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Second summer session (attractive girls)

krd

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This is sort of a field report, or as close as I’m going to get to one at this point. I recently started up my second summer session class. Last session, it was pretty unfortunate, because there were only three females out of about twelve students, only one of them was above a 7. This session, however, there are quite a few very attractive females in my class. One of them in particular easily qualifies as a 10. The first day of class, I sat down a couple of seats over from her in the front row, but I came home angry with myself for failing to talk to anyone, apart from asking two girls sitting together if this was the right class (even though I knew).

Yesterday was the second day of class. This time as I was in the lobby trying to remember where the restroom was, one girl, a solid “8”, asked me where I was going, claiming she didn’t remember where the class was. I instead told her I was looking for the restroom and if she knew where I could find it. Wasn’t until I actually got to the rest room that I started thinking “Damn, I should have walked her to class.” (It’s not like I had to go that bad). Later on I realized she was one of the two I’d asked on the first day about class. When I entered the classroom, I sat down next to a girl I though was the one who talked to me outside. I sat down one seat over from her. I proceeded to make conversation with her, and realized she was a different girl. But it didn’t matter. I’d say she was definitely an “8” as well. We talked about the usual stuff—work, school, class, etc. I was kind of pleased with how I handled myself, and she seemed to be pretty friendly. When the class ended, I talked to her a little more and sort of walked her out of class into the hallway, although I could feel myself losing my confidence, afraid she might think I was being too clingy and not leaving her alone and all that.

During the fifteen-minute break, I saw those two girls sitting outside, having a cigarette. I didn’t go outside, because it seemed pretty obvious that they were friends, and I find that intimidating. I’ve had experience dealing with girls who are friends. Who knows what they’d be saying to each other about me after I left? During the break, I also see the “10” dart out of the building as she’s talking on her cell, and the girl I talked to in class was nowhere to be seen. After class had ended, I saw the “10” coming out of the ladies room as I was standing around waiting for my ride, but she seemed in a hurry to leave, and I didn’t want to appear too eager by stopping her in her tracks.

I’d like to talk to as many girls in the class as I can. But how do I do that effectively? On one hand, if I sit next to or talk to a different girl every day, it’ll be obvious to the other girls what I am trying to do. I’d almost have to make an effort to talk to a lot of the guys in the class, just to make things less obvious, which I really don’t want to bother with. However, if I talk or sit next to this one particular girl too much, she may get annoyed with me and end up wanting me to leave her alone. I’d like to establish a connection with at least one girl in the class, but I’m not really sure how to do it. How do I accomplish this without inviting negativity?
 

Oscar Wilde

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Stop stressing the details.

Start talking to groups of ppl, mixed or same gender.

Find the girl you shoulda walked to class that time.

Work on the 10! :)

Osc.
 

isotope

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in class: make sure you keep the convos friendly, then you will just seem friendly not like a pick up artist. an dtalk to guys too, so the class wont see through your game

then outside class, you can flirt with the girls. grab coffee after class ro study together, whatever

AND you dont have to limit yourself to class. Univ is huge, you can afford to hit on girls outside class so you dont feel akward when the whole class is watching you inside.

or just say **** it, "who cares if the whole class knows im hittin gon her. im a DJ im confident."
 

krd

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Actually the class isn't really that much of a friendly atmosphere. You walk in and it's a big lecture styled classroom, with the rows of seats going down and the teacher and blackboard at the bottom. It's very quiet, and nobody really talks to anybody, unless they already know each other. On the first day, the teacher told everyone to sit closer together since we were spread out all over the place. He made a comment on it being the American custom of having ample personal space. Even when we did sit closer, the class was too big for it to make much of a difference.

I am taking a summer course, so as soon as class is over, everybody heads straight for the door. The campus is pretty desolate. Nobody hangs around after class, so the opportunity to talk to classmates is slim. I'm usually the last one there all by myself, waiting for my ride.

I can't just say I don't care if everyone sees me, because it's not going to look like I'm a DJ. I'm going to look like a desperate fool pining for the girls' attention. If I sit next to a different girl every day, the other girls will see this and say "better watch out for this guy, he won't leave us alone."

We get one 15 minute break, so there's a slight chance that during that time frame, a situation might present itself within the next five weeks of class. But it's still too early to tell.
 

krd

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Originally posted by Oscar Wilde
Organise a class night out
Yeah, I'll get right on it.:rolleyes:

I must say that today in class wasn't a bad day. There were some people from class--a couple of guys and a girl--sitting in the lobby. I sat down and talked to them for a bit before it was time to go to class. Our topic of discussion: class, of course.

I also managed to briefly talk to the 10, as we were coming back into class from the ten minute break. Actually, up close, she could actually be closer to a 9. She actually seemed shorter than I'd originally thought. By no means did I find her any less attractive, perhaps just more approachable, less like a supermodel. I asked her what she thought of the class, asked her name and introduced myself. She also asked me if I've been coming to this college. I said yes, and I was taking a few summer courses to get ahead. As we sat back down, I asked her about her major, where she went to school--the usual stuff. She also asked me if I knew what next weeks assignment was, so I took out my syllabus and informed her (an insignificant detail, but I thought I should tell everything). This whole exchange took place within the time frame of 2 or 3 minutes. I couldn't talk to her for long because class was about to resume.

But this is an example of how I can approach sometimes, but only in very particular situations. It had been a goal of mine to talk to that 10 (or 9) for some time. It just so happened that we were both walking into the classroom door at the same time, so I was right next to her. For me, it has to seem totally natural, and not like I am going out of my way to talk to her, or following her around. Usually during break, I see her talking on her cellphone, on her way out of the buiding or into the ladies room. So in such cases, it would have looked funny to try and approach her. Either it would have looked like I was following her, or that I was interrupting her phone conversation. I wanted to try and talk to her a bit more after class, but I had to stay and sign the attendance sheet. By that time, she had already darted out the door (which everyone seems compelled to do for some reason. Everybody has such busy lives, I guess. Nobody thinks socializing is important).

I experienced the temporary high I usually get from getting up enough courage to talk to a girl. But it always subsides and gives way to the realization of how little I've actually accomplished. From a DJ's point of view, simply talking to a pretty girl shouldn't be such a big deal. Just the fact that, after all this time, I was so excited I was able to just initiate a short, 3 minute conversation with a girl, is evidence of how little progress I've actually made. It's not like I haven't done it before. But it never gets any easier. I may have been able to talk this particular girl today, but next week, it'll be like it never happened. I'll likely end up being just as uncomfortable as I was before. I may even feel like avoiding her, so she doesn't think I'm bugging her too much, or something dumb like that. I can never seem to follow up on anything--that's my problem. Plus, most girls will not even talk to me unless I talk to them.

After class, I said bye to a few of my classmates as they were leaving, and I told them to have a good night. That made me feel pretty good as well. Although, like I said, these kinds of things really shouldn't be a big deal. Next week I guess I'll try and talk to some more of the girls in my class. I can only guess what will happen, although I think I may have a clue.
 

krd

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Well, today it pretty much happened the way I had anticipated. I was able to talk to some of the guys and gals in the lobby before class and during the break, but as far as going up to a girl and making conversation, I failed miserably. During break, I saw several girls. Some of them I had even talked to previously, but I still didn't say anything to them. I was just as scared as if I had never talked to them before. I couldn't even say "Hi so and so", or anything. Any progress I thought I made the previous week turned out to be false. It just never gets any easier. As I was waiting outside the door for my ride, I managed to say good night to a few of them after class as everyone was leaving. Some said "you too", but I got the same indifferent look and tone of voice that I get from most girls. I may have just as well been a doorman.
 

One on One

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Let me help you out here krd. I was in your situation about 1.5 months ago. I was taking a summer class and decided I might as well practice my DJ skills. A girl was sitting next to me, and, in fact, I didn't think she was all that attractive (turns out she's got a smoking body, but I just didn't notice it).

Anyways, since I didn't find her that attractive, I didn't worry about what I would say to her. I just wanted to practice conversation. You've already pressured yourself so you won't be able to relax as much, but just try to relax and talk to them. Talk to them with the goal of getting to know a new person, not getting a date.

Hold on a second while I find some reference material for you.....

Thread #1 on this girl: http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30093

Now, read what I wrote. I state clearly that I'm not interested in her and the thread is about how I'm afraid to lead girls on. So, I was just chatting with her to chat, but, in that chat, I found a connection. Look at how I talk about what we could do together, go to clubs with friends (wow, whaddya know that is what we do NOW!).

Here's how I started my convo with her:

We're sitting there in class and I just ask her "so you go to school here or just taking this class for credit." She might just answer your question and then shut up, but most girls aren't anti-social *****es. So, we talk, I find out where she goes to school, she mentions she goes clubbing, blah blah. I'm talking to this girl and meeting a new person.

Some people will tell you just say, "HI". Well, I disagree. If you just say HI, she's going to wonder OK, what does this guy have to offer me? Just ask her a question, anything. Ask her something about the class and see if you can branch out into a conversation.

Ask her alone too. Talking to people in groups in class is usually ineffective, IMO.

Also, look at who responded to my thread first -- YOU!

And, look at what you said:

I think that it takes so much energy and psyching yourself up to go for the number in the first place, that it's really hard to be motivated when it's a girl you don't like. Heck, it's hard enough when it's a girl you do like! There's always that voice in the back of your head that asks, "Is it really worth the trouble?" She may have some good looking friends, but then again, she might not, so it's understandable that you might not want to go through the anxiety and uncomfortableness of the situation if you don't have to. Yet, if you don't go for it, you'll never know. So I guess it's just a matter of disciplining yourself into going through with it. Maybe you'll see this girl again, so you'll have another chance.
That's a terrible mindset right there. It shouldn't take that much psyching and energy to go for the number. Just build some rapport and tell her to give you that ****ing number. It only takes energy if you ask "can I have your number" because then you risk rejection.

Your assignment is to get at least one girl's number in this summer class and you may not wait until the last week of class to do it.
 

krd

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Originally posted by dave134
That's a terrible mindset right there. It shouldn't take that much psyching and energy to go for the number. Just build some rapport and tell her to give you that ****ing number. It only takes energy if you ask "can I have your number" because then you risk rejection.

Your assignment is to get at least one girl's number in this summer class and you may not wait until the last week of class to do it.
Shouldn't, but it does. I remember the last time I went for a girl's number. My hand was literaly shaking as I handed her the pen and paper--I still wonder if she noticed. This has happened to me several times. It's got to be one of the most uncomfortable things I ever have to do. Of course I get a real rush out of it when I'm successful, probably knowing that I was able to pass the first hurdle. Of course, the anxiety reappears whenever I have to talk to her again or ask her out. As I've probably said before, I've never gotten a number that's turned into a date.

But I know that's not really the goal here. You are saying I should simply try to build rapport with a woman and get to know her. But it's so tough for me to even do that. I talk to her once, and then for some strange reason, I back off. Maybe I just don't want to bother her too much; maybe I'm afraid of embarrasing myself, but whatever it is, it sucks the confidence right out of me to do what I want to do. I've got to be able to do this, first; I've got to be consistent with my actions enough to build rapport before I can even think of getting the number.

I'm going out tonight. Maybe I'll be able get some practice in. We'll see.
 

krd

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Tonight's class isn't even worth talking about. I didn't talk to anybody.

However, something more significant happened at the gym. A girl who works, as well as works out there, I suspect may like me. Although this is merely a speculation--I emphasize that it is equally likely that she doesn't. She hasn't really given me any clear signs. But she does say hi to me often, and today as I was on the exercise bike, she waves at me and sits down at the one right next to me. I smile back. She had on headphones, so I don't think I could have easily started a convo. But I had the idea that after I'd finished I would go up and lightly tap her on the shoulder as I walked by, and I couldn't even do that.

So I stuck around longer than usual hoping I'd catch her after her workout. As I was sitting at the front counter, she came up and ordered a shake. As we were sitting there, I tried making conversation. But it was awkward, I couldn't really think of much to say, and there were a lot of uncomfortable silences. I thought maybe I'd have a chance to give her a shoulder tap, but once again, I choked, and she left before I got a chance.

On days like these (and most other days), it really seems like I am utterly hopeless. I know this is the wrong mindset to have, but realistically, it almost seems inconceiveble that things will ever be any different. So I guess I should screw talking to girls and just concentrate on getting a good grade in that class. That's what I should be there for, anyway.
 

MrMetropolis

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Yeah dude... sounds like you are hopeless, chasing your tail like a dog. here is a excerpt from the MASTER BIBLE itself. RJ would kill me.. :D he he... My favorite set-ups are what I call Weasel Phrases. Here are the
most important and useful Weasel Phrases that will have you
getting the hottest babes eager for your rod in minutes!! We'll
use each one to embed the command, "feel incredibly turned on".
1. When you ...
2. What would it be like if ...
3. A person can ...
4. If you were to ...
5. As you ...
6. It's not necessary to ...
7. You really shouldn't ...
8. You might find ...
9. To the point where ...
10. Invite you to notice ...
11. How surprised would you be to ...

Now, let's jump up a level in power. When you combine the Weasel Phrase with a command verb, like "get", "become", "experience",
"remember", etc., and then tack on the state, process or
experience you want her to have, then ... presto! You've got
your embedded command.
In fact, the formula is:
Weasel Phrases + Command Verbs + States, Processes or
Experiences = Embedded Commands



Lastly, don't forget the Mother of all...
"Have you ever
 

krd

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Once again, I didn't talk to anybody. I'm starting to think I should just give up on this class. I can't deal with it. From now on, I think I'll make this thread more of a general field report, because it's pretty obvious I'm not going to get anywhere in that class.

One thing I have observed is that it's not just girls. Most people generally will not talk to you, or even acknowledge you unless you talk to them first. I've talked to both guys and girls in the class. But if I don't keep talking to them, it's like I wouldn't even exist. Of course, when guys do it, it doesn't bother me as much because, well...they're guys.

So maybe everybody else is just as shy as I am. Of course, if that were the case, then everybody would be single and that would be the end of mankind. It's been said on this site that only a small percentage of men are DJ's. But it seems to me that every guy I come into contact with--except for the biggest geeks and nerds--has or has had a few women in his life. Do I simply have bad luck? Or do they all know some sort of secret that I don't? I know getting a few girls doesn't necessarily make you a DJ, but you won't be a total AFC either. So I guess either I'm a geek or I must be one of the biggest AFCs there is.

I also hear a lot on this site that women live for hooking up and meeting guys. But I disagree with that. I think, for most women, it's not very high on their list of priorities at all. The reason is because women are so used to having guys pining for their attention that they take it for granted. I guess guys are partly to blame for this. Women simply don't care, because they know they can get a guy whenever they want. All but the most unattractive have an ample supply of prospects. So in order for a guy to stand out from all the rest, he has to be a fantastic guy--the ultimate DJ. I don't come anywhere near that standard. I'd even say I'm below many of the newbies here.

Back to that girl at the gym. She was doing her shift at the gym daycare center. I popped in the doorway and jokingly said "So this is your hangout?" She said "yeah". I said "Wow, you've got toys and playmates to play with--you've got it pretty darn sweet!" She said "Yeah, and I get to watch movies all day--it's pretty cool." I stood there for a few seconds and then said, "Well I have to go work out now, see you later." and that was that. I didn't want to hang in the doorway like I had nothing better to do, she had children to watch, and I really did have to go workout. But I still couldn't bring myself to wink at her, and the ol' shoulder tap wasn't possible since she was all the way across the room and I would've had to climb over the childproof gate in the doorway. Not that I could've done it anyway.

So that's how my day went.
 
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Hey Krd,
I know what you are talking about. I'm exactly in the same position. I can approach girls only if it feels "right". Then i eventually have a conversation with her and sometimes i get the feeling that they like me. BUT most of the time i never get a chance to speak to the girl again. Our university is really big and if i see a girl a week later again it doesn't "right" to approach especially if she's with her friends. I feel like i have to do the work all the time and people don't even care. For example in spanish class i sit down next to a girl i thought might like me and then her friend appears and they chat all the time while ignoring me. She didn't even said bye when she left. I thougt we got along quite well the first time i met her. Most of the time i feel like there is no hope for me too..
And yeah i feel its really akward if you sit down to a girl when almost all seats are still free except if you don't have a book now thats a good excuse. Maybe other people don't want to bother me as well and think it's akward if they sit next to you. But then why don't they seem to have as many problems socializing like i do?

Good luck though
 
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btw what kind of class are you attending? I'm a law student and girls here seem to be all stuck-up while it seems to be easier to get along with other girls.
 

krd

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Well, no doubt part of it is the fact that we are uncomfortable talking to girls. There's no denying that this is a big reason. But beyond that, I can only speculate why girls don't seem to care. But I think my theories are pretty sound. Think about it--if you had girls approaching you all the time, wouldn't you start to take it for granted? After all, it's like water. You never run out; it's there when you need it, so you don't think about it much. And even though we have a practically endless supply, many of us still buy the bottled, just because it is slightly better(?). To women, those higher status males represent the bottled, while the rest of us are tap.

But who exactly is "the rest of us?" Because it seems to me like we are in the minority. I don't know of anybody who has as much trouble getting girls as me, even the average ones have had a few. My best friend, who has the same difficulties with women as me, has had a few girlfriends in his lifetime. If everybody needed to be DJ's in order to get girls, this website would be much more well-known than it is, because reading it would be a requirement. I doubt that many guys who get dates are really that smooth, or clever. What makes me so inferior to everyone else that they can get girls and I can't?

I am in the process of switching my major to English/Literature, so I've been taking some courses during the summer to get ahead. The class I am currently taking is Horror Stories which deals with the work of Edgar Allen Poe, Mary Shelly, Matthew Lewis and other famous horror writers. I took it because there weren't many other classes available, but I'm actually finding it pretty interesting.
 
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Hey not all women are approached all the time. Some really wait for someone to approach them. My sister had always trouble getting a boyfriend. She is 27 and only had like 2 boyfriends so far. And no she is no unattractive. And i get approached too from time to time by attractive girls but i never get it though. One female i know complained that she only gets hit on by old guys.
So yeah not every girls has a constant supply of guys. Otherwise there wouldn't be any single girls left. The only question is where to find them. You have probably the same problem like me. The girl at my gym said it best. "You are cute but you are sooooo shy". Ouch.
 
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