She doesn't love me.

[Teen Spirit]

I met this great girl last summer, she was 21 and I was 18, but we were both attracted to each other and had a great relationship.

After about 2 months, I realised that I was falling in love with her. We had a little argument one night and afterwards I confessed told her that I loved her. Unfortunately, she told me that she didn't love me because she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend. (who left her about a year before for another girl.) Well, I was pretty much heartbroken after this as it was the first time I've ever had such feelings for a girl.

Well, we basically broke up after this but since then we have still continued a very good friendship. In fact, now it's a very strange relationship because we've actually made out about 3 times since and we even had sex the last time we were together.

My problem is that I am still in love with her. Everytime I see her I wish that we were still together and it kills me to know that she doesn't love me. Part of me just wants to cut her out from my life so that it would be easier to forget about her, but another part of me thinks that this would be a mistake because she is a great friend and still very important in my life.

I just don't know what to do at the moment. If anyone can give me any advice it would be much appreciated. Thanks, guys.

 

[Spookey]

you have a couple of options:
a)cut her out of your life and move on
b)dont cut her out, use her as friend with benefits
c)dont cut her out, but dont be FB and try for a friendship

each has its benefits.
A will arguably be harder at the start, but you will end up stronger and have more confidence in yourself and your ability to get over someone. remember there are heaps of women out there
B well, hell who here doesn't want a FB? just beware being used as an emotional tampon and ending up someone she shares her problems with but nothing else
C there is nothing wrong with a good decent friendship. and if you dont screw up and play your cards right, who knows what the future holds....? and she may have hot friends who are into you!!


EDIT:
if you think she doesn't love you move on / dont expect anything from her. the second you expect your affection be returned by her is the second you set yourself up for a fall

 

[Legend]

Spookey gave you some very good advice.

What i would do is continue talking/hooking up with her. She says she doesnt like you but she sleeps with you? Umm dont listen to what she says and go by her actions. Her mouth is saying she doesnt like you, but her body is saying things differently.

 

[Tomatoes]

Firstly you said too soon. 2 months. No WAY! I would say 6 months before you even think about saying it.

Secondly, Either go out with her again or stop seeing her. She is either in to you or not. She is either wanting to go out with you again or she is toying with you.


Either get in or get over.

 

[Teen Spirit]

Thankyou for the replies, guys. I really appreciate it.

At the time I didn't think 2 months was too soon. We had spent a lot of time together during that period and I got to know her pretty well.

I know that I can't force her to love me so I'm not even going to try and go down the boyfriend route again.

I think that it would be such a waste of a good friend if I was to cut her out of my life completely but on the other hand, it makes me sad to be around her but not be with her. It really is an awful thought for me to picture her with other guys and it hurts a lot when she tells me about guys that she's hooked up with.

Hmmm...

 

[Tomatoes]

Originally posted by Teen Spirit
Thankyou for the replies, guys. I really appreciate it.

At the time I didn't think 2 months was too soon. We had spent a lot of time together during that period and I got to know her pretty well.

I know that I can't force her to love me so I'm not even going to try and go down the boyfriend route again.

I think that it would be such a waste of a good friend if I was to cut her out of my life completely but on the other hand, it makes me sad to be around her but not be with her. It really is an awful thought for me to picture her with other guys and it hurts a lot when she tells me about guys that she's hooked up with.

Hmmm...

Explain it to her then and cut off completely mate. I had a friend in the same situation. He cut off and he got over her. It took time and hurt but hes a better person because of it.

 

[Legend]

you are going to need to cut her off....friends dont want to sleep with each other. You will be making yourself miserable by hanging around her while shes fvckin' other dudes. Its just not worth it.

 

[Pakwah]

People want what they dont have....the longer you hang around.....the longer it will take to see what shes missing.

i know seperating from someone you love is sometimes the most hardest thing to do. but sometimes its for the best.

dont give into the temptation of sex.

if she manages to get you in bed, shes got the control. women are good like that. Most guys whip out of bed after sex cuz they've let their guard down and no longer want to be vunerable.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

You sound like such a wimp. "Good friends" don't string you along making out and having sex with you.

Isn't it obvious how this bytch likes to be treated? She longs for her boyfriend who dumped her, yet doesn't love some guy who treats her like a queen.

You're an AFC, and if you don't change your ways, this will keep happening to you.

 

[frivolousz21]

GET RID OF HER..

THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU.

YOU ARE ADDICTED TO HER LIKE CRACK...AND YOU WONT LEAVE.

CRACK KILLS BROTHER.


let me tell you...I am in love.I wont deny it.

its like a drug..its been 8 months with my fiance..and sometimes I dont believe its real..well its not..its a chemical romance...

of course I plan on keeping her for the rest of my life..but she wont be as important of a fix for me later as she is now...because I will grow accustomed to the chemical attachment I have to her.

Unlike crack....Love returned..maintains the high and stability and happiness that it gives you.

I have that....im not bragging.im just saying my fiance hast the same chemical(emotional) attachement.

guys can choose wether or not to let this happen..when it does most guys for it..IF its equal.

in your case its not.

she is not "in love as you admitted..and she never WILL.

this means you are a trapt....she uses you to fill some void in her life..until the real man comes.

this is ONE I TIS at its best.

even though your getting sex..its empty sex, she doesnt want you, or your kid, or you has a husband...she wants you to give her a quick emotional fix.

when she sleeps with you its for a fix and when you sleep with her ur expiernce unbalanaced unhealthy love.

get rid of her

 

[Tomatoes]

Classic Oneitis case

 

[Desdinova]

Well, we basically broke up after this but since then we have still continued a very good friendship. In fact, now it's a very strange relationship because we've actually made out about 3 times since and we even had sex the last time we were together.

Why in the hell would you remain friends with her? By doing this, you are constantly reminded about how this b1tch doesn't love you. She is going to continue fvcking you until she can get back with her ex (or some other guy). You are a pit-stop for her.

By continuing to fvck her, do you believe that she'll eventually fall in love with you? Think again. You're wasting your time and emotions on this one. When she fvcks her ex, are you going to start crying about that? You're just setting yourself up for more disappointment.

Ditch her.

 

[uzio]

Ditch the bitich. You are being *****d.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by Teen Spirit
After about 2 months, I realised that I was falling in love with her. We had a little argument one night and afterwards I confessed told her that I loved her. Unfortunately, she told me that she didn't love me because she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend. (who left her about a year before for another girl.) Well, I was pretty much heartbroken after this as it was the first time I've ever had such feelings for a girl.

Never say I love you when she is angry at you.

Never say I love you first

Who gives a sh1t about her Ex-Boyfriend. He left her and he probably won't come back.

Originally posted by Teen Spirit
Well, we basically broke up after this but since then we have still continued a very good friendship. In fact, now it's a very strange relationship because we've actually made out about 3 times since and we even had sex the last time we were together.

You are not friends. Friends don't have sex with friends.

Labels means sh1t. Its what happens that determined what sort of a relationship is this. Sounds to me like she is treating you as a fvck buddy until something better comes along.

Originally posted by Teen Spirit
My problem is that I am still in love with her. Everytime I see her I wish that we were still together and it kills me to know that she doesn't love me. Part of me just wants to cut her out from my life so that it would be easier to forget about her, but another part of me thinks that this would be a mistake because she is a great friend and still very important in my life.

She is not your friend. You got to understand something about human beings. We are all opportunistic creatures, some more then others. If you can't shake out that oneitis out of your system you will get burn pretty bad in the very near future when she decides she had enough of this. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You need to accept that this sexual relationship is on borrowed time and you need to decide whether you can handle it ending sometime in the near future. You need drop her and cut her out of your life because you can't seem to handle having a fvckbuddy who you love but doesn't love you back. In the meantime use your time wisely to find other girls to date so at least you will have someone to go to when it will all ends.

This friendship is bullsh1t you know it and so does she.

DjDamage

 

[Teen Spirit]

Thankyou, everyone for the excellent advice.

I guess I always knew that in the long-run it would be the best thing for me to just cut her out of my life. It's just the hardest thing to do though and I don't want to end up doing something that I'll look back at and regret.

I know that I should be out there meeting other girls. I know that the best cure for oneitis is to **** ten other girls. It's not like I would even have much problems doing this as there are several other girls that are interested in me. It's just that when you are in love with someone, you feel as if no other girl well ever make you feel the way she does. I don't want to be with another girl and constantly be comparing her.

I can at least take some positives from this whole situation. I think it is a good thing for every man to experience heart break and rejection at least some time in his life. It's good to learn from real-life situations instead of endlessly reading theory on such websites as this.

I'll be spending time with her next week and this is something that I can't get out of now. I'm not sure what will happen but I'll see how it goes. Hopefully, if I have enough discipline, I will show her what a DJ I can be so that she knows what she's missing and then ditch her.

I'll see how it goes...

 

[Teen Spirit]

Is it really the answer to go out and **** random women? This doesn't seem to work for me. I never share the connection with any of them that I do with her. Sex is not so important to me and I just feel empty afterwards.

 

[frivolousz21]

listen, getting over one i tis, is not like getting over mutual love.

once you make the mental choice to let go and move on with ur own life....she will fade EXTREMELY FAST

 

[Teen Spirit]

Yes, you're right, friv. I know that it's all down to me to change my way of thinking.

I know that I could move on if I wanted to, but something inside me tells me that it would be a mistake to lose a good friend. I know that they're not so easy to come by.