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Set-Up With Serial Dater

Disco

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So I'm new to my area and friends want to me to meet a friend of there's. She's cute...seems to have a lot of similar interests. Here's the issue, my female friend who is doing this has been very reluctant. I'm not the one who asked for it, but she told me "i thought long and hard before doing this...still not sure if it's right, but you guys may hit it off".

Anyway, she told me a story about a wedding last year where there were 7 groomsmen. This girl had dated all but 1 of them, the only reason she didn't date the 1 was b/c he is married. She said that my future blind date went out with all 6 mostly once, but 2 of them twice and then never returned their calls...just dipped out. The girl's excuse for dating a lot, "everyone she has met sucks".

The chic is 29, works, is cute, etc. I just don't know if I should step into this or not. Does anyone have experience dealing with chics who serial date? I think if I do this and I like her I have to go to some psychological warfare.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Disco,
Haven't we all come across these pathetic creatures?....Don't spend money on her,be nonchalent,Devil may care,keep her curious you will probably get your leg across once,maybe twice,don't be too ambitious.
 

S0LID

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I'd just go with the flow, it'll probably be fun, and you'll get some practice under your belt :)

Go out for a drink, have a chat, and call it an early night.
 

jophil28

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Depends what you want here.
A FB , or a ONS or are you in the market for a G/f ?

Women who are "serial daters" like her are more correctly labeled 'serial dumpers'. Perhaps all six guys were losers but it is unlikely. It is more likely that she either has totally unrealistic expectations, or she enjoys the dump process as the dumper. I have meet one or two women who do this - they are motivated by a desire for the feeling of victory or superiority that they extract from crushing a guy's heart. Angry baitches.

Your friend is telling you that she has reservations about fixing you up with this woman by her comment ," ..thinking long and hard..." I would hear warning bells in that statement.
Frankly, any woman who cannot get past two dates with any one of SIX guys is a suspect.

However, if you believe that you can game this woman and NOT entertain any expectations which involve your feelings, then she may be worth one or two nights of your time.

Personally I would NOT even try - my instincts tell me you are about to game a nutjob.
 

L B

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Might be fun, why not...

Use your own experience to judge if she is worth your time. Don't get attached until you know what you're getting yourself into.
 

boomerick

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GLAIRING WHITE HOT INSIGHT---- If she's a cute chick with outside interests why does she need friends to hook her up ????

She should be able to, on a whim, get a dude when she wants any night of the week

AND why is her "girlfriend" so reluctant to set this up??????

I smell a mental case

If you do go along with this I would set something up that you could continue to do after you send her defective ass home in a cab

Over and Out.
 
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Kailex

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Disco...

Something about this story... seems... OFF.
And I don't mean, YOU. I mean, your FRIEND.

What's the deal with your female friend, the one that said this:

"i thought long and hard before doing this...still not sure if it's right, but you guys may hit it off".
What's the story behind her? Is she single? How did you meet her? How long have you known her?

I don't know, but something about how she worded this "blind date"... just seems odd. She's basically calling her own friend a slut, but what's to set her up with you? What gives? I've never heard of a case where a female friend wanted to hook someone up on their own accord with someone else, yet at the same time... be reluctant.

Either she wants to set you up or she doesn't.

I know women LOVE to play matchmaker, but I've never seen one who wanted to be a bad matchmaker from the get-go. Can you elaborate more on this fail of a Cupid?
 

Jeffst1980

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Personally, I wouldn't waste my time.

But, if you want to try your luck, I'd advise you to repeatedly disqualify yourself to her. Things like, "Aw, you're into ____? What was so-and-so thinking when she set us up?" or "You're really sweet, but I don't know if this is the right time in my life for this." The point being, she's going to have to invest in you if she wants to get the ego boost she obviously needs, and when a woman invests in you, she's much slower to dismiss you.
 

Warrior74

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Sounds like too much for me. If I heard any of those words I would probably just shout out PASS before she even finished. I got to much to do to waste time and money on something your friend isn't even 50% sure about doing. Screw that. Either that or I'd meet her at a bar and friendzone her right off the bat and ask her about picking up chics and to be my wingman and proceed to pick up chics with her in tow, this if I'm just feeling like being a jerk that night.
 

Die Hard

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First of all, my instincts tell me exactly the same as Jophil's tell him about this woman...



Secondly, look at your own words:

I just don't know if I should step into this or not.
Does anyone have experience dealing with chics who serial date?
I think if I do this and I like her I have to go to some psychological warfare.
You obviously don't have much confidence in your own abilities to handle this creature... Which means your ability to handle her IS insufficient, since only guys with absolute (sincere) confidence in themselves can handle this kind of dangerous women. The second quote tells me you have little experience with such women anyway... The third quote makes me think that, in general, you have problems controlling yourself when it comes to liking a girl too much: you get yourself in trouble because you don't have enough control over yourself...the situation will control you instead of you being in control of the situation... (But I could be totally wrong about this, you know best yourself!)

My advice is to stay away from this "challenge". Don't be fooled by her looks and what you see on the surface. Below the surface, she's more like that creature from the movie "Paranormal Activity"...
 

grinder

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I had to laugh when I saw the OP title. I guess, in a very real sense, I am the male version of your “serial dater”. Hopefully, more of us are, aren’t we?

In the last several months I have dated 11, most of them one or two times, but a few semi-seriously….that is, until they got too serious.

I’ve been looking for someone to “knock my socks off” so-to-speak, and yeah, I’ve found a few, but I was not ready.

Soooo, your serial dater is looking for something unique, something special, you know…a…DJ! But even if you are that DJ and do blow her away, there may be other issues, like I have, in which, perfect is not good enough, because you have to have timing as well as perfection.

So, pull out the stops, have fun, try your game because you have nothing to lose, and, unfortunately, even if you do nail it, because of her own issues it still may not last. But, isn’t that half the fun? You’d be foolish to expect anything to come of this except experience and, perhaps a little fun.
 

Disco

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i am reading my own words now. been back in the dating pool in the city i now live in since december of last year. before that i was in a relationship with a borderline who at the end i allowed to send me to the bottom. the best part about being at the bottom though is that you can only look up.

"What's the story behind her? Is she single? How did you meet her? How long have you known her?"

the girl trying to set me up is a friend's wife. i'm new to the city, they have been here a while. she is hesitant given this chic's past, but wants to given that we are both filmmakers. i told her to do whatever she feels like, i'm a big boy and if i think i can handle it...i'll do it.
 

Disco

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Ok, this is where we are with this now. I got her number, but knowing that her thing is she seemingly likes that guys call her and she doesn't pick up I also got her email address. I took the email address route. We talked here and there for a couple of weeks, I gave her my number. The next weekend, two weeks into this, I get a text from her letting me know that "xxxx club is so cozy and fun". i was busy that night and i didn't reply until the next day. my reply was "that place is great...but i prefer xxxx instead. hope you had fun, but that place is kind of stale imo."

that esculated things to where she called me immediately after. now this is 3 weeks in and we still haven't met up. i took my lunch one day and called her and told her to meet me. we met, had a fun 30 minutes. i'm sarcastic, quick and will poke. she's sarcastic and tries to keep up, but on my worst day i'm quicker and smarter than this chic. i start with the idea that i know you have a ***** to barter with, but what else do you have.

so i set something up for the weekend, an afternoon outing. well i cancelled the day before. went on a coffee date the next day, 1 hour and then i had to break out and film. we have a few more emails that turned to her and i emailing a ton during the past week. it got the point where she started downing guys and dates and how nobody can get it right. i know she was conning me to get what she waited, but i took the bait for the challenge. i told her i know her better than she thinks i do and i would "crush" it.

she's into horror films so i took her on a picnic to an old, beautiful cemetery. prepared all the food, i can cook from being raised by a southern grandmother. when she took off her sunglasses to look me in the eyes i knew i was killing it. we talk then she has to break for a party and i have to break to go to a party the magazine i am part owner of was throwing for the ufc fight. she texts me later that night and says "my friends think you have my number and i've met someone just like me". wrong...i'm not like you, i'm just trying to keep the upper hand which guys seem to fail with you.

the one think i can't stand is how she has this really negative views on guys. i got so tired of her talking **** that i told her she was either a) a lesbian and needs o come out and live a happy life or b) some guy has hurt her in the past and now she hates men. when you get over this anger, let me know. i would make fun of her comments. her newest thing was how she wants to work out and get buff and put on muscle...hence my lesbian comments. i told her i only hang out with girls who like being cute girls. she's gorgeous and energetic, but like i said i'm the catch this time. f it, i'm at the age and the state of mind with myself where i can piece together everything i've done with women in relationships or single, coupled with this site and listening to "the black phillip show" to form my own philosophy. and i don't think that's what a lot of guys get here. you don't apply this stuff at face value, you work it into who you are and your philosophy.

anyway. one thing i do remember is i told her to bring an empty wine bottle. i put some flowers in there and knowing she's an emotional person i took the flowers and told her we'd walk around and find some graves that needed some positivity. sure enough, worked like a charm. on the way there i pointed out a huge tomb that looked like a house. told her that's my grave and she said "your wife will be lucky to be in there with you". my reply was "you are already thinking of the after life with me, so sweat". sarcastically.

anyway, at the end she hugs me, looks at me and i kiss closed it and sent her on her way. while i was walking away she yelled at me and told me "you did great"...no idea what that even means. i looked at her, tapped my chest and threw up the number 1 and said "i know". **** it, i can't drop and let her think she's better than me. i've learned that at the heart of things by nature women want to you to be better than them. when they realize you are not they will walk away.

i got an email from her saying "let's hang out again soon". i replied with "wow, so awesome i am lucky enough to get another 2 hours with you". and i got "you are a decent human being, so why not?". i didn't like that, so now i've gone no contact...didn't even reply to that email and don't plan to. she shouldn't be validating me, i should validate her. and i also want her to be straight and not come up with an excuse to "hang out" again. i'll ask you when i'm ready.

don't get me wrong, she's cute and i'd love to hit it. i've been with almost 100 women in the past 10 years from working in bars and doing art work with a touring band...so ***** is easy and while i want to blow this chic up that's not my focus. i kind of want to beat her at her own game and i am guessing that just going no contact and doing my own thing this week is going to throw her off.

i asked my friend why she would hook me up with this hardcore and jaded chic and her reply was "we felt it was time that she met someone who can give it back to her". anyway, yeah i do have the confidence to take this creature on.

and oh, i have been disqualifying myself a lot with comments like "i don't have the energy at this point in my life to get you, but i can help you find your perfect match" and "i get why you are hardcore, i'm the same way and i can't find any women that i've invited into my life that i can't walk way from". it's her game that i'm throwing back at her. she also has a guy friend who i make fun of. and any time she tries to validate i told her that all i think of is "two girls, one cup" as it's a testament to women.
 

Disco

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and fellas, she tells me the advice her friends give her on dating and meeting guys...stuff is so dumb and retarded. i had no idea you had to wait on a female to give you the "it's ok to approach me" look. seriously? i thought if you want it you go and get it just like everything else in life. (sarcasm)
 

AMDG

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Disco said:
now this is 3 weeks in and we still haven't met up.
I was walking the same path once - it's a red flag of low interest. Never again ;)
 

cavedweller

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She is a player, an attention wh0re and a head hunter...Don't waste your time with her..

cavedweller
 

Tazman

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I understand the "challenge" point of view, but remember it cannot be seperated from how "cute" she is. Bottom line is she's attractive, she knows it, and you want to hit it.

Personally, I wouldn't have the patience to deal with her because it's like you're in a constant battle for the upperhand and not in a natural progressive sort of way, she's always "on" it seems. I guess it's a good experiment if you aren't focusing on just her.
 
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