she ditches our plans during the last minute

[mxylplk]

Last Thursday after finals week, I reunited with this girl I like whom I haven't seen since last Fall. We're both busy with work and school so it makes it hard to have time off just to hang out, or have coffee across campus. She was delighted to see me again, and I told her we should hang out again after not seeing each other in a while. At this point in her life, she isn't seeing someone, but has a lot of guy friends. Anyway, I suggested we check out the scene at this one place downtown. But she said she had plans to go to the Grand Canyon sometime around Wednesday (June 20th) before summer session starts but would like to see me before she goes anyway. She replied asking me when and where we should meet in which case I told her (June 18) Monday afternoon.

Just yesterday (Sat), I contacted her by email to confirm our plans for Monday. Sadly, I checked my mail just now and found out she couldn't make it after all because she was too tired from the previous semester and that she felt she was being smothered by all sorts of her friends wanting to hang out with her also. Her email response detailed that since everyone isn't giving her time alone that she had to start drawing the line somewhere. Unfortunately, she started with me. She was apologetic and suggested a postponement of our plans but didn't specify when. She closed by saying "she hoped to meet me again sometime."

I'm kinda disappointed but at the same time, I understand. I've learned from DJ that it's good to have other girls to pursue on the side while you're pursuing a certain "main" girl from keeping you from being needy and/or desparate. Fortunately, I have a couple average girls (even though they're not my type) I can "hang out" with during the summer and a dancer/entertainer whom I've met since last Winter who stretches like you won't believe!

Though, I would still like to "hang out" with this main girl I like. Should I call her during the summer and ask if we could just meet for coffee across campus? Or move on?

 

[The Zen Energy]

Hi, I'm new in this forum, but I would say move on, but keep an open mind, and if the opportunity strikes again, give her a second chance THEN, but until then, the birds fall prey only to Attraction.

 

[The Zen Energy]

and interest

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

You should have used the phone to confirm. It's more personal, you can gauge her response better (though she made it clear in email), and it doesn't allow her to heavily deliberate about whether or not she really wants to see you. But even had you used the phone, she might have still flaked. From her response, I would say her interest level is pretty low right now.

If her interest level were high, other people would have gotten the ax to make time for you. Plus a coffee date is hardly time or energy consuming, yet she doesn't want to be "smothered".

You didn't do enough to set yourself apart from all those other guy friends. I'm betting she got a few coffee date invites from those other guys wanting to go out with her before she left. Just focus on the other chicks, and forget about her for now. Either let her contact you, or wait awhile before getting in touch again, if at all.

 

[mxylplk]

I appreciate the advise fellas, thanks. I spent the day (she and I were suppose to hang out) with other friends and tried to put her behind me. And I will try to put off talking to her for a while if at all.

I probably blundered somewhere during our previous coffee dates where she may have put me in the AFC. For instance, we sat really close looking at pictures she took on her vacation to Colorado (there were lots of KINO), teased her about her large bottle of water, commented on her boots where she unzipped them to reveal a plush interior where she insists I touch it to feel how nice it feels on her skin. But all the while, she was giving me every chance to kiss her and I don't make a move cause I was stupid. :cuss:

As for interest and attraction level, she has consistently told me she hates guys who come on too strong or are arrogant or possessive like Tom Cruise. Out of all her guy friends, she said what stood me out among them other than I was the only artist/writer, was that I NEVER attempted to make or put any moves on her which, she said was different and wasn't used to (When she was young, her mom's boyfriends used to hit on her sexually). She also likes the fact that I'm modest but can get along with others especially her guy friends. She's tough intellectually and can easily pick up on guys who approach her for only sex.

Inspite of what I said in the second paragraph, I'm hoping I can turn it around. Maybe that's just my sexual urge talking and not my common sense since I regret not kissing her. Maybe the next time I see her on campus, I'll just walk up, smile, not say anything and plant one, walk away into the sunset and let it be. However it turns out, I'll let you guys know, and thanks again!

 

[KarmaSutra]

If you email or IM a chick about plans you have become her girlfriend. Do the right (and easiest) thing by picking up the fvcking phone. If she flakes always have another option.


Once you're in the girlfriend zone you're fvcking stuck there for the life of it.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I'd say look up "returning fox" on her. Why did she feel it was possible to cancel on you after she managed to appease all her other friends? Lack of respect? Lack of caring about you? Whatever the reason, you are diggin your way out of hole at the moment. You need to returning fox her if she comes crawling back, or build her interest up some more, and that way she wouldnt cancel on you. She says she feels 'smothered by her friends' and thinks you will be more of the same. Change that...

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Yeah, clearly she doesn't have any interest in you right now, which means, she's probably made up her mind about you. Once that happens, it's way uphill from there. God, i would turn off instantly if she gave me that "not wanting to be smothered" bullsh_t. Tired? Yeah, right. "Tired" is the f*cking lamest excuse in the world from a girl's mouth. It's a big-time stop sign. If you were an incredible prize in her eyes, she would sleepwalk to be with you...

NEXT!

 

[2Cool]

You have options, use them. If this was the last time she would see you then she would have made an effort, tired or not.

Don't sit around waiting on her either.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you email or IM a chick about plans you have become her girlfriend.

Well sh1t then, all my women must be lesbians.

 

[mxylplk]

ConantheLibertarian & Karma Sutra have a point. I probably should have called that way she wouldn't have instantly gave it a second thought talking over the phone as oppose to responding back by writing her lame-arse excuse. But who knows and who cares now, what's done is done. All newbies reading this thread, learn from my mistake. Consider it a lesson.

I'll move on from this and grow wiser because of it. There will be better girls out there. Thanks a bunch everyone!

 

[triumvirate]

Are you guys serious?

I was very disappointed by what I read when I first read this post but I was even more disappointed when I read the responses. No offense to any posters is intended because we all come to learn, however I am going to give you the honest truth of how to navigate through this minefield of the opposite sex.

1. I knew this post was doomed when you were giving her excuses off the bat. The only thing you need to be concerned with is dates and her accepting them. There is one simple rule you need to remember. If she says yes to a date that doesn't mean she likes you, but if she says no to a date or stands you up that means she doesn't like you.

2. Don't call to confirm or email to confirm or anything like that. Calling to confirm makes you look weak. It makes it seem like your thinking is "Oh my God this is too good to be true, let me pinch myself by calling to make sure its going to happen." Calling to confirm only gives you false hope as you listen to or believe her excuses and keep that hope alive.

3. Flake equals dismissal. She is not that fine. There are better looking girls out there trust me.

 

[penkitten]

Next!!!

 

[total_afc]

It's over. She thinks you're too chickensh1t to make a move. You might as well be a eunuch. Don't take that the wrong way.

...all the while, she was giving me every chance to kiss her and I don't make a move cause I was stupid. :cuss:

 

[tmpgstx]

Just yesterday (Sat), I contacted her by email to confirm our plans for Monday. Sadly, I checked my mail just now and found out she couldn't make it after all because she was too tired from the previous semester and that she felt she was being smothered by all sorts of her friends wanting to hang out with her also. Her email response detailed that since everyone isn't giving her time alone that she had to start drawing the line somewhere. Unfortunately, she started with me. She was apologetic and suggested a postponement of our plans but didn't specify when. She closed by saying "she hoped to meet me again sometime."

If that doesn't say "I am screwing some of my guy friends, just not you", i don't what does. Karma is right, you became her girlfriend. It will be tough to get out of that dreadful zone, but not to say it can't be done.

Read Gunwitche's stuff. Some of the best stuff on this site. It will demonstrate how project sexual states and confidence. Because in the end, that is all that matters. Don't talk to her like your sister.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

I was very disappointed by what I read when I first read this post but I was even more disappointed when I read the responses. No offense to any posters is intended because we all come to learn, however I am going to give you the honest truth of how to navigate through this minefield of the opposite sex.

1. I knew this post was doomed when you were giving her excuses off the bat. The only thing you need to be concerned with is dates and her accepting them. There is one simple rule you need to remember. If she says yes to a date that doesn't mean she likes you, but if she says no to a date or stands you up that means she doesn't like you.

2. Don't call to confirm or email to confirm or anything like that. Calling to confirm makes you look weak. It makes it seem like your thinking is "Oh my God this is too good to be true, let me pinch myself by calling to make sure its going to happen." Calling to confirm only gives you false hope as you listen to or believe her excuses and keep that hope alive.

3. Flake equals dismissal. She is not that fine. There are better looking girls out there trust me.

What excuses was he giving? They're both busy with work and school, squeezed for time. I agree that her acceptance of a date might not mean anything, but rejection of one is a clear indicator of disinterest. And why not call to confirm? A reminder not only of the date, but of her interest for you, is a pretty good thing. Now if you get on the phone and yak her ear off, then you look like a desperate insecure chump with nothing better to do.

 

[triumvirate]

The fact that people are busy with work and school is irrelevant. We're always busy, or at least should be. When someone leads with this, it seems like an out so that they can rationalize why said girl flakes. It just doesnt need to be stated.

In my point number 2 I said why I think calling to confirm is a bad idea. If she is interested in going she wont "forget" Think about this way, if you were about to go out with a hot girl, would you "forget"? I dont think so.

I'm a student of the Doc Love school of thought. HIs teachings teach of challenge. Calling to confirm doesn't lie within that realm. It kills challenge and thus attraction. Bottom line, dont call to confirm. Call to set up dates and thats it

 

[IsiMan84]

What excuses was he giving? They're both busy with work and school, squeezed for time. I agree that her acceptance of a date might not mean anything, but rejection of one is a clear indicator of disinterest. And why not call to confirm? A reminder not only of the date, but of her interest for you, is a pretty good thing. Now if you get on the phone and yak her ear off, then you look like a desperate insecure chump with nothing better to do.

Depends on the girl and interest level. A confirmation call could also just be another chance for her to bail out on you, especially if she was juggling plans with guys B, C, D, etc. If you are confident enough in your game you should just be able to show up and expect her there. The last girl I did something with had to call ME like 20 minutes before to make sure I was going to be there. Haha.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

Depends on the girl and interest level. A confirmation call could also just be another chance for her to bail out on you, especially if she was juggling plans with guys B, C, D, etc. If you are confident enough in your game you should just be able to show up and expect her there. The last girl I did something with had to call ME like 20 minutes before to make sure I was going to be there. Haha.

Agreed, there isn't a one size fits all solution for what you should do with every woman you set a date with. But good tight game will almost eliminate the need for confirmation calls.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

The fact that people are busy with work and school is irrelevant. We're always busy, or at least should be. When someone leads with this, it seems like an out so that they can rationalize why said girl flakes. It just doesnt need to be stated.

In my point number 2 I said why I think calling to confirm is a bad idea. If she is interested in going she wont "forget" Think about this way, if you were about to go out with a hot girl, would you "forget"? I dont think so.

I'm a student of the Doc Love school of thought. HIs teachings teach of challenge. Calling to confirm doesn't lie within that realm. It kills challenge and thus attraction. Bottom line, dont call to confirm. Call to set up dates and thats it

I'll agree, he was throwing that up to soften the blow mentally for why she flaked. And I'll rephrase for you: If you're going to confirm, use the phone. But confirming is not recommended. It's tantamount to doubting yourself and the fact that she agreed to go on a date with you. Tighten up your game, make it so the date is tatooed in her brain.