R I P BeDJ

[BeDJ]

http://imgur.com/p6mvzce

 

[adam225]

Black list her and deny it's yours lol.

 

[Gray The Prince]

You dun goofed OP.

 

[GS750]

two words: Planned Parenthood

 

[bukowski_merit]

Happened to me once. She was an "at risk" pregnancy because of two previous miscarriages. So, she made the decision without hesitation to get rid of it.

I went with her and paid half.

Longest 6 hours of my life ever sitting in that freezing cold doctors office.

So, what are you going to do?

 

[TheCWord]

To complete this cautionary tale we need some more deets, DJ.

Is this a girlfriend? ONS? Plate?

Did you bust inside of her? Was she on the pill?

 

[Dgwizdal]

To complete this cautionary tale we need some more deets, DJ.

Is this a girlfriend? ONS? Plate?

Did you bust inside of her? Was she on the pill?

This.

 

[Epimanes]

He must have listened to the guy in that thread that said its ok to go raw in random chicks. So sorry BeDJ. Tell her you want a paternety test.

 

[Masculinity]

Push for abortion as much as possible. Frame the changes in a way that reveals how they are going to affect her though (e.g., how her body won't ever be the same, the weight gain, the changes to her lifestyle, bye freedom, etc.). Also, try to take away the whole taboo of abortion. Find many examples of people online who have had them successfully and safely. Show these cases to her so that it is demystified.

Treat this situation as a court case. Like another Dj said, a paternity test will be key here (which would eliminate the need for an abortion).

 

[BeDJ]

I received the text when I was at my plate's apartment. I didn't use my car to get there so the woman who could be carrying my child had to pick me up. As I got into the car, my plate looks down at me from the balcony.

We drove for what seemed like an eternity to an empty park. It only made sense since we both lived with room mates. The woman, rather girl, was trying to push the words out of her mouth while holding back emotional tears. Same as I in that moment. I was a 13 year old boy in a body twice his age. Her faint words were as misty as the fog settling in. She was one of the good ones I've dated, only having one previous partner of 8 years. She was smart, caring and a good candidate for my child. I showed her how awesome I was with a hint of jerk side. With a hint of jealousy on her part. I gamed her well. Sadly, I had to game her one last time.

If only I met this women later on in life, I would have reconsidered my choice. I would have taken responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof. Being in the passenger seat sent me nostalgia of getting dropped off in the morning to high school. Maybe I've never developed past that. I could not accept the responsibility of being a father. I could be an amazing one, but I had to convince this innocent girl I would not be. I could never look at her the same if we decide to take my seed from her womb. I had to deceive her that I was only a decoy. My escape from responsibility was going to devastate another human being. I had to delude her to the point of making her feel betrayed. She was going to be a victim of my own selfishness. I told her everything about me was a lie. Maybe what I told her was a lie, maybe it wasn't. I have never elicited such a devastated emotional response in my life. For the first time, I maliciously hurt another person's self worth, self esteem and self value. I could have been to a point where she could never trust again. As my former self, this would have been a high-five story with the boys how I cheated my way out. No, this was perverted and pathetic.

The following afternoon, I met with her at PP. We sat in silence. As bukowski_merit mentioned, the office is cold even though it was 80 degrees out. She was called in as I waited in the lobby. There were others in the lobby, but I was alone. I was alone with my worst enemies at the time. Guilt. Self-Respect. Repercussion. I sabotaged the most miraculous moment for the lives of two people, perhaps three if you want to get technical. What should have been joy was misery. What should have been love was neglect. Nothing in the world can compensate for the beauty of life. Where do you go, when the purpose of life is lost?

 

[n52]

Well, that is what happens when you don't wrap it etc etc yada yada

 

[TheCWord]

I received the text when I was at my plate's apartment. I didn't use my car to get there so the woman who could be carrying my child had to pick me up. As I got into the car, my plate looks down at me from the balcony.

We drove for what seemed like an eternity to an empty park. It only made sense since we both lived with room mates. The woman, rather girl, was trying to push the words out of her mouth while holding back emotional tears. Same as I in that moment. I was a 13 year old boy in a body twice his age. Her faint words were as misty as the fog settling in. She was one of the good ones I've dated, only having one previous partner of 8 years. She was smart, caring and a good candidate for my child. I showed her how awesome I was with a hint of jerk side. With a hint of jealousy on her part. I gamed her well. Sadly, I had to game her one last time.

If only I met this women later on in life, I would have reconsidered my choice. I would have taken responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof. Being in the passenger seat sent me nostalgia of getting dropped off in the morning to high school. Maybe I've never developed past that. I could not accept the responsibility of being a father. I could be an amazing one, but I had to convince this innocent girl I would not be. I could never look at her the same if we decide to take my seed from her womb. I had to deceive her that I was only a decoy. My escape from responsibility was going to devastate another human being. I had to delude her to the point of making her feel betrayed. She was going to be a victim of my own selfishness. I told her everything about me was a lie. Maybe what I told her was a lie, maybe it wasn't. I have never elicited such a devastated emotional response in my life. For the first time, I maliciously hurt another person's self worth, self esteem and self value. I could have been to a point where she could never trust again. As my former self, this would have been a high-five story with the boys how I cheated my way out. No, this was perverted and pathetic.

The following afternoon, I met with her at PP. We sat in silence. As bukowski_merit mentioned, the office is cold even though it was 80 degrees out. She was called in as I waited in the lobby. There were others in the lobby, but I was alone. I was alone with my worst enemies at the time. Guilt. Self-Respect. Repercussion. I sabotaged the most miraculous moment for the lives of two people, perhaps three if you want to get technical. What should have been joy was misery. What should have been love was neglect. Nothing in the world can compensate for the beauty of life. Where do you go, when the purpose of life is lost?

Hopefully writing it all out like that helps you through this process, DJ. I'm sure a lot of thoughtful introspection is going to have to take place off the forum too and I wish you well.

What would really be helpful for the rest of us is, as I'd inquired above, knowing about the circumstances that led to this unfortunate surprise. I think I speak for a lot of guys on here when I say we are hit with periods of dread that we're going to get a girl pregnant. "I pulled out, but was that good enough?" "Was she really on the pill?" etc.

 

[JohnChops]

BeDJ thats heavy stuff bud. I'm glad everything worked out for you, but im curious. this seems like it really took a toll on you. did you wrap up at all?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Guilt. Self-Respect. Repercussion. I sabotaged the most miraculous moment for the lives of two people, perhaps three if you want to get technical. What should have been joy was misery. What should have been love was neglect. Nothing in the world can compensate for the beauty of life. Where do you go, when the purpose of life is lost?

This world is a fvcked up place. You don't want to bring a child into it unless you can protect it, i.e. committed parents, nurturing home with a white picket fence and a dog. There would have been plenty more misery for the next 18-19 years if you two didn't see eye to eye on things.

Just last week I busted a nut in a chick (broken condom) and I told her, in so many words, that I wouldn't see her again unless she got the morning after pill. Even if she got pregnant, I told her, she would still never see me again. I'd pay child support, but if she wanted to talk to me it would be through my lawyer. Cold, but the harsh truth. I'm raising one child through an unplanned pregnancy, yes, I'm glad she decided to have him, but I was fortunate in more ways than one with her. And still, under these fortunate circumstances, things have at times been tough through the years, including guilt, anxiety, and yes, some misery.

I've also been in your shoes brotha. (why can't I just keep it in my pants?). There have been a few instances in my adult life that have lead me to decide to take a break with women, focus on other things.....tell myself: the next one is going to be the last, the one I'm going to stick with. Unfortunately, she hasn't come around, and I'm not going to settle. Crossroads everywhere. What to do? That's life, sometimes it gets ya.

 

[Epimanes]

If you never want kids ever.... Get the snip. The anticipation is far far worse than procedure. When I got mine. The only part that I felt was the initial freezing needle 15mins later I was done. Sit on a bag of frozen peas for a weekend and got waited on hand and foot for the entire weekend by my wife then back to work monday. Now I'm shootin blanks and will never have to wrap it up with my wife again and she loves it. We got 2 kids already and that's plenty.

 

[Dgwizdal]

I received the text when I was at my plate's apartment. I didn't use my car to get there so the woman who could be carrying my child had to pick me up. As I got into the car, my plate looks down at me from the balcony.

We drove for what seemed like an eternity to an empty park. It only made sense since we both lived with room mates. The woman, rather girl, was trying to push the words out of her mouth while holding back emotional tears. Same as I in that moment. I was a 13 year old boy in a body twice his age. Her faint words were as misty as the fog settling in. She was one of the good ones I've dated, only having one previous partner of 8 years. She was smart, caring and a good candidate for my child. I showed her how awesome I was with a hint of jerk side. With a hint of jealousy on her part. I gamed her well. Sadly, I had to game her one last time.

If only I met this women later on in life, I would have reconsidered my choice. I would have taken responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof. Being in the passenger seat sent me nostalgia of getting dropped off in the morning to high school. Maybe I've never developed past that. I could not accept the responsibility of being a father. I could be an amazing one, but I had to convince this innocent girl I would not be. I could never look at her the same if we decide to take my seed from her womb. I had to deceive her that I was only a decoy. My escape from responsibility was going to devastate another human being. I had to delude her to the point of making her feel betrayed. She was going to be a victim of my own selfishness. I told her everything about me was a lie. Maybe what I told her was a lie, maybe it wasn't. I have never elicited such a devastated emotional response in my life. For the first time, I maliciously hurt another person's self worth, self esteem and self value. I could have been to a point where she could never trust again. As my former self, this would have been a high-five story with the boys how I cheated my way out. No, this was perverted and pathetic.

The following afternoon, I met with her at PP. We sat in silence. As bukowski_merit mentioned, the office is cold even though it was 80 degrees out. She was called in as I waited in the lobby. There were others in the lobby, but I was alone. I was alone with my worst enemies at the time. Guilt. Self-Respect. Repercussion. I sabotaged the most miraculous moment for the lives of two people, perhaps three if you want to get technical. What should have been joy was misery. What should have been love was neglect. Nothing in the world can compensate for the beauty of life. Where do you go, when the purpose of life is lost?

Been there done that - happened when I was 19 in college. Look, I am not sure what your morals are or what kind of faith you hold but regardless of the fact; you will eventually seek peace with the decision once your emotions settle a bit. It had me fvcked up for a while but it was a dark place in my life for other reasons as well. Word of advice - I would keep this to yourself and your girl - come here for venting if need be.

As far as what you should be doing now - YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR THE GIRL. BIGTIME. Do not let her go through this alone as well. Put game to the side for a bit and make she that your plate is well taken care of emotionally and supportively as you need to be the rock regardless of the situation or future with her. It will help you make peace with the situation to know that you did the BEST you could to make sure the person who may be going through this with you is supported and as comfortable as possible. The girl that I knocked up forever adores me because of it. She has professed to me time and time again what a great guy I was and how she'd drop anything to be with me in a heart beat (old news - not interested in her.) In the end, you will want to remember how much of a stand up guy you were after you left that doctors office. I am at peace with what happened now and pretty much have forgotten it. You will be just fine once you get through your raw emotions.

PM me if you need anything bra

 

[Jaylan]

Take this as a lesson men. Unless you are prepared to father a child with the woman you are sleeping with, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM!

 

[GotED?]

I wouldn't provoke a 'Gloom and Doom' approach as a lot of dudes here suggests.

I think becoming mature and wise through the ages and as a man, one has to embrace what life throws us. When you get old enough, if you haven't understood that we have very little control of life - in actuality, the only control we have is HOW WE RESPOND TO THINGS IN LIFE.

Life just happens - so here's your chance to test what kind of man you are and what is your response.

If indeed the child is yours and she is going to have it, are you going to accept the reality of destiny/fate and life, to be responsible for your action as a man and forecoming father?? (only exception is if the mother of the child is emotionally unstable/abusive/manipulative towards you and is BPD prone, then you can not be held as a pawn and must live a life apart from your child. Do not fall into the trap of a scheming and manipulative woman/mother of your child, ever).

What appears to be 'Gloom and Doom' may be the best thing that has ever happened to you in life. Becoming a father is the ultimate test of manhood - I have a 7yr old son and even though I am divorced, he is one of the brightest shining light of my life through all the broken and shattered light bulbs of women and relationships.

There's a love that a child offers you which no woman can ever replace. If it is meant for you, embrace it instead of fighting it. If human being learns this concept of embracing things that comes in life instead of fighting and accepting what happens is meant to be, there would be so much less anxiety and stress to each and all of us.

Be well.

Exodus

 

[TheCWord]

If it is meant for you, embrace it instead of fighting it. If human being learns this concept of embracing things that comes in life instead of fighting and accepting what happens is meant to be, there would be so much less anxiety and stress to each and all of us.

Good post, Exodus. Question (and there's no sarcasm here), if a guy doesn't have himself together yet, how is he expected to just "accept" the huge responsibility of parenthood? If he is not financially or emotionally stable it might not matter how zen he is. I'd like to run a triathlon, but I haven't built up the stamina yet and I'm a weak swimmer so I'd probably drown.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Been there done that - happened when I was 19 in college. Look, I am not sure what your morals are or what kind of faith you hold but regardless of the fact; you will eventually seek peace with the decision once your emotions settle a bit. It had me fvcked up for a while but it was a dark place in my life for other reasons as well. Word of advice - I would keep this to yourself and your girl - come here for venting if need be.

As far as what you should be doing now - YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR THE GIRL. BIGTIME. Do not let her go through this alone as well. Put game to the side for a bit and make she that your plate is well taken care of emotionally and supportively as you need to be the rock regardless of the situation or future with her. It will help you make peace with the situation to know that you did the BEST you could to make sure the person who may be going through this with you is supported and as comfortable as possible. The girl that I knocked up forever adores me because of it. She has professed to me time and time again what a great guy I was and how she'd drop anything to be with me in a heart beat (old news - not interested in her.) In the end, you will want to remember how much of a stand up guy you were after you left that doctors office. I am at peace with what happened now and pretty much have forgotten it. You will be just fine once you get through your raw emotions.

PM me if you need anything bra

Why be there for the girl? It's done and dusted. It's time to move on and not dwell on the past. He needs to gather himself and move on to better things. Learn from the experience and become wiser. Being there for the girl is pondering constantly regarding the situation. It's toxic.