Self-Improvement Thread - Changing My Life!

[GetBetter]

I just wanted to say this so I am telling:
Being Introvert isnt a problem in life but probably with girls. Introverts are much more talented and perfectionists(thats what I feel) but barely become famous and succeed with girls. However Extroverts are more social etc thats why they succeed? I saw Introversion as problem as well but now I assess myself I am glad I had and even have lil bit of that phase in life because whenever I became introvert I kept anger, fun, everything with me and that always made me much better. I learned poetry and even won first price, and I must admit it is seriously world class. I even wrote a book at that time, and developed a great talent, figuring out what type of person is sitting infront of me. Like trying to be bad but actually is good or vice versa. Might not be great but it is useful. Many people cant figure that out until they become a victim. Whenever I fap, I turn introvert...thats what I feel. Weird, no?

And I am ****ing frustrated about Passion. It's much easier said than finding my passion. Nothing right now excites me and whatever I am doing in my present is something I'd like to pursue for my entire life. Which makes me feel that I can not stay in a particular field for long time, I have to constantly find new things to do. And I am sure even in childhood or I think it was when I hit 13 I said the same thing once.

And one of the biggest problems I am facing currently are constant fights with my younger brother and to realize that neither he or anyone else has any respect for me in their heart. That brings me to the question - What is Respect and why they dont respect me? I want to be respected and even listened to by people. Yesterday when few of my friends(not really close) were talking about a problem and when I tried to say something one of them just shouted to shut me up. I made a comment but none listened. I got so mad that I wanted to fight him right there but I knew that wouldnt be the solution of the problem. Same I want to do with my younger brother but I dont do anything. My younger brother thinks of himself being better than me and me as a person who is nothing compared to him(I feel so). The anger is accumulating inside me and I just want to beat him up but I know its not the right thing. So what shall I do? What can be done so that people respect me?
Being criticized isnt a bad thing but not being respected definitely is...

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Stop trying to find your passion. Read Tolle. Be passionate.

 

[GetBetter]

Stop trying to find your passion. Read Tolle. Be passionate.

To be honest at one point I thought the same and decided to follow and put one of the posts in action - To constantly change yourself. So I guess I'll have to write down all the stuff I want to change about myself, and also become what I want to be; so all in all set some Short-Term goals and achieve them. I am sure that while doing these, I'll find a niche for myself.

So my first two Short Term Goals:

1. 30 Day No Fap Challenge: I actually set this two days ago and failed... it's too hard to control when you are dieing to have sex and **** someone.

2. Become a Player: I am too desperate to be this. To become a player and be so good at it that I can approach anyone anywhere and flirt without hesitation.

Today man I saw super sexy girl at the mall. My brother was with me but I am sure if he wasnt with me I could have approached her and at least said something to her like previous approach... Man I totally regret it.. Gah! It may sound like an excuse but it isnt. I dont know but we both brothers dont share much about whats going on with life, especially in the matter of girls.

 

[BlackAnkle]

To be honest, I've found the most success comes when your goals aren't set on women. I don't feel like becoming a "player" is a short term approach either. A real player's flinch mechanism does not exist. Nothing effects him. The fact that you say "I am not happy with myself" or "I can't find anything for myself to be passionate in" You're setting your life up as two different people. I and myself. It's like you know what you want, but your still not happy. Maybe you should focus on who "I" is before the girls in general.

 

[GetBetter]

To be honest, I've found the most success comes when your goals aren't set on women. I don't feel like becoming a "player" is a short term approach either. A real player's flinch mechanism does not exist. Nothing effects him. The fact that you say "I am not happy with myself" or "I can't find anything for myself to be passionate in" You're setting your life up as two different people. I and myself. It's like you know what you want, but your still not happy. Maybe you should focus on who "I" is before the girls in general.

True. However I dont think learning Cold Approaching and being able to flirt is a bad thing? Every journal I've read so far, all of them focused on Cold Approaching, especially BPH and Mindgamez, but yeah focusing much more on other aspects of their life.

I just want to kill my hesitation and weird behavior around girls(not as weird as before but I still am a bit). I just dont want to miss opportunities anymore.

Also I want to ask what do you mean by 'I' and 'Myself'? Is 'I' the one who I am to the core and 'Myself' is what I want to be?
After reading your reply, I came down again to the first post of mine - to evolve overall and be a complete man - be rich, be passionate, have lots of girls come and go, be inspiration, be powerful, be fit and healthy, be a role model for everyone and become a LEGEND!

I have discussed my problems with NorwegianDJ and I must say he is very helpful. He tried to help me and bringing me on track but I am not so sure of myself atm of what I actually want as I've started believing that all of your things that you want to improve on are connected to one thing - Passion, which apparently becomes your life's objective and while improving to achieve your life's objectives you somehow develop overall as well, or rather it becomes a need to become this or that to get to the flag that you have to capture. Thats why I've been trying to find my passion, objective of my life but I guess I am making it too complex. I read 'Complete Guide to Self Improvement' again and read the points that the author discussed there and he pointed out something good; have lots of hobbies and develop something into passion so I guess I'll just go around developing all of my hobbies I guess?

Other than, I dunno why but I felt I might be turning to AFC again and same old unsatisfied and unsecured me so I am reading Bradd80's 'Secret Guide to Mastering Don Juan Way of Life'. Wish me luck for I'll one day be the Legend I want to be!
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1 Day of No Fap... hard to control the urge.

Today I danced and tried to copy the steps of the best dancer of India(in my opinion) - Hrithik Roshan. Difficult to grasp his steps and dance like him.
I dont know why but I feel like writing a small story as well and more than that figure out everything about my life as I feel it's high time! I am already 17 dammit!

 

[GetBetter]

Alright, guess what! I have really found my passion!

I am definitely going in Art field and going to do 3d Animation. I've been doing drawing and everything since I was a kid and even unintentionally I got into graphics field, all of this leads to me being an artist! **** yeah! I am going to get back into Pixel Art again and now even with much more enthusiasm and energy and even happiness!

Now based on this I have to set my long term, mid term and short term goals!

Other than that... I want to learn about how to hold and keep a conversation going. Today I was alone with two girls, and I know both of them are lil bit attracted to me but while talking to them I felt that they might have lost it for me because I really didnt know what to talk about and how to keep conversation going. I was feeling that because we didnt have anything in common(events especially) we might not be able to chat on anything. I have to make some really great stories in my life. And I know guys, you are going to help me the best I can be! Be it girls, be it anything, whatever I touch I'll be best at it!

My exams have ended so I have more time to concentrate on the tasks I want to be perfect at! Tonight I am going to write down all those things that I want in my life, I want to be good at, or which I want to get rid of. I'll write down my long term, mid term and short term goals.

 

[GetBetter]

New Year, New Me!

Alright, so all my goals are defined, resolutions set and my weaknesses identified. Now it's time to become best I ever can be!

My Goals:
​

1. Get Rid of Weaknesses: I discovered that I have much more weaknesses than my strength! I have to turn them all into my strengths or at least try to eradicate them.

a. Dependent:

i. Food : Learn to make meals. Ask mom to teach me how to make lots of dishes.
ii. Money: Although it isnt bad to ask for money from parents but I want to earn my own money. But before that, become so ****ing great at Pixel Art and Drawing and stuff that people get eager to pay you.
​

b. Lack of Information: Read Newspaper or Subscribe to newsletters.

i. Technology
ii. Politics
iii. People
iv. World
v. Business
​

c. Systematic: Become Systematic by organizing and keeping in place my own room and my own stuff, at first.

d. Low Grades: Study Accountancy for 2 hours a day.


​

2. Work on Strengths:

1. Football: I will Join a Club for getting better at Football after March.

2. Pixel Art: Give 1 Hour Daily to Pixel Art and Post it on
Pixelation etc to learn Anatomy, Composition, Colours and Animation. Also let my creative juices flow into this!

3. Dancing: Learn on your own till March and then join a class.

4. Fashion: Check Fashion Updates

​

3. Never-Ending Tasks:

1. Creativity: Read Books and Have more life experiences in life to be more creative.

2. Improve Vocabulary: Develop better vocabulary by Reading 1 Novel a Month and then using those words in Short Stories.

3. Family and Friends: Spend half an hour daily with both Family and Friends. Hear to their problems, about their day and their aspirations!

4. Meditation: Meditate and Pray to God Everyday in the morning. Talk to yourself before sleeping at night.

5. Principles: Create Principles and adhere to them!

6. Physical Fitness: Go for Jogging Everyday early in the morning. Wake up at 6 am and Sleep at 10am!

​

4. Short-Term Goals: 1 Year

1. Get Into Ringling: Be so good at drawing, anatomy, sketching, life drawings etc. I have to be greatest Animator in the whole world.

2. Complete Novel: Complete and Publish a Novel This Year. Write 5 pages daily

3. Travel Journal: Write about places you visit and post them on SoSuave.

​

5. Mid-Term Goals: Upto 5 Years

1. Tuxedo: 1 Tuxedo an Year
2. Take my Dad to 1 Historic Place
3. Show my Mom to all movies released in a year.
4. Family Tour

​

6. Long Term:

1. Pixar
2. Business - A cartoon series in India
3. Reviving Indian Culture and Art and making it famous.
4. Big House with my mom, dad and brother in it.
5. One of the best artists in the world!
​

 

[GetBetter]

1st January 2014

Today I have decided that this year I am going to be a better man. From today onwards my path to become an Alpha Male has started.

Today I woke up and decided that I would be systematic in my life. Hence I properly wrapped up my blanket, cleaned my bed and finally cleaned and organized my study table. My mother was so happy.

2nd January 2014

Woke up at 6 am and it was all dark but I decided that I would go for run, no matter what. I went for 4 km jogging. On my way I met an elderly person who first greeted me good morning and then asked me to hug him. He hugged me too tightly and weirdly, I was feeling awkward! I still cant figure out why he did so. I thought I wouldn't meet many people early in the morning but to my surprise there were lots of people for walking and jogging. After I came home, I took a bath and went to go and meditate and pray. Unfortunately my dad was cleaning everything so I couldnt meditate today.

While coming home I again talked to the girl named Richa. She too seems interested in me, or maybe that's how she talks to everybody. At first, we chatted about our Subjects; in India those who study Science are considered nerds while those who study Commerce are considered carefree without any tension of future, and probably like Criminals or bad people. As we were talking I told her I studied Commerce. She was surprised and the chat then went like this:

Her: You know you really look like you study Science. You look like you are serious about studies...
Me: Wow at least someone complimented me based on my studies. *I said sarcastically. I fail and she knew that*
Her: *she laughs* Commerce Students are always free and all.
Me: Yeah
Her: So how many 'Girlfriends' do you have?
Me: *I was stunned for a moment and didnt know what to say so said the truth* Me? None
Her: *she looks away* Nice lie..
Me: Why? You want to be my girlfriend?
Her: *She looks away, never to make eye contact again, however smiles continuously*

Her bus stop arrives and she gets up to leave. I wave her goodbye and say 'Bye Topper'. She smiles and leaves.

This girl is chased by many boys in my school, according to her friend(a boy) who likes her as well.
I am not sure if I should add her on Facebook and take her number or not..

Today exams' results were shown. I topped in English but once again failed in Accountancy... I am humiliated and I'll definitely pass next time!

Also, today was birthday of a girl whom I chat with or she chats with me over WhatsApp. She called and invited me to her birthday treat in which only I was invited and her friend. Her friend had crush on me last year. Today I regretted my indecisiveness. She asked me where to go but I didnt know and kept telling her that it was her party and thats why she should decide. At last I told her of a restaurant where I never visited. We went there and there I took my friend who wasnt invited... I felt bad but at the same time I would have felt bad to tell him to go just because I had to go into a party... The birthday girl definitely didn't like it and also had to pay for us... Later her friend joined and then both girls asked me what to order to eat. I didn't know so I told them to order as they knew the place better. This indecisiveness definitely resulted in loss of respect and interest. There were lots of mosquitoes which were hovering around us and it irritated us. Due to that the birthday girl insulted me 'You should come after taking bath. See you are attracting these mosquitoes' I felt really bad. However I couldnt understand if it was seriously directed towards me or not as it was my friend on whose head all mosquitoes were hovering... Finally due to mosquitoes and dirty place we all moved to a better restaurant. Again there she paid due to which I felt really bad. Whole the time I was adding stuff to break the silence. I am damn sure they were getting bored. At one time they commented that I tell jokes in a serious mood and thats why they cant distinguish when I am serious and when being sarcastic. I felt that as a 'Wannabe Alpha Male' I had nothing to say and how boring I was. Also I think all the time I was trying to please them instead of other way round. They both talked about me and my looks. The birthday girl said that I looked innocent, but the other one denied and said that innocent guys looked nerdy and creepy. I looked like a good, self motivated and always working towards a goal type of guy. I wanted to thank that girl for complimenting me but within a moment I realized that all it burnt down to 'They weren't interested in me' or Am I wrong?. Later my friends called to join them for playing football and I immediately get up and say that I have to leave. I intentionally did that to show them that I was busy and they aren't interesting me and I have more important things going on. After some double meaning chat, I leave and go play football with my friends. I told the girls that next time we would go do Disco as sitting and eating is boring.

About these girls: They go to one of the most prestigious school in the city. They both are super rich and have high standards. I have standard but I am not rich and that makes me quite nervous sometimes. I have to become rich but by following my passion.

Now about another girl. She looks great and has great dressing style. I'd rate her 8 and call her HBIta. I make fun of her and she likes it too. She always gives me weird look whenever I pass through her. She smiles and it looks as if she wants to talk to me and get engaged in the playful activities I do. I'll talk to her and will get her number tomorrow! Let's see if I can date her. Shall I go for it?

I drew a character on my notebook in school and based on that I drew another character in computer. I have put it on some websites to get feedback to improve at anatomy.

Before sleeping I am going to revise my goals, and everything.

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey man great job with your goals! The way to reach them is to start early and thats what you did. Also I think that that girl,Richa or whatever her name is,I think she likes you. You should get her number and ask her to hang out. One thing though is that when she asked you how many girlfriends you have, you should have said something more funny and ****y than "none". I would have said "jeez I've completely lost track" or something similar to that. When you went to that restaurant with those girls you should have stopped worrying so much about trying to please them and keep them from getting bored. You should have just stayed relaxed and had fun. That is one of the keys of being a DJ is to have fun with girls. Good luck and you should post one of your drawings.

 

[GetBetter]

Thanks defensiveend96 for your advice! I really loved your idea of telling the girl that you don't have count of how many girlfriends you have. I am definitely going to use that.

As for update, I recently found out that deadline for submission of portfolio and other applications is 15th January! I thought I was doomed and began taking action! Currently I am working on my Portfolio. Yesterday and day before yesterday I been working on anatomy and stuff. I drew almost 100 drawings yesterday and while coming home, I lost them! But it didnt hurt me because it was just practice and not final material.

Today I worked on hands and foot and also used some of my own pictures to do gestures. I really love what I did today. I hope I can create awesome portfolio by 10th January. Just when I thought my problems have ended I found out that you have to go to centers to take TOEFL test and the first date for test is January 12. The results of the test will be declared 7 days later! I am not sure how will I submit those results by Jan 15... I will talk about this to Ringling's Admission Department and will request for consideration. I have taken tomorrow's appointment of 11pm.. I hate time zone differences.

As for walks, girls, health, school and preparation for my major exams, I have stopped it all for now just to focus on my Portfolio. I am spending almost 4-6 hours for 3 days now, working hard on sketches and drawings...

Oh and yesterday I saved two lives - I saved two puppies who somehow jumped into drainage system. After grabbing their necks and taking them out, I felt really awful as my hands were drenched in that drainage water(eww) and my clothes got dirty due to lying on ground. But my Dad made me feel great; he said "It's okay. You saved two lives today." And I really did feel great after that.

I'll post few drawings soon.

 

[GetBetter]

I have almost completed all items or my portfolio; 1 or 2 drawings are left. I am happy with the results that I have achieved in only 4 days... rather very happy. I sent Ringling's Admission Department regarding consideration of my application as my TOEFL's results would arrive late. They havent replied yet. I am so angry because I need the answer immediately for my future planning..

Also today was batch party of our class at a pub and disco. The crowd was big and we started dancing. At first I wasnt enjoying as much but as soon as I stopped caring and started dancing like a wild animal, I started enjoying. I also had like 30 second salsa dance with a girl who is from my class. I have had feelings(not intense) in the past but I never told her. I just flirted with her a lot on FB...In the whole party she was looking at me, and I was glancing at her too. After the salsa dance which lasted for few seconds I joined my friends. I really regret it though because I wanted it to last longer. I ruined it even more by telling her the same on Facebook. I dont know why but I really have urge to kiss her! Due to that I went on FB again and messaged her to meet again. She agreed but procrastinated(I believe so) by telling to meet after exams(which will end after three months..)

Here's the chat:

Me: Btw, I really loved the Salsa dance with you. I wish I had kept it a lil longer
Her: Hahahahaha
Her: No worries
Her: next tym may be
Me:Let's meet again then?
Her: Sure
Her: but after finals
Me: Nah, let it be then.
Her: Hehehehe
Her: ok

I guess she wasnt interested. Shall I pursue her?

After that I had to leave in the middle of the party as my friend's dad called him to come home. We drove away in his car. There were two girls with us and one of them probably has interest in me. She kept talking to me and asked me why I was feeling bad. My head was aching from too much dancing and loud music. But just to cheer everyone up and showcase that I wasnt low I kept joking around. And once again I felt like she might lose interest in me, as I indirectly talk about sexual stuff. At one point my friend drove fast and we might have hit another vehicle. The girl sitting in front seat screamed and shouted 'you'll die' to my friend who was driving. My friend replied ,"SO what? I'll die with you." The girl sitting next to me said 'NO dont drive like that, we don't want to do die(we = me and her)" and then she confirmed if I wanted to die.

Me: No! There are lots of things to be done. *smiling trying to indicate sexual stuff*
Her: Oh? Like what?
Me: *laughing* studies
Her: *laughs* You arent going to do that!
Her: So, what things are left?
Me: Lots of things *smiling again*
Her *nods*

She probably understood.


And once again... I really believe I cant hold conversations with girls. Its maybe because I dont spend more than a minute with them face to face.. I just roam and make comments on them here and there. I guess spending and opening out to them will help. But at the same time I wonder how will I be mystery if I do that?

 

[GetBetter]

Beginning

So I have completed and submitted my portfolio on 14th January. After that I caught cold; just recovered, almost.

Also, I was being lazy and had nothing to post so that might be another reason for not updating.

Anyways, I want to start from beginning, as if I am a new member here because my mindset has changed(thats what I feel) and I might be turning AFC again. So, I am 17, senior in High School; going to complete high school in two months. I don't have girlfriends, not even girls as friends in my life. I don't have many close friends, maybe one or two at max but other than that, I am a loner. I am not sure why I am a loner. Maybe I have accepted that I am a loner, and I don't depend on anyone for a company etc and thats what I portray. Other than that sometimes I feel that we all don't share the same common interest which is why I don't have friends.

I feel that from the past year I have improved so, so much. Last year I was complete introvert with no confidence and nothing to showcase but I feel I had much more talent back then, or at least I developed new talents. Now I feel much more confident, I think I look handsome too. I am funny and lots of talents that I think am not using properly and thus will just turn into dust and vanish away. I have proper dressing sense and okay looking physique. I don't have much to talk about, no great stories no thing and that makes me feel that I bore everyone. Even though I have lots of things that can get me girl(s) and even my friends tell me so and girls think so, I don't have a single girl in my life; I think I am a prize but this might not be true. It doesn't bother me too much though, but I definitely would like to have girls in my life. I know I can have as many as want right now but I have set my standards very high and even if I start to like someone I create lots of negative things for her, I have no idea why. I can't have conversations with girls, or anybody literally... I have accepted myself as a loner. I want to be a guy over whom girls literally drool whenever I pass by, thats the type of guy I want to be. And more than that, I want to be the best personality on earth - Legend.
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19th January 2014

Woke up late, took a bath and then went for meditation after two weeks. I am not consistent at this, at all. I have to become consistent at this and get rid of all the impatience that is developing inside me. Then I go to study and study little bit. I just don't feel like studying...even though my life's most important exams are going to arrive in 1 month and I am not at all serious, I don't know why.. What to do to become serious? I get bored and think to walk outside. I had been sitting inside home, being anti social and playing video games wtf. As I step outside I see Yash, one of my best buddies. I was very happy to see him as after a long time I met my best friends. We all got so busy or whatever that we couldn't meet. I had messaged him yesterday and my other friends as well about why we couldn't and everyone agreed that they hated that they couldn't meet. And to see him at doorsteps, I was very happy. We had a walk and we discussed events, past and present. Yash and me made plan that in the evening we both will go and meet all of our close friends. Unfortunately, couldn't meet anyone except Gaurav and Vidyansh(other mates). Dodo, makes lots of excuses! Anyways so I go to his house, and we take our bikes and take rides and chill. We went to ate at local place, and I tell him to just act crazy and do weird stuff. He agrees but doesn't actually do. While drinking soda, we both look at a girl. She looks good to me. I make an eye contact and dont break until she does. This happens almost 3-4 times. I ask Yash to come with me to approach her and get her number he says no 'she doesnt look good' I know he is afraid to approach and he accepts later. That girl was with her two more friends who looked ugly thats why I wanted to take my friend. I end up not approaching her but not sad at all. After that I meet another friend there, we chat and then we go to temple. The evening Aarti is going on and we join in the middle. My friend is getting bored but I am astonished the usual-unusual stuff. I was really impressed how much our ancestors knew science and emotions. They created such prayers so that no one felt lonely; everyone in Aarti is invited(who lived in that locality ofc but it isnt restriction). I was surprised how everyone clapped in Unison for praying and how beautiful the sculptures were made. This shouldn't be unusual to me as I see this every now and then but for the first time I speculated it this nicely and closely.

I chose to walk a lot today and I was happy. Believe it or not but I definitely see results of No-Fap. One 1st day of No Fap I felt really bad. It's my 3rd Day of No-Fap I guess. I have written why would I no fap and what will the consequences etc - The 'Awaken The Giant Within' way.

 

[GetBetter]

So nothing unique. I go to coaching and instead of wasting time me and my friend go to the class and start solving questions. I feel good after solving and getting correct answers. I thought I wasnt good at Accounts but being able to solve questions I feel more confident at it. All students come out and one of my friends after chatting for a minute leaves for a girl he is interested in but doesnt tell her. I kinda feel bad and laugh at it at the same time...its really amusing to see how your friends can leave you for a girl.. Ill never do that! I dont know what to do so I get to drawing class feeling like a loner but feeling awesome. Girls notice me but I ignore all of them. I see that I am getting better at shading.

I come home play video game and try to make a minotaur on computer. It is turning out nicely although its still in WIP stages.

I have been reading Mindgamez journal because I felt he was almost like me but after comong on 4 th page of his journal I doubt I was right. He has improved so much in soess time! I love his pranks. I always wished to do so but never could find a friend like that. I have to gather mad people like me . Also he approaches much more..unlike me..which is his key of success. But I really want to be an irrestible person that girls approach. Anyways Ill continue reading his Journal.

I am thinking to wake up early from tomorrow once again and go for jogging and after that do some weight lifting at home. Alarm set for 6 am! Give me tips to increase muscle mass and chest as I am skinny atm(i think so)

 

[NorwegianDJ]

If Mindgamez can do it, so can you! I give him an occasional read (he honestly writes so much!) but we used to talk a fair bit, and it's all effort originating from mindset.

Just emulate him instead of making excuses. Start reading, meditating, do Vlogs, approach people. One step at a time. Just get good at goal-setting. One step at a time.

 

[GetBetter]

@NorwegianDJ Thanks for the motivation man. Believe it or not I believe I can easily approach but I am lazy and dont go places to approach girls. Tell me some places where I can meet some girls? I will definitely approach! But before that I havee to get good at goal setting and achieving them...

So today nothing special again. I woke up at noon as slept late and my alarm didnt ring. I woke up, searched some videos about how to make a pooter. I am not sure if it is available here.. I couldnt find any such video. Couldnt pray and meditate today as I woke up at noon; it is not good to pray after noon according to our religion. I go to the coaching and dont see a single friend there and it justs kills my mood to study. I come out and stray on my bike. After a while I park near group of friends and just stay silent there. No one talks to me. Then this one girl comes and sticks something to my hair. She does it again and then says 'Now You Look Sexy'. She takes it off and without even thinking or knowing what I was saying I said 'I was sexy even before that. Girls look at me and make expressions about how ****y I am. I am proud of it! The girl then hits me on head lightly. I give no reaction. Why this girl keeps taking **** tests I wonder... and she already has a boyfriend.

I go to drawing class after that and the teacher doesnt arrive. One of her students gave me work but doesnt really pay attention to me. I feel like I am wasting money as they care more about money than actually providing quality services...I am going to find new art class.

And today I didnt study...moreover I fapped...I resisted few times but then i couldnt control. Its fine Ill put this challenge again.

I have been searching how to increase testosterone and came by a nice Art of Manliness post. It suggested various methods out of which one was StrongLift 5x5 method of training. I am going to folloe that and other methods. I will also follow their Art of Manliness - Be A Bettet Man Month. It really seems interesting. Lets see what I gain through this.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You're just rationalizing your fear. You have places to go. Just go outside. Moreover, putting so much pressure on yourself approaching girls and not having a lot of other options for improvement renders you stagnant.

Lastly, don't rely on willpower alone. Put yourself in situations where you minimize your reliance on it and external factors.

 

[GetBetter]

@Roumie and NorwegianDJ: Thanks for your helping comments. I have been trying to approach but didn't where to go. I have visited some famous spots at our local area but whenever I go there, I don't see many hot girls to approach.

I had went to bed to sleep but really couldn't as I had to let you guys know about today's happenings and other things that have been going through in my life since my last post. But let me tell you about today as I remember it correctly.

Today was Farewell Party at our Coaching Classes. A Farewell Party is given to senior most high school students by juniors as we are going to pass our school life in a month or so. So about this party I wasn't excited at first but as the time passed and the evening was arriving I don't know why but lots of excitement surged into me and I was feeling impatient. I couldn't focus on my studies. So I just turned on the music and started dancing like crazy in my room, all alone. I felt better. Then I went to the Coaching Class with my friend on his bike. I was wearing a brown blazer with black t-shirt and blue jeans. As we arrive at Coaching, I see that me and few of my friends are the only ones that arrived except our juniors. Seeing that even my friends left here and there and me and my best friend were the only ones left. I was feeling very bad about it as I was starting to get bored. I wanted to leave and go home as well. But soon all friends arrived and we are invited to get into the hall where the whole function was supposed to take place. We aren't supposed to dance and I am literally dieing to dance. So I go into another room and ask my mates to come in as well, we take the mic and near to it play music in mobile phone and we dance in the loud music. Seeing me many friends entered and we all danced like crazy. Few girls were also in the room and they were looking at me and my friends. When I was about to leave the room to drink water, one of my class mates smilingly said 'Girls are definitely going to throw money at you'. And I laughed and said 'Wow, that's awesome!' and left to drink water. I arrive and see that entry was now allowed in the main hall again and program was going to start. I was too damn excited but nothing great happens, all programs are boring and I was getting bored. I was also sweating so I just take off my blazer and a girl standing nearby looks at me(HBIta) and says "Why did you take it off, you were looking smart in it." I said nothing but kept standing still and started skimming the room to see if I could find anyone beautiful enough to approach and I find none. However I do see that many girls were constantly glancing at me; I like attention haha! Well I'll just skip parts now to come to main points. Everyone in the room gathered for cake ceremony and I go there as well but it doesn't entertain me so I stand far away from the crowd. HBIta is returning from crowd as well and stands directly in front of me, very close and I just comment 'So you want to kiss me?' she leaves smilingly shouting 'Shut up!' Lol, I wonder what type of girl she is.. she doesn't mind anything. Few days ago I had kept my hands directly on her waist and she did nothing but say 'What has happened to you?' in amazement. I kept acting romantically and saying 'Come dear, come' 'Let's go dear' And she doesn't even like me, but another classmate of mine for whom she has cried many times(her brother told me).

Anyways, she's not the main focus of this post, it's another girl. She arrived late in the function and was looking okay. I had crush on her last year but not anymore, not even a bit, even though I think she looks okay I should approach and flirt with her sometime. And today I had perfect opportunity to even kiss her! Damn! That's why I have written this post to get a solution to this problem. Read on! She looks at me when she enters and she looks me in the eye, I shake her hand and she is waiting to hear how she looks but instead I told her 'Nice to see you' smiling. She shouts(or whatever it is called) disappointed(rather teased) as I didn't tell what she wanted to hear. I leave again to drink water and in the way meet a friend who gives me a smiley badge with a heart on it. I ask why he gave me that and he tells to give to 'Aashi', that's the name of the girl. I enter into the cabin(office) of our Coaching to just sit and drink some Sprite as I was too hungry and there was nothing to eat. After few moments Aashi comes into the cabin as well and asks our Accountant why he had called her. He denies to even call her and within a moment I know that it was my friend who sent her so that I could give her that smiley. I thought he was the one who was trying to hit on her but no, he was setting it up for me... I give Aashi the badge and she says thankyou and after seeing the heart she thinks I am hitting on her, haha. I reply 'You're welcome' in a very nice manner. I realize I was being too nice and uncomfortable, gah! I was trying to be a gentlemen but I know how it was heading, not too good. I drink some Sprite and offer her some. She accepts and I go to take out the glass for her to pour some sprite in it but I withdraw as some tips of 'sosuave' screamed not to do everything for a girl. I ask her to take out the glass, she did and I poured some Sprite into it. I smiling said, 'We are drinking as if we are drinking champagne'. 'I wish it was it' and after two or three sentences(which I don't remember) she says 'They cheer to it too' and so we cheered. I asked 'Do you know why they say 'cheers'. She shrugged and replied 'For betterment of sex life' even though I knew girls act very bad about it, and I expected that she would just leave; but no! She doesn't leave and she felt nothing weird about it. I was surprised. She replied 'I haven't heard anything like that'. I gaze into her eyes and say 'But I have'. She takes a selfie infront of me, on purpose I guess. I said, let me take your pic and she let me. The pic I took was pretty bad, I was nervous I guess, for no reason! I really have to get rid of nervousness! She then asked me to join her in the pic, I ignored her request and moved towards the hall again; she was following me. And after entering the hall I mixed with my friends. But I did see Aashi glancing at me every now and then. She has a boyfriend already.

After taking some snacks my friends and me all decided to leave for home but I suddenly had the urge to act weird and just have fun. I forgot everything and just started being crazy. We started shouting, making fun of people, hitting them on purpose, acting as if we were drunk. Haha all of it was really fun! Then shouting we climbed the stairs and entered into the hall again. HBIta was taking photographs of the classmate whom she likes. I kept ruining it lol. Then she asked my friend to take photograph of her with me but I just hugged her tightly instead and said 'I am going to miss you' laughing; we were playing games. She screamed 'Aaahh! Leave me' while using no force to push me away, haha. Then I called it a day and came home.

So about today I need help with Aashi. I know she was into me and I had opportunities to just go and throw her against the wall and kiss her. Damn! I just didn't know how to act; I guess I am nervous around girls, but why? And how to fight it? And guys, tell me how to escalate? It's weird that I am really want sex but I don't know how to escalate conversations, etc to get it to a high point...
______________________________________________________________________

2-3 days ago, I was feeling bored and was having a negative vibe so I decided to just have a walk. I went to temple after that while coming home I suddenly started pondering about my life. I was getting worried as my life is going nowhere at the moment and I am not using the shaft either to take it in a direction. Even if I know where to take it, I am not taking necessary actions to reach that point... And that thought is still scaring me a little. I really need to start taking actions. I did take actions related to Fapping, Cold Approaches, and Studies. Using the book Awaken the Giant Within I have formulated the pains and pleasures of both to start taking actions...

I really need to formulate a time-table as well so that I do not miss any action.. but I don't like rigid time tables.

Other than these things, I have been doing StrongLifts + Added weight lifting exercises which I do every other day. I am on 4 or 5th day of No-Fap and I am already feeling results, again. I feel a beast inside me ready to be unleashed and this is making me impatient. Now I realize the importance of Meditation.

 

[GetBetter]

Proud of my Guts!

All of this happened yesterday but I was too sleepy so I am posting today.

Yesterday was our Practical Examination of Accountancy. It didn't go too well but I am sure I am not going to fail in it. After giving the written test we were sent to give Viva. In there I answered everything confidently but later my friends told me everything I told was wrong. Lol, I was literally laughing when my friends told me and I told them, 'Confidence is what matters, haha'. And I think that's what matters the most. After that me and my two other friends went to play football. One of the teachers complimented on the power of my kicks; I am used to that. However I feel bad because I have no tackling skills which gets me lose the control of the ball whenever I am in a real match.

Now the real thing happened coming home from school in the bus! There were only two of my friends in the bus and other juniors. My friends had got out of the bus as their homes at arrived. So I was the only senior in bus and Richa and one junior I talk to lil bit. The Junior saw a heart and said 'Oh it looks good!' I took a look and remember that Valentine is coming. I smiled and asked him 'Whom are you going to give this'. He replied with a 'No one'. I turned and asked Richa the same. And after that the real **** started!

Me: *Corrects the sentence* How many people are giving you a heart?
Richa: No one
Me: *I turn to another junior who is kinda dumbo and yell* You are getting hearts from 15 girls, right?
Richa: How many are you getting?
Richa: Or How many are you giving?
Me: *Smile* Zero!
(I wonder why she is so much interested in my personal life. She is interested in me)
Me: I'll give you one for sure.
Richa: Accepted
Me: Woah! Already accepted? Wow.. *we both laugh*
Richa: I said yes because I know you aren't going to.
Me: Oh really? I'll give you one, definitely, on 18th!
(We have a farewell party in school on 18th)
Richa: I know you aren't going to.
Me: I will! In-front of everyone.
Richa: A person should have guts to do that *smiling*
Me: What? Are you challenging me?
(I get up from my seat and go to her seat, pick her bag)
Me: Shall I show you my guts?
Richa: *Raises one of her her eyebrow and keeps laughing*
Me: *I come back to my seat*
Richa: See, you don't have guts.
Me: *I go back to her seat, and sit right next to her. I give her back to her. She was so surprised*
Me: So, shall I kiss you to show guts?
Richa: No...
Me: *I let her get comfortable. In the mean time I talk to another girl* Hello XYZ. How are you?
XYZ: *She doesn't reply for few seconds then says something but I don't hear so I lean forward to hear what she said* I have throat infection.
Me: Oh okay.
Me: *I sit quietly, enjoying the wind coming from the open window in the bus. I loved how it was brushing my hairs; such a calm and happy feeling.*
Richa: *she breaks the silence* Sitting next to me doesn't show guts.
Me: I shall kiss you then *I curl my one hand around her and reach closer to her mouth but I stop as she says No and there were lots of juniors in the bus. But I am damn sure if I had forced a little bit I would have kissed her easily. Man I love the feeling I had at that point of time as it was getting really hard for me to control myself but I did. *
Me: You have nice lips.
Richa: *laughs* I am getting popular.
(She indicated that many guys were hitting on her but I am damn sure no one went as frank and direct as me haha!)
Me: If you weren't fat(she has awesome eyes and lips) I would have proposed you.
(To make a girlfriend here you have to propose, lmao. Also having a girlfriend here is same as having dates XD)
Richa: *she got so uncomfortable after hearing that and she couldn't utter a word. I felt better because I knew I did a correct move! I shown that she has to impress me more to be in my life! Alpha male power! After some time she uttered* So you wouldn't be with a girl who has such consequences? After you marry--
Me: *I interrupted* Marriage? Why have you gone that far?
Richa: In case you do marry. Your wife isn't going to say the same, she will get fat after two years or so *and she started laughing*
Me: (I understood that she was talking about sex and my future wife's pregnancy) *I started laughing as well*
Richa: *After sometime she said again* You aren't here next year but my entry will be worth watching.
Me: Why? You are getting slim-trim?
Richa: No, but I am going to do classical dance-
Me: *I interrupt again by making classical dance actions and she slaps me on my hands playfully; getting teased*
Richa: Classical dance and probably aerobics.
Me: And where you will be going? I-Fit(a gym near to our bus stops)? Because if you do, you'll be seeing me.

After that her stop came and she asked if she could leave and I said 'Sure' and she left. I saw her getting off the bus and I noticed that she was pressing her lips against each other. Was she thinking of kissing as well? I looked at her from the rear glass of the bus and I saw she was standing and looking at the bus; usually she walks home as soon as she gets off the bus.

This whole time she was very intimidated by me as she never looked me in the eye.. or probably did when I wasn't.

After I got up from the seat I saw that 11th grade students were looking at me in amusement. Haha, what a feeling it was.

After I came home, I ate lunch and went for coaching class again and came to know that there was no coaching. So I grabbed my friend and we went to drink juice. After I came and parked my bike my friend asked me if I knew the girl. I asked him why he asked that and he said that he say the girl staring at me twice. I said no and replied 'I am too sexy that girls can't resist me' and we both started laughing. After that we go to a restaurant like place where all of our friends were sitting. As soon as get near to the group HBIta asks me if I had brought flowers for her and I play-acted and said 'Ha, ha, ha, for you?, ha, ha' Girls near me started laughing subtly, they knew I was playing lol. I get out as all of them were boring me to death! I had to get out. After I get out my friend tells me again, 'Bro, she stared for the third time.' And I reply 'I don't like her'. He says, 'Topic ends then'. After some time me and my friend enter the restaurant-like-place again and I sit near to Aashi. My friends join me and after some chit-chat I tell my friend

Me: Bro I really want to grab a beautiful girl and kiss her. *Aashi stares at me smilingly.*
My friend: Eh? And where are you going to get her?
Me: I can start with Aashi. *she hits me playfully smiling all the time and she subtly blushes*
My friend: *he makes fun of her* How are you going to kiss her? She has all dried up lips lol
Aashi: Oh I need lip balm.. I forgot to use it today.
Me: See, she's getting ready for me. *she hits me again*
My friend: She's reserved bro; she has a boyfriend.
Me: So what? We are just kissing.
*I don't clearly remember the talk after that but after some chit chat she said that her boyfriend woke up 5am last year to propose her or say something, whatever. I said that she has boyfriend like that but I wont be because I can't wake up at 5 am and my sleep is more important to me. After some time she leaves with her friend and sits with other group*

My friend tells me that I was doing it so much that she probably got irritated and left. Oh well, important lesson learned and flirted anyways. I loved the day because I had so much guts, that I surprised myself and came to know that it isn't difficult as much as we make it.
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I have started to look for some paid graphic designing jobs again. I am downloading some videos related to drawing which Another Hopeful of Ringling has suggested me. He is probably going to get in because his drawing is way too awesome. I have to work hard, too damn hard to get in next year in case I don't get in this time.

Haven't fapped for a weak now, I guess? Still reading Awaken the Giant Within; the more I read it the more I respect the author and the more I am thankful to the community and my luck that is providing me some useful stuff. I am feeling like a beat at the moment and I am really thank you Sosuave! The articles, the motivation you guys provide is awesome!

I am thinking to make a prank video and a Cold Approach video, but damn none of my friends help me and I don't have idea about what shall I do exactly. Pooter isn't available in my city... Give me some ideas?

 

[Watawata]

Your getting better bro! Keep pushing yourself

 

[GetBetter]

I am feeling low, worse than I've in few months and the reason I do not know. I feel so frustrated and bad that I want to cry at the moment, I want to feel free and be happy again; I want to feel the beast, the alpha male inside me. I do not know what's going on but definitely I am not feeling very well. Maybe what others say about me behind the back and make of fun of me is somehow affecting me or the fact that even after knowing everything through sosuave I do not have a single girl in my life and I am single, or the fact that I am not taking actions is somehow without even knowing affecting me a lot. I sit infront of computer whole day and try to pixel art and earn and play video games when I am bored, maybe that's another reason. And right now I feel like Pixel Art isnt even passion, it has just become addiction or a habit of mine which I do daily or continuously even if I don't like it. Or maybe me repeating these negative thoughts again and again is slowly degrading me..

And on top of that, instead of going to my hairstylist I decided to try a new one and he ruined my hair and I look bald and psycho at the moment; even my father said so and my brother has been laughing on me on it. I feel so ****ty right now and frustrated that I want to break everything around me. After 5 days we have a farewell party and I do not want to go anymore because I look really weird. And I cant wear a hat either because you can't wear round hats on tuxedo...I don't know what to do and I am so angry atm. I want to release this anger but I can't and I wonder when all of this anger inside me is going to burst but I am damn sure when it bursts, it'll be dangerous.

I am not able to study either although my final 'most-important' examinations are going to start in 20 days...

Sorry for whining and complaining again but..dunno what to do. Actions have become necessary although the problem is I am not sure what I actually want to do... The goals I set, I question them every now and then and ask myself 'Am I sure I really want to do this in my life' and due to that I always end up confused.

Right now I am thinking to read some motivational posts on Sosuave, start going to jogging in the morning again, meditating, sleeping only for 8 hours, and taking a break from pixel art once again and this time for a month or even more. About my hairs, I do not know what I can do; is it possible to grow them long in just four days? Also, will a round hat(Like NeYo) look good on a black tuxedo?