Prove yourself!

[The Bat]

We all have things to prove. Prove to our family that we're a responsible, mature adult who can take care of ourselves emotionally, financially, physically, interpersonally, and spiritually. Prove to our friends that we're a carefree, upbeat, positive, and fun force of life that has embraced them with our presence. Prove to our colleagues that we're idealistic, hard-working, fair, and diligent members of the organization that we belong to. Prove to our dates and exclusive partners that we're a free, independent, self-respecting spirits. Prove to naysayers and doubters that we are NOT who they think we are. Prove to them that we are NOT a failure or a complete reject or a complete loser. Prove to them that we CAN achieve that what they believe we CANNOT.

"So what's the problem, Bat? Aren't those good things? Motivators, they are! You'd be a fool to think and say otherwise."

But look beyond it. Look beyond the superficial efficient result producing effects of trying to prove things.

"What are you talking about, Bat? Those results are good because they give you positive results AND raise your self-esteem! They garner you respect from the people you were trying to prove things to!"

Exactly!

Yes, you did get positive results but they only occured because somebody ENTICED you to get them. Yes, you did raise your self-esteem but that only happened because somebody gave you two options: humiliation OR psuedo-success. Humiliation because if you fail to live upto that somebody's expectations, you have failed in their eyes and are thus you have humiliated yourself to them. Psuedo-success because if you meet their subjective expectations of who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to achieve, then you are successful...in their eyes.

And respect! Ha! An ancient term that is nowadays with the domination of liberty, equality, and justice for all mantra and mottos that literally everyone has embraced. Respect was never supposed to be replaced by exercise to right of free speech, liberty, and happiness. Respect I will save for a later post in the future. But let it be clear and known now that respect is not gained from others because you choose to follow the path of "success" they have set out for you to achieve.

Plus, why should you be respected when you prove yourself to others? You are nothing but a puppet with the invisible strings of "motivating words", "expectations", and "you're-not-good-enough mantras". You step up and embrace the challenge at the stroke of somebody's words. You write out and meet the goals that others held you up to and condemend you for NOT meeting those goals before. Respect?! Ha! More like, "Dance, my little doll, Dance! Dance your heart out!"

Others may applaud you for your success. Others may pat you on the back and congratulate you. Others may say, "You go, girl!". And others may say, "I guess you proved me wrong."

But at the end of the day, have you REALLY achieved ANYTHING?

"Ah you fool, Bat! Get it through your thick skull!! I have achieved success and fame and respect!"

No, you idiot! You have achieved NOTHING! Nothing at all.

The respect, you did not gain it. You do not deserve it.

Why? Because you build your life and your success around what other people expect out of you. You achieve because others wanted you to achieve. The function of your success has its roots embedded in the self-validating ego nature of others who condemned you for not being successful.

The fame, you did not gain it. You do not deserve it.

Why? Because fame is not ever-lasting. And it is rarely genuine. Your success is a fad. Fame follows fad like bee on honey. Next day, somebody else is going to get that fad. Simply because we crave variety, and we can't get used to the idea of following one person around and giving them all of our attention and pats on the back.

And the success. You gained it. But...do you deserve it?

No.

Because you didn't have the strong will power and raw determination within you to achieve that success before your critics, the challengers, the doubters ever showed up.

Think about it.

Would things have been different if those challengers, doubters had NOT shown up to tell you that you have to prove yourself to them?

"Eureka, Bat!"

Don't live your life and build your success around others' standards and expectations. Build your life and your success around YOUR standards and expectations.

"What if I don't have them, Bat?"

Then self-improve! For that is the cardinal objective of self-improvement: you are better in the present than you have ever been in the past.

When you start living your life like this, that is when others see you in a totally different light. They see that you don't live or play by anybody's rules but yours (obviously, laws and standard procedures are an exception). They see that you are tough like a rock who is unphased and unshaken by anyone's harsh remarks or negative criticism. They subconsciously respect you for it.

The only person you have anything to prove to is you, yourself alone.

Because at the end of the day, it is only you and you alone who knows what you do and what you do not deserve.

(Author's note: This was originally intended as a reply to a certain poster's thread on a certain site. One other poster had alluded to the topic that this thread discusses in a different thread elsewhere but unfortunately he got scolded for trying to explain himself. This topic has been a work in progress and still is in one way or another.)

 

[Interceptor]

This is why it is important for Men to realize just how much VALUE pursuing High Character really IS.
When a man finally recognizes the true Value of operating from his Higher Self, and with High Character, he realizes how foolish it is to work on these things in order to gain approval and appease others.


You must get to the point where you yourself have recognized your true, deeply rooted Values.
And act with Integrity with them.
And let go of pretending to be of high character in order to get things from others.
And act with High Character because it is the Righteous thing to do, and you should've been doing it in the first place.

Integrity should mean that you do the right thing even when no one is looking....

 

[Bonafide]

great post

 

[Vypros]

You don't have to prove nothing to nobody (which you alluded to) not even yourself (which is where I disagree with your post).

There's nothing to prove.

As Yoda said, "Do or do not."

It's great to have goals. It's great to challenge yourself. But at the end of the day, you are here to do one thing: live. And live fully.

People think they need to pursue money or a career or a family to be happy. What they don't realize is if you cut all that out and just pursue happiness itself, all those other things will fall into place.

Or, as the bible says "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, all these things shall be added unto you."

I'm not religious, but I believe that. Where "the kingdom of God" is simply our own form of happiness and contentment.

Or, a saying I like better which comes from the Tao (I thik) is "There is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way."

What does all that have to do with your post? Quite simply you are focusing on the wrong things. You are focusing on "setting a bar" and "proving" stuff to yourself. I am saying that you have nothing to prove to nobody, not even yourself. All you have is happiness.

 

[dannyegg4575]

You don't have to prove nothing to nobody (which you alluded to) not even yourself (which is where I disagree with your post).

There's nothing to prove.

As Yoda said, "Do or do not."

It's great to have goals. It's great to challenge yourself. But at the end of the day, you are here to do one thing: live. And live fully.

People think they need to pursue money or a career or a family to be happy. What they don't realize is if you cut all that out and just pursue happiness itself, all those other things will fall into place.

Or, as the bible says "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, all these things shall be added unto you."

I'm not religious, but I believe that. Where "the kingdom of God" is simply our own form of happiness and contentment.

Or, a saying I like better which comes from the Tao (I thik) is "There is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way."

What does all that have to do with your post? Quite simply you are focusing on the wrong things. You are focusing on "setting a bar" and "proving" stuff to yourself. I am saying that you have nothing to prove to nobody, not even yourself. All you have is happiness.

His post does make a lot of sense.

Each of us on earth only know one thing to pursue; our own happiness.

Some people would try to teach you to tell you to do this, some would tell you to do that. Confusions start when you don’t have a clue what you want to do with your life. You say that to live is your primary goal, then, what’s the point of existence with emotions and your capabity to think? What’s the point of giving you imaginations, ideas, critical thinking, mobility? You might as well be a fish, swim around all day and wait til you die.

I say that in life, there needs to be a balance in everything. Without the traumas, the unhappiness, the unfortunate events in our lives, how would you know what happiness feels like? Without failures, without setbacks, how would you know what success feels like?

In life, you have to have goals. You have to have emotions. Without these things, you are but a rock. Waiting for erosion of time to come take you away. You have to set goals for yourself, your own standards, believing, doing things that you best can do. That’s the whole point. And being able to feel these emotions is what being human is all about. I mean, that’s why we’re called Human Beings isn’t it?

Life is not simply to live happy and drink your nights away. What a waste of a life. Life is more than that. That’s what makes existence so special on earth. If you have the mentality of life being to just “live”, YOU are not getting the point. Your life then becomes meaningless. You simply want to waste time doing nothing and you wonder why getting bored is so easy…

 

[Jon55]

People think they need to pursue money or a career or a family to be happy. What they don't realize is if you cut all that out and just pursue happiness itself, all those other things will fall into place.

*re-evaluates self*

Oh my God...

 

[Vypros]

Some people would try to teach you to tell you to do this, some would tell you to do that. Confusions start when you don’t have a clue what you want to do with your life. You say that to live is your primary goal, then, what’s the point of existence with emotions and your capabity to think? What’s the point of giving you imaginations, ideas, critical thinking, mobility? You might as well be a fish, swim around all day and wait til you die.

It's time for you to unclog your mind from all that pop culture clutter and really think about what I said. You're making some very rash assumptions and it just means that YOU need to rethink what I am saying and really understand it.

I say that in life, there needs to be a balance in everything. Without the traumas, the unhappiness, the unfortunate events in our lives, how would you know what happiness feels like? Without failures, without setbacks, how would you know what success feels like?

Just because I said "Happiness IS the way" doesn't automatically mean that every waking moment is going to be touchy feely happy-go-lucky. It's about finding contentment, even in those unfortunate times. Not always striving to get more stuff (like your next paragraph suggests), but rather, learning how to be content with what you WANT out of life and not allowing other people to tell you that you HAVE to do things their way.

In life, you have to have goals. You have to have emotions. Without these things, you are but a rock. Waiting for erosion of time to come take you away. You have to set goals for yourself, your own standards, believing, doing things that you best can do. That’s the whole point. And being able to feel these emotions is what being human is all about. I mean, that’s why we’re called Human Beings isn’t it?

If you want to get technical, life is about chaos. Everything on this planet is in an extreme state of chaos. You don't HAVE to have goals. You don't HAVE to be the best of the best. That's pop culture nonsense that gets shoved down our throats everyday.

It's GOOD to have goals. It's GOOD to be the best you can be. But you don't HAVE to do it. Do you understand what I am saying? It's not necessarily what you are saying, it's HOW you are saying it. The way you say stuff says a lot about who you are.

The essence of a man isn't about that competitive drive (HAVING to be the best and HAVING to set goals). Being a man is about having strength to do the things you have to do when you have to do them and doing the the things you WANT to do when you WANT to do them.

Life is not simply to live happy and drink your nights away. What a waste of a life. Life is more than that. That’s what makes existence so special on earth. If you have the mentality of life being to just “live”, YOU are not getting the point. Your life then becomes meaningless. You simply want to waste time doing nothing and you wonder why getting bored is so easy…

You've completely misunderstood what I was saying.

It's time to reframe the way you think.

Where did I say anything about "drinking your nights away"? And how could you possibly equate "finding happiness" with "doing nothing"? When I say that the meaning of life is to live it, I mean it's time to get up off your ass and go do the things you want to do. "Living life" and "being happy" are NOT, I repeat, NOT just sitting around drinking every night or doing nothing. The fact that you even assumed that baffles me.

 

[dannyegg4575]

I too have struggled with the meaning of life for a long time. I have read your post previous to this and it states,

What does all that have to do with your post? Quite simply you are focusing on the wrong things. You are focusing on "setting a bar" and "proving" stuff to yourself. I am saying that you have nothing to prove to nobody, not even yourself. All you have is happiness.

What I’m reading is to just live. Or am I reading this incorrectly? You’re right, being content is what zen teaches. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what Bat is saying, correct me if I’m wrong, is to pursue your own happiness. That’s all that this post is about. All that this post is saying is to pursue that happiness. What would do without a destination? You have to go somewhere when you get into a car don’t you? Would you get into a car and just sit there?

Again, I agree with you, you don’t have to have goals. But what are you going to do without them?

The essence of a man isn't about that competitive drive (HAVING to be the best and HAVING to set goals). Being a man is about having strength to do the things you have to do when you have to do them and doing the the things you WANT to do when you WANT to do them.

Who on earth taught you this? The essense of man is in not having a competitive drive? Are you kidding me? Again, I think I might be reading this incorrectly… But what I’m reading is, being a man is in not having to strive for the best in life. I don’t know man… growing up, I’ve always been taught to be the best that I can be because that’s the best use of your life. You do not have to reach your destination but you can die knowing that you’ve at least give it your all and that’s more than what anyone can ask of you. If you’re not happy with what you’re doing, then don’t do it. But if you’re going to do something, then do the best that you can. That is maturity.

Yes, I agree with you. You should be content with what you have. But you can also set goals for yourself based on what you want out of life and not what someone tells you. That’s what Bat is really saying. A life without goals is a life without destination.

 

[Vypros]

What I’m reading is to just live. Or am I reading this incorrectly? You’re right, being content is what zen teaches. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what Bat is saying, correct me if I’m wrong, is to pursue your own happiness. That’s all that this post is about. All that this post is saying is to pursue that happiness. What would do without a destination? You have to go somewhere when you get into a car don’t you? Would you get into a car and just sit there?

Again, I agree with you, you don’t have to have goals. But what are you going to do without them?

I'll repeat what I said and bold it:

It's not necessarily what you are saying, it's HOW you are saying it. The way you say stuff says a lot about who you are.

When you say "I HAVE to have goals", then that makes the assumption that you can't live without them. And you can. And you can be happy without goals.

When I suggest that its's "GOOD" to have goals, that makes the assumption that you CAN live without them, but choose not to.

This is a very minor point, but watch how you phrase your self-talk. You are not your "parent". You don't have to coach yourself in your parents voice (i.e. you have to do this, you have to do that) in order to make results in your life.

Who on earth taught you this? The essense of man is in not having a competitive drive? Are you kidding me? Again, I think I might be reading this incorrectly… But what I’m reading is, being a man is in not having to strive for the best in life. I don’t know man… growing up, I’ve always been taught to be the best that I can be because that’s the best use of your life. You do not have to reach your destination but you can die knowing that you’ve at least give it your all and that’s more than what anyone can ask of you. If you’re not happy with what you’re doing, then don’t do it. But if you’re going to do something, then do the best that you can. That is maturity.

Yes, I agree with you. You should be content with what you have. But you can also set goals for yourself based on what you want out of life and not what someone tells you. That’s what Bat is really saying. A life without goals is a life without destination.

Part of being a man is having a competitive drive.

The ESSENCE of a man is not that competitive drive, but rather what I said earlier about doing what you have to do and what you want to do.

The competitive drive is something that's been pushed upon as by society and pop culture. And it's part of the reason you get JEALOUS (which is a not something a "Don Juan" does according to this site) and FRUSTRATED.

Your competition is with YOURSELF and no one else. The minute you begin to stack yourself up against other people is the minute you lose focus of who you really are.