Roommate crush gone bad.

[Dezidarko]

just a post about what happened to me , nothing i need input on just need to write it down to get some insight by myself i guess.

backstory :
Chinese girl moves in with me from march , has a boyfriend of 5 months but he left her behind in january to go travel around the world for 6 months.We kinda flirt here and there , i tell her she looks sexy she tells me i look handsome etc etc. we spend alot of time together. she makes me dinenr and lunch every day. i touch ehr alot give her backrubs just hold her in the chair etc when watchign movie. etc etc

So yesterday i took my roommate out for a birthday party of my friend , we both got really wasted , i flirted with like 5 different girls infront of her , girls were coming up to me and dancing with me wsitting on my lap etc etc. she was impressed with that.O..o?

but we decided to bail because i didnt like any of em. So on the walk back home she was holding my arm , and i asked her what if she didnt have a boyfriend would she want to go out with me. then she said i dont know and kept smiling . so i stopped her right there on the street and told her look at me , and just kissed her and we were making out for like a minute , then she hears some cars move by and then she says no theyl know that im drunk , i have a boyfriend i cant , so we keep walking back home. we sit on a bench and i ask her a second time if she didnt have a boyfriend would she feel something more for me ? and i kissed her again , she started giving me tounge. but again she says no i have a boyfriend i cant , lets just go back home.

after walking for ten minutes i got somewhat sober and i felt bad for kissing her because she has a boyfriend she loves and is my roommate so i said sorry for kissing her , and she was like noo we didnt kiss , and i tell her yeah i kissed you , and she says oh really ? dont think about it. lets just get back home.

when we walkign back home she asks me from when did i start liking her I tell her that ive had feelings for her for some time now , i know its wrong i know its a mistake but i cant help feel the way i feel. i told her how i wanted to treat her right that i wanted to travel around with her by my side etc etc not leave her behind. She started crying saying that she is sorry but she in love with her boyfriend. that im a great guy , im attractive im fun im handsome etc etc. but she just cant change her feelings for her boyfriend.
we get back home and we sit and talk for like 3 hours about what to do next. she asked if she should move out , but since i like her so much not as a girl but as a roommate i told her il get over her after some time , and i know its gonna be wierd for some days between us but il move on after some time. she starts saying she doesnt want ot move out she loves living with me , shes never had a better roommate before.
and she starts crying again saying she is cruel to me and hurts me and wants to make me happy but she cant do it , dont know how to do it.
I tell her its not her fault , its just how i feel about you right now , i just needed to know that i didnt have a chance so that i could move on. and i will move on itl take some days or weeks but il move on.
she says she not that pretty and shes silly that shes noone special. i tell her to never think that way about herself , i told her that she is beutiful and she is cute and sexy , and i love her legs and ass , and the greatest thing about her is her big heart , that she has a deep soul , she starts to cry again , saying shes sorry , shes is being so cruel to me etc etc.
i start to feel worse now , and i tell her sorry for kissing her that im a selfish bad person. she starts crying again saying no your not, your a great guy and your handsome and fun and attractive and you have a big heart etc etc .but i cant change my feelings for my boyfriend , and i know im being cruel to you. i know you would treat me better but i just love him now.im sorry etc etc.
we were there just hugging each other for like 3 hours and we went to our own bedrooms to go to sleep.

this morning it was a little wierd , she come out of her bedrrom im lying on the couch and she just asks me are you ok and then she starts crying again asking if she should move out. i start laughing and tell her il be fine, il feel worse if she moves out so she better just stay here and il learn to move on after some time.

guess thats it .... i feel stupid about telling her how i felt , but also i feel good that i can move on, now that i know for 100% that i dont have a chance .

 

[Faded Image]

How long have you been lurking these boards?

 

[Dezidarko]

since 2005 or sumthing , i know what to do picking up girls etc etc , but its just i wasent just physically attracted to this girl , i was ... i dont know it soemthign ive never felt before for a girl , tingeling feeling in the stomache cant stop thinkign about her , i tried dating other girls etc , but nothing helped. I knew rationally that i would never get her because she is one of the very few extremly decent girls , shes loyal till the end , and she loves him even if he treats her like some other girl. but theres always that one part of you that thinks maby i have a shot and thats why i just told her everythign yesterday night , so i could move on or else i would just be setting myselp up for disaster when her boyfriend get back.

 

[KontrollerX]

You can have her you know.

You just need to let go of your limiting beliefs.

You have played things well thus far you just need to keep cool and if you can get with other chicks to stir the fires of jealousy in her do so as it will make her want you more.

In between getting with other chicks you'll just act cool towards her and make her feel really good when she is around you but avoid all forms of intimacy with her if she is the one to try and initiate even hugging as that is reserved for girls that get with you intimately. Be polite about turning away her advances though and say its for the best, she has a boyfriend after all.

If she wants to hug you again she will have to go all the way after this hug and make you her new boyfriend you'll tell her calmly and gently in your own wording and way.

You have to continue to play this situation well and look for vulnerabilities in her, if an opportunity arises to kiss her again take it and don't stop escalating until she makes an effort to push you away.

Its constant push pull games that will land her in your bed, constant tension and playing on her emotions will make you her new boyfriend.

Thats the only way you'll get her away from the assh0le she lets fvck her now.

Don't have any sympathy for the other guy if you truly feel he doesn't treat her as well as you would.

There are no quality women.

That is a myth.

People react to their conditions and self interest.

Make her self interest be best served with you and you will get what you want.

 

[Faded Image]

i asked her what if she didn't have a boyfriend would she want to go out with me

Mistake number one
You're trying to get with this girl and at the same time you're reminding her that she has a boyfriend.

ask her a second time if she didn't have a boyfriend would she feel something more for me ?

Mistake number two
Same as above

i said sorry for kissing her

Mistake number three
Don't apologize for being a man, own up to it and do it again if the situation permits

I tell her that I've had feelings for her for some time now

Mistake number four
All you did here was lower your value while increasing hers, basically rubbing her ego.

i told her how i wanted to treat her right that i wanted to travel around with her by my side etc etc not leave her behind.

Mistake number five
Not to be brutal but that's totally lame dude. You made her feel even worse for drawing you like that for statements like this.

she asked if she should move out , but since i like her so much not as a girl but as a roommate

That's BS because you have mad feeling for this girl and keeping her there will give you that false hope of securing the boyfriend's position.

To be honest with you, she's attracted to you but you keep ruining it with you mouth, stop asking questions. Let your action speak for you intentions.

You kissed her twice, congrats on that but you kissed her after you inquired about your status with her if she didn't have a boyfriend twice.

Also

You think she's loyal to her boyfriend after she tongued you down, if she really was loyal regardless of how drunk she was, she would have pulled away the second she noticed you going in for the kiss. Is this really the type of woman you want as a girlfriend?

 

[theunflushables]

And that is exactly why you can't fall for roommates. Yeah it sounds like a good idea at the time, but so does doing 120 down the highway. Eventually you lose control and crash.

And what if you did get her to bed? Do you think the next day you'd both wake up and it would be all rainbows and cupcakes? She'd despise you. If you think things are akward now, you have no idea how it could have been.

 

[The Deacon]

I tell her that I've had feelings for her for some time now

Dezi, I have one huge suggestion for you that'll save you a whole lot of rejection. Don't ever have that awkward conversation with a girl where you "tell her how you feel." It's so dumb.

Think of attraction as like a little dance. You don't say words, they really don't mean much. Instead you use sensual body language and tonality to make a girl physically receptive to your advances. No "feelings talk" required. You could be talking about the fvcking weather for all I'm concerned.

I have a homework assignment for you. Watch Meet Joe Black and look at Brad Pitt's character. He doesn't say much, and when he speaks he says outlandish things, but he has sensual eye contact.

The Joe Black stuff works great for me because I'm considered "good-looking." You say that this girl calls you "handsome," and that you call her "sexy," any other words out of your mouth concerning attraction will only hurt you. Don't get her thinking about her boyfriend. Make her think about the piece of meat in front of her.

 

[Dezidarko]

so i kissed again about an hour ago , i told her to sit next to me , and i just kept eye contact , and i said i need to check something at first she said no , then i grabbed her behind her neck gently then she let me kiss her for like 30 seconds , then i asked her how she felt ?
she said she feels strange , but she has a boyfriend and i need to forget about her.

 

[KontrollerX]

Keep doing what you're doing Dezi. Her mouth says one thing but her lips say something else entirely.

 

[Faded Image]

Keep doing what you're doing Dezi. Her mouth says one thing but her lips say something else entirely.

True but his mouth keeps asking AFC questions and her answers aren't compatible with his ears.

 

[Dezidarko]

she must like me somewhat to let me kiss her again , we were both sober this time.
And when i asked her this morning she was like just dont think about it.
I said it wont happen again.
We were laughing wathcing tv she made me lunch before she left to the library.

yeah i know people might think im being afc or whatever , but shes not just someone i recently met and started liking , she was my friend before i started liking her in this way.

 

[steve12b]

Maybe she's got friends like herself? She apparantly knows your a good guy. Since you're honest and open with her, see if she can introduce you to anyone.

 

[Dezidarko]

well tonight i saw a different side of her. guess i was hugely mistaken about my feelings for this girl , sheesh one moment can really clearify alot of things. Anyways i told her that what i felt i was very confused, and that i might have mistaken some feelings of care and affection to be more then what they were. and i told her that she could move out if it was too wierd for her , but i know how i feel now and im sorry about making you doubt your relationship. etc etc.

 

[SilverSonnet]

so i kissed again about an hour ago , i told her to sit next to me , and i just kept eye contact , and i said i need to check something at first she said no , then i grabbed her behind her neck gently then she let me kiss her for like 30 seconds , then i asked her how she felt ?
she said she feels strange , but she has a boyfriend and i need to forget about her.

Pook: Judge by actions, not words.


That's all I have to say on the matter.

 

[drak_ool]

very strange thread.

to the OP: face it, you want to shag this girl and that is why you asked her to stay. In order to do that you need her to not feel guilty for hooking up with you. So why do you keep bringing up the fact that she has a boyfriend and that kissing you is wrong?

to KontrollerX: i might be wrong but i remember you giving advice against luring someone's girl and making her your girlfriend. Why is this situation different? you can't qualify this girl as a "quality" girlfriend since she made out with another guy 3 times now. So if Dezidarko does get her, you think she will treat him any different once the old boyfriend comes back, or she finds somebody new?

 

[BeyondCharm]

Look, i'm going to keep this simple because you're wasting everyone's time here:

Don't waste our fvcking time.

You are not acting like the prize, hence the reason she's stayed with her boyfriend the entire time she's known you. You treat her like a princess and she does everything a good girlfriend should do for you except fvck you.

 

[KontrollerX]

"to KontrollerX: i might be wrong but i remember you giving advice against luring someone's girl and making her your girlfriend. Why is this situation different? you can't qualify this girl as a "quality" girlfriend since she made out with another guy 3 times now. So if Dezidarko does get her, you think she will treat him any different once the old boyfriend comes back, or she finds somebody new?"

I give Dezi this advice so he can take two things away from the situation...

1. No regrets at not going after the girl of his dreams.

2. The painful lesson that what she will do to her boyfriend she will do to you as well. This lesson usually has to be experienced for someone to believe it. A lot of DJ's bristle at being told not to go for cheating scum and think its perfectly alright and if you're the better man she'll be your girl for however long you want her but its just not the case because cheating is such a girl's nature. She is what she is and no matter how awesome you are to her it won't change the fact that cheating is what turns her on and the new emotional high that comes with it.

Some growing DJ's also hate this advice because they think I am saying don't accept a piece of willing pvssy but I am not saying that at all I am simply saying if you take this type of willing pvssy just don't give a relationship to it because it is not suitable for something like that.

 

[BeyondCharm]

"to KontrollerX: i might be wrong but i remember you giving advice against luring someone's girl and making her your girlfriend. Why is this situation different? you can't qualify this girl as a "quality" girlfriend since she made out with another guy 3 times now. So if Dezidarko does get her, you think she will treat him any different once the old boyfriend comes back, or she finds somebody new?"

I give Dezi this advice so he can take two things away from the situation...

1. No regrets at not going after the girl of his dreams.

2. The painful lesson that what she will do to her boyfriend she will do to you as well. This lesson usually has to be experienced for someone to believe it. A lot of DJ's bristle at being told not to go for cheating scum and think its perfectly alright and if you're the better man she'll be your girl for however long you want her but its just not the case because cheating is such a girl's nature. She is what she is and no matter how awesome you are to her it won't change the fact that cheating is what turns her on and the new emotional high that comes with it.

Some growing DJ's also hate this advice because they think I am saying don't accept a piece of willing pvssy but I am not saying that at all I am simply saying if you take this type of willing pvssy just don't give a relationship to it because it is not suitable for something like that.

THIS IS A GREAT PIECE OF ADVICE. I RECOMMEND EVERYONE READ IT WELL SAID KONTROL. LETS DROP SOME MORE BOMBS.

 

[positivity_injection]

ummm HELLO

this girl is SINGLE

her boyfriend took a break from her by LEAVING her for SIX MONTHS to travel around the world

that azzhole does not deserve her if he told her to wait around for him for 6 months

besides, he's definitely ****ing other girls while traveling the world, trust me on that

keep hooking up with the girl and escalating, you will replace that azzhole soon