Question/Story from a short guy.

[DMan77]

I've been reading this material for a few months now. I've also watched a few seminars, listened to a few audio casts, read a few books..
Not just on dating, but on self motivation itself.
I've just started reading the DJ boot camp PDF and I plan on following through on it.
But the biggest obstacle that I’m still trying to get over or ignore is my height.

So a bit about myself first. I’m 22, college graduate, good paying, full time job. I’m also 5 foot 4. And that’s on a good day.
I’m in good physical shape, good looking in my opinion and I have a good personality.
I've had a 4 or so girlfriends in my life, and we've always manage to have fairly decent relationships. I have a great network of friends, and life’s generally pretty good.
But I still want more in my social life. Now that I'm out of school, Im forced to actually meet girls at other locations rather then dorm parties..
Bars, clubs, ect have never been my scene, because I become to conscious of my height. 5' 4 is noticeably short.

I've read a lot of material recently and I've been trying to put it into practice when I've gone out, but I’m not having a lot of success.
I don't feel sorry for myself for being short, really Im ok with it. But I can't seem to project that.. And having convinced myself that I can’t project that, I don’t think I can
Women test me, say things like 'You’re a little short for me..'
I normally comment with something like 'well you’re a little tall for me anyway. i don’t want to be looking up all night, i tend to get a stiff neck'..
which I think is a pretty good example of an answer..

I’ve been trying to learn all manner of things about meeting girls. From ‘C+F’ to ‘negging’, to being the alpha-male, and pretty much everything in-between.
Im just not sure these are the right ‘techniques’ or what have you, that I should be learning. I know every article and author out there says ‘It doesn’t matter who you are it can work for you!’. But I’m not sure if I should buy that or not.

I don't mean for this to be an outlet for my whining. Really I'm just looking for some advice or opinions that apply to my specific situation. I feel almost as though a lot of the techniques that aren't aimed for someone my height. I think about going out and applying the things I’ve learned, and it just never seems to fit in my situation. I always find myself thinking ‘well this probably won’t work for me, it was aimed at all the guys of average height in this room’. I know that’s negative thinking, but I haven’t seen anything yet that’s shown me otherwise. Are there any articles or authors that have something that could help me out with this? Will the things I’m reading/watching/listening to help someone like me? Am I just completely wrong and missing something big time?

Any input would be appreciated. Even if it’s just yelling and me and telling me to stop being stupid about this. I’m new at this, and I don’t have really have any ‘mentors’ to look up to and follow. My friends are either in long-running relationships, or incredibly shy when it comes to girls. I don’t know enough about this to guide myself right now. Any direction would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
D

 

[Alphathree]

-- You sound like you're trying too hard. Stop that.

-- Lines and techniques are useless unless they are delivered from the right frame of mind. If you have the frame of mind, you can say anything.

(I get girls punching me and hitting me all the time now and I really don't even remember what I say. It comes from within. My "default" C&F is an eyebrow-raise.)

-- I don't want to give you a limiting belief, but it sounds like you already have it anyway: Height is just plain important. Date girls shorter than you. Do you like asian girls?

(There's a girl who is six two and absolutely gorgeous and I could probably date her, but I wouldn't even consider it. I've had sex with a girl taller than me once, and man it was awkward. We also broke my bed, but that's another story.)

 

[DMan77]

Thanks for responding,

I think I definitely try to hard.

Any suggestions on getting myself into that right frame of mind? Any particular piece of advice or piece of writing thats worked for you?

I do realize that height is definitely a factor, and I do take that into consideration in my interactions. I know better then to focus my attention on someone who’s obviously to tall for me and how clearly awkward things would be.

I've fine with dating girls around my height or shorter. What Im having trouble with is competing for their attention with guys taller then me. Its clear that most girls have the frame work of wanting the taller guy.
I don't seem to show enough value or prize-ability to them, so I tend to always come in second to the taller guy. Or, I just get the cold shoulder

 

[GropeDope]

Great. Another short men thread.

I don't know where you live but down here there are plenty of b!tches that are 5'4 and under. And by plenty I mean a f*ckload. Find yourself one of those and you'll have less problems with your "height" anxiety so you can concentrate on something else.

If you insist on getting a taller chick, it's obviously going to be more difficult than finding one who's the same height or shorter than you but it's not impossible. A lot of them are insecure about "standing out" in public with a dude that is shorter than they are. A lot of them also have the misconception that height automatically = security. All you've got to do is disprove that notion and show them that you can give them security without being tall. There's plenty of material on here and on the Bible about that so just look around.

In the neighborhood I used to live in, my next door neighbor was at least 3 inches shorter than his wife. Also, Cuban men are known for being short and broad, and plenty of them get a$$ all the time. I don't see them complaining about their height.

All you have to do is concentrate on the sh!t you can improve and forget about the sh!t that is beyond your control. If you still can't get over your height disadvantages, think of it this way: you're not bound to a f*ckin wheel chair, you're not 80 years old and incapable of getting hard, you have no physical disfigurements, you're not fat and hideous, and you have a college degree. All of that already puts you ahead of a sh!tload of people. Focus on the positive facts of your life, and get that negative sh!t the f*ck out of your head already.

 

[DMan77]

Originally posted by GropeDope
Great. Another short men thread.

Hah, I wasn't aware there were any others. But I didn't look that hard.

I don't think of my height as a disadvantage, really.. Just as something that I need to view in a different way. I definitly don't see it as an advantage, so I don't know what to do with it.
It's the un-sureness (its a word.. really..) that I feel about it that screws me up and stops me from being able to just be myself and relax and let my other qualites that I know girls would want and be attracted to come to the surface.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by DMan77
Thanks for responding,

I think I definitely try to hard.

Any suggestions on getting myself into that right frame of mind? Any particular piece of advice or piece of writing thats worked for you?

I do realize that height is definitely a factor, and I do take that into consideration in my interactions. I know better then to focus my attention on someone who’s obviously to tall for me and how clearly awkward things would be.

I've fine with dating girls around my height or shorter. What Im having trouble with is competing for their attention with guys taller then me. Its clear that most girls have the frame work of wanting the taller guy.
I don't seem to show enough value or prize-ability to them, so I tend to always come in second to the taller guy. Or, I just get the cold shoulder

1. Get David DeAngelo's advanced series. That's the only frickin thing that worked for me. That man knows what he's talking about and he has specific references to bald/short/ugly/whatever.

2. Competing...for...attention? Stop that. It's needy. What are you, a puppy?

Would Brad Pitt compete for someone's attention?

If a girl doesn't give you any attention, go do something the f_ck else for a while. Introduce yourself to some guys and make friends and have fun.

(Anecdote: I've been trying to steal this guy's girlfriend at work for two weeks now. Of course the first thing I did was befriend him and ignore her. Although I have managed to get a bunch of attraction from her, I gave _HIM_ too much attention and now he thinks I'm his best friend in the whole world and we're hanging out all the time, lol>)

 

[DMan77]

Hah.
I have a lot to learn, and you're not the first person to recommend DD to me. I've been getting his news letters for awhile, maybe Ill finally buy that series.

I have started to notice more and more how I compete for the attention.. That really is bad isn't it? No one wants someone needy no matter what they're height I'd guess..

My biggest fear with Dave’s' C+F routine, is I’m afraid ill come off looking like I have a bad case of 'Napoleon complex. I’m worried when I try it ill come off way to ****y with not enough of the funny. But there I go again worried about what other people will think.. I really need to stop that..

Suppose I can't really do anything without practicing though right?

 

[Le Parisien]

I definitely enjoy posting on height/"I'm short" type of topics...


DMan77:
It's true that there's been a lot of of short men's topics on this forum, use the search button...

Being average guy (5'8) myself, I used to be self-conscious about my height. I know I'm NOT really short and anyway I grew out of my complex, but I know how it feels buddy.

I won't say "try to only focus on chicks your height or shorter", and I won't say "height doesn't matter, only attitude counts" either.

Height IS an issue, but it's not that big of an issue. Not every girl obsess about having a tall guy, but again many do prefer taller guys. Don't feel down about your height, but don't try to "compete" with the tall guys to show that you are just "as good" either.

Try to have a peaceful mind, show your true value, let it flow naturally. If you meet a lots of people, you are bound to meet some girls who are good-looking intelligent and don't care THAT MUCH about height.

Many hot girls will discard you just because you are short, that's a fact. You must say to yourself all the time:" damn, if only I were taller, this or that hot girl that I like would also be interested in me in stead of the other tall dudes!" But you can't make every single hot girl to look past your height. Now the question is do you really need that?
I'm sure you understand what I'm saying here, I went through this frustrating feelings.

You can look up my little personal story that I posted on another short men's thread if you are interested.

----------------------------------

Since I like making analogies, I will give one here.

It's just like trying to succeed in this materialistic world being poor. Does it mean that you will have a miserable life if you were born into a poor family? Hell NO! But having a rich family definitely helps to get an edge.

Sometimes, the negative aspects don't directly come from the lack of money but mostly from the habits that you develop because of it. You might be cheap and see everything through the financial perspective. Or sometimes, in order to compensate, you might be overly "generous" and want to show it (equivalent to Napoleon's complex).

Many rich guys have a "peaceful mind" when it comes to money, they don't worry about it and they don't flaunt it either, they never think about it because it's a NON-ISSUE for them.

Hope I was clear...