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Relationship Falling Apart?

GolfGuru

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Hey everyone. It's been a while since I last posted here... Since then I've found a great girl and we have been going out for about 6 months. Things have been going well up until very recently...

She has been acting very strange and does not seem be like the girl I first met. She has been saying how something seems missing in our relationship and blames all those "things" missing on me. Those missing things consist of me not seeing her enough, me not showing her enough affection, and things not happening naturally, whatever that means.

What worries me is that she keeps on bringing up my past relationships and compares what I've had in past to what WE have now. For instance, she told me I seen my ex more than I see her so she thinks she is not as special as my ex. In reality, I actually have a career now and my time is often consumed with work/career.

Any advice on what I should do? The relationship seems to be developing into a burden.

-Golf
 

PRMoon

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Tell her you have to work in order to provide for youself and ensure your future. If she can't live with that then she should go kick rocks.

Comparing your current relationships to past ones is childish and self absorbed. You don't do things the way they did because you are a completely different individual and they way you conduct your life is different. Have a long talk with her about these facts and tell her if things are going to work out your both going to have to learn to connect on a different way orther wise it isn't goingto work out.
 

joekerr31

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sounds like your girl has entered the jealousy period. women will often refer to this as the "commitment" period - hahaha.

its that point where you've banged them 100 times or so, they know they cant control you anymore purely through sex, and they start to worry about what NEW value you now place on them.

in the face of diminishing interest from you (or rather the FEAR of such) women typically use one of the following strategies...

1) push for clearly defined commitment - ie. this is heading to the marriage alter
2) try to get pregnant - oopps forgot to take the pill
3) start flirting with other guys and setting up their back up in case you lose interest.
4) nag you to death about how you aren't paying them enough attention

prior to inacting one of these options a woman will often first try to put you in a lose lose scenario (which ive talked about many times in various posts). she will do this by clearly articulating a problem and addressing that problem to YOUR behavior. she will attempt to incite anxiety and fear in you that if you dont change you will lose her. this is her attempt at remaining the PRIZE - which she knows gets harder and harder after you've banged her 100+ times and your value of her becomes based on who she is as a person instead of the hole between her legs.

an AFC will break down when put in to the lose lose scenario. they will either become whipped OR will lose their cool. in the prior the AFC can look forward to a life is bullsh*t and nagging. In the latter they enter the drama zone and can look forward to months of arguments and fights, typically ending in their gf leaving htem or cheating on them, followed then by months of wondering why they are such a loser and can't keep a woman.

the only way to turn your situation in to a win win - which is already is provided you handle it right - is to sit down and talk to her like she is a child. tell her that it is clearly evident that she has low self esteem and that she is taking that out on you.

now shes going to argue that its not her - ITS YOU!

to which you have to stay firm. you have to continue to explain that you care about her deeply BUT the level of attention she is requesting simply isn't possible with your work commitments. You would change it if you could, but you can't - so thats that. what she needs to do is take some time to think about what she wants. If what she needs is a partner who can afford to be with her every free moment of every day - then perhaps you need to discuss whether this relationship should continue.

now, she'll probably pull a pouting session and threaten to leave to see if she can break you and have you do things her way. but after that one of three things will happen...

1) she will GROW UP and start placing realistic demands on you OR
2) she will leave you
3) she will grudgingly come back. if she does this odds are she's only back because she cant stand to be alone, and shes only with you until she can find someone else.

if 2 or 3 happen - good riddence. better to get ride of her sooner rather than later. if 1 happens, then theres a chance things will work out for the better.

if shes a LOW quality woman nothing you do will turn her in to a HIGH quality woman. so what you need to know is which is she. your actually giving her a chance to GROW and turn in to a HIGH quality woman - but you can force her to take that path.

if she is set on being a low quality woman and thinking that YOU are the problem, then you need to accept shes low quality and decide whether you are OK with that or whether you want to keep your search going for a HIGH quality woman.

just my 2 cents.
 

kyphan

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I agree with the posts above. You always have to be willing to walk away from a relationship, as much as you care about the other person. She either accepts you and the life you choose to leave or you find someone else.
 

edmond

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GolfGuru said:
Hey everyone. It's been a while since I last posted here... Since then I've found a great girl and we have been going out for about 6 months. Things have been going well up until very recently...

She has been acting very strange and does not seem be like the girl I first met. She has been saying how something seems missing in our relationship and blames all those "things" missing on me. Those missing things consist of me not seeing her enough, me not showing her enough affection, and things not happening naturally, whatever that means.

What worries me is that she keeps on bringing up my past relationships and compares what I've had in past to what WE have now. For instance, she told me I seen my ex more than I see her so she thinks she is not as special as my ex. In reality, I actually have a career now and my time is often consumed with work/career.

Any advice on what I should do? The relationship seems to be developing into a burden.

-Golf
Stop flogging a dead horse, dump her and move on.
Are you still seenig you Ex and why?
 

Poll

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when my girl said the same things to me, it usually means she wants my credit card.
 

Centaurion

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joekerr31 hit the nail on the head.

But I would like to add another option on that last list.

4) The b!tch will try to pull off some crazy scheme to get you to spend more time with her. One of my ex's actually called up my boss and told him to cut down on my hours so she could spend more time with me.
 

Nighthawk

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Tell her, with words and actions, that if she wants to see more of you she'll catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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GolfGuru said:
...What worries me is that she keeps on bringing up my past relationships and compares what I've had in past to what WE have now. ...
And how in the hell is she able to do that?
 

speed dawg

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This post is too textbook. I think we've been had.
 

GolfGuru

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
And how in the hell is she able to do that?
I mentioned once that me and my ex spent a lot of time together when we were together. She won't drop it.
 

Slickster

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GolfGuru said:
Hey everyone. It's been a while since I last posted here... Since then I've found a great girl and we have been going out for about 6 months. Things have been going well up until very recently...

She has been acting very strange and does not seem be like the girl I first met. She has been saying how something seems missing in our relationship and blames all those "things" missing on me. Those missing things consist of me not seeing her enough, me not showing her enough affection, and things not happening naturally, whatever that means.

What worries me is that she keeps on bringing up my past relationships and compares what I've had in past to what WE have now. For instance, she told me I seen my ex more than I see her so she thinks she is not as special as my ex. In reality, I actually have a career now and my time is often consumed with work/career.

Any advice on what I should do? The relationship seems to be developing into a burden.

-Golf
Anytime a relationship falls apart it is due to a lack of interest, fun, and excitement. Plain and simple.

If your relationship is based on anything else, then what is the point?

It sounds like your life/career may be too busy for a relationship at this point. If you are too busy to enjoy your own life then who can blame your girl for complaining that something is missing.

I doubt that the "ex" issue is really the root of the problem. If you and your girl were busy enjoying yourselves all the time it would most likely be a non-issue.

If you want to keep her then you'll have to balance your career with your relationship. If you want out then being too busy may be a good "out" for you.

In my opinion if you are THAT busy with work then you won't be happy for long regardless of whether you are single or not.
 
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