Pauses in Cold Approach

[Tomatoes]

Ok....Admittedly my cold approaching is the part of my game that REALLY sucks. Apart from that I think i have everything sorted. So i am going to work on it over then next few weeks so I can turn myself from a DJ to a PUA. Basically then I belive i will be able to pick up any girl in any situation.


So cold approaching.....brr.....

I have no "Fear of Rejection" the only issue i have with cold approaching is "constant rejection". Hence I think i am going wrong somewhere as on introductional pickups i have about a 85% success rate.


So here is an example of a cold approach from the other night. Please critaise where you think i went wrong or if you think she was just not intrested...

My Question is how to stop a pause in the convo....Does that show lack of intrest or shyness?


Noticed a girl standing on her own....looking pretty bored. Perfect target?

So lets test abit of cold approaching....

Me: Hey
HB: Hey there
Me: You look really bored
HB: Yeah, Just waiting for some friends to get here
Me: Cool, my names Tomatoes btw
HB: <name>
Me: How long you been waiting here for
HB: Oh not long

Little pause 1

Me: You watch the England game today?
HB: Nah i was at work
Me: Ah that sucks, where do you work?
HB: Nottingham, work in an underwear store
Me: Do you rekon you could sort me out?
HB: lol...its ladies underwear
Me: and? lol

Pause number 2

I felt i wasnt getting anywhere and she wasnt intrested. Kept looking down on where her friends are ment to be arriving from.

My mates got up so I did a quick close (not number as i sensed no intrest and I was only practising)

Me: Well its been nice talking to you, I got to dash now
HB: Later
Me: Bye

All her answers were very closed.....no attempts to create convo. How do you stop those convo pauses.

The only reason I find cold approaches is because of the way i see it.

Take sales for example. I run my shop. If someone comes in I can sell to them no problems. Its easy!

I worked in Cold Calling telesales shortly and couldnt sell a thing. I didnt like the fact that I was bothering people without them asking for it or showing intrest orginally. If someone comes in my shop.....they are showing intresting in buying....

Does anyone see what im trying to say?

Tips and critaism please. Dont post if you dont know what your on about please.

Sarge On!

 

[WesCottII]

Hmm, well....you gotta capture her interest y'know? It's no good talking to women about football, they don't care. You have to talk to women about womens stuff.

Ask her (if she's in a shop) to help pick you out some clothes, ask her opinions on style blah..blah...it's boring yeah, but gets you in.

As for your shop analogy, then the customers want to be sold to, because they want to buy. Trying that on someone in the street who isn't looking to buy would be much more challenging. Gotta engage them on your level.

 

[Tomatoes]

Hmm, well....you gotta capture her interest y'know? It's no good talking to women about football, they don't care. You have to talk to women about womens stuff.

Ask her (if she's in a shop) to help pick you out some clothes, ask her opinions on style blah..blah...it's boring yeah, but gets you in.

As for your shop analogy, then the customers want to be sold to, because they want to buy. Trying that on someone in the street who isn't looking to buy would be much more challenging. Gotta engage them on your level.

Yeah but women dont come into my shop to be picked up....Well not all of them

I have no shame in saying i cant cold approach for ****....not due to lack of confidence (no way!) not due to fear of rejection.....I just personally see it as dam right rude. Dont see how i can change that.

The shop thing sounds like a plan. Neil Strauss tactics. Going in on the opinion line. Will try that next time i see a HB in the shops.

We should Sarge it together sometime soon Wescott. You hit Nottingham on friday/Saturday Night?

As for you Mr Shezz. I defo need to come up and go out with you for a night. Your cold approach is great. I feel i could learn alot from some field experiance with someone of your skillz. I see what you mean by going in with the wrong approach. Question after question. Was just trying to get convo going. She wasnt helping....

 

[Jariel]

If someone comes in my shop.....they are showing intresting in buying....

Yeah, no one likes a pushy salesman, and approaching a girl with no interest (or who is not single) is not much different.

I think both Wescott and Shezz have given you good advice so I would echo what they said. Definitely avoid talking to women about sport as very few of them can relate to it...and at this time of year many women are getting quite p1ssed off with football! And I would highly recommend looking for some sign of interest before approaching. I never had much luck when I used to try cold approaches, but once I started waiting for some signs of interest my success multiplied!

 

[Tomatoes]

And I would highly recommend looking for some sign of interest before approaching. I never had much luck when I used to try cold approaches, but once I started waiting for some signs of interest my success multiplied!

I agree....Looking for IOIs is a must that i didnt do on this instance.

 

[Latinoman]

"Cold Approach" (lot of terminologies that I personally don't know or care about)...let me start by saying that I NEVER do that. Why? Because the only women I approach are those that have shown a strong interest for me.

However, I will comment on your conversation:

So lets test abit of cold approaching....

Me: Hey
HB: Hey there
Me: You look really bored
HB: Yeah, Just waiting for some friends to get here
Me: Cool, my names Tomatoes btw
HB: <name>
Me: How long you been waiting here for
HB: Oh not long

Little pause 1

Me: You watch the England game today?
HB: Nah i was at work
Me: Ah that sucks, where do you work?
HB: Nottingham, work in an underwear store
Me: Do you rekon you could sort me out?
HB: lol...its ladies underwear
Me: and? lol

I think it was going well...until you mentioned the England game. Many women don't care about sports (that's why I find it amusing when a man claims he is "friends" with a woman). Now, I will tell you one thing...your "Do you rekon you could sort me out?" was an OUTSTANDING line! You made her laugh!

Note: She mentioned that she worked in an "underwear store". Why would she mention that to a complete MALE stranger? Why not, "I work in a store" or a "ladies store"? Think again.

 

[Permission]

I'll insert what should have been said:

Me: Hey
HB: Hey there
Me: You look really bored
HB: Yeah, Just waiting for some friends to get here
>>At this point you should comment on something in the surrounding. Probably something she is wearing. But not a question, you just talk about it. You have to talk in order to build comfort. Don't be afraid to talk more than her at the beginning.
Me: Cool, my names Tomatoes btw
>>Don't tell your name. She should be the one asking you at some point in the convo.
HB: <name>
Me: How long you been waiting here for
HB: Oh not long

Little pause 1
>>I used to have this problem too. Notice how the pause happens after you asked her a pretty boring question. Why do you care how long she's been waiting really? I would have rather just said something playful like "Your friends aren't gonna show up, they're ditching you" and then smile. If she asks why, say playfully "'Cause you're too cute and they're jealous."


Me: You watch the England game today?
HB: Nah i was at work
>>You: How can you call yourself English?? Where's your pride? omg, I can't talk to you. Geez, you might as well just root for Germany.

.
Me: Ah that sucks, where do you work?
HB: Nottingham, work in an underwear store
Me: Do you rekon you could sort me out?
HB: lol...its ladies underwear
Me: and? lol
>>This part was really good.

Pause number 2
>>But there should be no reason for this pause. You should have continued what was working, say something like "So what kind of underwear is in nowadays? Do you buy little thongs from there? haha"

Basically just stop analyzing too much about words you're trying to say, and more with trying to match a vibe and showing that you have a strong frame by saying whatever you feel like as opposed to being "inside your head".

 

[Fash]

Me: Hey
HB: Hey there
Me: You look really bored
HB: Yeah, Just waiting for some friends to get here
Me: Cool, my names Tomatoes btw
HB: <name>
Me: How long you been waiting here for
HB: Oh not long

Dude,

You lost it from the word go in that instance.

"You look really bored". This comment really really killed you there. It basically did two things:

It showed that you had actually stood around inspecting her, watching her moves and come to the conclusion that she was bored. This is SOOO not the 3 second rule which is VITAL to cold approaching.

It also starts the convo on a negative point. Even if she wasnt bored, she will think she is and associate that boredom with present company (YOU!).

You've read quite a few of mine and Shezz's field reports. My nights are are generally based on cold approaches. I am really dumb when it comes to spotting IOIs so I just go in there all guns blazing when I see a hot chick.

In that situation, I would have gone in and just started with a "let me get your opinion on something" sort of openner. That way you will engage with her and you wont sound like every other AFC that has approached her in the past!

You really will be surprised how many times girls hear that sort of things, but the canned openners that WE use in the DJ/PUA community are nowhere near as common.

Now, go out do some more and post the convos!

 

[birdman]

hey, im exactly the same as you. i get told i got the gift of the gab. im good at sales! but i worked as a charity fundraiser, those people that harrass u on the streets and to be honest it wasnt a problem of whether i could do it but whether i felt right to do it. trying to get people to pay a lot of money when they don't want to.
i guess it feels like that with girls i meet. and you're from nottingham too!
i've been around the country quite a bit, girls in nottingham are hard. i guess it's definately not the friendliest of cities. i went to a rough school here and i can see where a lot of nottingham chicks are coming from.
girls in other places i've been to are a lot more friendly and less closed.
i went to america to live once and GODDAMN! the girls are easy. not in a slutty way but they're just a lot more open and less reserved.
but i feel exactly where you're coming from mate.
peace

 

[JJMcLure]

First off, let me say it's great you are in the field cold approaching. A lot of guys on here never even manage it.

You were asking her for stuff right out from the start. You can't ask a stranger for things - why should they give you them? (name, where she works - personal information basically).

First you have to demonstrate some value. Don't ask for things. Don't interview her. Use an opener that draws her in, use a story, or comment on something in the surroundings. You'll often have to carry the convo yourself for a while at the start (but in a story, not in you barrelling through closed questions with one word responses from her). In terms of what kind of openers or stories, and how to demonstrate value, that's a whole other topic.

Unless she knows or shares your sense of humour, your underwear joke would just come across odd to her.

Overall though, you need to reframe - you are afraid you're bothering them (like that telesales job). In both these areas you have got to be confident that what you are offering is exactly what this customer needs (even if they don't know it yet). You've got to be enthusiastic about the product. These things will come across to the target.

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

When I am sarging, I have a vision in my mind of what type of HB I am after, busty redhead, blonde bombshell, sweet brunette, etc, then I will search for the targets.
As soon as I see the HB that I am after, I will (1) make eye contact with her and smile, if she flirts or smiles back, I then (2) walk up to her, shake her hand, introduce myself, ask for her name, then talk.
Whilst I am talking to her I make sure of three things, (1) I compliment her by telling her that she is stunningly attractive, hot, cute, etc, so she knows that I am attracted to her, I only ever make the one compliment, or else it will lower your value, (2) I always look for signs of her level of attraction for me, this comes through many ways, raised eyebrows, blushing face, little girl type speech, playing with her hair, as well as compliments.
When the time is right I use kino, at first touching her arms and shoulders, then I will take a hold of her hand.
I always do these three things as well, (1) always look straight into her eyes, (2) talk about sex in a very subtle way until she opens up making it easy for me to talk about it, (3) make sure she thinks of me a being the Prize, this is done by subtle bragging and talking about previous HBs that I have dated, but I say it in a way that makes me come accross as be humble and not up myself.
Talk about subjects that interest her, be positive in what you say, make her beleive you are successful, make sure you esculate when you need to, then ask her out, she should be yours, sarge on. :yes: