Serious Question - Why do high school relationships rarely work out?

[metsfanof89]

Ok, I am 17 years old, but had to come here for some serious answers. I don't really know many adults with who I can ask these questions, so I wanted to ask here.

Why don't relationships from high school last?

I have been going out with my girlfriend (16) for over a year now. She's a Junior, I'm a Senior in High School. I think I understand why everyone says that you never marry your high school sweet heart, and that is because it is the first girl that you really love, and you really don't know what you want because you can't compare her to anything else. You really don't know what you want or don't want from a girl.

With this said, my girlfriend is amazing. I know she is my first real girlfriend, and the first girl I really loved, but I seriouly feel that I could marry her. She is exactly like me, and I'm exactly like her. We love exactly the same things, get along perfect, and would rather hang out with eachother then do anything. I tell her I want to marry her and live with her forever allt he time, as does she. Our relationship is perfect, with the one exception of one thing that she does. She doesn't always tell me the truth about things, even if it's somethng stupid. She will lie about it, and I will have to rip the truth out of her. Other then this, there is nothing I don't like about her. I know trust is a huge issue, but I feel that it's because she is young (as I am), and still needs to mature a little.

My parents hate the fact that we are so attached to eachother at such a young age. My mom always tells me to get off the phone with her, or tells me she doesn't want me seeing her on both Friday and Saturday nights. THey really give me a hard time about seeing her or talking to her so much. The say that I should experience other girls to see what I really want, but I really feel like if I break up wtih her, she will be gone forever, and even if I tried to get her back, the feelings and conection may neve be the same. How do I know that I will find another girl who is better?

So, please tell me why high school sweet hearts never work out? Another thing I was thinking was when you go to college, and you go to different colleges, or if one (like me) wants to become something that will require a lot of studying (physical therapy), and may not have time to be how I am now, and always talk and be with her. Also,the temptations of college sometimes break people up.

So, what's the deal?
Why don't they work?
Are you married to your high school sweet-heart?
Do you miss that girl?
Did you love that girl more then your wife? or just as much?
Did you feel like you wanted to marry her, and when you broke up, you met another girl that you loved more?

Sorry for such a long post, but I need some serious lessons on this, because I really don't understand it all. Thanks.

 

[Mjazz]

What you feel (the perfectness) is typical of first relationships. I felt it too, it will most likely end, bad. But still have fun and enjoy it! Just remember not to invest too much into it, dont invest your future into it and dont do stuff you will regret (embarrassing photos? i dont know)

 

[fedagent]

To give you a full answer, that may sound condescending, but I'm only being honest....

People at that age so very rarely know who they are, that to think in terms of the rest of your life is almost incomprehensible.

Bottom line is, people change a lot over their lifetimes.....I have known NO exceptions to this rule, no matter how much people feel they are the person they've always been, they aren't.....it's just changed so gradually many haven't noticed.

Life changes you, that's what it does. Life will change her, and it will change you. The best you can do is learn to adapt and do everything you can to improve your life, skills and make yourself happy.

Time keeps marching on, and those that can't adapt, go extinct.

 

[Bible_Belt]

ahh, those were the days...

My high school gf and I had a plan to rob the atm at one of her dad's banks, because he got drunk and dropped the key in the driveway. We were going to run away to Tonga with the money. This is an example of how crazy teenagers are.

When you're that young, both of you will make a lot of mistakes that are inevitable, due to a lack of experience in relationships. One mistake is showing her all your cards, and telling her all of your feelings all the time.

I tell her I want to marry her and live with her forever all the time, as does she.

So don't. Make her wonder, and keep her guessing. Unconditional devotion gets boring.

Another tip that I have learned after many years, is that the penalty for losing your cool and saying things you regret is that the relationship carries those words for as long as it exists. If you lost your cool and called her a stupid b!tch, no matter how much you sincerely apologized, she is always going to remember it; those words never really go away. As this site suggests, stay calm, cool, and collected.

Finally, some people have a psychological problem with lying and are compulsive liars; they can't really help it, so don't take it personally.

 

[The Forms]

Time will change the both of you. The person you are today is simply NOT the person you will be at the end of your freshman year of college. What might make this one suck for you is that you leave for college and she stays in high school (so you're the one who starts changing a year before she does). All it really comes down to is time changing you. You go to college and learn a whole bunch of new ideas, as will she. You'll get together with new friends that will make you see totally different world views, and you'll just grow apart.

Its not a bad thing. The great thing about your first girlfriend is that you'll forever get to look back on it fondly. Even if (or when) it does end real messy, you'll still be able to remember how things feel for you the way they do right now.

 

[STR8UP]

At your age you have NOOOOOOOOO idea what you want, even if you think you do.

You might look back one day later in life and think to yourself "Man, I wish I hadn't let that one get away". But that's better than the alternative which is waking up next to her one day later in life asking yourself "What the hell did I miss?" Or even worse, waking up one day and finding out she is leaving you for some guy she works with because SHE is wondering what the hell she missed by being with you.

 

[kyphan]

I certainly remember my high school sweetheart. Her parents put so many roadblocks in the way of me seeing her outside school, but really thought her and I were going to get married. I've never fallen so fantastically head over heels for a woman in my life. Things were awesome during the summer before I went to college - not very far away, mind you.

Why they don't work: people change. I'm still changing. She changed. Really, we are totally different people now than we used to be.

I didn't marry her, nor do I miss her. I have a feeling it's not very different for her.

The "love" questions - I really do not get love anymore. It's not important, in a sense. I want to find someone to have a kid or two or three with, that's it, and I want to enjoy her company. I've felt close to a number of women since, and the emotions are quite different from the blissful "first love" I had in high school.

I had multiple people tell me it would not last, because very few last. It's okay if it does not last, there are millions of women in the world your age that you could meet. Enjoy it, man.

 

[metsfanof89]

You guys know this from experience? Has this happened to you? Did you really love her\him or did you know that it was just for fun?

 

[metsfanof89]

I certainly remember my high school sweetheart. Her parents put so many roadblocks in the way of me seeing her outside school, but really thought her and I were going to get married. I've never fallen so fantastically head over heels for a woman in my life. Things were awesome during the summer before I went to college - not very far away, mind you.

Why they don't work: people change. I'm still changing. She changed. Really, we are totally different people now than we used to be.

I didn't marry her, nor do I miss her. I have a feeling it's not very different for her.

The "love" questions - I really do not get love anymore. It's not important, in a sense. I want to find someone to have a kid or two or three with, that's it, and I want to enjoy her company. I've felt close to a number of women since, and the emotions are quite different from the blissful "first love" I had in high school.

I had multiple people tell me it would not last, because very few last. It's okay if it does not last, there are millions of women in the world your age that you could meet. Enjoy it, man.

You are kind of in the same situation.

Don't you miss that "love" that you shared with her though? I guess I understand where your coming from with her and you changing, because if she changed from that person that you loved, and you don't love the new her, then you can't really be with her, nor will you regret that you broke up.

Should I talk about this with her? About changing in college and stuff?

 

[kyphan]

You are kind of in the same situation.

Don't you miss that "love" that you shared with her though? I guess I understand where your coming from with her and you changing, because if she changed from that person that you loved, and you don't love the new her, then you can't really be with her, nor will you regret that you broke up.

Should I talk about this with her? About changing in college and stuff?

Do I miss that feeling of "love" I had? In a sense, yes. There's so much more to a relationship than that feeling, though. It's hard to understand until you've had a few ladies in your life that you really care about, but that feeling is not as important as you think.

I think there's little you can talk about concerning college at this point. Maybe when summer comes. All you should do is promise to yourself that if you want to be with someone else at college you'll tell this girl first that you're ending it. At least do the respectable thing.

 

[The Shocker]

Ah...good question, and asked very eloquently. Nice job.

To answer it, I don't have much experience. I am younger than you, still haven't had a relationship where I've really cared about a girl (there is only one girl outside of my family that I really care about, and she is a friend) so it's not like a have a similar experience to relate.

However, I do think that high school relationships don't work most of the time because the individuals in the couple change so much between the years of high school and college and going out into the real world. You will definitely be a completely different person three years from now, halfway through college, than you are today. I will be too, and so will your girlfriend. You can't predict that things won't change and that you will always love each other, because unconditional ROMANTIC love is crock (IMO).

I'd say to take take things slow. You are a senior, and she is still a junior. Next year you'll be in college, seeing a bunch of hottie coeds at frat parties, while she will be going out with her friends and getting drunk at high school parties. Not the best case scenario for a healthy relationship. You both will be tempted by others.

I'm not going to advise you either way, to break up or stay together. Ultimately, if you think that you AND HER can handle keeping a mature, long distance relationship then you should go for it. However, VERY FEW people actually can do this, so look at it objectively, don't simply think, well we are different from everybody else. In all likelihood you're not.

 

[girl_in_a_boy_forum]

In my opinion, high school relationships don't work out because both parties have SO much maturing left to do. Remember when you were a freshman and how much you've changed since then? Just imagine how much you'll change at the end of college! I don't necessarily think it's an issue of not knowing what you want, but an issue of change, maturity, and becoming the person you'll be for the rest of your life.

Personally, I didn't date at all in high school. I wasn't really interested in any of the guys there. Oh, I got offers, but I wasn't interested and knew that even if I did get into a relationship, it wouldn't last beyond graduation. So I waited it out. When I came to college, within two months I met my outstanding boyfriend and am ever so glad I waited.

Hmm, that was a bit of a tangent! But I'd advise you to consider what's going to happen to you and your girl next year. From my observations, most college/high school LDR don't work out. : ( I suggest that you go to college with an open mind to whomever you meet; you never know what'll happen. Good look with PT! (I'm an OT student myself ^_^)