Russian 180

ZenoB

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I met her (petite blond, Russian, 26) at a bar last November. She was sitting there all alone, very late. Managed to make out with her but she wouldn't go home with me. However a couple days later we met back up on a date, it was an amazing day together, she ended up having dinner back at mine, more making out, I tried to escalate but she resisted and went home- so no sex.

She didn't send me any messages after that. I sent her a couple and got lackluster, delayed responses. She had mentioned hearing from her ex the day that we dated so I figured that could be it, or another dude. I then moved on. A friend of mine recommended I put her on the back-burner and perhaps text her again in a few weeks or so. I ended up texting her cordially on xmas and nye just to test the waters- both times she responded quickly but didn't suggest anything.

I waited.

A month ago, so this is like 6 months after the first date, I invite her out again and she accepts but on the condition as just friends. I agree. We have another amazing day on my boat and I start to get signs of interest. She ends up inviting me to her place the next weekend for a BBQ.

At the BBQ I get screened by her housemates and Russian girlfriends, and end up making out with her after everyone else leaves and setting up a date. I finally have her over to mine again for dinner and we have sex this time. I am happy- finally got the Russian flag and escaped the friendzone too! For the past month this has been escalating and we've had sex 3 times, last time being Tuesday (5 nights ago.) Each time she went back home to her place after. During this time I am not sensing any indication of lower interest.

She even joined my foreign language class on Thursday so I really thought this girl was into me and becoming a part of my world. When I kissed and said goodnight to her on Thursday after the lesson she wanted to make plans to meetup on Friday.

Then on Friday evening I get a text from her saying she wants to talk to me sometime this weekend. My gut starts to have pangs of dread.

I meet with her the next day to have this talk, hoping its a good talk, and she says she doesn't want to keep seeing each other, we're too different, blablabla. That to her she was just trying things out with me and despite all her behavior indicating to me otherwise- it's now over. I'm completely shocked but I remained cordial and did my best to stay classy. But honestly I was pretty pissed off that this girl could pull a 180 like this on me out of the blue. I thought I was experienced enough now to see the signs and not get played! Literally she changed overnight.

Thinking about it all today, I guess I opened myself up a little too quickly and it must have been obvious that I already wanted it to become an LTR. But honestly something doesn't process and this girl has really disappointed and confused me. I did ask her if there was another guy and she claimed no.

What I want to know from you guys is what to do about the foreign language class? She just joined it and there are five more weekly sessions and there are only 5 ppl in the class so it is quite intimate. I feel a bit insulted/ cuckolded now if she keeps going to them, plus it keeps me from going full NC. She offered to stop going to them if I wanted her to. I just think it will be a bit butt-hurt of me to request that of her (even if rightfully so imo I mean what was she thinking deciding to join that if she didn't think we would most likely keep dating??)

Should I ask her not to go? Or should I let her continue the class and challenge myself to stay calm and cool and perhaps lure her back into my bed?
 

taiyuu_otoko

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Or should I let her continue the class and challenge myself to stay calm and cool and perhaps lure her back into my bed?
What are the other students in the class like?

Why are you taking the class?

Being able to go "no contact" when you're a few feet away from somebody is a pretty good skill to have
 

ZenoB

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What are the other students in the class like?

Why are you taking the class?

Being able to go "no contact" when you're a few feet away from somebody is a pretty good skill to have
We're all expats taking these lessons to be able to speak the local language and take tests to get permanent resident status eventually, or at least know the local language better.

The class consists of me, two other guys (gay couple), and a Ukrainian woman (older, married) and our language teacher.

Also wanted to add that in my head this is the first girl since my ex who I've dated multiple times who seems/ seemed worthy of being an LTR and returned the interest. Because of that I've developed feelings for her way too quickly and didn't even try to keep using game on her once things seemed good. After escaping the friendzone, I would just text her/ reply to her whenever I felt like it.
 
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MrWood

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Russian/Ukrainian are a unique breed, you must keep your frame and be unwavering. They demand you be a MAN and they will supplicate to submission.
I just spent the weekend with my ex-ex and she **** tested me all weekend, every time I passed she would flip from ***** to lover in an instant.

One thing to note, many many American phrases are interpreted very wrong and you could have said something you thought was innocent/funny but taken completely the other way.

example:
"don't be silly" to a Russian girl is literally saying they are a "stupid fool"
 

Prime_Beef

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Hmm..
Russians have the highest divorce rate in the world, unless you have a special snowflake, you might be looking in the wrong place if stability is what you seek.
 

ZenoB

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Russian/Ukrainian are a unique breed, you must keep your frame and be unwavering. They demand you be a MAN and they will supplicate to submission.
I just spent the weekend with my ex-ex and she **** tested me all weekend, every time I passed she would flip from ***** to lover in an instant.

One thing to note, many many American phrases are interpreted very wrong and you could have said something you thought was innocent/funny but taken completely the other way.

example:
"don't be silly" to a Russian girl is literally saying they are a "stupid fool"
Hmm..
Russians have the highest divorce rate in the world, unless you have a special snowflake, you might be looking in the wrong place if stability is what you seek.
I definitely stopped being a challenge to her in a short amount of time. Even though I was continuing to date other women, I didn't let her know about it and always made myself available to be with her. I actually felt guilty about dating the others and feared her friends might see me on Tinder.

Russian girls to me are the ultimate challenge for a Western guy (in Europe). Only Swedes and Ukrainians compare. Most of the Russian girls I encounter in my city are these stuck-up chicks at clubs looking for money. This one seems more normal, down-to-earth, with some nice traditional values and manners.

I am just attracted to the challenge and exoticism of dating a Russian girl. Whether that leads to marriage is a whole other story. I've seen enough in my own experience, plus the stories of others, that I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust women in general. And Russian girls in particular have a reputation. The way that this girl screened her communication and was able to switch on me overnight falls in line with it. So no, she is not a special snowflake.
 

The Duke

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Zeno, this girl was never into you like she needed to be for a successful long term relationship. This had "short" term written all over it from the start. The only kind of girl worth having is one thats totally into you. This one never was. I have to remind myself of things like this!
 

ZenoB

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Zeno, this girl was never into you like she needed to be for a successful long term relationship. This had "short" term written all over it from the start. The only kind of girl worth having is one thats totally into you. This one never was. I have to remind myself of things like this!
You're absolutely correct. The more I ponder on it the more I realize some subtle cues that lead up to this. One would be that she never slept over and we always had sex on a "school night" so that she had a good excuse to go home. I kept waiting and expecting for her to open up and she didn't. I wish it could have lasted a bit longer as sex 3x wasn't enough for me to indulge, but I'll have to appreciate it for what it was.

I've decided not to contact her about going to the language class on Thursday or not, and if she comes I'll deal with the challenge of remaining cordial and acting indifferent. I think it will be a challenge for me but everyday is already getting easier, as I know its ultimately her loss and she is too short for me anyways.

I always had to bend down to kiss her; she presses her head into the bottom of my sternum when we hugged she is so short. Imagine having to do that for years or the rest of your life? Still, she has the body of a spinner and I didn't get to take her out on enough spins.
 

MrWood

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Heh, I've dated a few girls from St.P (2 ex's from Moscow... still banging one of em casually)
Is this a LDR or are you in St.P too? What is your nationality? (I am American but live in Helsinki which is really close to St.P)
I have alot of experience in Russian LDR (2 long term relationships with high volume contact)
 

ZenoB

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Heh, I've dated a few girls from St.P (2 ex's from Moscow... still banging one of em casually)
Is this a LDR or are you in St.P too? What is your nationality? (I am American but live in Helsinki which is really close to St.P)
I have alot of experience in Russian LDR (2 long term relationships with high volume contact)
We both live in Amsterdam. I'm American too, and have been an expat here for almost a decade.

My last relationship was a 2+ yr LDR and it will be my last LDR.
 

MrWood

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heh, I was in Hilversum 3 weeks ago and had a date with a 22yo HB9 Dutch girl
(along with all the BubbleGum/WhiteWidow I could smoke)

good luck!
 
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