Second shot with girl from the past

[Jean Paul]

It has been three years since I stumbled upon this board, and I'm about to do something now that more people here have probably done: I'm going for a second shot with the girl that made me find this place. Now, basically, since I have a history with this girl, I was wondering if you guys have some tips on how to go on this.

First some background information: when I first met this girl, I was a complete AFC. Looking back now, I made almost every mistake in the book. I never even believed that she could be attracted to me, so I basically treated her like she was my best friend. Despite my AFCish behaviour, however, this girl has always been very flirtatious with me (to be perfectly honest, she does this with a lot of people), and there has been at least a short period in which she admitted she had feelings for me.

However, she also had a boyfriend at that time. He was my complete opposite, being a total jerk to her and all. So I think it was pretty obvious why she doubted between me and him, and why she eventually still chose for him. It's a pretty standard AFC situation. Anyway, after she made that choice, I really ****ed up and started to act all desperate towards her. She probably still saw me as her best friend during that time, because she never avoided me, but she made it very clear to me that although I was attractive, I just wasn't attractive enough. As every AFC would, I tried to stay friends with her, but of course that never worked out. So, since then, I haven't seen or spoken her anymore.

Yesterday, however, I decided to call her up. I realise now a lot of the mistakes I have made three years ago. I am not the AFC I was back then anymore, and I am confident I can make her fall for me this time, since she still has some kind of respect for me. So I decided to give her a second shot. Just for the record, I know there is a big chance that I will get rejected again. But even if I will, I realise it is not the end of the world for me. This is just something I have to do for myself. However, she seemed to be quite pleasantly surprised to hear from me, and we agreed that she would call me in two weeks or so to make an appointment. In this way I should be able to see if she's still interested in seeing me. However, assuming that she will call me, I am still wondering about what approach to take.

I am currently thinking about taking things slow, giving her a chance to get to know the new me. Just some smalltalk, not too much kino the first time I see her again. Then, if things go well, I can slowly become more intimate towards her. The most important thing for me I think is not to maneuver back in to the friends zone again, so I have to be at least a little bit c&f, and avoid any discussions about her problems. I'm still thinking about what we're going to do when we see each other, because I want to remind her of how much fun it was to hang out with me, so she wants to see me more often again.

That's basically what I've come up with so far. Do you guys have any additional tips and advice on what approach to take with this girl? I would like some alternative viewpoints on the situation .


JP

 

[MisterAl]

You must let go of the past. The must be other women in the Netherlands besides this long-term oneitis obsession girl.

Whether or not you think you're still an AFC, you're still making mistakes.

Did you seriously agree to wait two weeks for her call back so you can make an appointment? That is sad.

Take it as read that she has already rejected you. She has. There, you've done it. Now you can meet and date new women and have sex with them.

 

[Jean Paul]

MisterAI, the reason I agreed to wait two weeks for her to call me is that she will not be home those two weeks because of her studies, so there is not much use for her to call me earlier. There is nothing sad about that, although I do agree it sounded a little pathetic in my original post, lolz .

Considering your remark of letting go of the past, I think I should make it very clear that I am no longer obsessing over this girl. I am meeting other women besides her and I realize there is a very big chance that she will reject me a second time.

In my opinion, most DJ's on this board shout 'NEXT!' way too fast when a girl is not interested in them right from the start. It is my experience that girls who were initially not interested in me, became interested later on.

Because of this, I had to call this girl. If she rejects me again this time, I know it was never meant to be, regardless of the fact that I am AFC or not, and I can leave it behind. However, if I did not call her, I would never know for sure if I could succeed with her now that I am not so unconfident anymore. I would rather have the certainty of another failure than endless doubt.

 

[jama]

Hi man.

Listen, man. You are a big time AFC who thinks that he changed. You are obsessed about this chick that rejected you already. Why don’t you be a man and walk away. This is time for you to prove that you are REAL DJ (REAL MAN) or obsessed AFC (LITTE BOY) who doesn’t have a life.

Believe me, I have done it before. There was a girl that I met in my school. She had a boyfriend but he was a big time AFC, and I was a big challenge to her. Anyways, she told me she likes me. But after we went out for the second date, I tried to kiss her, and she pulled away. Do you know what I did?…I walk away. I swear to GOD. Whenever I saw her, I smile and said to her: I will talk to you later. She got crushed, and she chased after me. She saw me chatting with other chicks. After a month, she was in my bed……I just showed her that I am:

1- Desirable man.
2- Not going to be her male friend.
3- Not AFC who doesn’t have a life.
4- Able to attract many other chicks.
5- Not to be hanging out with her if she doesn’t want to kiss me. LOUD AND CLEAR.
Who gives a sh1t what she thinks.

This is what you want to do. Don’t tolerate her bad behavior. You believed when she said she is going to call you after two weeks, WHAT?….believe me, if a women is interested in you, she will make the time to call you or meet you. It was obvious that she is not interested, dude. She is looking for a real man, and you failed to show that, pal.

BE A MAN.
SHE IS A GOOD GIRL BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T USE YOU.

GOOD LUCK.

 

[Jean Paul]

Hi Jama,

I must say I tend to agree with what you are saying. Calling her after one year may have made an AFCish impression on her. I also agree that she certainly is not interested me in any sexual way right now or she would have made the time for me. But then again, I don't expect her to be.

I think the problem I am dealing with here is that I have walked away on a lot of girls I used to chase in the past 2 years, but it feels like I am running away from things rather than facing my problems. I've had more girlfriends than ever since visiting this site, but ever since it feels like I am betraying myself in some way. Anyhow, it has not made me happier than I was before.

Maybe it's a good idea to bail out after I see her. In any case, thanks for the advice.