your sucess rate will be with that line?

She doesn't know you, you could be a killer, a rapiest or just a wierd guy.


You have to first build some type of image in her head of you and what you are like.

I know it's cliche, but you really have to m ake her seem she is on trail and not the other way around.

When you are done talking with her, it shouldn't be a question in your mind that she would want to go to coffee with you, not because she wants to **** you, but because she likes your company.

What you did was the equlivent of taking a dart, putting a blindfold on, turning around 100 times, t horwing the dart and hoping it hits something.

Take a little time to see what she is like. don't stalk her, but see if she is quiet or spunky, see if she has an attitude torwards other people or is she nice, etc, just don't look and say "oh, me like" and run over there like other dogs.

Don't believe the hype of "no guys approach pretty girls".... ****, my GF is a model and i live in Arkansas, one of the smallest states in the US and she gets hit on CONSTANTLY.

The thing though is, the guys just have no game and dont' know what they are doing.

I was in the club Saturday night with my girl and my dad was there as well (we club together alot). I was on the dance floor with my girl dancing and he asked me to use my phone because he left his in his car. While me and him were sitting right by my GF, this dru nk white guy came and and started grinding with her! Everytime I go to the bathroom and I come back, there is always someone talking to her, but I don't mind because shel ikes the attention and she gets me free drinks from all the chumps who have no game.

Right now you are classified in the "no game" section with the other guys in her head that try and fail to talk to her.

She probably told her BF "This guy tried to talk to me today"

Him: "Was he cute"

her: " he was okay, he was cute"

Him: "What did he say"

Her: He asked me to go to coffee"

Him: he didn't say anything else?

Her: No, that's it. I told him I had a BF

Him: damn he has no game

Something my dad, who could teach every guy here something about women, my dad is a legend of sorts where I am from, is that for a women to cheat on a man, he just can't be average. he cant' do ave rage things or be ordnary and expect the women to leave her perfectly good relationship for you. You have to bring something EXTRA to the table. For me, I can talk a woman or a guy into doing practically anything and I am good looking and sorta ****y. What EXTRA did you bring to the table?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by omizzi
the thing is I don't like settling for something less When I see a girl on the top of the scale, I don't want to go to the next girl that's lower. I'll go for a different girl if she's a 9.9 too. I really want a 9.9! To me it's quality not quantity. But I will consider your advice, I'll look into it.

It's this kind of ego that can kill alot of guys. Whatever you do, don't start chasing too much.

I myself want whatever I'm attracted to, which can range from a 7 to a 9.x

I've actually stopped rating chicks on scales like that because my tastes are so varying, what I might think is awesome someone else might not like.

My problem is I have little patience in my old age for 9.x's and some of their sh*t attitudes.

 

[omizzi]

My game is picking up and that girl and I talked a while b4 I asked her for a cup of coffee. I know a lot of girls were looking at me during the weekend so I knew I could have given it a try, so backbreaker just because your game is too advanced doesn't mean you should bring down those who are trying to build theirs. You could've used constructive criticism. I could also tell girls got nervous around me at times so that's a plus for me. Now this 9.9, she is very nice personality wise. I'm 19 not looking for marriage, so that means personality doesn't matter as much as looks to me right now.

 

[backbreaker]

dude, that was constructive critisim... I don't think you coudl have handled me talking about you.

Everyone has been there before. Even Michael Jordan was a rookie at one point, so I understand what you are going though.

Just because I said some things that hit a nerve, don't get rattled, because women you talk to on the street can do alot worse.

Just because girls get nervous aroud you doesn't mean that they will talk to you.

You are a good looking guy, there is nothing wrong wtih that, you are at an advantage, however that is just a portion of the battle.

At some point you have to open your mouth and talk to her, and if you aren't appealing to her sense of hearing, you can throw all of that out of the window.

But a bigger point is... do you want someone that would talk to you just because you look good. What does that tell you about the women?

It's a challenge dealing with women, but you want it to be a challenge.

I have never had a good lasting experience with a girl that dated me just becuase I was good looking, and i don't think anyone else here has either.

Personality always matter, because eventually you have to talk to them (I know, I know, i hate it to), maybe not soo much as looks, but you get my point.

 

[omizzi]

PalmerTheCharmer & belivedere The Rake - thanks for the advice, I will consider it
Desdinova - You're and idiot for judging someone without even knowing them. Be careful with your words next time. I'm 19 and not getting married so for now the looks matter more than personality.
Miroku - Great advice!

 

[backbreaker]

omizzi; don't call anyone an idiot. He took the time to answer your post that you desperatly needed help for. If you don't like what he said, fine, but don't call the guy an idiot for trying to help

 

[omizzi]

So how am I supposed to get better at my game if people bring me down? I though sosuave was to better everyone's game.

 

[Miroku]

Thanks Omizzi. But in my opinion the best advice here was the most practical yet subtly leading. Sometimes what we don't like to hear is exactly what we need to hear, and backbreaker did just that; he deserves a lot more thanks than me since he gave a lot of good advice (and examples and perks too boot when you literally have game). He even went so far as to clarify himself to you, correctly pointing out you got rattled by his comments but gave you a lot of good one-line suggestions too. AND he's always been civil with you; he never said you were a loser without hope. (I don't know BB, I just don't like misunderstandings skewing views where good stuff is).

From what I know you felt a great accomplishment in approaching and asking her out despite your fear; no one can contest that. And you should feel proud of that, as many guys can't even utter a coherent sentence to a woman they consider a 9. But don't take that fact and feel content with it; if you could do that, imagine if you could do it right. Looking back on things and seeing what went wrong or could've been better can only help you if you do it without beating yourself up. Think about it, that's not the last 9 you'll be approaching right? I was one who was stubborn with things and needed to be reminded a lot when I was being stupid. As BB said, we've all been there, and we're here for the guys coming on up. But helping others is NOT encouraging them to run in the wrong direction; everyone needs to be gently told, snapped back, or forcibly put back in line sometimes. I don't think anyone, even the best guys at dating, goes through life let alone dating without screwing up and being told by others "what the hell were you thinking?" When they start emphasizing the word you, you'll understand.

Oh, and in my opinion you don't really need thank others and e-flick off the rest, let alone judge their advice... it leaves you open to criticism and makes your thread off topic in the long run. Everything, even the advice you like, take with a grain of salt. It may be good at the moment, but why do you think that is? Is it because you don't want to face up to what you're lacking? Conversely what you hate may be because it hit the nail on the head. Well I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, as understanding yourself is just as important as understanding your prey... err, women.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by omizzi
PalmerTheCharmer & belivedere The Rake - thanks for the advice, I will consider it
Desdinova - You're and idiot for judging someone without even knowing them. Be careful with your words next time. I'm 19 and not getting married so for now the looks matter more than personality.
Miroku - Great advice!

You make it very easy for people to judge you when you say things like "I WANT A 9.9!!! WOW!"

You say "right now the looks matter more than personality." Wrong. Right now personality doesn't matter to you at all. There is a difference.

Work on that superficial attitude or you're going no where fast (unless you don't mind having meaningless relationships that don't last and nothing happens).

 

[*29*]

Me:"hey (name), I have a question, I was wondering if you were interested in a cup of coffee some time."

Hee hee.

Translation:
Hey, I have a question, I was wondering if you were in need of a dlck. Do you need some dlck?

And how did you know her name? From what I see, it looks like you never talked to her before, and you already know her name?

Warning: Stalker senses tingling.

Anyways...
Forget the negativism these guys say. Most wouldn't have the balls to approach a 9.9.

Keep up the good work