BrainDamage92
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2015
- Messages
- 579
- Reaction score
- 52
After spending 2,5 (more like 2)**** I dont even know anymore) years with what I like to call "The Professional Victim" I'm pretty ****ed up. It made me realise where most of my issues come from and how the unhealthy marriage of my parents set a bad template.
It also made me realise how much my heart is worth and what a nice thing it actually is to have and how I shouldnt give it to heartless women who will only bite pieces from it at spit them at me.
See I never played along with her obvious childish attempts at inducing jelaousy. I think that worked with her ex so she never gave it up. I did fall for the Save a Ho thing though straight from day 1.
Lets just say that her father and mother are both criminal recidivists and her father was much younger when she was born. Her mother has another daughter from a previous relationship. What I'm trying to say here is: If someone seems to have a more ****ed up family than yours, forget about it. It just wont work. Why did I even try? See these women posses supernatural powers. See when I first saw her I though "Meh nothing special" (these women deteriorate when they are alone for a long time). From 2 days later, when we had sex and on, I saw her as the most beutifull thing to ever walk the earth. And its not that the sex was so special. She has powers you see.
Then came the "abusive ex". Damn I feel for the guy. He never had the chance to distance himself in space like I did so she continued working on him even after he realised what she is like. Poor soul. And there was a time I hated the guy. Sheesh. What have I become? He is a good decent guy overall. Why did I hate him? ****...
She basically, using sex and poisonous words, does 2 things:
1. Embodies all your positive traits so you have your ideal to fall in love with.
2. Implants all her bad traits inside your brain so she has someone to hate as much as she hates herself and can flood you with endless demands concerning correcting the bad traits which are actually hers. Using the save a ho thing, she puts you in situations where to "help" her you feel oblidged to badmouth people you consider good, or play dirty and be manipulative. God I was such a *****. Such a ****ing ***** to fall for it.
Of course both of these facades crumble with time.
Dont be fooled - they cant feel love. They are 2 year old emotionally. And just as evil and counter-human as any 2 year old brat. But children are forgiven - they are children.
They crave attention. She considers every little flirt she has as the greatest thing on earth. She considers every bit of attention from guys as compliment to her PERSONALITY not LOOKS. Couse looks is all they have and this halps them avoid any real personal development. They dont realise sexes are hardwired to give each other attention. They are incapable of making the difference between this attention and real love. They are incapable of feeling love. They can have sex, but they cant make love.
They need a parent, not a lover. So they find a surrogate parrent who also can sleep and have sex with them. Its sick. It really is. If I knew what I know now back then... Imagine yourself having sex with a 2 year old... Imagine this and just bash in the silence of monstrocity... Even the thought of it just....
You will lose boy. I knew something wasnt right and played tough for a long time. I played tough for 5 ****ing months. Then summer ended I went back to my home city and layed low. I had already faced her unreasonable rage once and I knew she is unstable to say the least. Also everytime she got drunk her true self got exposed. And I got pretty deep into drugs and alcohol myself. In the beginning of summer I was only drinking from time to time. I had even stopped smoking weed. By the end of it I ingested,smoked and snorted everything in sight.
Anyway I layed low back at home, she kep calling and calling and calling and calling until many months later I picked it up. And ye I invited the beast in my house.
When I wanted to kick her out at some point apart from waterworks and guilt trips "It was your decision, deal with it", the only thing she told me was "I know you love me" WHat kind of person says that?
Also the self evaluation is pretty intricate. Mostly you will get an idea for who they are from the stories they tell, ad they are always distorted to make them seem the good victim girl. But in rare moments of clarity she said:
"Sometimes I feel like a freak." and "Eh, what will I do when I'm old and ugly and noone loves me?" I wont even begin to comment on those.
We later moved to her city - nothing changed. It was just another attemp at cutting me from my support to extend ultimate control and also put herself into a more favourable position for me leaving her. I get it now.
Also the little maneurisms is where its at: She felt the constant need to self-mutilate her face. She found imaginary blisters on her face and didnt stop squeezing until she caused big damage to the tissue. She even tried to do the same thing for me and was always dissapointed my skin is clean.
Also has 2 tatoos.
And the other thing: Sometimes, when there are no stressors to her senses, and all is quiet and calm, she will feel the need to scratch herself - slowly, methodically, as if this would cause an itch, not remove it, as if she wanted to make sure shes existing.
Anyway at one point I realised Im giving my best ****ing shot and its ****ing amazing, but still not enough.
I realised her innate inability to make love and how she only liked to be ****ed like an animal. She also played with my fetish of female orgasms quite masterfully. She is the only person who can actually feel bitter while having sex at the same time. Unhuman.
I saw the more distant I grow, the more the guilt trip\jealousy inducing\disrespect machine started cranking up.
I realised the stuff that she masked as "Invading my private space" oftenly when I just tried to hug her after coming home was nothing but a cold shoulder.
I sensed she's already cultivating her next fool couse she senses when youre about to wake up.
I sensed all the sick stuff she says and does, which a person who is in love isnt supposed to do or say.
I got tired of her constant state of bitterness which had little to do with me. "I overslept and was late for work so Im bitter, but the fact that Im bitter is my man's fault". See this is her logic. You cant argue with that. You cant argue with retards.
I saw that I'm about to lose my life and sanity if I keep doing this ****. I was a very heavy drinker by then. I was also becoming increasingly aggresive, although its not really in my nature.
See, think in terms of the movie Basic Instinct - same thing only a much milder version of it.
See, if youre stuck in the same **** this is what you need to do:
1. Wake up after a night where she pulled some trick\mind game\guilt trip on you.
2. Drink a bottle of red wine.
3. Pack your bags and get on the morning train before its too late.
If you cant get enough actual distance from her when you run... I feel for you. Its the only thing that saved my ass. Because by the time I left I still hadnt figured most of the stuff out. I just... sensed. God Im a lucky son of a *****.
Later after I ran, like 3 months late, she had the nerve to ask me to come visit her (to which I obliged), only to call me a week after I left to tell me she is seing someone new. See that was pretty childish. It made me realise all, so thanks *****.
Anyway look at yourself after its over - for example I was parentified too strong too early. I had to play my mother's shrink\husband and my dad's best buddy from a very early age and simultaneously, while my mom and dad hate each other, I was the judge and mediator, since Im the older\oldest child. See that kinda **** has consequences. It really does. And you kinda never thought about it, so Im kinda thankfull to this ***** now couse I know my worth and I wisened up overall. But shes evil. Pure evil. I know even now if she somehow materialises in front of me I wont be able to resist her.
It also made me realise how much my heart is worth and what a nice thing it actually is to have and how I shouldnt give it to heartless women who will only bite pieces from it at spit them at me.
See I never played along with her obvious childish attempts at inducing jelaousy. I think that worked with her ex so she never gave it up. I did fall for the Save a Ho thing though straight from day 1.
Lets just say that her father and mother are both criminal recidivists and her father was much younger when she was born. Her mother has another daughter from a previous relationship. What I'm trying to say here is: If someone seems to have a more ****ed up family than yours, forget about it. It just wont work. Why did I even try? See these women posses supernatural powers. See when I first saw her I though "Meh nothing special" (these women deteriorate when they are alone for a long time). From 2 days later, when we had sex and on, I saw her as the most beutifull thing to ever walk the earth. And its not that the sex was so special. She has powers you see.
Then came the "abusive ex". Damn I feel for the guy. He never had the chance to distance himself in space like I did so she continued working on him even after he realised what she is like. Poor soul. And there was a time I hated the guy. Sheesh. What have I become? He is a good decent guy overall. Why did I hate him? ****...
She basically, using sex and poisonous words, does 2 things:
1. Embodies all your positive traits so you have your ideal to fall in love with.
2. Implants all her bad traits inside your brain so she has someone to hate as much as she hates herself and can flood you with endless demands concerning correcting the bad traits which are actually hers. Using the save a ho thing, she puts you in situations where to "help" her you feel oblidged to badmouth people you consider good, or play dirty and be manipulative. God I was such a *****. Such a ****ing ***** to fall for it.
Of course both of these facades crumble with time.
Dont be fooled - they cant feel love. They are 2 year old emotionally. And just as evil and counter-human as any 2 year old brat. But children are forgiven - they are children.
They crave attention. She considers every little flirt she has as the greatest thing on earth. She considers every bit of attention from guys as compliment to her PERSONALITY not LOOKS. Couse looks is all they have and this halps them avoid any real personal development. They dont realise sexes are hardwired to give each other attention. They are incapable of making the difference between this attention and real love. They are incapable of feeling love. They can have sex, but they cant make love.
They need a parent, not a lover. So they find a surrogate parrent who also can sleep and have sex with them. Its sick. It really is. If I knew what I know now back then... Imagine yourself having sex with a 2 year old... Imagine this and just bash in the silence of monstrocity... Even the thought of it just....
You will lose boy. I knew something wasnt right and played tough for a long time. I played tough for 5 ****ing months. Then summer ended I went back to my home city and layed low. I had already faced her unreasonable rage once and I knew she is unstable to say the least. Also everytime she got drunk her true self got exposed. And I got pretty deep into drugs and alcohol myself. In the beginning of summer I was only drinking from time to time. I had even stopped smoking weed. By the end of it I ingested,smoked and snorted everything in sight.
Anyway I layed low back at home, she kep calling and calling and calling and calling until many months later I picked it up. And ye I invited the beast in my house.
When I wanted to kick her out at some point apart from waterworks and guilt trips "It was your decision, deal with it", the only thing she told me was "I know you love me" WHat kind of person says that?
Also the self evaluation is pretty intricate. Mostly you will get an idea for who they are from the stories they tell, ad they are always distorted to make them seem the good victim girl. But in rare moments of clarity she said:
"Sometimes I feel like a freak." and "Eh, what will I do when I'm old and ugly and noone loves me?" I wont even begin to comment on those.
We later moved to her city - nothing changed. It was just another attemp at cutting me from my support to extend ultimate control and also put herself into a more favourable position for me leaving her. I get it now.
Also the little maneurisms is where its at: She felt the constant need to self-mutilate her face. She found imaginary blisters on her face and didnt stop squeezing until she caused big damage to the tissue. She even tried to do the same thing for me and was always dissapointed my skin is clean.
Also has 2 tatoos.
And the other thing: Sometimes, when there are no stressors to her senses, and all is quiet and calm, she will feel the need to scratch herself - slowly, methodically, as if this would cause an itch, not remove it, as if she wanted to make sure shes existing.
Anyway at one point I realised Im giving my best ****ing shot and its ****ing amazing, but still not enough.
I realised her innate inability to make love and how she only liked to be ****ed like an animal. She also played with my fetish of female orgasms quite masterfully. She is the only person who can actually feel bitter while having sex at the same time. Unhuman.
I saw the more distant I grow, the more the guilt trip\jealousy inducing\disrespect machine started cranking up.
I realised the stuff that she masked as "Invading my private space" oftenly when I just tried to hug her after coming home was nothing but a cold shoulder.
I sensed she's already cultivating her next fool couse she senses when youre about to wake up.
I sensed all the sick stuff she says and does, which a person who is in love isnt supposed to do or say.
I got tired of her constant state of bitterness which had little to do with me. "I overslept and was late for work so Im bitter, but the fact that Im bitter is my man's fault". See this is her logic. You cant argue with that. You cant argue with retards.
I saw that I'm about to lose my life and sanity if I keep doing this ****. I was a very heavy drinker by then. I was also becoming increasingly aggresive, although its not really in my nature.
See, think in terms of the movie Basic Instinct - same thing only a much milder version of it.
See, if youre stuck in the same **** this is what you need to do:
1. Wake up after a night where she pulled some trick\mind game\guilt trip on you.
2. Drink a bottle of red wine.
3. Pack your bags and get on the morning train before its too late.
If you cant get enough actual distance from her when you run... I feel for you. Its the only thing that saved my ass. Because by the time I left I still hadnt figured most of the stuff out. I just... sensed. God Im a lucky son of a *****.
Later after I ran, like 3 months late, she had the nerve to ask me to come visit her (to which I obliged), only to call me a week after I left to tell me she is seing someone new. See that was pretty childish. It made me realise all, so thanks *****.
Anyway look at yourself after its over - for example I was parentified too strong too early. I had to play my mother's shrink\husband and my dad's best buddy from a very early age and simultaneously, while my mom and dad hate each other, I was the judge and mediator, since Im the older\oldest child. See that kinda **** has consequences. It really does. And you kinda never thought about it, so Im kinda thankfull to this ***** now couse I know my worth and I wisened up overall. But shes evil. Pure evil. I know even now if she somehow materialises in front of me I wont be able to resist her.
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