Alright. This is my funniest, and easiest sex I had. Also the most disgusting.
Picture the scene.
Its at warm october/november night (Australia)
I'm a popular beach, by the peir with 3 of my friends. I'd just begun getting into the material here.
To begin I open a set of girls, probably 4. I was concentrating on my target whilst controlling the group with one of my friends. We were doing some crazy sh*t. Eg. These girls had their car there, and they had eggs in there boot, week old eggs, which had been in the boot the whole time. (boot being trunk.)
Me and my friend were eating these eggs. It started as a dare to eat one, then escalated into who could eat more of them. First we were cracking them and swalling the insides. Later, we were just crunching them, shell and all. I think I did about 4 eggs to his 6. Neither of us was sick.
As the girls said it was time to go, I attempted to number close my target, she had just typed her name into my phone as her **** blocking friend said "Don't give him your number."
I had no defence. I wasn't very good at the time.
So we moved down the peir a bit, and there was this Fat FUGLY Skank. I opened her and tried to set her up with my friend. He said "F*ck off." right in her face and walked away.
She said to me "Do you want a headjob?"
This took me completely by surprise. And I had No physical attraction to her, no mental attraction either *shudder*.
But I agreed. A head job was a head job, and I wouldn't have to kiss her.
She wanted to take me back to her place.
"No f*cking chance. We can do it on the beach behind those rocks."
So we walk over there, I was being careful not to kino her at this point as I didn't want anyone to see me holding hands or something like that.
We got behind the rocks and she began sucking me off.
She was getting hornier and hornier and wanted to f*ck.
"Please can we go to my house? You can sleep over in my bed."
"No f*cking chance."
"Please, I want you to f*ck me."
"We'll go over there next to the peir."
We couldn't f*ck where we were because of the rocks.
I didn't want to go too far from my friends, because it was an hour and half drive. I don't know how far that is walking. But its FAR to long for me to walk.
So back towards the peir was the best option.
I reached for a condom on as she hiked up her Moo Moo up to he waist and removed her bed sheet underwear. I dropped the condom in the sand!
DAMN!
Lucky, that night I decided to take out a spare condom. I'd just bought a new pack, and had plenty.
So I grabbed the spare, put it on carefully, and inserted.
I must have been having some sloppy assed sex with her for about 2 minutes and she started trying to kiss me.
*GIRL! I'M HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE REMAINING ERECT WITH YOU WITHOUT YOU TRYING TO KISS ME!*
So after dodging many attempted kisses things were really getting steamy.
SUDDENLY
I heard voices from the stairs leading off the peir and onto the sand. I recognised these voices.
These voices belonged to my friends.
I was going to be sprung boning out the most disgusting and sluttiest girl in Australia.
So I did what any self respecting Aussie Male would do.
I pulled out of her. Through my condom in the sand. Pulled my pants up. Ran over to my friends and said
"Hey guys, Whats going on?"
"We've been looking for you man, where you been."
I pointed to the girl who remained spread eagled in the sand with a "WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED?" expression on her face.
Needless to say, I didn't go back over to her and ask for her number. Or even thank her for our time together.
It was an experience.
