Regaining power in a relationship.

[itishe]

If you want more background info, you may wish to check a few of my old threads.

Currently in a LDR for about the past 3 months. My girlfriend is coming back in mid-December. Girlfriend wanted a "break" from communication (basically told me she's stressed out, and it's hard having me on the phone but never in person), but she told me she doesn't want to see other people and will remain monogamous.

I was all right with this for about a week, then I got to thinking. Does she think she can just keep me chained up and never talk to me? What's the point of having a girlfriend if I can't even talk to her because she's stressed out. I still like her and want to keep going out with her, but I think she needs to recognize that this is bull**** and I'm not going to stay chained down like this for long.

I was thinking I should break up with her, and maybe if she wants to hook up when she comes back then that's cool. I wouldn't even mind still going out with her, but I don't see the point if she's not going to talk and she needs to see that.

 

[Bussey]

Well if you're that prepared to just drop her.. then it can't be that great a relationship.

Honestly if you want to put things back on your terms, then do it. I don't know exactly how your relationship is, but I have a comparable story... Girl I was 'seeing'(**** Buddy but a great friend too) moved away for what was planned as 3 months. We kept in contact for the first couple weeks then she told me 'I can't do this blah blah, its too expensive'. I was like 'Whatever.' Anyway, a friend of mine was going through the city she had moved to on his way to visit his parents, and so I decided to show up at her place (would not of done it normally, but it all seemed to work out, ride, work schedule.)

So I went, she saw me ran to me crying how she missed me, sex ensued and then she kept in contact after that.

So I don't know how you and your GF are, and I don't know if that advice would even help, but it worked well for me hahaha.

 

[itishe]

So Bussey what you're saying is, either way I have a good chance walking out a winner?

 

[specialed]

there is no way of knowing what is going through her head until the time comes. simply put...you can tell her how you feel about it. maybe she is stressing out and doesn't really want to talk to ANYONE...**** even i had times when i wanted that. if she's done nothing for you to mistrust her, then why do it. i still believe however you should talk at least once a week or something.

 

[Bussey]

Well there's never a guarantee... and maybe my situations was uniquely independent of what would normally happen....

But I think if you're dating someone you gotta give them the benefit of the doubt... and right away based on her reaction of you being there, you'll know if you want to follow up with 'I think we should break up' or 'Your bedroom now for some stress relief!'

Lol, I think I watch to much of The OC.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

make her jealous

Nothing to make a woman realize how much she wants you/likes you than fearing loosing you.

Dude thats bull**** she cant handle talking on the phone with you but not in person? But she can handle not getting ANYTHING? Wtf sense does that make?

Wouldnt it be better to at least talk to you than to not get ANYTHING? Get a clue, shes TIRED not STRESSED. She doesnt value it enough to put forth all of that effort.

Call her on her bull**** and tell her you arent gonna sit around with an imaginary girlfriend when REAL girls would love to have you in her place. Tell her to think about that very hard and how she can make it worth YOUR while to stay isolated and not find someone else.

 

[Sosa]

not going to stay chained down like this for long.

Why should you tolerate this foolishness at all? Ask yourself that-you will have your answer.

 

[Obsidian]

I'm not a big fan of long phone conversations myself so I think I can maybe sympathize with her.

But you might be right; it could just be bull****.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Nothing to make a woman realize how much she wants you/likes you than fearing loosing you.

Right on. Blatant truth right there.

My gf is away till mid-December, too. She's been gone since September.

This past month I've been going through some sh*t, go in some trouble with other chicks, and basically it went from me calling her 1-2 times PER DAY to me barely calling her or picking up the phone...a jerk, I know.

Point is, she's been more into me THAN EVER now. CONSTANTLY calling me, buying me gifts, inviting me to sh*t she didn't use to.

Ya, she was into me before, but the point is, after I started walking away from her (which I'm NOT advising, btw), her IL in me started skyrocketing!

Back to your situation tho. That's weird she doesn't want to talk with you. It seems to me that if she was really into you, she'd want to talk to you.

A "break" is a NO-NO. What a break means is that she wants to go f*ck around with some other dude, regardless of what she says.

I suggest considering the relationship almost over and start focusing on other girls.

 

[mrRuckus]

Currently in a LDR for about the past 3 months. My girlfriend is coming back in mid-December. Girlfriend wanted a "break" from communication (basically told me she's stressed out, and it's hard having me on the phone but never in person), but she told me she doesn't want to see other people and will remain monogamous.

Sorry, dude. She's either fvcked someone else or wanted to fvck someone else.

When a girl says she wants a "break" you escort her to the door and say "sorry, babe, life is too short for nonsense." And don't forget to smack her ass on her way out.

 

[MacAvoy]

Heres what I would do. Move on but don't tell her. Start sleeping around and having other women in your life. A LD LTR is the perfect relationship. You get to mess around, have a bunch of ONS and do whatever you want. Then you have the LDLTR to provide you with that yearning for love and all that BS. Its the best of both worlds, being single and being in a relationship at the same time.

It worked great for me. Having other women, kept me fresh and my DJ skills on track for my relationship with my g/f. When I finally moved to be with my LD LTR, I was in the same city so I stopped the running around and began a real relationship with her. She is perfectly content.

 

[Bussey]

Thats disgusting MacAvoy. Thats not at all what the DJ life suggests. I hope she finds out and castrates you for it.

 

[itishe]

Ok I think I will break up with her in a few moments. I think I should call her, but I don't want to talk to her.

I see a few of you were confused over the situation at hand too. It was online when she and her friend from college told me essentially she wanted a break in two seperate conversations. Her friend told me that essentially my gf is having "a hard time having me there all the time (as in on the phone), but never in person", I personally was confused but whatever.

My GF essentially told me she is stressed out, wants a break, needs space, but doesn't want to see other guys.

I don't have time for this bull****.

 

[itishe]

Last night I was talking to her on MSN and I broke up with her.

We did the routine conversation bull**** when I said that I wanted to talk to her about something. She said, "I know" because I had planned to talk to her the night before but she was drunk. Anywho through the conversation I tell her that I can't handle "dating a ghost" too much longer. She goes on to say her life is very hectic right now, we're growing apart, then finally this one really made me laugh. She goes to say, "I can't have a boyfriend right now, I'm sorry it worked out this way."

To which I reply, "haha way to take the breakup away from me".

Anywho, I get drunk that same night and my dumbass begins to text her, I'm just glad I didn't say anything too dumb.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I'm just glad I didn't say anything too dumb.


1. 'talking to her on MSN and I broke up with her.' (dumb)
You should have called her, never break up on Instant Messenger, that is weak.

2. 'When I said that I wanted to talk to her about something' (dumb)
Don't setup the conversation, just jump into it. You don't want to give her a warning, you want to catch her off guard.

3. 'I can't handle "dating a ghost" too much longer' (dumb)
Too much longer, are you kidding? What she heard was 'I don't like how you are treating me, but I like you to much to break up with you so I’ll put up with your $hit a little longer, because I'm weak'. What you should have said is 'we are done.'

4. 'I get drunk that same night and my dumbass begins to text her' (dumb as $hit!)

Let's back track some...

she needs to recognize that this is bull**** and I'm not going to stay chained down like this for long.

The only thing she recognized is that you can be lead around by the leash like a little hurt puppy looking for her attention. You were upset about the situation but you did nothing to change it. Why? In my opinion, you shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with. This is the type of thing that happens when men don't 'lead' the relationship.

She didn't have you chained down; you locked yourself into that position all by yourself.

 

[itishe]

I'm just glad I didn't say anything too dumb.


1. 'talking to her on MSN and I broke up with her.' (dumb)
You should have called her, never break up on Instant Messenger, that is weak.

2. 'When I said that I wanted to talk to her about something' (dumb)
Don't setup the conversation, just jump into it. You don't want to give her a warning, you want to catch her off guard.

3. 'I can't handle "dating a ghost" too much longer' (dumb)
Too much longer, are you kidding? What she heard was 'I don't like how you are treating me, but I like you to much to break up with you so I’ll put up with your $hit a little longer, because I'm weak'. What you should have said is 'we are done.'

4. 'I get drunk that same night and my dumbass begins to text her' (dumb as $hit!)

Let's back track some...

she needs to recognize that this is bull**** and I'm not going to stay chained down like this for long.

The only thing she recognized is that you can be lead around by the leash like a little hurt puppy looking for her attention. You were upset about the situation but you did nothing to change it. Why? In my opinion, you shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with. This is the type of thing that happens when men don't 'lead' the relationship.

She didn't have you chained down; you locked yourself into that position all by yourself.

Pretty much true.

 

[Silkandsteel]

Take charge

 

[itishe]

I've learned quite a bit from this experience. My confidence feels like it's growing back to the levels that gave me the balls to actually charge in and start making out with this broad back in August. I can also say I don't feel heartbroken, I sort of feel relieved. Sure I'll miss her but now I can actually go get some tail.

My vows:

- I will not make contact with her
- I will not put up with bull**** and call it when I see it from now on
- I will pursue my interests first and foremost
- I'm gonna spin more plates next time.
- Oh yeah **** long distance relationships.

 

[itishe]

I'm really starting to feel it now. I want to be with her again, and I'm trying my damn best not to contact her.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I'm really starting to feel it now. I want to be with her again, and I'm trying my damn best not to contact her.

What are you feeling? You feel like being treated like a chump with no spin or ball$...again? You must love the punishment. Snap out of it already.

Copy/paste my prior post and save it. Then, start reading it over and over, hopefully it will sink in.