Revisiting the friends zone

[becker]

Ok, so I just had a thought today on the friends zone, which may or may not have been obvious before to some of you.

Basically, until you've heard the words "let's just be friends" from her mouth, you can assume that there is always a possibility she may be interested in you. This is especially true when you first meet a girl for the first time. If you don't give her reason to say "let's just be friends", then you're still in the game.

I just feel that there are always those relationships that I've known where the couple will say "we were friends, and then became more". A friend of mine who is getting married was friends with his fiance for like 5 years before they got together.

I think the key here is to realize that women are much less apt to jump into a serious relationship with a guy until they are comfortable with him first. This means that they usually have some trust issues, they are usually afraid of getting hurt, and things of that sort. A guy, however, tends to not feel this as much, and he will jump into a relationship much more haphazardly. This causes some problems because the girl will not feel comfortable getting into something like that so fast, so she'll pull out the LJBF card. This doesn't seem to always mean I'm not interested, but sometimes it's more like a signal to slow things down.

Anyways, patience is the key, and I think the best way to develop a great relationship is to make sure you don't apply any pressure to her, actually be "friends" with her (it doesn't mean emotional tampon, but just have fun like you would with any other friend), and just let her show you when she's ready to take the next step. This may or may not come depending on how well you two get along, and if it doesn't, you'll both be friends, and you'll see other folks, and you'll avoid that awkward LJBF speech.

I just had a crazy experience where the girl LJBF'ed me, but when I said that was fine, she didn't really even want that, because she just ignored me. Strange.

 

[rgeere]

I've said it time and time again in numerous post, but if a girl gives you an "LJBF" speech because she thinks you arn't interested in her or you blew opportunities with her then you need to tell her that you see her as an aquaintance when she says that.

If she throws a fit and says that "It's not fair that you don't want me as a friend" or something similar to that she probably has or did have an attraction to you in a certain degree.

If she doesn't care whether you see her as an aquaintance or not then she just doesn't like you at all and you have lost nothing for saying this.

 

[becker]

Yeah, my situation was pretty strange, I've never seen anything like it. I really wanted to just be friends with this girl, and nothing else, and for some reason she just didn't seem to want even that, even though she suggested it.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by becker
Yeah, my situation was pretty strange, I've never seen anything like it. I really wanted to just be friends with this girl, and nothing else, and for some reason she just didn't seem to want even that, even though she suggested it.

Yeah, she was using it as a way to blow you off because she didn't like you at all. Most girls will atleast want to be friends with you meaning they see some value in having you around for some reason or another.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

think the key here is to realize that women are much less apt to jump into a serious relationship with a guy until they are comfortable with him first. This means that they usually have some trust issues, they are usually afraid of getting hurt, and things of that sort.

so ur saying that say if a chick has been hurt in the past n she doesnt want a relationship at the moment, she will become good friends with a guy first who she sees as a good potential n she will start dating him when shes ready, specially if she feels comfortable touching him n him touching her like a quick massage on the shoulders, ass tappin, tickling?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
so ur saying that say if a chick has been hurt in the past n she doesnt want a relationship at the moment, she will become good friends with a guy first who she sees as a good potential n she will start dating him when shes ready, specially if she feels comfortable touching him n him touching her like a quick massage on the shoulders, ass tappin, tickling?

Yes sir, you've read that correctly. I think the LJBF thing has been a little overplayed on this board. People get paranoid about it and as a result, they blow their chances because they end up moving too fast and the girl will feel uncomfortable, which is just as bad as if you were acting all AFC, because it comes off as a bit desperate.

 

[Life-Trainee]

When a chick LJBFs you, can you say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, we can't be friends because I'm attracted to you, there will be to much sexual tension" ??

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
When a chick LJBFs you, can you say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, we can't be friends because I'm attracted to you, there will be to much sexual tension" ??

I wouldn't say that, I'd just play up the friends thing, actually be friends with the girl, and be talking to other women. There is a ton of value in having a lot of girl "friends", it just increases your social circle.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

Yes sir, you've read that correctly. I think the LJBF thing has been a little overplayed on this board. People get paranoid about it and as a result, they blow their chances because they end up moving too fast and the girl will feel uncomfortable, which is just as bad as if you were acting all AFC, because it comes off as a bit desperate.

you are bang on the point saying that the guys will move too fast n blow their chances, i mean thats exactly what i did with the chick from church. The chick now thinks that I tried to sweet talk her into getting her, n i know that I was moving fast, but just couldnt control my desires, been reading a lot of Mr. fingz posts, especially about detachment n sexuality. But how will it effect my game with this particular chick say if I start dating another chick say in a few weeks time?

 

[becker]

It seems to me that it's very difficult to recover from moving too fast, since it is a first impression, that will be very difficult to break. You can't tell her you normally don't move that fast if you've already done it.

If the girl even allows to to get near her, the only way is to indirectly show her that that's not the way you normally operate. It will be a steep hill to climb.

Bottom line is that there are other women, as much as that may sort of suck in your mind right now, since you sort of want to be with this one, but you'll have to just face the music.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

well i have know the chick for a few months now, n i know its gonna take a long long time to climb that mountain. We were getting along really well before my big stunt but things have just gone upside down. Now cos I am not chasing her like the other AFCs at church she thinks I am still bothered by the rejection. I act normal around her but at the same time try to show that I dont need her, like just wait for her to intiate the convo but she comes up to me last sunday n shes like hey is everything alright? I had this confused look on my face n I said yea, why wats up?