Overly sensitive girl or am I being a jerk

[vorbis]

This concerns a girl who ljbfed me back in March (met her off horornot). She said she felt no chemistry between us but could we be friends:crazy: I said sure as she was friendly enough and hoped to use her as a pivot at some point. Anyways, over the following months we send the odd email back and forth. I asked her to go do stuff a few times (she invited me to a party that I wasn't able to go to).

Out of the blue, she texted me a month back on a Friday to go to a radio promo for a band (she'd won tickets) I liked the band so went along the next day to it. I went along and had a good time. I should add that since she befriended me, I haven't been worried about appearing too eager, what I'm saying etc. I've been experimenting with her in terms of being more ****y, saying edgier stuff.

I seem to have really offended her when in an email after the promo i asked her if it was "that time of the month". She went off on one and ended up asking for an apology. I made fun of this and today I got this email off her when I asked if she wanted to see Clerks 2.

"I think I’ve already explained this to you, but I’ll be more clear. While I liked hanging out with you, I found that you made some negative comments to me once too many. While I might accept this kind of teasing from someone I’ve known a long time, it is really strange to come from someone you hardly know. While you also seem like you have no desire to apologize, I am not going to the movies."

I have only physically seen her twice in 6 months so I do hardly know her. She also complained that I called her whiny and negative before, that was very tongue in cheek though, along the lines of her complaining about waiting for the band and me saying, Oh, you're so whiny

Suggestions about how to proceed from here? An apology would make me look such a wuss, more ****iness would probably make her madder. I have no grand plan with this one but there's no point burning bridges for the sake of it.

 

[Wee]

She is testing you, and you need to call her out on it.


Say something similar too

"Instead of complaining about a joke I made, you should probably spend more time checking yourelf. It is in my nature to make jokes and hey if you can't take a joke then I apologize that you aren't able to register any emotions relating to humor. Though we didn't know either that long, like you said, I don't have much intrest in hanging out with people who get so upset over a little joke so this is enough for me. But hey have a nice night, I'll be at the movies."

She is trying to dominate over you, you need to show you are alpha,

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

She is testing you, and you need to call her out on it.


Say something similar too

"Instead of complaining about a joke I made, you should probably spend more time checking yourelf. It is in my nature to make jokes and hey if you can't take a joke then I apologize that you aren't able to register any emotions relating to humor. Though we didn't know either that long, like you said, I don't have much intrest in hanging out with people who get so upset over a little joke so this is enough for me. But hey have a nice night, I'll be at the movies."

She is trying to dominate over you, you need to show you are alpha,

omg....this forum is brainwashing you guys with ****y and alpha bullsh1t. You guys are taking that sh1t to the extreme and really abusing the terms.

You have to understand basic social rules. The key rule being violated here is:

#1) You cannot joke around and be as critical with people you just met as with your long time friends. Think about things you say to a good friend and what you would say to a stranger. There is a different level of comfort and understanding associated with each.

Talking about "that time of the month" is a sensitive issue for many girls and completely inappropriate with someone you just met.

No, she is not testing you. You're being a bit of an a$$ and it is offending her. Ease of this **** bullsh1t and be true to yourself and her. Stop this act, it is hurting your social relations. Believe it or not, but girls LIKE being treat with RESPECT. The only reason "nice guys" who treat them with respect don't get the pu$$y is because they are afraid of sexuality and fail to get sexual with the girl. Thus, she feels no attraction. THIS DOES NOT MEAN SHE LIKES BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP AND MADE FUN OF THE WHOLE TIME.

 

[Phyzzle]

Sounds like neg hit overload.

You've got to be more subtle and funny. You'll do better with the next chick.

 

[Wee]

Assuming you are in highschool, talking about a girls time of the month is funny stuff - though some girls may be sensitive about it. The point is she overreacted to something she shouldn't have. It was a joke, not like you were seriously insulting her. She probably is on her period though, bet ya she lightens up in a week, haha.

 

[hi2u]

If she has no feelings for you, most likely you've worn out your welcome. Most girls who are even remotely secure won't take that much crap, even though all the KBJ's on this website will say "JUST BE MORE ALPHA." From my experience, even if a girl is somewhat interested in you, just flat out being a total ******* / jerk will not get her interested in you. You have to be PLAYFUL, not insulting. Just think of how you would feel if an ugly, fat girl you had no interest in was talking sh!t all the time. There's nothing alpha about flat-out insults. It's just mean, and most likely it's turning her off.

She isn't testing you, she's just sick and tired of your bullsh!t. There's nothing in that paragraph she wrote you that comes across as dominating. She already told you off by LJBF'ing you and this is the last straw. She hates you.

I've "told girls off" and acted super-alpha macho, and it's just led to them never talking to me again. What the DJ Bible teaches is having a care-free attitude and not letting things phase you. THAT is what girls are attracted to in these "******* / jerk" personalities, not the insults! By being all super-macho in your response, you are telling her that it bothers you. A more care-free response would be something like:

"Hey, I'm sorry I've come across that way. That was totally not what I was trying to do! I just love to have fun and I guess it's a little abrasive sometimes. If you aren't up to the movie, that's fine, I'll find someone else. Have a good evening!"

You are saying the same thing, but surrounding it (beginning and end) with positive remarks. You are apologizing for offending her (what she wanted), but you are telling her that you really don't care if she's coming to see the movie with you, you have a bunch of other people that will. Not only that, but you really don't care if she hates you, TOTALLY DISARMING HER. READ: This is not portraying weakness, this is GENUINE. If she emails you back wanting to go see the movie with you, BINGO. You need to refuse though. You have already set it up with another person. Most likely she won't, however. Sorry to burst your bubble, but like I said, she probably hates you.

Everyone on this site needs to read "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

 

[hi2u]

Another thing: BE CAREFUL with your neg hits over the Internet / e-mail. It's very difficult to pull them off because you are unable to use facial expressions / body language.

 

[flexion_]

Too much drama for someone you only see twice a year and LJBF'ed you don't you think?

Don't apologize. Don't even reply back. Let her come to you. You are who you are and she can take it or leave it.

 

[vorbis]

A bit of clarification, I wasn't thinking in terms of neg hits. From my recollection, I was mostly positive in talking or emailing her, I usually come across as a nice guy to most people if a little argumentative. As i said, she ljbfed me so I wasn't thinking much of anything tactics wise when chatting with her. I probably didn't judge my audience too well. In one sense I hardly know her, in another sense I've technically known her since March.

I figure an apology like h12u mentioned is the best way forward. I want to keep her around as a friend.

 

[hi2u]

Do you REALLY want to keep her around as a friend or are you just making excuses for a oneitis? Be honest with yourself.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

A bit of clarification, I wasn't thinking in terms of neg hits. From my recollection, I was mostly positive in talking or emailing her, I usually come across as a nice guy to most people if a little argumentative. As i said, she ljbfed me so I wasn't thinking much of anything tactics wise when chatting with her. I probably didn't judge my audience too well. In one sense I hardly know her, in another sense I've technically known her since March.

I figure an apology like h12u mentioned is the best way forward. I want to keep her around as a friend.

You could "know" someone for 1 year and be closer to someone you've known for only 2 months. Time alone does not build connection. Communication and rapport does! If that is missing then the length of time is of little consequence.

 

[Nighthawk]

To the guy that says she hates him - if so she would not be in contact at all.

It's a test. Punish her pissiness by cutting off contact for a while. If pressed, say you will try and spare her delicate little feelings in future but if she expects an apology she is just being silly and she knows it.

 

[vorbis]

I agree completely. I met a girl a month back and hung out with her for a week before she went back to Ireland, I "know" her about 5 times as well as I know this girl. I was just trying to show that the comment was said after knowing her for a while albeit not that well.

You could "know" someone for 1 year and be closer to someone you've known for only 2 months. Time alone does not build connection. Communication and rapport does! If that is missing then the length of time is of little consequence.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I agree completely. I met a girl a month back and hung out with her for a week before she went back to Ireland, I "know" her about 5 times as well as I know this girl. I was just trying to show that the comment was said after knowing her for a while albeit not that well.

I see...you two are definetely not strangers, but there still appears to be a level of confort which you are assuming. However, she does not appear to share this sense of comfort, which is why there is so much friction between you two right now. So when you joke, she is not receptive and will more likely find something offensive because she does not quite understand you enough to see where you are coming from.

I have known a guy who is an extreme example. He'll be touchy-feeling with an arm on your shoulder, even if he just met you. He will open his mouth and say things which could easily upset someone who does not know he is joking (or does not understand his sense of humour). This guy has almost gotten himself in a trouble at work with girls for his behaviour.

I guess just try to be more mindful of your rapport with someone. Keep the jokes really light/neutral until you really feel that the relationship is open enough to say things a little more risky.

Think about how a black guy can say the n-word and nothing happens. But if a white guy says it.... There is an assumed/automatic level of rapport between black people which allows this double standard. This idea is similar to telling a slightly offensive joke to someone you just met and to a friend. They will interpret it an react very differently in most cases.

 

[Driven2Succeed]

i think u did offend her..

i really think Sosuave causes people to work on such a set mindset that it can actually hurt more than help..

the key to being successful with girls, is knowing when to turn on the DJ/Sosuave attitude, and when to just chill out and enjoy them and ur time with them..

neg hits are good, but u gotta read her reaction and adjust fire accordingly.. u cant assume that what is funny to one girl is funny to another.. like with some females, a comment like that crosses the line and disqualifies u from ever being with them.. if shes a slut, then who cares really? if shes a good girl u gotta adjust ur game man..

keep working on it and learn from ur mistakes

 

[DJHoolahoop]

I seem to have really offended her when in an email after the promo i asked her if it was "that time of the month". She went off on one and ended up asking for an apology. I made fun of this and today I got this email off her when I asked if she wanted to see Clerks 2.

"I think I’ve already explained this to you, but I’ll be more clear. While I liked hanging out with you, I found that you made some negative comments to me once too many. While I might accept this kind of teasing from someone I’ve known a long time, it is really strange to come from someone you hardly know. While you also seem like you have no desire to apologize, I am not going to the movies."

"While I might accept this kind of teasing from someone I’ve known a long time, it is really strange to come from someone you hardly know."

sounds to me more like "While i might accept this kind of teasing from someone I'm attracted to (able to make me FEEL like i've known them a long time), its really creepy/uncomfortable coming from someone i only want as a friend (not attracted to the slightest... but only cuz you're not more like the first guy.)"

hey if she is the sensitive type, then you don't need to apologize for shyt. what, cuz you were trying to make light of her mood and this upset her? ok fine baby, if you take it that seriously then i know that now. she obviously WAS testing you with that to see if SHE had the control. she's not ASKING for an apology, but even though she may have found it offensive, she only wants the recognition of seeing what she means and for you to stand up to that. even if she truthfully believes in it or is simply just being a bytch trying to make it as hard for you as possible to try this shyt around her (bettering your skills, being a better DJ, etc).

or you can play it real smooth and say that she's acting like a biggity bytch and that you have your answer as to whether its "that time of the month" or not. then tell her to stop being such a baby and not let things like that bug her so much. that'll go over nicely.

 

[vorbis]

Went the apology route, did kinda feel the overall vibe was more nasty than playful from the emails so I figure I need to defuse that a bit.

A month ago if I'd been asked to list all the girls I'm gaming in any way, she wouldn't have been mentioned. Being honest I would bang her as she's attractive. Thats about it though. I can honestly say that I'm in no way infatuated with her. I can say this having been infatuated with girls who didn't like me before

Do you REALLY want to keep her around as a friend or are you just making excuses for a oneitis? Be honest with yourself.

 

[Yuriy777]

omg....this forum is brainwashing you guys with ****y and alpha bullsh1t. You guys are taking that sh1t to the extreme and really abusing the terms.

You have to understand basic social rules. The key rule being violated here is:

#1) You cannot joke around and be as critical with people you just met as with your long time friends. Think about things you say to a good friend and what you would say to a stranger. There is a different level of comfort and understanding associated with each.

Talking about "that time of the month" is a sensitive issue for many girls and completely inappropriate with someone you just met.

No, she is not testing you. You're being a bit of an a$$ and it is offending her. Ease of this **** bullsh1t and be true to yourself and her. Stop this act, it is hurting your social relations. Believe it or not, but girls LIKE being treat with RESPECT. The only reason "nice guys" who treat them with respect don't get the pu$$y is because they are afraid of sexuality and fail to get sexual with the girl. Thus, she feels no attraction. THIS DOES NOT MEAN SHE LIKES BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP AND MADE FUN OF THE WHOLE TIME.

DISCLAIMER: In order to prevent a misunderstanding I would like to say that everything written in my post below is obviously my own opinion and I obviously don’t agree with anything written in the quote above. I am in no way trying to discredit the person above me, but I do not agree at all with the argument he presented.
Thank you and enjoy.


Social rules? When were these rules enacted and why wasn't I told?
I was under the impression that I could make decisions about what joke(s) I made myself without having to rely on other persons' judgments.

I personally do not joke (most of the time) about ‘that time of the month’ but come on! Nobody is talking about treating someone like crap but if someone can’t take a small ribbing (whether new associate or old friend) then that person can just bite me.
Respect, insult, and busting somebody’s balls are 3 distinctive different things and I personally do not walk around on eggshells for anyone.

I can bust the chops of someone I just met without any problems and have maybe once gotten this kind of response in my life. If you are looking for friends and/or girlfriends that can take a joke and handle a good ribbing without a tear being shed then just disregard the people that can’t. They will either come around or be left behind.

Either way, you can’t take these people all too seriously.
I also enjoyed this response:

…
"Instead of complaining about a joke I made, you should probably spend more time checking yourself. It is in my nature to make jokes and hey if you can't take a joke then I apologize that you aren't able to register any emotions relating to humor. Though we didn't know either that long, like you said, I don't have much interest in hanging out with people who get so upset over a little joke so this is enough for me. But hey have a nice night, I'll be at the movies."
…

That is all.
...For now.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

DISCLAIMER: In order to prevent a misunderstanding I would like to say that everything written in my post below is obviously my own opinion and I obviously don’t agree with anything written in the quote above. I am in no way trying to discredit the person above me, but I do not agree at all with the argument he presented.
Thank you and enjoy.


Social rules? When were these rules enacted and why wasn't I told?
I was under the impression that I could make decisions about what joke(s) I made myself without having to rely on other persons' judgments.

I personally do not joke (most of the time) about ‘that time of the month’ but come on! Nobody is talking about treating someone like crap but if someone can’t take a small ribbing (whether new associate or old friend) then that person can just bite me.
Respect, insult, and busting somebody’s balls are 3 distinctive different things and I personally do not walk around on eggshells for anyone.

I can bust the chops of someone I just met without any problems and have maybe once gotten this kind of response in my life. If you are looking for friends and/or girlfriends that can take a joke and handle a good ribbing without a tear being shed then just disregard the people that can’t. They will either come around or be left behind.

Either way, you can’t take these people all too seriously.
I also enjoyed this response:

That is all.
...For now.

You obviously have not been reading what the original poster has been writing because he admits his tone has been abrasive to her. Your idea of "joking" is most likely not what he is employing if she is getting so offended.

Good for you, you can joke without being insulting. Not everyone can do that and see the fine line that separates. That is why it is better to be more conservative than sorry when you suddenly make enemies. That is why you dip your toes in the water before jumping in and getting scaled.

I stand by my assessment.

 

[Yuriy777]

You obviously have not been reading what the original poster has been writing because he admits his tone has been abrasive to her. Your idea of "joking" is most likely not what he is employing if she is getting so offended.

Good for you, you can joke without being insulting. Not everyone can do that and see the fine line that separates. That is why it is better to be more conservative than sorry when you suddenly make enemies. That is why you dip your toes in the water before jumping in and getting scaled.

I stand by my assessment.

I didn't notice that he admitted to being abrasive towards her.
I do agree with your current point. Especially since many people on here read C+F and go buck wild with cut & paste routines.

Good stuff.