Scare of commitment

[flyinshark]

Guys, last night i was chatting with my girlfriend happily until for some reason we started talking about us possibly getting engaged next year. Well, she started telling me how fun it will be and how this doesn't mean we neccessarily HAVE to get married later on...how we could stay engaged for 3 years and there will be no pressure...

The more she talked about us getting engaged, the more i started feeling uncomfortable. Soon, the unfomfort transformed into nausea, and i started to feel dizzy, litterally dizzy. Then i felt like throwing up. I told her i needed time to think about all this because it makes me feel upside down, and we ended our chat session.

Even today i felt nauseous thinking about it. I became scared, somehow.
I love her and marrying her in the far future seems like a plausible thing, but the idea of getting engaged next year freaks me out!

My question is: why am i suddenly so scared to the point of feeling sick to my stomach when i think about being engaged ?

I know many men are afraid of commitment and try to delay it as much as they can, but why is that? Am i hardwired to feel this way?

 

[bbestar]

fear of making a mistake that will effect the rest of your life and your financial future

 

[insanity]

you intuition is kicking in, telling you this ain't the one. i've seen people go down the aisle, while the man was hesitant but he did it just for the girl. years later the marriage failed. there's alot of reasons why people fear the big M. we've been hardwired for years that marriage is a big mistake. look on t.v, magizines, friends, people who have been married. they all say the same thing. that it's a mistake.

it's like the women i've dated and lived with. it really opened my eyes living in sin. imagine if i never lived with these girls and if i proposed to them. i would have been doomed.

it's your call.

 

[flyinshark]

Yeah, i'm not ready for commitment so soon. I don't care engagement doesn't really engage me to anything, it still is a type of commitment!

There will be a big party with the families and friends and everyone will see us getting engaged. WOW, this is freaky for me. I'm only 21. Yeah, i will be 22 next year and i will probably have a job by then (i'll have my bachelors in december), but it still feels like i won't be ready for all that.

I don't think my scare means that she is not the one, like insanity suggests. I think i would be scared to get engaged at 22 with ANY girl. Insanity, you could be right, don't get me wrong, but think about being 21 and having the engagement idea haunt you. Isn't it a bit too early to think about it?

I dunno...I feel better today, but more opinions would be great. I need different points of view to help me put some order in my head. Come on guys, i need you to speak up.

 

[( . )( . )]

I know many men are afraid of commitment and try to delay it as much as they can, but why is that? Am i hardwired to feel this way?

Yet another myth used to shame men into supplicating.

Your not "scared" of shyte, your "hardwired" to fvck a variety of chicks.

And so you should feel like throwing up at age 21, its your bodies way of saying "engaged??...stfu."

 

[Jariel]

I'd react the same way! I am not willing to give up my alone time, my lifestyle, hobbies and spend all my time with any girl. Before long, we'd get bored and maybe even resentful of each other.

I'm totally happy being exclusive with my girlfriend. I mean, she's hot, we have fun together and she satisfies me sexually, so I have nothing to gain from playing the field. But exclusivity and settling down as a couple are completely different.

Basically, the relationship should be what you want it to be and you shouldn't ever feel pressured into anything. Generally, if you're happy, there's no reason to change anything and jeopardize what you have. Tell her you like things as they are.

 

[RedPill]

But exclusivity and settling down as a couple are completely different.

You're right about these being different. It begs the question though, what exactly does "settling down" mean? I've never understood this concept, nor do I believe in it. To me that's society's term for "time to drop all ambitions so you're always around to serve the wife."

Among some of my business associates (most of who are older than me) I've noticed an interesting trend. The guys whose wives don't work, who do 90% of the basic child rearing, are happy and never seem to have any problems with "work/life balance." If they're involved in a deal that keeps them working late, there's no excuse-laden phone call to the wife explaining why they won't be home. Their wives can totally handle the kids 24/7 without waiting for dad to get home to hand off responsibility for the "2nd shift" of parenting.

One of my associates and I had a great conversation yesterday about "paternity leave." We see a lot of guys we've worked with needing a month off before the birth and 2 months off afterward, for absolutely no reason other than to be at the beck and call of their wives. He has a bunch of kids and said every one of them only took about 2 days out of his schedule when they were born. I pay attention to what this guy says - he's older and successful, his kids do well, but moreover he's about one of the only guys I know who actually has a DJ marriage.

From seeing this in real life, if I ever decide to get married and have kids, it's not gonna be this 50/50 style parenting that's so popular today. If I'm going be the provider, she's going to be the mother. I'll never "settle down." As this relates to the topic at hand, I believe any fears associated with commitment are purely tied to your gut warning you that a woman may be trying to suck you into an (AFC style) pre-whipped relationship.