Quick help on NC please.

[Yorkex]

NC Update 

This past week my family came to town to visit and for some odd reason my mom still talks to my ex. Anyways last night we are watching a movie and she knocks on the door randomly , as soon as she comes in the living room I grabbed my car keys and went for a drive because I was shocked. I came back 40 mins later and went straight for a shower then dressed up and came back to sit down. I never said anything to her and didn't even look at her.

She came to tell my parents that her dad is at stage 3 of his cancer, last night I felt ****ty after hearing that and right now confused ...
My mom said she is planning for our family to visit during the week , question is should I break the NC with her then in light of her father's illness or just keep it going. I planned to talk to everyone at her house like I normally did but keep ignoring her but I'm having second thoughts now .. 
Woke up today and one of her best friends liked my Facebook picture and a positive status I put up on the 27 ...this was at 5:40 am mind you.

Side Info 
• same girl that went into a relationship a month after a 3 year relationship
• the sickness part could be true because he was at stage one when we ended things 
• Last night my uncle told me he believes after the relationship she was stressed and yearned for emotional support that's why she went into a new relationship that quick

Any thoughts ?

 

[ZTIME]

Just a thought. NC is best used when your ex is not in your presence. If you and your family are truly gong to see her and her family, you would look kind of ridiculous talking to all of them and ignoring her.

Now don't go start calling her or posting messages to any of her social networks. And maintain your NC, but when she is in your parents house (this is obvious), or you are in her parents house, just act normal like nothing is going on.

Don't bring up the past and don't ask about her current relationship or any personal questions. Just talk to her and her entire family as you would anyone else and their family when your parents bring you there.

Got it?

 

[Mr_Maximus]

Use your better judgement.

If you are going to go and see her father then be polite if she is there. This is in my opinion an exception to the rule due to the circumstances, otherwise, you don't contact her.

Change that odd reason why your mum still talks to your ex.

 

[Hydra]

When she walked in and u initially panicked, that was a mistake, and she probably noticed. Always remain calm and relaxed. My advice is when her family visit, act nonchalant around her, be aloof and indifferent and be more interested in her family and her fathers well being.

 

[Leif_Johnson]

I don't see why your mom would still stay in contact with her after how she treated you. How old are you? If you don't feel comfortable going don't go. Your mom shouldn't make decisions for you when you're an adult.

 

[Yorkex]

When she walked in and u initially panicked, that was a mistake, and she probably noticed. Always remain calm and relaxed. My advice is when her family visit, act nonchalant around her, be aloof and indifferent and be more interested in her family and her fathers well being.

Yea I was just caught off guard ...I will make up for it .

 

[Yorkex]

Use your better judgement.

If you are going to go and see her father then be polite if she is there. This is in my opinion an exception to the rule due to the circumstances, otherwise, you don't contact her.

Change that odd reason why your mum still talks to your ex.

Yeah I think this is what I will go with and try to limit convo with her as much as possible when she speaks

 

[salinechow]

NC is not the right move here. But, maintaining frame is. Be a human being. Comfort her and be her friend without subjugating yourself to emotional attachment. A DJ could do this. All advice above is well suited so listen to them. Yet, I think even running yourself through the mill a little bit is even warranted if it is to truly help someone else in what seems to be a very dark time. I think you should be able to accomplish this while protecting the heart. Even if you fail, the lessons will be valuable. Sometimes the love of mankind is worth some self-sacrifice and can actually help you become a better man and a better DJ. I think you’ll actually be surprised out the outcome, in the future, when you look back.

Now for less altruistic advice. More practical. You could "make up" for the awkward behavior like you said. You seem confident so I won’t tell you how.
Once this is done, offer a sincere offer to be there for her via meeting or phone call. Then, wait. Do not pursue. Her father will probably be around for awhile and there is no need to "check in too often" However, you can, once in a while. Try to align that with her posts on social media or with visits to your parents if that is the case. Should probably not be more than once per month give or take her actions and situation.

Should she take you up on your "offer" be there for her. Dude, be a man. Don’t think about your relationship and for Gods sakes don’t bring it up. Just be a strong man and friend. Do this for yourself as well as her. You will feel good doing it, you should do it, you should do it well, and she will appreciate it as a human. You might even make a friend for life. You might receive vindication later on in life when she still talks to you and this other dude is long gone. She will bless you in ways you may not see right now. She can be a value in your future. And...you never know, maybe she sees the error of her ways leaving you, and begs for your return. Unlikely but possible. NOT why you should do it though. In this particular case, I sincerely believe that one must be a good human in order to be a good DJ.

P.S. I definitely have a personal experience with this I could share in more detail if asked.

Do you though man. You got this. Good luck.

 

[Yorkex]

NC is not the right move here. But, maintaining frame is. Be a human being. Comfort her and be her friend without subjugating yourself to emotional attachment. A DJ could do this. All advice above is well suited so listen to them. Yet, I think even running yourself through the mill a little bit is even warranted if it is to truly help someone else in what seems to be a very dark time. I think you should be able to accomplish this while protecting the heart. Even if you fail, the lessons will be valuable. Sometimes the love of mankind is worth some self-sacrifice and can actually help you become a better man and a better DJ. I think you’ll actually be surprised out the outcome, in the future, when you look back.

Now for less altruistic advice. More practical. You could "make up" for the awkward behavior like you said. You seem confident so I won’t tell you how.
Once this is done, offer a sincere offer to be there for her via meeting or phone call. Then, wait. Do not pursue. Her father will probably be around for awhile and there is no need to "check in too often" However, you can, once in a while. Try to align that with her posts on social media or with visits to your parents if that is the case. Should probably not be more than once per month give or take her actions and situation.

Should she take you up on your "offer" be there for her. Dude, be a man. Don’t think about your relationship and for Gods sakes don’t bring it up. Just be a strong man and friend. Do this for yourself as well as her. You will feel good doing it, you should do it, you should do it well, and she will appreciate it as a human. You might even make a friend for life. You might receive vindication later on in life when she still talks to you and this other dude is long gone. She will bless you in ways you may not see right now. She can be a value in your future. And...you never know, maybe she sees the error of her ways leaving you, and begs for your return. Unlikely but possible. NOT why you should do it though. In this particular case, I sincerely believe that one must be a good human in order to be a good DJ.

P.S. I definitely have a personal experience with this I could share in more detail if asked.

Do you though man. You got this. Good luck.

after reading this I cracked.
I just called her and I think she was with her boyfriend but she didn't admit it , I simply told her we need to talk & told her where to meet me. She agreed and we are meeting up in an hour.

I know know I broke so many codes but right now I just thought about it , I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore ...even if she wanted to I can't because she been with another man. However , I can't go cold on her while her father is about to pass ...the man really liked me. I will just tell her I know she made her decision and I don't blame her for that because she needed the emotional support but this is not an attempt to get her back.
I will apologize for the NC while she is in a pretty bad situation s right now and let her know she can contact me if she needs anything related to her dad but that's about it. Anything else will get a negative response from me ( ignore).

I honestly feel comfortable with this decision , I already have girls around that I bang and even though I love her it's better we are not together ...she brought nothing but negativity out of me.

Wish me luck guys !

 

[salinechow]

I am glad I added reason enough for you to man up and be a good human...BUT!!!!. Again, you will do no such thing as to mention to her anything about her current relationship or your past relationship!!! This is not about YOU!. If you go in thinking that then NC IS the right move. You will also apologize for NOTHING. Just tell her you wanted time to think of the best thing for her right now and then deliver. You will also put NO parameters VERBALLY on the situation. You will merely convey everything you need to convey by your actions. Meet with her. Treat her kindly and with respect and concern. Say very little except to be there, listen and hug her. Pay, and leave. Give her without question, the feeling that you are there when she needs and ghost otherwise. This will accomplish what you desire to SAY but should not.