pics of me n new gf. when is the right time to put on facebook?

[tony-montana]

i took some good pics of us tonight, a couple of us kissing and others just smiling at the camera. now im not sure how to go about this because ive only just had facebook for half a year and never had a girlfriend while using it. am i meant to tell her about it before i do it or just do it? i suppose if i did she would automatically think we were bf/gf for sure (thats not confirmed yet) even though we've had sex and do everything bf/gf do.

at the same time i want to show off my new cute gf to everyone and also dont want to scare her off.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

just do it.

 

[Vice]

Why do you feel the need to show off your new girlfriend? Especially on Facebook?

 

[tony-montana]

Why do you feel the need to show off your new girlfriend? Especially on Facebook?

apart from everyone else having pics like that? im sick of having a profile pic of just me and no girl/s. also i thought it would be nice to just put pics of us there. thats the norm on facebook isnt it?

 

[runner83]

Wait for her to put up pics of the two of you first.

Same for relationship status.

Don't put that you are in a relationship with her unless she does it first.

 

[Myrrdin]

Don't put pictures with her on your avatars, profiles etc. Seriously. You can make an album with only the 2 of you but not profile picture!!!

 

[ecko280]

Wait for her to put up pics of the two of you first.

Same for relationship status.

Don't put that you are in a relationship with her unless she does it first.

^^ this!! i agree

 

[iliketennis]

don't post pictures, dont take pictures. that's a woman's job.

 

[pipe007]

there are no set rules as to who should put it first... those who go strictly by the rule that it is the girls DUTY to say it first, put the pic first, etc, etc. in my view, are narrow minded, and they may dismiss having a great relationship with a QUALITY girl, due to fears of appearing weak for saying it first.

the truth is that a QUALITY girl expects the same from the man she is with.
HOWEVER!!!! you should take your sweeeet azz time to do these things. I've learned that a quality girl will give you hints here and there when she is ready to take things to the next level, and if sometimes you gotta break the rule and be a man, and take initiative, because you KNOW that she wants it too.

its a knowing that you develop as you mature and the more experience you get with women. by this I mean that you can sense her interest level, and when you believe (because of your knowledge and experience) that she really really likes you, and wants to be with you, and that she is giving you hints that she wants you to say, do something, then it is your job as a man to take initiative. (again, if she is a quality girl)

whatever that means to you.

for example, my current gf, I consider her to be a quality girl to my standards. I dated her for 2 months before I could tell she was ready for a relationship, she never said anything though, but she was dropping hints, and I got it so I subtly told her..

Me: you know, the only reason why i havent asked you to be my GF, is because I want you to be 100% sure of it.

she : I am 100% sure, but I dont think you are yet.

and we took from there.

so we have been exclusive for 3 months, and i never mentioned putting pics on facebook, even though all her friends have pics with their bfs. I always stayed quiet.

then one day she dropped a hint. we had taken a nice pic together that evening, and she was looking at it and she told me jokingly,

Her: this is a nice pic I should cut it in half so I can put my side of the pic on facebook (testing me of course)

Me: you should do what makes you happy.

Her: just kidding, I wouldnt do that... ( and looking at me)

Me: well, you could also put this pic of us in your profile picture (smiling at her)

her: yea, that would be nice. But I dont want us to have the same profile pic (hinting that she wanted me to have a pic as well)

ME: its ok, Ill use the other pic we have together.

so my lesson to you is, you should take your time when dealing with women to the point that you are convinced they are ready, because they will start trowing hints at you that they are, and you gotta notice it and go with it like a MAN.... a quality girl will do things this way...

a trashy girl who has been with several men, will find your attempt to push forward as pathethic, weak, chump.. w/e, who cares.

good luck.

 

[tony-montana]

there are no set rules as to who should put it first... those who go strictly by the rule that it is the girls DUTY to say it first, put the pic first, etc, etc. in my view, are narrow minded, and they may dismiss having a great relationship with a QUALITY girl, due to fears of appearing weak for saying it first.

the truth is that a QUALITY girl expects the same from the man she is with.
HOWEVER!!!! you should take your sweeeet azz time to do these things. I've learned that a quality girl will give you hints here and there when she is ready to take things to the next level, and if sometimes you gotta break the rule and be a man, and take initiative, because you KNOW that she wants it too.

its a knowing that you develop as you mature and the more experience you get with women. by this I mean that you can sense her interest level, and when you believe (because of your knowledge and experience) that she really really likes you, and wants to be with you, and that she is giving you hints that she wants you to say, do something, then it is your job as a man to take initiative. (again, if she is a quality girl)

whatever that means to you.

for example, my current gf, I consider her to be a quality girl to my standards. I dated her for 2 months before I could tell she was ready for a relationship, she never said anything though, but she was dropping hints, and I got it so I subtly told her..

Me: you know, the only reason why i havent asked you to be my GF, is because I want you to be 100% sure of it.

she : I am 100% sure, but I dont think you are yet.

and we took from there.

so we have been exclusive for 3 months, and i never mentioned putting pics on facebook, even though all her friends have pics with their bfs. I always stayed quiet.

then one day she dropped a hint. we had taken a nice pic together that evening, and she was looking at it and she told me jokingly,

Her: this is a nice pic I should cut it in half so I can put my side of the pic on facebook (testing me of course)

Me: you should do what makes you happy.

Her: just kidding, I wouldnt do that... ( and looking at me)

Me: well, you could also put this pic of us in your profile picture (smiling at her)

her: yea, that would be nice. But I dont want us to have the same profile pic (hinting that she wanted me to have a pic as well)

ME: its ok, Ill use the other pic we have together.

so my lesson to you is, you should take your time when dealing with women to the point that you are convinced they are ready, because they will start trowing hints at you that they are, and you gotta notice it and go with it like a MAN.... a quality girl will do things this way...

a trashy girl who has been with several men, will find your attempt to push forward as pathethic, weak, chump.. w/e, who cares.

good luck.

thanks so much for sharing your experiences. i too feel the same way. most guys have not met a decent non trashy girl. i know those kind of women and you kind of DO have to follow those stupid rules with those "hot skanky girls" just to appear more manly and not weak or whatever. the girl im with is very QUALITY as you put it. she's not really girly girly like what you would see in a night club or hair salon. almost always covers herself (not showing off tits n ass) she plays sports, studies, works, ultra nerdy but very pretty. she's just down to earth and very soft. always asking me if this or that is ok with me like when we choose a movie she always asks if its ok to see this or that. the type that doesn't care if you do something AFC every now and then.

we've only seen each other 4 times and i know that's not a lot but the time we spend together seems like forever and we already have that gf/bf thing going on that i don't even need to confirm with her. not to mention she gave up sex just the other night with me on our 4th date.

anyway, i agree about doing things slowly. i am not going to put any pictures up yet unless she hints. i did however email her the pictures saying i thought she'd like to see them. i'll leave it at that for now.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Man I advise against any facebook stuff with your gf, period.

Especially since this is a new LTR, putting pics up on fb would likely be a kiss of death for it. 1st class ticket to "I made a mistake, LJBF" country.

Don't stop doing the things that attracted her in the first place, and don't let her know she's got you.

 

[bukowski_merit]

It doesn't really matter much if you put them up or not (i personally have never been big on putting pics like that on facebook/myspace). What matters is how you REACT to whatever her reaction is if you do.

I wouldn't ask her first either. If you guys are official - it's pretty normal to do that. Especially for the guy. I've noticed that among my friends - a lot of times the guy will have a pic with his girlfriend up, and the girl will have one up with her having a good time out, or a glamor shot, etc. I believe this is because a lot of girls sense of pride comes from attention to themselves or their personality (out having fun shows this). A lot of men's sense of pride comes from attention to what they posses and have accomplished.

A woman will normally have a pic of her and her bf up under 3 circumstances:

1) He made her do it. (i have pics up of us on my page, why don't you?)

2) She's way more interested in him than he is in her.

3) She truly see's him as a prize/trophy.

---

Me: you know, the only reason why i havent asked you to be my GF, is because I want you to be 100% sure of it.

There's probably been plenty of men who have said similar things to women and ended up getting the woman, but this is absolute weakness and should be given out as advice only with a disclaimer! (that you will reak of epic nice guyness for saying anything that sounds like this! - - - Good for wanting to be viewed as a provider, bad for making her pvssy tingle for years to come.)

Her: this is a nice pic I should cut it in half so I can put my side of the pic on facebook (testing me of course)

Me: you should do what makes you happy.

Dr. Phil Nice Guy Method.

Her: just kidding, I wouldnt do that... ( and looking at me)

Me: well, you could also put this pic of us in your profile picture (smiling at her)

her: yea, that would be nice. But I dont want us to have the same profile pic (hinting that she wanted me to have a pic as well)

ME: its ok, Ill use the other pic we have together.

Look, this nice stuff will work for a period. When i was inexperienced and unread - i too would engage in similar talks. But the "being a nice guy and playing fair" approach will only work for a time being.

Yes, it is the approach 80% of men make. And it's led to a lot of marriages (and a big reason a lot of women cheat). But it's also the reason in 1-5 years (if it lasts that long) - she won't want to touch you and you will be confused. You can get by on it early on because the attraction is magnified and all her evolutionary instincts want her to do with you is get pregnant. But it sets a bad frame for the future of the relationship.

Doesn't matter if she has the self-esteem of Anthony Robbins, and the Vagina of a nun.

 

[bukowski_merit]

thanks so much for sharing your experiences. i too feel the same way. most guys have not met a decent non trashy girl.

Wow! Look at you knowing what "most guys" on this site have dated... Impressed with your clairvoyant ability!

The nice guy part of you doesn't want to believe that "good girls" don't want nice/afc guys.

i know those kind of women and you kind of DO have to follow those stupid rules with those "hot skanky girls" just to appear more manly and not weak or whatever.

I AM masculine and non-weak. There's no "whatever" to it. The guy who you're named after was masculine and non-weak! He may have been made up and fake, but no more made up and fake than the nice guy act.

the girl im with is very QUALITY as you put it.

Based on checking back on your last month of posting - i can figure out (these are all things you've said or implied) -

• You are very inexperienced with dating women.
• You found this girl on a DATING website and latched on to her.
• You had a date with her for the 1st time sometimes within the last 2-3 weeks for a coffee date (that she suggested since you're scared of everything under the moon.)
• A short time after that - you already want to be her bf.
• She's very busy with school and work. Meaning she rations herself off to you; meaning - you're caught in the 101 NOT HER!
• You have no other plates... they're all gone "sigh"
• You take women for their word (and being inexperienced that's a recipe for disaster).
• You've been with women who are dominant (meaning to you, meaning you lack experience leading)
• You showed signs of being in love with a woman after 1 DATE!
• Before the 3rd date - you said you weren't after her for sex (yet you mention her "giving up" the sex to you on the 4th date)

And most of all...

• You've completely ignore any advice from anyone who knows what they're talking about, just so you can drown in your own inexperience... while chasing this "QUALITY".... whom you meant on a dating site... and are already showing deep signs of ONEITIS for!

Just tell her you love her and you want to marry her... Let's skip all this facebook jargon!

 

[tony-montana]

bukowski_merit, those rules are so stupid and im sick of it. i just want to be myself. i admit i am nice and needy sometimes and i get attached too fast. i wish i wasnt like that but ive always been like that i can't change who i am. now don't mistake that for me being an idiot though... i know when too much is too much and what will scare a girl away, believe me ive been there. i seriously just cannot help the way i am. lately with new girls i have to try very hard to keep myself busy and not think about them but ive always got attached to a girl i liked. i do my very best though to not push them away. it's true i dont have much experience with long term relationships. i have never had a relationship longer than 3 months. ive only slept with a few girls. pretty much all have been short flings or one nighters. also i wasn't and still not just after the sex with her. that just happened, mostly because she turned her car off when we got to my house so i figured she wanted some action.

i can safely say i am NOT in love with this girl... yet. i didn't say that anywhere, i really like her but i dont love her. im still getting to know her. i might show signs of oneitis because im very affectionate with girls and romantic. i will not scare this one off because i believe she's a keeper. i haven't done anything needy so far anyway. the only time i text her or call is when i arrange our next date or tell her i had a good time the next day after a date. it's okay so far. i appreciate the advice and i take it all into consideration. i just hate these so called rules guys have to follow to keep a woman... even though it's not what you really wanna do. kind of silly in a way no?

 

[bukowski_merit]

bukowski_merit, those rules are so stupid and im sick of it. i just want to be myself. i admit i am nice and needy sometimes and i get attached too fast. i wish i wasnt like that but ive always been like that i can't change who i am. now don't mistake that for me being an idiot though... i know when too much is too much and what will scare a girl away, believe me ive been there. i seriously just cannot help the way i am. lately with new girls i have to try very hard to keep myself busy and not think about them but ive always got attached to a girl i liked. i do my very best though to not push them away. it's true i dont have much experience with long term relationships. i have never had a relationship longer than 3 months. ive only slept with a few girls. pretty much all have been short flings or one nighters. also i wasn't and still not just after the sex with her. that just happened, mostly because she turned her car off when we got to my house so i figured she wanted some action.

i can safely say i am NOT in love with this girl... yet. i didn't say that anywhere, i really like her but i dont love her. im still getting to know her. i might show signs of oneitis because im very affectionate with girls and romantic. i will not scare this one off because i believe she's a keeper. i haven't done anything needy so far anyway. the only time i text her or call is when i arrange our next date or tell her i had a good time the next day after a date. it's okay so far. i appreciate the advice and i take it all into consideration. i just hate these so called rules guys have to follow to keep a woman... even though it's not what you really wanna do. kind of silly in a way no?

Toughen up man! If you want fairness become a gay!


The reason i mentioned the sex thing was - when sex was mentioned in an earlier post - you brushed it off like, "im not a pervert, im after more than sex." But look how quickly you jumped on it once you figured you were getting it? And how quickly you threw it out there. There's nothing wrong with wanting sex with women; no matter what the nice guy part of you tells you.


Rules?.....

There's really not that many universal rules... Infact I only have 4...

1) Avoid being overly nice guy/afc (most of all: a push-over)
2) Don't be too available to her (aka: don't play on her schedule; make her fit into yours).
3) Lead her.
4) Don't be needy/crowd her. (similar to #2, but the difference being - here you'd constantly be pushing her to hang out or wondering when you can hang out next. And when you are together/out - you'd just constantly be up her ass.)

I understand that a large portion of things fit into those 4 "rules", but it's really not that hard.

You CAN BE romantic with women. I'm insanely romantic at times.

You can enjoy your time with her.

You can fall in love.

You do not have to be an *******!

But you do have to ignore your impulse to nice guy her to death. And sadly, you cannot do whatever you want to do, until what you want to do has more socially intelligence backing behind it. I mean you can do it - and obviously you'll learn from it (as you've learned to be less overtly needy to women from experience). But why take the painful road when you can just listen and skip many painful nights? I spent many of my early 20's rolled up in a ball in my bed feelings sorry for myself due to women. If i hadn't become aware of the teachings on this site and others - im 100% sure i'd be married to some goblin of a woman, who controlled my balls and rationed off sex on the holidays. I learned how to unleash the masculinity inside of me that i was never taught by my parents to have. I reclaimed my balls that bullies in middle school took from me. I unlearned the nice guy process.... And in general - everyone around me likes me more than ever... Except for maybe my family... But that's only because they want their little angel back...

If you had a choice to be a nice guy all your life or be something else entirely - you'd stick with nice guy?

 

[Energy25]

Isn't this whole topic completely AFC???? I mean the whole fact of talking about something so stupid and going into such detail. Just be a man and DO WHAT YOU WANT.

 

[backbreaker]

oh this is a serious topic.. i'm sorry lol.

 

[runner83]

Based on checking back on your last month of posting - i can figure out (these are all things you've said or implied) -

• You are very inexperienced with dating women.
• You found this girl on a DATING website and latched on to her.
• You had a date with her for the 1st time sometimes within the last 2-3 weeks for a coffee date (that she suggested since you're scared of everything under the moon.)
• A short time after that - you already want to be her bf.
• She's very busy with school and work. Meaning she rations herself off to you; meaning - you're caught in the 101 NOT HER!
• You have no other plates... they're all gone "sigh"
• You take women for their word (and being inexperienced that's a recipe for disaster).
• You've been with women who are dominant (meaning to you, meaning you lack experience leading)
• You showed signs of being in love with a woman after 1 DATE!
• Before the 3rd date - you said you weren't after her for sex (yet you mention her "giving up" the sex to you on the 4th date)

And most of all...

• You've completely ignore any advice from anyone who knows what they're talking about, just so you can drown in your own inexperience... while chasing this "QUALITY".... whom you meant on a dating site... and are already showing deep signs of ONEITIS for!

Just tell her you love her and you want to marry her... Let's skip all this facebook jargon!

Based on this additional researxch that bukowski_merit did:

Do not post any pics of you two on facebook.


In fact, avoid any contact with her on facebook (1 comment or response to something a week is ok, any more and you will go down in flames).