Reason for beta-ness?

[Black.Magic]

So my friend is like the definition of beta. 20, still a virgin, gets rejected all the time by coming on too strong and being needy. I've tried to figure out why he's like this, despite tuition and live demos from myself. IN B4: I'm not a bad friend, I'm just trying to figure out a way to break the news to him, so I can help him lose his virginity via anything other than a pity f*ck from a HB3.5!

I've got a number of factors here, so I was hoping you could tell me which are in fact reasons for his supreme beta status!

1. His mother wears the pants in his family. His dad is completely whipped (does all housework, defending himself against his wife's constant barrage of fight-starting). His mum is overbearing, controlling, and always gets irate (permanent irritation lol)

2. His sister is a *****. Super-*****, also starting fights all the time, trying to tell him what to do. :nono: He doesn't take any **** from her, but she's the favourite, so his parents take her side.

3. His dad is a mega-beta. Only had a couple of dates with one other girl before marrying a mega-*****.

4. He was bullied in school

5. He went to an all-boys high school, where the only ones who got any action were the jocks.:rockon:


Thoughts? Are all of these reasons/ any I'm missing? I think they are, but maybe he's simply beta for one reason: his dad is a whipped beta.

Thanks!

 

[ilikecharlene]

does being a virgin bother him? Has he said he feels bad for not scoring?

he probably needs more confidence, and to be more assertive. but IMO, the term Alpha Male doesn't fully apply to humans, as our social structures are not built on the strongest/biggest and baddest male. I think in general though, women are geared towards confident men.

 

[dutchmaster]

You sure this is about your friend and not you...? Not an attack. Just such a cliched line " oh yea my friend is having this problem..."

Anyway, it's probably his dad. Men tend to act the way their fathers do. not saying you can't change this but generally whoever your dad is that's who you are.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Hey dude, I have a friend like this too. I went out with him and another good buddy of ours the other night who knows about all this PUA sh1t, anyways.. We played a little game of seeing who could do the most number closes. I got rejected like 5 times and didn't really give a sh1t. No numbers, same with my buddy haha.

But our "beta" friend (who is also a virgin at 23.. Only kissed a girl once) didn't even TRY. I said to him "Dude, just give it a shot.. The worst thing that will happen is she says "no" and you never see her again. You're a cool dude and you have a lot of awesome cool friends, lots of girls here hang out with typical boring guys that don't do anything except go to school, work a lame job, and play xbox or some sh1t." Then he said back "You don't get it man, I have to actually like a girl before I talk to her."

This seems to be the sort of logic of the "beta".. Believing in that "love at first site" BS. I said back to him "How the hell can you like a girl without introducing yourself and talking to her?!"

I mean he seems to be content with not meeting girls and just doing his own thing (this kid's an INCREDIBLY talented musician and one of the funnest dudes to hang out with).. But he talks about girls a lot so I think he might be hiding the fact that he might not be content. His mom's kind of a typical BPD woman too. Divorced his dad (who treated her well, has an awesome job etc..) and dates losers (gambling problems, drinking problems, abusive).

He might be in a rut where he thinks that all women are like that... Which, let's be real A LOT of them are. But a lot of men are idiots too who can't take care of their own responsibilities. Those two usually wind up together, and the people who have it together usually wind up together as well. His dad told him "Yeah the guys in our family never really had our way with women" FVCK THAT. That's a self defeating attitude.

I told him if he just opens up more, and is more outgoing and friendly he can get dates easily! That one girl he kissed was a definite HB9, so who says he can't get another? It's all a numbers game, and if you're friend decides to open up, be friendly, and be outgoing, and most importantly KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS.. He'll definitely meet his 10 at some point in his life. Just tell him that.

 

[Black.Magic]

Hey fellas thanks for the replies.

Yeah, you guessed it, this thread is about me. I should have said that in the first place but I was embarrassed. I forgot that the internet is completely anonymous! haha.

So yeah, that's my background. I do make efforts and sometimes get number closes, but I have trouble turning numbers into dates. When they do turn into dates, I can't get past the second date.

I cannot, for the life of me, initiate kino. Never tried, so she would just sense that I have no idea what I'm doing. Like the analogy of the mountain climber who has paid somebody (experienced) to be the guide, but at base camp the guide says he has no fkn clue. Then the customer loses their sh*t and demands a refund.

Anyway, I've read too much Game BS (Niell Strauss, Mystery, Vin DiCarlo, AskMen.com, etc.) Now I'm too much in my head, fixated on stupid stuff like how my body language appears and who is the AMoG (never mind that I'm clueless as how to figuratively emasculate him). Never mind that I don't know how to initiate kino.

Anyway, I'm here now on the forums and I hope to keep trying despite having been rejected 11tybillion times. It's worth it, I reckon, for those few minor successes I have had. Heres to major success in the future!

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't be embarrassed. We've heard it all and much worse. I got my first kiss at 27. Having a controlling mom, being bullied in school, and being rejected by girls early on is way more than enough to hurt your confidence.

Put away the pickup guru stuff. Unlike these gurus with their fake sob stories (for marketing/advertising purposes) about how women rejected them early on, I really HAVE struggled. With that, I will give you the advice I wish I had years ago before I wasted money on their products and got nowhere.

It's looks, looks, and more looks, with some game and confidence sprinkled in. Hit the gym first and foremost.

Before the first girl kissed me, she said "You have a nice chest.". This was after working out
aggressively for eight months. But I unfortunately didn't see the pattern until later and slacked off several times afterwards.

 

[Black.Magic]

Don't be embarrassed. We've heard it all and much worse. I got my first kiss at 27. Having a controlling mom, being bullied in school, and being rejected by girls early on is way more than enough to hurt your confidence.

Put away the pickup guru stuff. Unlike these gurus with their fake sob stories (for marketing/advertising purposes) about how women rejected them early on, I really HAVE struggled. With that, I will give you the advice I wish I had years ago before I wasted money on their products and got nowhere.

It's looks, looks, and more looks, with some game and confidence sprinkled in. Hit the gym first and foremost.

Before the first girl kissed me, she said "You have a nice chest.". This was after working out
aggressively for eight months. But I unfortunately didn't see the pattern until later and slacked off several times afterwards.

That is some good advice. It's refreshing to hear that looks are really important! A lot of pickup gurus sidestep this issue, denying that looks are important.
Yes I have a gym membership and have been using it for about two months. There's still a long way to go before I have a cut and built physique but I believe I'm getting there.
I recently started playing basketball again. There's a girl who plays with us (HB8.5 and tall to boot). She has about 30 satellites but I intend on making inroads with her somehow...

But yeah I have been dressing sharp lately and I just got a sweet new haircut. I believe confidence can stem from a healthy and well presented appearance.

Baby steps. So glad I found this forum!

 

[coochieman]

Forget mommy and daddy stories, my mom's is way more of a man than my dad..... im talkin in terms of risk taking, respect and expenditure..... funny thing is, she loved me enough to tell me not to be like him. it gets funnier if i tell you she now respects me like crazy.

Truth is "looks" is a MAJOR advantage if you've got em..... Confidence and lack of girl-fear is just better to possess, cos this would get you to meet and escalate with babes.

Virgin @ 20? bad, but we've heard worse.

**** baby steps bro, address this issue! these girls dont bite, the worst is a no! those books you condemn are still goddamn useful... yes they sugarcoat a lot but they contain vital basic info that if you keep reading em, you get more accustomed to some good ideas in them.

 

[FairShake]

For people in those situations there are two problems. Either they have poor social skills or they are too neurotic to talk to girls. Sometimes it's both.

You're 20 and have presumably been developing a personality separate from your parents since your pre-teen years. You can't keep blaming them for your failures. Unless your are morbidly obese or horribly disfigured your lack of success is due to one or both of the above conditions. Figure out which one and try your best to be ok with it.

 

[Black.Magic]

Okay okay, without getting defensive:

1) I don't blame my parents for much. They are loving, and have always provided for me and been there for me. They are the reasons behind every good quality that I have.

2) I'm no social retard by any stretch. I have a loyal circle of friends including men and women. The problem is, they all date amongst themselves (within this one extended group). I'm not a fan of sh!tting where I eat, so I won't do that. I am an excellent conversationalist. Hell, I can get in the friendzone 9 times out of 10. My problem is just that. I don't want to be the male friend, the orbiter, the "emotional tampon" (lol, don't you love that term?)

So yeah. That's as defensive as I can get. I started this thread so that I could get the general consensus on this forum, of the role of nature vs. nurture with respect to The Game.

My mom always says, "Don't be like your father." People tell me I'm nothing like my dad. I was just wondering how much i do take after him. God love him, he's a great guy, just not so much with the ladies.

And f*ck, I'm glad now I was bullied in high school. It gave me a chance to branch out and make friends outside of the football jocks. It also made me a stronger person, and because of it I have very little approach anxiety. All the bullies were jealous LOL


In short, I'm a n00b, so you can rev me as hard as you want. I'm on here to learn the technique and maybe meet a wing from my city (Canberra, Australia).

Peace!

 

[FairShake]

I didn't mean to rev you. My bad if it felt that way.

I think your social circle could definitely pinpoint the problem far better than we can. What do they say?

I don't think the friendzone is really a matter of your personality but rather your balls. I think many guys get stuck in friendzones not because they are "nice" but because they don't make moves designed to push outside the friendzone early on. If you flirt, touch, and make your intentions known you won't get in that friendzone. You might not get laid but you won't ruin your chances with someone who does want you.