Protecting Your Emotions

[seabreeze]

I don't know...I think women are way more vulnerable with their emotions than men are. It seems as if men try really hard to protect their emotions. I thought about this from reading Ragin_Asians thread on "ignoring girls." I suspect that this has happened to me, suprisingly, from men my own age! Why not be honest and say that you are hurt or that you're afraid of being hurt? I think ignoring a woman when she has no idea what went wrong is so cruel. I've had guys be so into me at one point, and almost literally the next day their attitude changed. This has happened in my two long term relationships (!) not just with guys I'm casually dating. I ask what's wrong, and I get nothing or ignored. I just don't think women do this type of thing to guys on purpose like some men do to us.

Is fear of pain the main reason why a man would ignore a woman?
SB

 

[ScrewIt]

If the guy has no interest, or feels rejected by the woman he likes then ignoring probably yes.

Pain, commitment, failure, lost investment, rejection.....its a hit to anyones ego. So for the benefit of the doubt cutting contact is the best choice to avoid further problems and move on than to try to understand the issue.

But most if not all relationships have communication issues, which you seem to already understand.

 

[johnny_dangerously]

Why not be honest and say that you are hurt or that you're afraid of being hurt?

Because if a man runs around telling women some weenie-sounding thing like "I am afraid of being hurt" I guarantee he will never get laid again for the rest of his natural life. You only THINK you want to hear this. When you actually hear it, all you will feel is disgust.

I think ignoring a woman when she has no idea what went wrong is so cruel.

I can't speak about your situation, but the women in my life do not EVER "have no idea" what went wrong. The woman who breaks a date at the last second (or stands me up) knows what went wrong. The woman who is supposed to be my GF & sleeps w/other men knows what went wrong. I could go on but you get the point.

For women who have a real psychological/personality problem of which they themselves are unaware: You might be able to help someone by holding up a mirror for them to see themselves, but you rarely get any thanks for doing it.

"I am dumping you because you are a liar. I am dumping you because you talk endlessly about your ex (with whom you are obsessed) & it bores me to death. I am dumping you because you have no concept of ladylike behavior and it makes me ill." Who needs to be hated & reviled for saying these things? I have to REALLY care about someone to do that for them. If you're someone I've known only a short time, I will just flush your number & forget about you.

 

[Sayajin_Prince]

seabreeze sometimes when a man is dumped, he becames so full of anger that all women he sees become meaningless to him, despite they are interested in him or not, no matter the girl is super hot or not... in that state of mind the man is so burned, so full of rage, so hurt that he just want to be alone... but i guarantee that is just a temporary phase.

 

[seabreeze]

Thank you fellas!!!!

Wow, your answers are so insightful....and dammit...they also make perfect sense.

I guess if I think long and hard enough I would eventually understand the silence or coldness, but then I don't like speculating and trying to put thoughts in a man's head, I think that's wrong. That's why i wish they would at least talk to me and explain how i can be so hot one minute and not worth an explanation the next.

And of course! if I cheated on him, I totally understand being ignored! It's when everything seemed okay and i get silence that confuses me. But you guys really did clear up things for me, so again, thanks.
SB

 

[Tboner]

It's the difference between men and women in communication. Guy's don't need to discuss their emotions. They can process them internally by themselves.

I ask what's wrong, and I get nothing or ignored. I just don't think women do this type of thing to guys on purpose like some men do to us.

Women do similar behavior very often. Whether it's intentional or not doesn't matter.

EXAMPLE

Guy: Where do you want to go?
Woman: Oh, I don't care.
Guy: Ok, We'll go to X.

Repeat 100 times in next 6 months, then

Woman: You never take me any place I want to go.


Is fear of pain the main reason why a man would ignore a woman?

No, it's usually either he's too busy or lacks interest.

 

[johnny_dangerously]

BTW Seabreeze, do you think women *ever* tell a man flat out that they are not interested (or not interested anymore) & the real reasons for it? NO!!! Instead, a man will hear:

-- I'm not ready for a relationship right now
-- I have to floss my cat
-- (My personal fave) I like you too much to date you
--I'm really into my career right now
...etc ad nauseam.

Men do the same thing via silence. What you are really asking is: "Why do men do what's comfortable for themselves instead of what's comfortable for me?"

I think the answer is self-evident.

Edited to add: here's an experiment I've been considering trying: next time a relationship goes south for a reason I don't understand, I am going to try saying; "Look, I can see you're not interested anymore & after this I will never trouble you again, but could you do me the favor of telling me what went wrong? Be brutally honest. It doesn't matter what you say because after this we will never speak again. Please do me this one last courtesy." I wonder if anyone would comply? Of course this is frought with peril because women will tell you what they THINK they want, not what they really want, but hey, the march of science must go on

 

[seabreeze]

Johnny D,

I think that's a great idea. I for one would totally comply if I guy asked me that. It's the way I'd like to be treated too.

Tboner, you're right. Men and women do communicate differently. men don't really tell women when they are working on nexting her, not while they still want to have sex with her. Women usually cut off the sex when things are going down hill, so men have a better clue. However, you're right, flakiness is genderless.
SB

 

[nishbuk]

I just don't think women do this type of thing to guys on purpose like some men do to us.

LOL. You have GOT to be joking.

 

[seabreeze]

Honestly Nishbuk, lol! I don't think women run from love out of fear. Our willingness to put our feelings out there and be vulnerable gets us in trouble all the time. If a woman is running from you, rest assured she doesn't love you. She's not trying to protect her feelings because they're just not there!
SB

 

[wjh]

Originally posted by johnny_dangerously

Edited to add: here's an experiment I've been considering trying: next time a relationship goes south for a reason I don't understand, I am going to try saying; "Look, I can see you're not interested anymore & after this I will never trouble you again, but could you do me the favor of telling me what went wrong? Be brutally honest. It doesn't matter what you say because after this we will never speak again. Please do me this one last courtesy." I wonder if anyone would comply? Of course this is frought with peril because women will tell you what they THINK they want, not what they really want, but hey, the march of science must go on [/B]

I've tried it. It didn't give me anything but her silence. I was pretty upset because I expected some sort of response... I thought I deserved it.

 

[Charlie_aus]

SB,

Hmmm, interesting point "women don't run from you out of fear of being hurt - if they run its because they simply are not interested"

In general I agree with this comment, but their must be exceptions:

1. Like if you were about to join the army and go to Iraq
2. If they found out you were married etc...

-C

 

[seabreeze]

Charlie, that would be the logical response, but we all know that when it comes to emotions and love women are not logical.
SB

 

[yperess]

What drives me nuts is when women say that men aren't capable of intimacy because we can't talk about our feelings. I personally find the most intimate times to be ones where no words are exchanged, but I've yet to meet a woman that's capable of that.

 

[seabreeze]

Yperess, can you elaborate what you mean? I'm not sure I get it. Are you talking about during sex? Women can't be intimate during sex in your view? I beg to differ if this is what you mean. If you mean something else, please explain. Thanks!
SB

 

[joekerr31]

its very simple.

men discuss matters in black and white. they want a logical dialogue that leads to a definitive conclusion.

any man over 20 knows that he IS NOT going to get that from a woman.

woman argue circularly until their emotions are vented enough that they feel good about things again. Additionally, women, usually unconsciously i think, love to play the victim. so a guy expresses his emtotions, and before you know it he's in the dog house.

men keep their emotions to themselves because THEY HAVE trusted in a woman in the past and got burned. Tends to go like this..

woman: please honey, tell me why you seem upset lately. i want to know, i care about you.
man: im really upset that you didn't call me yesturday.
woman: but i was busy.
man: i know, im just telling you that im upset.
woman: well what could i do, i was busy.
man: i know that! Im just saying im upset. ok?!
woman: dont get testy with me. If you want to talk to me like that then im leaving.
man: good, leave.

same convo between two men:

man1: dude, you seem pissed, whats up?
man2: im a little pissed you forgot to call yesturday to set things up for saturday.
man1: ****. **** man i'm sorry. i totally forgot. im an ass.
man2: naw, don't worry about it.

life goes on.

the difference above is why men don't confide in women. too many of us are tired of being honest, and having the whole thing flipped back on us as though we are doing something wrong by expressing our emotions.

J

 

[seabreeze]

Joe, I see your point. But what about the guy who's maybe not interested in dating the girl any more, why ignore her instead of just telling her how he feels? Or if he does want to date her and won't just come out and say it but would rather ignore or "ganji" her?????
SB

 

[joekerr31]

did you read my post?

he ignores her because he feels its futile to try and explain himself to a woman.

what could he possibly say to you that you won't turn around and play the victim role with and try to make him feel like he's done something wrong?

9.9 times out of 10 a guy leaves a woman when he's gone through enough situations where he's held his tongue (see my other post as to why) that he's had enough and just leaves.

I don't think women realize how much men hold their tongues around them. thats why they are always surprised when a man just up and leaves.

the other .1 per cent of the time the man is just a player and never cared in teh first place. some other chic has caught his fancy and he's just ready to move on.

most guys aren't like this though, because if they were attracted to you in the start, and are getting laid regularly, they have no reason to move on. Unless, as stated above, they've held their tongue so many times that they are get to a point where they are tired of having to hold their tongue and just leave.

most women end relationships, but most men have given up on their chic long before it all ends - they just stick around for a few extra ****s.
J

 

[seabreeze]

Joe, did you read my post?

I understand the scenario in your original post, but I gave you two new scenarios. Perhaps you didn't understand them.
SB

 

[Big Eee Zee]

actually, you are proving his point.

He has been straightfoward and you are bring circular.

I understand. Guys generally keep their emotions hidden because nothing good can come of showing them to a woman they no longer care about.

I am different. I wear my superficial emotions on my sleeve. But the big things I keep hidden. I'm a pretty big enigma I guess.