Sex is leaving me resentful

[The Truth]

I have been with my girlfriend about 8 months, she loves me and I love her. She is a sweet and affectionate girl who I want to be with for a long time to come.

To start with the sex was amazing. She really throws herself into it and was always trying hard to please me. But I like to take control during sex and be spontaneous. During foreplay I like to surprise and tease her and during sex I like to move her into different positions. This is how it used to be and we both loved it!

But now she has started telling me what to do. Like I'm kissing her thighs and she'll tell me to feel her breasts instead. I'm trying to finger her gspot and she tells me to work on her cl!t. Then when I come to fvck her she tells me to touch her some more first. By the time we finally have sex, I'm bored and just want to bust. Then during sex, I try to get her in a position I like and she's like "No, I want to do it this way" or "No, that hurts".

Her telling me what to do and what not to do is a total turn off! I find it kinda selfish too.

I love this girl a lot and she hasn't done anything disrespectful towards me, but her demands during sex are causing me to get resentful. After we had sex the other night, I was cold with her and left feeling uptight.

I thought about one of two things. During sex I could lie there quietly and show no signs of pleasure or I could talk to her about it. I am really not sure what to say to her though and how to bring it up.

Any ideas?

 

[Skel]

yeah get some therapy

 

[High Voltage]

If you decide not to get therapy you could try the following. Hopefully the two of you have good lines of communication. You need to talk to her about it, but not when you're actually getting ready to have sex. Maybe afterwards. If she's insecure she could flip out and cut you off, but then you know for sure the immature type you're with and you can start looking elsewhere. Not verbally communicating will make the problem worse. Neither gender can read minds.

Pointers are good but being ordered around and not being able to do what you want (within reason) is bad. You're certainly justified in your thinking as long as you're not blowing it out of proportion. Don't be afraid to tell her what really feels good for you either. :cheer:

- HV

 

[The Truth]

If you decide not to get therapy you could try the following. Hopefully the two of you have good lines of communication. You need to talk to her about it, but not when you're actually getting ready to have sex. Maybe afterwards. If she's insecure she could flip out and cut you off, but then you know for sure the immature type you're with and you can start looking elsewhere. Not verbally communicating will make the problem worse. Neither gender can read minds.

Pointers are good but being ordered around and not being able to do what you want (within reason) is bad. You're certainly justified in your thinking as long as you're not blowing it out of proportion. Don't be afraid to tell her what really feels good for you either. :cheer:

Thanks for the logical advice. You are right that I should talk to her. I know she won't flip out or cut me off but she will get very upset and paranoid. She has already pointed out I am not very vocal during sex and she worries that it's not enjoyable for me and is scared that I will go off her.

I'm glad you think that I am justified but she is very sensitive and if I bring it up it could go to the opposite extreme where she's desperate to please me and stops enjoying sex herself.

I think she knows there's a problem because she keeps asking me if I enjoy sex with her and asks why I dont show it but I need to be tactful when I talk to her.

 

[GatorBait]

Thanks for the logical advice. You are right that I should talk to her. I know she won't flip out or cut me off but she will get very upset and paranoid. She has already pointed out I am not very vocal during sex and she worries that it's not enjoyable for me and is scared that I will go off her.

I'm glad you think that I am justified but she is very sensitive and if I bring it up it could go to the opposite extreme where she's desperate to please me and stops enjoying sex herself.

I think she knows there's a problem because she keeps asking me if I enjoy sex with her and asks why I dont show it but I need to be tactful when I talk to her.

My suggestions:

1) Like the previous poster mentioned, communicate to her about it. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then you need to take a deeper look at what kind of relationship you have with her. You could just say "I like that you are vocal enough to tell me what turns you on, but I also need a little bit of freedom to be spontaneous and just go with the flow".

2) Be more dominant. Be more manly in the bedroom. Throw her around a little bit. Show her with your actions that you can please her without a laundry list of orders.

 

[The Truth]

You could just say "I like that you are vocal enough to tell me what turns you on, but I also need a little bit of freedom to be spontaneous and just go with the flow".

I like that. I think this is what I will say to her. Thank you!

2) Be more dominant. Be more manly in the bedroom. Throw her around a little bit. Show her with your actions that you can please her without a laundry list of orders.

This is the big problem I'm facing. This is exactly how I like to act. I like to be the man and express dominance. The problem is that I keep hurting her (she's very petite and fragile) or after throwing her into a position, she'll tell me she doesn't like it and wants to do it another way.

It totally kills the momentum and the passion of the moment and leaves me feeling like she is the dominant one. It's a total turn off.

We have spoken openly about sex before now and told each other what we like. She does things to me that I like and she sometimes dresses up for me but it's the actual flow that's the problem and instead of losing ourselves in a moment of passion its becoming too planned and formal.

 

[Latinoman]

But now she has started telling me what to do. Like I'm kissing her thighs and she'll tell me to feel her breasts instead. I'm trying to finger her gspot and she tells me to work on her cl!t. Then when I come to fvck her she tells me to touch her some more first. By the time we finally have sex, I'm bored and just want to bust. Then during sex, I try to get her in a position I like and she's like "No, I want to do it this way" or "No, that hurts".

She is communicating with you what she likes. Women are not like men...we can cu_m easily. They don't. So, she is doing what I wish EVERY woman would do. In fact, the chances of you getting her to c_um during those first 8 months were very slim (by the look of things). So, she is helping you understand her body.

Her telling me what to do and what not to do is a total turn off!

Maybe she wants to enjoy the act too...and you don't understand her body that well...yet. So, she is TELLING you. I mean, do you want her to CONTINUE faking on you?

I find it kinda selfish too.

If you don't want to become a statistic (e.g. woman dumping you or cheating on you because of your lack of sexual compatibility or understanding), I strongly suggest you work on the unselfish part when it comes to sex. Sex is an act in which a man should satisfy his woman.