Problems with my girl , dont know what to do..

[Rogerman]

Hello,

Im having problems with my girl. We are together 3 months now, i see her 2 times per week, and everytime sex is involved and its great.

She is a jealous girl. She doesnt like me going to clubs each friday and saturday. I cut it cause i really like her, so I go 1 per week which aint that bad. She stills insists of going once a month. I do not want to get her in control but if i dont obey her she will make sad noises and wants to close the phone, angrily.

But the problem isnt with clubs, the problem is PAST RELATIONSHIPS. She had a serious relationship a year ago, with a guy she always mentions he's name and how GOD-looking guy he is. It quite pisses me off since she is soo jealous girl when i tell her about mine past relationships and always accuses me of loving them still and bull**** like that. I feel unfairness.


She is a body and face 9/10. And she gets alot of attention that she doenst hesitate to tell me about it. I got not much problem with that , i want a pretty girl but not an attention *****, which sometimes a suspect she is. She likes wearing sexy clothes and stuff like that. I always try not to bother me seeing other dudes checking her out ( and looking at them while im with her).

All above problems occur on daily basis. Her jealousnes and unfairness pisses me , i feel she does more than i do and i get the blame.

She has a best friend, lets call her Anne. Anne is such a *****, she has a serious relationship with a good guy, and she goes looking for guys here and there. The problem is I dont like girls like that, disrespecting her boyfriend and send txt to any guy Anne meets. I called her a ***** of doing such bull**** after hearing by my girl that Anne went with another guy. And my girl told her. Now I have Anne not liking me (as if a give a rat's ass ), but she influences my girl. She tells me that Anne REALLY REALLY liked the GOD-looking guy my girl went with and the other guy my girl only went before me, giving me the impression i dont get into Anne's Impression list.

Thing is i dont bother with Anne, but when Anne wants to go meet some guys in some other city, she brings my girl, to check some guys out and maybe make out ( Anne, not my gf). It's just that I dont find it cool.

I feel insecure with this relationship, always assuring that my gf had an awesomely good looking guy a year ago, brings me abit down.. dont know why. She tells me and I tell her "look , i dont really care" and she alright with it, but hte damage is done. It's not like i feel insecure about my looks, Hell, im a pretty good looking guy, but thing is she mentions it alot and she tells me she loved him. And so and so.


The past days I've told her 2 times to brake up because I cant take it anymore. I know 100% that she loves me , but she has alot of other crap in her head. Like yersterday monday, she left school with Anne to go to some city and talk to a girl they wanted. They accidentaly find some guys downtown. One guy saw her and smiled , she smiled also and then when the guys where going to leave , her friend Anne shouted " Hey you guys, where are you goin?" and so the conversation started. My girl told me that they where v. flirty with her , but she didnt buy anything cos she never gonna do anything cos she loves me and wants to be with me.

Whenever I try to brake it off she goes insanely crazy shouting how much she loves me and she wants me. I've tried to change her character abit, and she does change, when she says something she does, but thing is this that she has and i have a problem with it never changes. It's in her blood to make me jealous and make me feel pissed.


What I specifically dont like about her is that i suspect she shows other guys availability (showing to the other unknown guys that she is available for approach , i hate that ) which she never says. We went to the extremes today that I told her she shouldnt smiled back and she says I always smile. I told her never blame me for my past relationships, like i still love Julia (one particular ex), but she says she wont stop because she worries.


Sorry for the long post, I just dont know what to do with this relationship. It's just that its sad because in EVERYTHING ELSE we go soo awesomely great together, we do love each other.

But i dont know how to face this problem, which it may even be my problem or her problem. Whomever it is , i have to face it one way or another.

Any comments/Suggestions?

 

[Desdinova]

Whenever I try to brake it off she goes insanely crazy shouting how much she loves me and she wants me.

So what? If you want to break this off, make it happen. You've gotta learn to ignore the tears, the whining, and anything else she uses to make you stay.

She had a serious relationship a year ago, with a guy she always mentions he's name and how GOD-looking guy he is.

Tell her you don't want to hear about it.

when Anne wants to go meet some guys in some other city, she brings my girl, to check some guys out and maybe make out

Your gf will make her choice. So far it sounds as if her choice has been to stay with you. When she makes a choice other than you, that's when you've got trouble and should ditch her ASAP. Until then, give her a little bit of trust. She also has to learn to do the same with you.

 

[Rogerman]

I made the right thing to do from the v. early stages of our relationship to implement the idea of cheating in her mind means that she will automatically loose me. I have the power of detachment and i wont have the problem of loosing her if she ever cheats on me, but the thing is she doesnt, she just has some bad charactiristics of availability and trying to making me jealous, and if i do so, she says "it what makes me believe you do love me"

That's because I cant really brake it off when i want to, i dont have valid reasons, like cheating.

 

[Royal Elite]

Life is chess. You make a move, and try to get your opponent to make a certain move. The only pieces you get to move are yours. Your problem is you are tring to control her, but you cant. You can only control you, and just like chess she will react to your moves. She has figured this out so she is making moves to manupulate you. As long as you are worried about her and other men, you arent worrying about other girls. One person always worries about the other in any relationship. You need to get her to worry about you, so she wont be worried about other guys. Talk about your ex's and how much fun you had. Tell her about all the girls that flirt with you, or just talk about other girls lives you know about. Once she starts worrying about you, she will have no time to think about other guys. Its all chess!!!!

 

[MacDiddy]

Its been 3 months and you've already verbally threatened to breakup several times.... She's called your bluff each and every time.... It'll be in her programming to do exactly what she did last time... again... behaviour won't change coz you've conditioned her response...

My predictions is that this won't last.... Treat the relationship as if it won't last.... just be FB+affection

 

[Rogerman]

Originally posted by Royal Elite
Life is chess. You make a move, and try to get your opponent to make a certain move. The only pieces you get to move are yours. Your problem is you are tring to control her, but you cant. You can only control you, and just like chess she will react to your moves. She has figured this out so she is making moves to manupulate you. As long as you are worried about her and other men, you arent worrying about other girls. One person always worries about the other in any relationship. You need to get her to worry about you, so she wont be worried about other guys. Talk about your ex's and how much fun you had. Tell her about all the girls that flirt with you, or just talk about other girls lives you know about. Once she starts worrying about you, she will have no time to think about other guys. Its all chess!!!!

Love your comments about chess and life.

Thing is my dear friend that she is a "revenge character" and if i keep talkin about my ex's , she will seek more attention to make it even and more.

Whever i open up a chat about that girl that wanted my number she went all sad and almost crying attitude about all the girls that want me and blah blah , generally giving me a hard time.


So i guess if i make that move, it's a trap to a check mate

 

[Rogerman]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
Its been 3 months and you've already verbally threatened to breakup several times.... She's called your bluff each and every time.... It'll be in her programming to do exactly what she did last time... again... behaviour won't change coz you've conditioned her response...

My predictions is that this won't last.... Treat the relationship as if it won't last.... just be FB+affection

I see, valid words there MacDiddy, but what exactly is FB ?

 

[Royal Elite]

once again you are missing it
chess is a game that goes on until its over. When she cried after you talked about your ex, that was her next move. ITs all move after move after move. Guys mess up because they make one move and then think the game is over. As long as she is engageing in this game with you she wont be engaging in the game with some one else. So when she makes a good move like crying just like chess you make a better one. Your mission is too make her more jealous then she makes you. Her game plan is unimportant to you. You dont stop-ever. Not until she is older enough to stop playing games, and that wont be for awhile. For every move there is a counter move, then a move. But as long as you are together the games doesnt stop. Somebody else plays chess with your woman the very instant you stop playing it with her. Its all chess.

 

[Desdinova]

Chess is a fvcking game. Your relationship has turned into a game. Relationships should consist of two people who enjoy spending time together, not two people who are in competition with each other.

Thing is my dear friend that she is a "revenge character" and if i keep talkin about my ex's , she will seek more attention to make it even and more.

It really sounds like the two of you are trying to outdo the other one. Your relationship will be (if not already) a competition to see who can hurt the other one more. It's going to end up nasty in the end. You shouldn't be telling her a damn thing about your ex's or even about girls who flirt with you. I don't know who started this 5hit, but somebody continued it. Both of you are to blame for this.

I'd suggest getting the hell out of this relationship before it gets worse. She already knows you're involved in this game, and she's not going to let you get out of it even if you try.

 

[Royal Elite]

The biggest reason women complain about their relationship later in life is that "men stop putting work into it." It sounds perfect to just be, and enjoy each other but in real life that constitutes boring. Men like routine, women dont. That is why just when men think everything is cool she tells you she cheated or is leaving. Reationships take work in real life. Why must you treat it like a game of back and forth because in this world somebody else will. we dont have the old adultery laws, and stigmas so the next men will play the game with her weather you like it or not. YOU can choose to say screw it and be nexting you entire life, or put whatever work to keep the woman you want. Men with charm are simply men who ACTIVELY try to keep their women theirs, men who get cheated on are ones who say it should just be us enjoying us.

 

[Desdinova]

Why must you treat it like a game of back and forth because in this world somebody else will.

WTF?? Relationships have NOTHING to do with playing the game BETTER than the woman. The only place where games belong is when you're picking up chicks. You have to have better game than other men to get the woman you want. Once you land the woman, games shouldn't be necessary. When you enter a LTR with her, you need to maintain your relationship.

I agree relationships take work, but any kind of competition is going to cause both the man and the woman to distance themselves from each other instead of working together.

 

[Royal Elite]

That is a good assement if you were in a relationship with just you and your girl. But in the world we live in now Men have no honer. Secondly the game is just to be played when you first meet her you say? That is the exact reason women say they cheat, because the man was fun in the beginning then became a boring person later. The game never stops, cause no one lives in the past. She doesnt care that you did nice things 2 years ago, she cares about what you are doing NOW. Two many men lose focus on this like your nice time is stored in a bank. People only live in the now, they care what they feel NOW. Someone else will play the game and you will be here asking what should you do. The game must never stop because there is someone who will always play it. Trust me if I was a dirty dude do you know how many people's wives I would have slept with. I meet them all the time at the club. They are bored, because he stopped playing the game and they will find someone who will. And that is REAL LIFE not a what should be world.

 

[Desdinova]

Secondly the game is just to be played when you first meet her you say? That is the exact reason women say they cheat, because the man was fun in the beginning then became a boring person later. The game never stops, cause no one lives in the past.

You're missing a huge chunk of time inbetween first meeting a woman and entering a LTR. Again, the game doesn't consist of a man and a woman in the beginning, it consists of one man and many other men. Your goal is to attract the woman to you before the other men have the chance to make a move. THAT is where the game is.

Fun doesn't necessarily mean playing a game. I can have fun with my woman without being in competition with her.

If you're talking about the drama aspect of a woman's life, the man shouldn't have any part of it. The woman will create her own drama, the man should neutralize it (instead of playing into it). Women will get the emotional rollercoaster ride either way. One is more damaging to the relationship than the other.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Desdinova
You're missing a huge chunk of time inbetween first meeting a woman and entering a LTR. Again, the game doesn't consist of a man and a woman in the beginning, it consists of one man and many other men. Your goal is to attract the woman to you before the other men have the chance to make a move. THAT is where the game is.

.

So some how you have come to the conclusion that once you are in a ltr there is no more competition from other men? Are you saying that once attraction is built it last forever? In real life women cheat with men long after the meeting, in the ltr part of the relationship. In real life attraction only last as long as you do the things that started the attraction. Thats real life, you seem to be living in a "should be world". Unfortunately no one else seems to be a citizen of that place .

 

[Desdinova]

Are you saying that once attraction is built it last forever?

Learn how to read. I mentioned that a relationship needs to be MAINTAINED.

So some how you have come to the conclusion that once you are in a ltr there is no more competition from other men?

If you're maintaining your relationship, competition from other men will be negligeable. If you already have her IL skyrocketing, she won't even consider other options.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Desdinova
Learn how to read. I mentioned that a relationship needs to be MAINTAINED.



If you're maintaining your relationship, competition from other men will be negligeable. If you already have her IL skyrocketing, she won't even consider other options.

And how may I ask do you keep her IL skyrocketing?

 

[Desdinova]

And how may I ask do you keep her IL skyrocketing?

By maintaining your relationship. Keeping things fun and interesting.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Desdinova
By maintaining your relationship. Keeping things fun and interesting.

All of this is a conscious thing which means no matter what you call it its all part of playing the game. You have to DO SOMETHING to get the results you want. So its all one big game, no matter how you look at it.

 

[Cremasta]

Rogerman... pretty soon, you and her "awesomely good looking guy" are going to have something in common.

You are both going to know that no matter how hot a girl is, if she is screwed up in the head, then it just isn't worth the effort. All I can suggest (remembering that my ex was by all accounts stunning), is that you start to detach yourself from her. Put it very clearly to her what you will and won't put up with. If she steps over the line, then you WALK AWAY.

In the future, don't give ultimatums, they are a bad way to run a relationship. If you have had enough and want out, then get out. Do not let her make excuses and stay with you.

Having said all that... there is one thing that you should be focused on - BEING WITH HER DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. Relationships with hot women are supposed to be the icing on the cake of an otherwise good life, they're not supposed to turn a good life into a crap life.

 

[frivolousz21]

its actually not a constant game...Have u ever had a women really in love with you?????


unless u fall into the deep end of a hell hole..she wont leave you or cheat once this love is there