CaliMan007
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 12, 2013
- Messages
- 51
- Reaction score
- 3
Been reading this board for a while and currently reading the DJ Bible. I know this is long, but would really appreciate your advice! Thanks!
My history:
- Dated a fair amount and been in a couple LTR's, the last one with a BPD that was higly toxic and devastated me mentally/emotionally (single 2yrs since).
- BPD relationship killed my self-esteem resulting in me taking a long break from women altogether (I also lost a lot of money to her).
- Started dating again 6 months ago but admit I need to work on my game and myself. I'm a "work in progress".
- I have a great job, do well financially, am extremely fit, dress well, 7-8 on looks, early 30's, never married no kids.
- I do well getting looks from women and the initial interest, but my lack of confidence means I don't jump on opportunities or I self-sabotage my relationships.
I recently dated this girl for 2-3 months and think she may have been a "good girl", but it ended so quickly I do not know what to make of it. She's also in her early 30's. Give me your advice!
I met the girl at an art function and asked her to make a piece for me. It took a few weeks to make and when ready I picked it up at her place. As I was getting ready to leave she asked if I would like to stay and have a drink, so I said yes. We conversed and she mentioned another art event held once per month and asked if I'd like to go. I said yes. I left and that's it (no close but it wasn't a date... or maybe that's just weakass game?).
A month and half pass and she contacts me about the event (in that time we did not communicate at all). She bought my ticket and invited me to dinner with a few of her good friends who were also going. I was thinking she wanted her friends to "assess" me, so I gave an excuse that I was working late and could not make dinner but would meet her directly at the art event instead. At the event things were great, she stuck by my side the entire time, always made effort to sit beside me, etc. When I decided I needed to get going she also said she needed to leave, so we both left together and I drove her home. Unfortunately, I did not kiss close due to weakass game and it ended cordially.
I contacted her the next day to thank her for the night out and asked about another art thing she mentioned. The art thing did not happen, but long story short this lead to an official dinner date, to which I drove her home and SHE kissed me goodnight on the lips. From here this led to more dates and more kissing and touching, but no sex.
Here's where I need your help. Although I believe she had really High Interest, some things concerned me which I don't know are red flags or just me???
- She mentioned multiple times (4-6) that she'd like to come over to see my art collection (she's an artist and I collect art). Due to lack of trust I would always brush this off which I
now see is a huge mistake... she wanted to come over and I rejected her multiple times. I would always go to her place and she never saw mine.
- One time, she flat out asked me how much money I make and when I wouldn't answer she asked if it was higher than this or lower than this amount. I told her I do well.
- I drive a nice car and she asked if I lease it or own it outright.
- She asked if I have a lot of debt and I told her I have no debt.
- I mentioned once that I invest a lot and she would ask me questions about my portfolio and which stocks to buy since hers was not doing well (I could tell she did not know much about investing and she would try to pick my brain about it).
- Whenever we'd go out for dinner I would pay and I notice she would not always say thank you or even at least offer to pay.
- A couple times when we were out drinking, she'd order drinks quite liberally on my dime and not even offer to pay.
- I believe she's a heavy drinker and one time she went out and sent me drunken txt msgs and ended with XOXOXO. I wonder if she does this regularly and with other guys?
- She mentioned early on that she was on an online dating site, which I was as well. During one of our dates, she told me she went out with a guy the previous week and he took her to a cheap restaurant and compared it to the nice restaurant I took her to (insinuating I was the "better" guy so far). I played it cool and told her if that's her style then to role with that dude.
- She told me her two previous relationships were with men 40 and 50 and one of the guys would regularly spoil her with five course meals. This is her past, but I couldn't help but think
she wants to be rescued bc she is ready to have a family yet does not make a ton of money (she has a mortgage which I believe consumes most of her income).
- I will be honest, between dates we would not call/text/email that often. On my end, this was partly due to me trying to be a challenge and but maybe I pushed it too far.
Anyhow, after a really good date I told her something between us was "off". This was immature of me because my intention was to see if she would fight for me (I honestly did not know if she truly liked me... see, this is where my game starts f*&king up and I do stupid sh*t like this!!!). This caught her by surprise, but suffice to say I did not hear from her for a week. I discussed with my good female friends and they said she was probably hurt and felt rejected by me, so I got in touch with her and she said she thought I was mad at her. After this we
started going out again.
A few dates later I told her I felt like I was investing more into the relationship and she needed to invest to balance it out. So, the next date she organized it all and paid for it all. Prior to going out, we were at her place and got hot and heavy. I was fingering her and she was playing with my c*ck, then we went out to dinner. During dinner she invited me to stay at her parents house who live two hours away (they would not be there) for the entire weekend together. She also mentioned again that she'd like to come over to my place and watch a movie I had, to which I brushed her off yet again. Dinner ended, she paid, I drove her back and there was more hot and heavy action yet no sex. This was prob our best date nonetheless.
Two days pass after after that date and there is no communication btwn us (I guess I was testing to see if she would reach out to me). Finally she txts me and basically says she is really confused with me, that she likes me a lot but gets mixed signals and that something probably is off, and she's not sure if we are a right match. The next day we talk on the phone and she says the same thing but that we have amazing dates and she is not sure if she is ready to walk but that she does not want to waste her time nor mine. She ends it by saying I have a dry
personality and emotionally she wants more. She also questioned if I was married or have a girlfriend, bringing up the fact that I never invited her over. I basically say ok and the convo ends. Now that I've typed this I can see where my fault lies. But, were the red flags above justified? Are they even red flags?
A couple days pass and my insecurities and immaturities come out. I contact her for some stupid reason and ask if she has any STD's. This pisses her off and we bicker back and forth,
calling each other names and me calling her a gold-digger. This was very juvenile of me and I regret resorting to this level. The next day I apologize to her but do not hear back, and that's how it has been since going on a month now.
So guys, guess what I am asking is for you to pick me apart and help me see what I do not see. I do believe she was a girl good and had potential for a LTR, but my vision is distorted.
Feedback is welcome!
My history:
- Dated a fair amount and been in a couple LTR's, the last one with a BPD that was higly toxic and devastated me mentally/emotionally (single 2yrs since).
- BPD relationship killed my self-esteem resulting in me taking a long break from women altogether (I also lost a lot of money to her).
- Started dating again 6 months ago but admit I need to work on my game and myself. I'm a "work in progress".
- I have a great job, do well financially, am extremely fit, dress well, 7-8 on looks, early 30's, never married no kids.
- I do well getting looks from women and the initial interest, but my lack of confidence means I don't jump on opportunities or I self-sabotage my relationships.
I recently dated this girl for 2-3 months and think she may have been a "good girl", but it ended so quickly I do not know what to make of it. She's also in her early 30's. Give me your advice!
I met the girl at an art function and asked her to make a piece for me. It took a few weeks to make and when ready I picked it up at her place. As I was getting ready to leave she asked if I would like to stay and have a drink, so I said yes. We conversed and she mentioned another art event held once per month and asked if I'd like to go. I said yes. I left and that's it (no close but it wasn't a date... or maybe that's just weakass game?).
A month and half pass and she contacts me about the event (in that time we did not communicate at all). She bought my ticket and invited me to dinner with a few of her good friends who were also going. I was thinking she wanted her friends to "assess" me, so I gave an excuse that I was working late and could not make dinner but would meet her directly at the art event instead. At the event things were great, she stuck by my side the entire time, always made effort to sit beside me, etc. When I decided I needed to get going she also said she needed to leave, so we both left together and I drove her home. Unfortunately, I did not kiss close due to weakass game and it ended cordially.
I contacted her the next day to thank her for the night out and asked about another art thing she mentioned. The art thing did not happen, but long story short this lead to an official dinner date, to which I drove her home and SHE kissed me goodnight on the lips. From here this led to more dates and more kissing and touching, but no sex.
Here's where I need your help. Although I believe she had really High Interest, some things concerned me which I don't know are red flags or just me???
- She mentioned multiple times (4-6) that she'd like to come over to see my art collection (she's an artist and I collect art). Due to lack of trust I would always brush this off which I
now see is a huge mistake... she wanted to come over and I rejected her multiple times. I would always go to her place and she never saw mine.
- One time, she flat out asked me how much money I make and when I wouldn't answer she asked if it was higher than this or lower than this amount. I told her I do well.
- I drive a nice car and she asked if I lease it or own it outright.
- She asked if I have a lot of debt and I told her I have no debt.
- I mentioned once that I invest a lot and she would ask me questions about my portfolio and which stocks to buy since hers was not doing well (I could tell she did not know much about investing and she would try to pick my brain about it).
- Whenever we'd go out for dinner I would pay and I notice she would not always say thank you or even at least offer to pay.
- A couple times when we were out drinking, she'd order drinks quite liberally on my dime and not even offer to pay.
- I believe she's a heavy drinker and one time she went out and sent me drunken txt msgs and ended with XOXOXO. I wonder if she does this regularly and with other guys?
- She mentioned early on that she was on an online dating site, which I was as well. During one of our dates, she told me she went out with a guy the previous week and he took her to a cheap restaurant and compared it to the nice restaurant I took her to (insinuating I was the "better" guy so far). I played it cool and told her if that's her style then to role with that dude.
- She told me her two previous relationships were with men 40 and 50 and one of the guys would regularly spoil her with five course meals. This is her past, but I couldn't help but think
she wants to be rescued bc she is ready to have a family yet does not make a ton of money (she has a mortgage which I believe consumes most of her income).
- I will be honest, between dates we would not call/text/email that often. On my end, this was partly due to me trying to be a challenge and but maybe I pushed it too far.
Anyhow, after a really good date I told her something between us was "off". This was immature of me because my intention was to see if she would fight for me (I honestly did not know if she truly liked me... see, this is where my game starts f*&king up and I do stupid sh*t like this!!!). This caught her by surprise, but suffice to say I did not hear from her for a week. I discussed with my good female friends and they said she was probably hurt and felt rejected by me, so I got in touch with her and she said she thought I was mad at her. After this we
started going out again.
A few dates later I told her I felt like I was investing more into the relationship and she needed to invest to balance it out. So, the next date she organized it all and paid for it all. Prior to going out, we were at her place and got hot and heavy. I was fingering her and she was playing with my c*ck, then we went out to dinner. During dinner she invited me to stay at her parents house who live two hours away (they would not be there) for the entire weekend together. She also mentioned again that she'd like to come over to my place and watch a movie I had, to which I brushed her off yet again. Dinner ended, she paid, I drove her back and there was more hot and heavy action yet no sex. This was prob our best date nonetheless.
Two days pass after after that date and there is no communication btwn us (I guess I was testing to see if she would reach out to me). Finally she txts me and basically says she is really confused with me, that she likes me a lot but gets mixed signals and that something probably is off, and she's not sure if we are a right match. The next day we talk on the phone and she says the same thing but that we have amazing dates and she is not sure if she is ready to walk but that she does not want to waste her time nor mine. She ends it by saying I have a dry
personality and emotionally she wants more. She also questioned if I was married or have a girlfriend, bringing up the fact that I never invited her over. I basically say ok and the convo ends. Now that I've typed this I can see where my fault lies. But, were the red flags above justified? Are they even red flags?
A couple days pass and my insecurities and immaturities come out. I contact her for some stupid reason and ask if she has any STD's. This pisses her off and we bicker back and forth,
calling each other names and me calling her a gold-digger. This was very juvenile of me and I regret resorting to this level. The next day I apologize to her but do not hear back, and that's how it has been since going on a month now.
So guys, guess what I am asking is for you to pick me apart and help me see what I do not see. I do believe she was a girl good and had potential for a LTR, but my vision is distorted.
Feedback is welcome!
